VIRTUAL SEASON NINE – EPISODE ONE

 

A PREGNANT PAUSE

 

 

Act II

Scene:  The Next Morning, 6:30 AM, the Hayes/Addison bedroom

 

Camera pans the room, as glorious golden sunlight streams through the doors.  We hear the tones of Lena Horne, mellow yet jazzy….

 

“It’s love, it’s love

Well, who would have thought it?

If this is love, then why have I fought it?

 

What a way to feel, I could touch the sky.

What a way to feel, I have found my guy.

 

It’s love at last, I’ve someone to cheer for.

It’s love at last, I’ve learned what we’re here for.

 

I’ve heard it said, “You’ll know it when you see it”.

Well, I see it, I know it, it’s love.”

 

 

Maddie sits up in the bed, wide awake.  She is propped up against the pillows.  She hugs her knees which are pulled up to her chest and covered by her long ivory satin night gown.  David sleeps beside her, almost hanging off the side of the bed.  He rests on his back, with a sheet protecting his….unmentionables.

 

Maddie takes the opportunity to look him over carefully – such complete stillness is a rarity in David’s life.  She starts to take inventory at his feet, her eyes moving up his body.

 

She thinks to herself.

 

Maddie:  Legs……not bad.

 

Her eyes assess the areas wrapped in the sheet.

 

Maddie:  No complaints there.

 

Her scrutiny moves to his chest, then his arms.  She lingers for a moment on his forearms – the denser covering of hair that she always finds strangely arousing.

 

She shakes her head and moves on to his face, peaceful in repose.  His lips begin to move and he mutters to himself – then runs his tongue over them.

 

Maddie smiles and sighs softly.

 

Maddie:  I knew he couldn’t keep that mouth shut for more than five minutes.  Like last night.  Right before the lights went out, he had something to say…something about the “M” word.

 

I’ve got a few “M” words of my own.  I could start out with murder.  Not good enough?  How about manipulation…..madness...…migrane?

 

There’s so much to think about…I know what his “M” word is.  He wants to tie it all up in a bow…or a “knot”.  But it’s not that easy….not for me, and…..I think not for him either.  I’m not sure if that word is a logical choice for either of us right now.

 

She sighs deeply.

 

Maddie:  Motherhood…I must be crazy.  I’m 41 years old.  Can I do this?  Emotionally?  Physically?…Speaking of “M’ words…that one scares me to death. I don’t know if I can go through that again…...if we can go through that again.

 

 She shakes her head defiantly.

 

Maddie:  No way – absolutely no way the writers would try and put us through that again…Anyway, I’m not going to think about that now.  Calm, happy thoughts…like what I might eat for breakfast that’s going to stay down.  Or maybe trying to get fifteen more minutes sleep.

 

She pushes the pillows down, rests against them, and stretches her legs out.  She tries to tug a bit of the sheet away from David, but the movement rouses him.

 

He rolls over, rests his cheek on her thigh, and smiles up at her, sleepy eyed.

 

David:  Good morning, you.  Actually, you two.

 

Maddie:  Morning.

 

David:  Did you sleep at all?

 

Maddie is surprised.

 

Maddie:  Not much.  I didn’t think you’d notice.  You were just snoring away.

 

David:  I noticed.  And it wasn’t the snoring that kept you awake, Blondie.

 

Maddie:  And pray tell, what was it that kept me awake?

 

David:  The bubbles in your brain.  I can always tell when you’ve got something brewing in that pretty blonde noggin of yours. 

 

Maddie brushes off the idea.

 

Maddie:  I’m fine.  We’ve got that meeting with Mrs. Iverson first thing this morning.

 

David:  Yeah…since when did we get into the business of installing security systems?

 

Maddie:  Well, she wasn’t really specific – but she did say home security.  The Iversons would be a very lucrative account for us if we can meet her needs.

 

David:  Baby shoes, little league fees, college fund……check!

 

Maddie smiles.

 

David:  So we’d better get busy baking the bread.  But before that, we’ve got lots of things to do today…not the least of which are some phone calls about little Bunny here.

 

He puts his hands on Maddie’s stomach.

 

Maddie:  David…

 

David:  So, who should I call first?  I know it should be my dad…but man, I am dying to give the word to big bro.  Sure he’ll be thrilled I beat him at something else. 

