Virtual Moonlighting, Season Nine

Episode 3

 

 

ANNOUNCER:Tune in next week --

 

DIRECTOR (OS): Hold it ... that should be LOGIN next week.Login, not Tune In.This is Virtual.

 

ANNOUNCER:It says 'tune in' on the script.I'm reading the script and the script says TUNE IN.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):(annoyed) Can you change it, please?There's a pencil right there.

 

[PENCIL SCRIBBLES]

 

ANNOUNCER:(clears throat) Login next week, June 5th, for another exciting adventure with --

 

DIRECTOR (OS):Hold it ... does your script really read 'exciting adventure'?

 

ANNOUNCER:Right here, in black and white ... well blue and white ... well white on blue ... it's more of an off blue, kind of a cobalt or midnight blue.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):I get it.Fine.

 

ANNOUNCER:Fine?

 

DIRECTOR (OS):We'll fix it in post.From the top.

 

ANNOUNCER:Is there a title for this episode?

 

DIRECTOR (OS):Is there one on the script?

 

ANNOUNCER:No.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):Then I'm going with no.Again, please ... from the top.Try to sound ... at least interested.

 

ANNOUNCER:Right ... Next week, on June 5th, login for another exciting adventure when Mattie and Davey take a once in a Blue Moon Cruise.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):HOLD IT! -- It's Maddie, not Mattie - MaDDie and David.He's not six. David.And they don't take a blue moon cruise; it's the BLUE MOON CREW.The employees, the staff, you know the crew.

 

ANNOUNCER:It says cruise ... like on a boat.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):(YELLING) IS THERE A BOAT IN NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE? ... WHAT?... NO, A BOAT, A BOAT ... LIKE A SHIP, ON THE WATER. ... WHAT?... NO?NO BOAT, RIGHT? ...THANK YOU!No boat, no cruise.

 

ANNOUNCER:(mumbling reading through the script) Says here there's a kid.Is there a kid?

 

DIRECTOR (OS):Yeah, we got a kid.

 

ANNOUNCER:Says there's a special guest star.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):There's a guest star ... not sure I would call him SPECIAL ... but he's big in Hollywood and he was fun to have on the virtual set.

 

ANNOUNCER:Says something about a wedding.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):It does not.

 

ANNOUNCER:It does.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):HEY ... IS THERE A WEDDING?NO, RIGHT?Nope. No wedding.

 

ANNOUNCER:One of the clips this MaDDie person is talking about a wedding cake.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):Really, which one?

 

ANNOUNCER:One sixty-five.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):ROLL ONE-SIX-FIVE!

 

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MADDIE:I used to think that I would have a chocolate wedding cake with chocolate icing with little green ivy piping and purple or yellow roses.

DAVID:You want a chocolate wedding cake?Isnít that against the rules?

 

MADDIE:My wedding, my rules.

 

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ANNOUNCER: Wedding cake equals wedding.

DIRECTOR (OS):Just because they talk about a wedding cake doesn't mean that there is a wedding.How long have you been in this business?Don't you know promos are all about getting the people excited about the next episode - excited enough to tune in or login - and if we have to edit the truth to make it look more exciting, where's the harm?

 

ANNOUNCER:(sarcastic) Truth in Advertising.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):Ain't it though.Look forget the VO ... let's just roll some clips.

 

ANNOUNCER:I'm still getting paid for this session.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):(annoyed) Of course you are.ROLL 'EM

 

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KID: (Russian accent) My name is Dimitri Senechak Leopold Romochka Petrovich.

 

DAVID:That's quite a handle, kid?

 

KID:(Russian Accent) You may call me Pasha.

 

MADDIE:You said something about your father, Pasha?

 

KID:(Russian Accent) Yes, my father has been kidnapped.

 

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MADDIE:Do you want Mr. Addison to go to jail for kidnapping or obstruction of justice?

 

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PETEY:I've never met my dad.He doesn't know about me.

 

DAVID:And you came out here by yourself to surprise him?

 

PETEY:Something like that.

 

DAVID:Let me give you a piece of advice, kid.Men don't like that kind of surprise.

 

PETEY:Speaking from experience?

 

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MADDIE:David's been Ö he's been good recently.He deserves a reward.

 

AGNES:Like giving a dog a bone?

 

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MADDIE:He's not your son?

 

RAMON:Iím his room service waiter.

 

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DAVID:That's Danny DeVito!

 

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BERT:Mr. Addison there's no such thing as a Secretary of Child Protective Services.

 

DAVID:An obvious oversight.

 

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DAVID:Come on, Maddie ... they can't throw you in jail for making up stories or every one of the writers in Hollywood would be typing from San Quentin.

 

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ANNOUNCER:Those are the highlights?

 

DIRECTOR (OS): It's a taste.A tease.Just enough to get them to login next week.

 

ANNOUNCER:The rest of the episode hasn't been written yet, has it?

 

DIRECTOR (OS):Not your concern.(beat) It'll be ready.

 

ANNOUNCER:Well, I'm on pins and needles.Can I get my check?

 

DIRECTOR (OS):Stop by accounting on your way out.

 

Announcer leaves.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):The voice-over talent has more attitude than the actual talent.

 

LACKEY:Why do we need him?This is virtual.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):You have a point. (beat)Shut up and go get me some coffee.THAT'S LUNCH PEOPLE!!

 

[People shuffling out & someone sneaking back in]

 

ANNOUNCER:  (blows into mike)  Check ... Check ... Check one two. ... ECHO ... ECHO ... ECHO ... (clears throat)   Login next Sunday, June 5th, for a new episode of Virtual Moonlighting! (beat) ... (excited)  Login Sunday, June 5th, for a new episode of Virtual Moonlighting! (beat) ... (Monster Truck Rally Voice)  SUNDAY!  SUNDAY! SUNDAY!  Sunday, June 5th, there's a new episode of Virtual Moonlighting!  (urgent)   Login next Sunday for a new episode of Virtual Moonlighting!

 

VOICE (OS):  Your check is ready!