 

Maddie:  David…

 

David:  Your Mom and Dad, of course….if they don’t already know.

 

He looks at her quizzically, and she shakes her head “no”.

 

David:  And Terri and Walter.  Then we’ve gotta tell all the kids at work that they’re gonna be aunts and uncles.  Maybe we just need to take out an ad in the Tribune…or maybe a headline – “Addison and Hayes procreate, news on page 6!”

 

Maddie raises her voice a bit.

 

Maddie:  David!

 

David:  Whaaaaat?

 

Maddie:  A couple of things…can we NOT call the baby Bunny, even as a joke?

 

David grins at her.

 

David:  I kinda like Bunny.  But I’ll be happy to negotiate a more acceptable nickname.  I can’t go around calling it “the baby” for seven months.  So…what else?

 

Maddie hems and haws for a minute, then looks at him seriously.

 

Maddie:  David, I’d really like to keep this whole thing quiet for a little while. 

 

David:  Quiet?  Are you kidding?  This is some of the best news I’ve ever had.  What’s wrong with sharing it?  Aren’t you happy?

 

Maddie:  David, I’m very happy.  But it’s still very early.  I’d like to meet with Dr. Weed, and find out what we have ahead.  Can’t we just keep this between the two of us right now?

 

David observes her carefully.  Something is up…but he hasn’t cracked the Maddie code yet.  He senses this is a “give in” moment.

 

David:  Up to you, honey.  Just promise me we’ll let people know before we have to invite them to the kid’s graduation.

 

Maddie:  I will need to talk to Agnes.  She already knows…or knows there’s a possibility.

 

David:  Before me?

 

Maddie:  She suggested I make a doctor’s appointment.  After that little incident at their painting party?

 

David:  You women…it’s like you share a foreign language we guys can never learn.  Like womantalk, chickchat…..

 

Maddie:  Sisterspeak?

 

David:  Yeah, like that.  Anyway, how can you be sure she won’t blab to the troops before we even get there?

 

Maddie:  No, I think she already learned that lesson.

 

David:  Okey dokey Blondie.

 

He gives her a peck on the cheek.

 

David:  I’ll go first in the shower…unless you want to share.

 

Maddie waves him on.

 

Maddie:  You go ahead.  Maybe I can sleep for a half hour.  Wake me up if I go back to sleep.

 

David:  That’s a deal.

 

He rises from the bed, dropping the sheet, and heads off towards the bathroom whistling.  Maddie looks after him for a moment, smiles, then slowly closes her

eyes.

 

 

Scene:  9:00 AM, Blue Moon Detective Agency

            

 

The Blue Moon staff putters around the office, doing their typical morning things.

 

A noise starts in the corridor, almost like an approaching avalanche.  It is a voice – it starts as a low murmur, but quickly rises to a louder roar.  The staff stops, and everyone turns towards the door, which flies open.  The noise reaches crescendo as David enters the office, with Maddie trailing behind, shaking her head.

 

David:  Stupid, wax headed, got his license at Pep Boys idiot.  He’s a menace to society, a threat to all that is good and right to the world.

 

Maddie:  Really David, he was an eighty-year-old man who got a little confused.  And you certainly didn’t help matters.

 

David:  Damned right I didn’t.  An old geezer like that shouldn’t be driving anything, let alone that prehistoric Pinto.  You know those things explode, don’t you?

 

Agnes’s eyes dart back and forth between the two of them, trying to assess the situation.  She makes several false starts into the conversation, while Maddie and David both speak at once.

 

 Maddie:  David, we get it!  Could you please lower the volume?  The entire state of California might not be interested.

 

David:  Not interested!  You get it?  Are you kidding?  This is serious – that man should not be on the road.  He is incompetent.

 

Maddie:  Calm down.  Nothing happened.  Nothing!

 

David:  But it could have.  He came close – this close!  If that man had done anything to……..

 

Maddie:  Well, everything’s fine.  You’re fine, and I’m fine and your precious baby’s fine.

 

Agnes finds her voice.

 

Agnes:  Ummmmm……..baby?

 

Maddie continues speaking directly to Agnes.  David is fairly twitching, jerking his body with small angry movements.

 

Maddie:  The way he carries on about that car.  The poor old man didn’t mean anything – he got lost and flustered.  It could happen to anybody.

 

She turns to address David.

 

Maddie:  You are going to be eighty someday.

 

David:  Unless I am the coolest eighty-year-old dude you’ve ever met, take me out and shoot me!  All I can say is it’s a damned good thing he didn’t hit my car.  He shouldn’t be steering a tricycle around a jungle gym.  Agnes, figure out who I should report him to, and I will report him good!

 

Agnes nods, seeming a bit confused, while Maddie has an amused look on her face.

 

Maddie:  Have we finished our tantrum now?

 

David:  Not even close.

 

Maddie:  Well, put it on the back burner.  Mrs. Iverson should be here shortly, and I’d like to restore some modicum of professionalism to the office, if you don’t mind.

 

David looks at her for a split second.  Ever mercurial, his face changes and his eyes flash.  Like all of his moods, this one turns on a dime, and he laughs.

 

David:  I guess we’d better have this meeting in your office then.  Viola and I have a 10,000 piece domino rally set up in mine.

 

They turn and walk towards Maddie’s office.  Agnes is almost beside herself.  He calls after them.

 

Agnes:  Miss Hayes……..can I? ………….did you?  …………..anything you wanted to tell me about?  …….like, ummmmm, today, what we are doing today………?

 

Her pleading tone hangs in the air.  Maddie looks back and smiles knowingly.

 

Maddie:  Later, Agnes, OK?  Just do me a favor and block out from 2 to 4 on both Mr. Addison’s and my calendars this afternoon.  All right?

 

Agnes sighs.

 

Agnes:  Sure Miss Hayes, I’ll take care of it.  I’ll be right here if there’s anything you need…..anything you need to tell me.

 

Maddie:  Thanks.

 

Maddie and David enter the office.  Maddie goes to her desk, and David sprawls on the sofa.

 

David:  Our little girl Monday to Thursday is about to bust a gut out there.  Aren’t you afraid she’ll go into premature labor?  Aren’t you going to take pity on her and tell her about your expectations?

 

Maddie is businesslike.

 

Maddie:  Later, David.  Right now, let’s get through this meeting and we will see what happens.  Have you got the information on the surveillance systems?

 

David raises himself up on one elbow.

 

David:  Wow……when you do that calm, efficient woman of the world bit, you have no idea how much I want to get up, and lead you over here to the sofa, and shall we say……..attempt a hostile takeover……do a thorough analysis of all your assets…….evaluate your performance.

 

Maddie stands, with a sly smile on her face, and walks towards him.

 

Maddie:  Effect a merger?  Anticipate complete cooperation?  Begin the orientation process?

 

She reaches the sofa.  He grabs her arm and pulls her into his lap.

 

Maddie smiles.

 

Maddie:  Nothing hostile about it.  But you know what they say, business before pleasure.

 

She plants a juicy kiss on his mouth, and faster than he can recover, grabs his ear and twists.

 

Maddie:  Now where’s the information?

 

David:  Ouuuuuuch….

 

He nods his head towards the credenza behind her desk.

 

David:  In the blue folder.

 

She rises to get it and he rubs his ear.

 

David:  You sure play dirty.

 

Maddie holds the folder and peruses its contents.

 

Maddie:  Thought that’s the way you liked to play.

 

She flips papers.

 

Maddie:  This is a whole lot of information.

 

David:  Correctamundo, oh beauteous but cruel one.  You have there everything from info on the tiniest pinpoint camera to the most sophisticated home system on the market.

 

Maddie:  Good.  I’m not sure to what extent Mrs. Iverson wants to go here, but it’s best to be prepared.

 

David:  Good little Girl Scout you are.  Hmmmm….just got a flash of short skirts, knee socks, and Amanda McDermott, aged 10.

 

He looks thoughtful.

 

David:  Hey……Amanda.  Now there’s a name I always liked.

 

Maddie:  Give it up, Addison.  Don’t even think we’ll be naming our child after one of your old girlfriends.

 

David:  Suit yourself, Hayes.  Of course, we may have to eliminate a lot of names.  Better start feeling more kindly towards Bunny.

 

Maddie:  Oh, I’m sure you’ve known a few bunnies in your day.  Anyway, we are nowhere near the “Maddie and David argue over names” episode.

 

There is a knock on the door.  Agnes peeks her head in.

 

Agnes:  Sorry to interrupt, but Mrs. Iverson is here.

 

David:  So let’s get this sideshow on the road.

 

Agnes looks puzzled as only Agnes can.  She retreats, and returns to hold the door. 

 

Through the door, emerges the largest, most ornate baby carriage you have ever seen.  Technically speaking, it is a pram, a huge conveyance, resplendent in navy and chrome.  It is swathed in white netting and quite frankly, is awe inspiring.

 

The woman pushing the pram appears to have stepped out of the society pages.  Her appearance is very Junior League…clothing slightly out of style but never out of date.  Her dark hair is swept up in a French twist.  She scans the room with a dismissive glance.

 

Maddie crosses the room to her and extends her hand.

 

Maddie:  Mrs. Iverson, how nice to see you.  I’m Maddie Hayes and this is my partner, David Addison.

 

The woman ignores Maddie’s outstretched hand.  She pushes the pram into the space next to Maddie’s desk, and sits stiffly in a chair.

 

David meanwhile, walks over to the carriage and begins to peer through the netting.

 

David:  Is there a baby in there?

 

Mrs. Iverson looks beseechingly at Maddie.

 

Mrs. Iverson:  Could he please not do that?  Anastasia is a very particular baby, and I just got her to sleep.

 

David has pulled some of the netting away, and gets a glimpse of the sleeping child.

 

David:  There IS a baby in there…..pretty little thing too.

 

Maddie walks to the carriage and replaces the netting, hissing at David.

 

Maddie:  David, leave it alone.

 

David walks over to the empty chair, smiling at the two women.

 

David:  SHE is a very pretty baby.

 

Mrs. Iverson:  Thank you.  I don’t mean to be so on edge.  It has been a difficult morning.  It is Ellie’s day off, and between getting my older son, Ian off to school and the baby settled for the trip here……well, let’s just say I don’t relish this kind of morning .

 

David:  And Ellie is?

 

Mrs. Iverson:  Ellie is our au pair.

 

David:  Pair au what?

 

Maddie smiles at Mrs. Iverson apologetically.

 

Maddie:  You’ll be better off if you just ignore him.  He has an affinity for old jokes.

 

Mrs. Iverson:  Bad old jokes, I see.

 

David grimaces slightly, then settles back in his chair.

 

Maddie:  Well, let’s see if we can solve some of your problems for you.  You said on the phone that you were interested in surveillance for your home.

 

Mrs. Iverson:  Yes, there have been things disappearing around my home…..jewelry, trinkets, money….mostly money.  The value of the items is not significant, but it is the feeling of being violated that I can’t stand. 

 

Maddie:  That’s quite understandable.  But a detective agency is not usually the place you come to install a home security system.

 

Mrs. Iverson:  Oh no, our home has an excellent burglar alarm system.  My husband is a bit of a gadget buff, and contracted this system several years ago.   It has everything to control access to the house – alarm codes, video surveillance – anything money can buy.

 

David:  All the bells and whistles, huh?

 

Mrs. Iverson:  It is monitored by a service, but my husband also had a room set up in the house with tape machines and monitors just like at the security company.

 

David:  Seems a bit over the top.

 

Mrs. Iverson:  By whose standards, Mr. Addison?

 

She seems a bit perturbed.

 

Mrs. Iverson:   Do you have a family?

 

Maddie shoots David a look.

 

David:  Not yet.

 

Mrs. Iverson:  When you do you will understand two things…first, that you will do anything on earth to protect those you love, no matter how “over the top” it might seem.

 

David:  Understood.  You don’t have to have a family to feel that way about those you love.

 

They share a glance, and Mrs. Iverson softens a bit.

 

Mrs. Iverson:  Of course, you understand.  The second thing is that you do what you can to make those you love happy. 

 

David:  Truer words were never spoken.

 

Mrs. Iverson:  Well, Stephen has an extremely demanding and stressful career.  His interest in gadgets…all kinds of gadgets….is what I think keeps him sane.  I think it’s an outlet for him.  Sometimes he spends hours in there….

 

She laughs.

 

Mrs. Iverson:  The only thing he ever spots is neighbors jogging by, or the occasional elusive squirrel. but it makes him happy.

 

David:  Better than watching porn, I guess.

 

Maddie shoots daggers at David’s remark, then adeptly slides into the conversation.

 

Maddie:  I guess I am a bit confused.  If your husband is an expert with this kind of thing, why do you need outside help?

 

Mrs. Iverson:  Well, the house is my domain….my job.  I maintain the staff, manage the budget, do all of the things necessary for the smooth running of our household.  I want to resolve this problem without needing his involvement.

 

David:  I guess that makes a certain kind of sense.  You mentioned a staff?  I am assuming that if, as you say, your alarm system from the outside is top drawer, then your suspicions involve the inside staff.

 

Mrs. Iverson:  I am afraid so. 

 

Maddie:  So the family members in your home are you, your husband, and the two children?

 

Mrs. Iverson:  That’s correct.

 

David:  And the staff?

 

Mrs. Iverson:  An adequate size for our household.  Mrs. Cook, who is appropriately, our cook.

 

David:  Predestination, who’d’ve think it?

 

Mrs. Iverson and Maddie exchange glances, and then she continues.

 

Mrs. Iverson:  Of course, Ellie, who is the au pair.  Then we have Bridget, and Brian.  Bridget is the maid, and Brian, our gardener.  They are married.  But they have just left on a three week vacation to Ireland.  Some family wedding.

 

David:  Hmmmmm.  Could have been fattening up the vacation fund.  And that’s it?

 

Mrs. Iverson:  Well like any other household, we have the usual parade of dry cleaners, plumbers, electricians, handymen – but none on our regular staff.

 

Maddie:  So, would you want us to start with background investigations on your staff….and those who have access to the house on a regular basis?

 

Mrs. Iverson:  That was done before they were engaged.  No, what I am looking for is surveillance.  I understand, from my husband’s occasional ramblings about his hobby, that there is a new item called a Nanny Cam.

 

Maddie looks at David, clearly uninformed.

 

David:  That technology is fairly rare and untested.

 

He turns to Maddie to explain.

 

David:  Nanny cams are small cameras, embedded in things like teddy bears and alarm clocks, designed, for lack of a better word, to spy on the hired help.

 

Mrs. Iverson:  I prefer to think of it as “observing” and protecting my family.

 

David:  That’s one way of looking at it.

 

Mrs. Iverson:  My way.

 

Maddie jumps in.

 

Maddie:  So you would have us install these nanny cams throughout your house?

 

Mrs. Iverson:  Exactly.

 

David:  I’ve got to say, the equipment is mostly in prototype state.  All the cameras need to be hardwired, and right, now, the whole concept is mostly experimental.

 

Mrs. Iverson is clearly disappointed.

 

Mrs. Iverson:  I thought the way my husband talked about them, they would be the perfect answer for our needs.

 

The baby starts to whimper, and Mrs. Iverson rises to go to the pram.

 

David:  This seems like an opportune moment for a confab.  Miss Hayes, may I see you outside.

 

Maddie rises, and they walk out into the outer office, and close the doors.

 

Maddie:  This seems rather cut and dried.

 

David:  Really?  You don’t think it’s a little creepy to be spying on people in your own house?

 

Maddie:  Spying?  She has a legitimate concern over things that are missing in her household, and a legitimate concern about the safety of her children.

 

David:  So far, all I get is that she is missing a few bucks and maybe a couple of ugly Hummel figurines.  When they work up to taking the fine art…the dogs playing poker, and the urchins with big eyes, let me know.

 

Maddie:  I’m not sure where you are coming from with this, David.  We’ve done surveillance before.

 

David:  Yeah, on cheating louses and bad guys….not on the nanny and Mrs. Cook, the cook. 

 

Maddie:  But is it our place to judge? 

 

David:  Wow….a judgment free case.  How us – not! 

 

Maddie:  Regardless.  Don’t you think Mrs. Iverson has the right to know what goes on in her own home?

 

David:  I guess.  But to be practical, this is 1991…..and the Nanny Cam is not going to be in any way dependable for about 5 years, when it goes wireless.  Then all the hoopla will start to erupt about invasion of privacy issues.  I know we want to be cutting edge here, but I think it is the wrong move.

 

Maddie:  So, Mr. Practicality, got any brilliant ideas on how to keep Mrs. Iverson’s business?

 

David:  We do it the old fashioned way.  Still got that French maid’s uniform?

 

Maddie looks dismayed.

 

Maddie:  No………really?  Honestly, David, I think this is the wrong time for us to take on an undercover case.

 

David:  As opposed to an under the covers case?

 

Maddie:  Seriously, David.  We have a lot on our plates right now…..our personal plates.  I’m not sure I am willing to commit us to undercover work in someone’s home for who knows how long.

 

David:  Good point, Blondie.

 

He gazes out across the office, and sees Agnes and Bert cooing at each other across her desk.  David is inspired.  He jerks his head towards them.

 

David:  How about honey and dearie there?

 

Maddie:  Oh David, do you think so?

 

David:  it could be perfect.  The gardener and the maid are off to the land of the leprechauns.  Can you think of any better replacements?  And if Bert can’t fit the bill for gardener, we can always plant him as a garden gnome.

 

Maddie looks at him, clearly uncertain.

 

David:  Hey, it’s the best of both worlds.  An Agnes and Bert episode that won’t make the ratings plunge, ‘cause we will still actually be here.  I’m a genius!

 

Maddie:  It would sure take a lot of the pressure off.  You think it would work?

 

David:  You gotta have faith, my love.  Let’s go run Operation Short and Ditzy past Mrs. Iverson, and see if she’s in.  I got this one…know how to handle her.

 

Maddie:  Well, so far she doesn’t seem all that impressed with you

 

David:  Neither were you when we met, sweetheart, and see where I’ve got you now.

 

He opens the door, and holds it for her.  She walks through, and pulls it shut behind her, leaving him in the outer office.

 

He looks directly into the camera.

 

David:  Old Addison charm….gets ‘em every time.

 

He grins, and opens the door, exiting into Maddie’s office.

 

COMMERCIAL BREAK

 

 

Act III:

 Scene:  3:00 PM, Dr. Weed’s Inner office

 

It is a well appointed office, along the lines of Maddie’s office, but a little plainer.  There is a desk with two chairs in front of it.  Art, seemingly designed to be ignored, is on the walls.  There is a large standing brochure holder in the corner close to the window.

 

David and Maddie enter the office, escorted by a receptionist.

 

Receptionist:  Please have a seat.  Dr. Weed will be with you shortly.

 

Maddie:  Thanks very much. 

 

The receptionist exits.

 

David:  Wow, so that is what a real receptionist looks like and does.  I was waiting for something more like , ”Come on in and pull up a chair, the baby doc will be right there.”

 

Maddie:  Thumbs down, Addison.  Her rhyme would be much better.

 

David:  Third grade material.

 

Maddie:  Big talk.  You wouldn’t trade Agnes away for a new car.

 

David smiles.

 

David:  If you’re talking a Nissan Sentra, maybe not.  But a Lamborghini Diablo……..I don’t know…..I think I’d really miss her.

 

David sits in one of the chairs in front of the desk, and starts to look around the room.  Maddie remains standing, pacing around the room, stopping every once in a while to look out the window, but we sense she is not really seeing anything.

 

David:  You’re doing it all wrong.

 

Maddie:  Doing what?

 

David:  It’s way too early for pacing…….about seven months and some change.  And besides, I will be the pacer…..you, little lady, are the pusher!

 

Maddie:  I just can’t stand still.  I guess I’m a little nervous.

 

David:  Honey, I think we’re both a little nervous.  I, for one, am on the edge of my seat waiting for the answer to the “can we or can’t we?” question.

 

He waits for a reaction, then realizes Maddie is not paying any attention.  She has stopped at the brochure holder, and has taken one from it.  She stares at the title……”Handling the Loss of a Child”.  She looks a bit stricken, and she hardly notices David coming up behind her.

 

He takes the brochure from her hand.

 

David:  Give me that.

 

He emphatically crumples it into a ball.

 

Maddie:  Well, that’s really a good solution.

 

David:  Would you like a brochure?

 

He starts grabbing some from the rack, handing them to Maddie.  Every one he chooses has the picture of a baby, happy, smiling, laughing, crying…..all beautiful babies.

 

David:  That’s why we’re here.

 

Maddie:  Not completely.  Why we’re here is because of me.  It’s my fault.

 

He puts his arm around her, and leads her back to the chairs.  He takes her hands in his.

 

David:  Maddie, it’s going to be fine.  You’re going to be fine.  We’re going to be fine.

 

Maddie:  It’s easy for you to say that, David.  You’ll never know…you will just never know how horrible it was…..it felt……

 

David gulps, and takes a long deep breath before he reacts.

 

David:  Easy?  I’ll never know?  Maddie, you may be forgetting, this has happened to me twice.  And just because I didn’t carry the babies doesn’t mean I was any less affected by their loss.

 

Maddie looks stricken.

 

Maddie:  David, I……..

 

David interrupts her.

 

David:  Maddie, the day….that day was the single worst day of my life.  The ambulance……all that blood…….praying….making deals with God…..that he wouldn’t take you, the two of you, away from me. 

 

Maddie looks at him, her eyes filling.

 

David:  That baby was already mine…….even before either of us knew he was mine.

 

Maddie lurches towards him, throwing her arms around him.

 

Maddie:  He was ours…..he will always be ours.

 

David pulls her into his lap, and strokes her hair.

 

David:  Always in our hearts.  Maddie, if I ever wished we had something to do over, I wish we had spent more time talking about this together, rather than fighting through it alone.  And we can still do that, and we should….but knowing with our whole hearts, believing that we have to go forward.  It’s here…it’s now…and God or fate, karma, or whatever you believe in, has given us a second chance.  I think we’ve got to trust that everything is going to be fine.  We’ve got an excellent record with second chances.

 

Maddie gives him a trembling smile.

 

David:  I need you to believe.  We need each other to believe.

 

She rests her head on his shoulder, and they sit in silence.  The door opens, and Dr. Weed enters.

 

Dr. Weed:  Hi folks.  Sorry to keep you waiting.  Guess you found a good way to spend the time.

 

Maddie jumps up, and David rises as well. 

 

David:  You know she was pregnant when we got here, right?

 

Dr Weed laughs, and holds out her hand.

 

Dr. Weed:  Nice to see you again, Mr. Addison.  You seem to be much the same.

 

David:  Happy to be here, Doc.

 

Dr. Weed:  Maddie, you are looking good.  How are you feeling?

 

Maddie:  Physically, I’m fine.  My morning sickness has worked its way into afternoon sickness, but it’s not too bad.

 

Dr. Weed:  That’s a little different than last time, if I remember correctly.  But every pregnancy is different.  Well, lets all sit down.  I’m glad you asked for this time for us to speak together.  I’m at your disposal.  What’s on your minds?

 

Maddie starts to speak, but David interrupts

 

David:  Sorry, but I need to get this out of the way first.  When Maddie lost the baby, we were under the impression that the baby wasn’t mine.  Then we found out later that he was mine.

 

Dr. Weed:  Yes, I recall.  We found out from the testing that we did afterwards.

 

David:  Well, I am not sure you ever knew that this wasn’t the first time that I lost a child.  I can’t help but think that there has to be a connection……I know you said no, but I need to be sure.

 

Maddie was not expecting this part of the conversation.  She reaches over and grasps David’s hand.

 

Maddie:  Janet, as you can see, clearly we both have lots of questions.

 

Dr. Weed:  And I am happy to answer them.  Now David….if I can call you David?

 

He nods.

 

Dr. Weed:  You need to put those thoughts out of your head.  There was absolutely nothing wrong genetically with the baby.  And Maddie, before you even ask, you did nothing wrong either.  It was no one’s fault.

 

She continues.

 

Dr. Weed:  It is probably important to go over this again.  Maddie, the condition you had is called placenta abruptivo, or placental abruption.  It is a sudden separation of the placenta from the abdominal wall.  In your case, you were one of the very small percentage of patients who has no warning signs.  The sudden onset, and loss of blood put you into shock and deprived the baby of oxygen.  What happened to you was rare, very rare, and although I am sure it doesn’t help, there wasn’t a thing you could have done about it.  One of life’s tragedies and one that is not easy to accept.

 

Maddie and David shuffle a little in their chairs, but say nothing.

 

Dr. Weed:  I think we need to concentrate here on what is right now, which is that you are pregnant and that it’s wonderful.  You came through the endometriosis, and that could have been an issue, as well.  I’m not going to say there aren’t some risks, and some things you will need to be careful of, but I really think you need not to worry so much.  Maddie, I have been your doctor, and your friend, for longer than I can remember.  I promise you, together we will do our best to make sure you have a healthy baby.

 

Maddie:  Well, you know how I am, Janet. 

 

Dr. Weed:  I do.  That is why I am prescribing that you be happy about this.  Happy, but careful.  So let’s talk about some of the things we are going to do to insure that we take the best care of you and that little baby.  David, I’m going to need your help here, to keep this one’s mood where we need it.

 

David:  Whatever it takes, Doc.  Want me to lasso the moon?  I’ve got it.

 

Dr. Weed:  I want you to keep reminding this lady how lucky she is.

 

Maddie:  Don’t worry….he does that every single day!  Sometimes ad nauseum.

 

David puffs up his chest, and raises an eyebrow.

 

David:  Well? Isn’t she?

 

Maddie and the doctor laugh.

 

Dr. Weed:   Well, I am going to start with the hard facts.  You are over 35, which can be a risk in itself.

 

Maddie shoots a “shut up” look at David.

 

Dr. Weed:  And you have had a placental abruption.  There is an increased risk of reoccurrence, but since the risk is very small to begin with, the risk only increases about 10%.  And we are going to be very, very careful.

 

She continues.

 

Dr. Weed:  You will be seeing me weekly throughout your entire pregnancy.  We will probably take ultrasounds about twice a month. When the time is right, we will also talk about doing an amniocentesis, which screens for Downs Syndrome.  I would normally suggest it for a woman of your age, but there is some additional risk involved.  I can present you with some alternatives, and you two will make the decision.

 

Maddie:  Lovely…”a woman of my age”

 

David:  Like fine wine, good scotch, aged cheese….

 

Maddie:  That’s not helping, Addison!

 

Dr. Weed:  I am sure when she thinks about it, she’ll appreciate the effort, David.

 

She goes on.

 

Dr. Weed:  You will have to eat healthy, and do some moderate exercise.  But some of those misadventures -- chasing the bad guys and taking chances -- will have to be left to others for the next seven months.  If we see any hint of a problem, there is the possibility that you would end up on complete bed rest.

 

Maddie:  Given what we do for a living, that might be hard.

 

David:  Count on me, Doc.  Not only will I take care of the apple a day stuff, but if necessary, I will toss her over my shoulder and carry her around.

 

Maddie:  Over my dead body, caveman.

 

Dr. Weed:  What we need is a happy medium folks.  Maddie knows her body quite well.

 

David:  As do I.

 

Maddie:  David!

 

Dr. Weed:  Can’t argue with that.  But David, she is going to know what feels right.  And Maddie, you have to know your limitations, and that they might be far more than you would want them to be.  A little pampering is not out of line, and you need not only to accept it, but enjoy it.  It sounds cliché, but a happy and healthy mother is an important factor in having a healthy baby.

 

Maddie:  Of course, I……we will do whatever is necessary.

 

Dr. Weed:  So, as you leave, Mary Kate will give you some information on diet, and your prescription for your prenatal vitamins. She also can set up your weekly appointments routinely. 

 

Maddie:  That would be great.

 

Dr. Weed:   And you know, I don’t want you….either of you… to ever to hesitate getting in touch with me, if you have any questions at all, no matter how inconsequential they seem to you.  I need you to stay in touch and very conscious of how you feel every single day.

 

Maddie rises to leave.

 

Maddie:  Thanks so much, Janet.  So glad we will be seeing a lot of each other.

 

David has not moved from his chair, and as Maddie prepares to walk towards the door, he chimes in.

 

David:  A-hem……

 

Dr. Weed:  Did you have another question, David?

 

David:  We both had another question….I guess one of us forgot.

 

Dr. Weed:  Let me guess.  Is it, “what about sex?”

 

David:  Bingo!

 

Dr.  Weed smiles conspiratorially at Maddie.

 

Dr. Weed:  I still get a kick of making the guys ask that question.  Makes my day.

 

Maddie:  Well, if you were expecting to get some embarrassed reaction from this one, guess again.

 

David:  Yo, girls, I’m in the room.

 

Dr.  Weed:  Sorry, David, we shouldn’t be teasing you like that.

 

David:  So, just give us the down and dirty.  Or the not so down and hardly dirty at all.

 

Dr.  Weed:  I see no reason whatsoever that you shouldn’t continue with normal sexual activities.  As we monitor Maddie’s pregnancy, depending on circumstances, we might have to alter that advice, but for right now, no restrictions.

 

Maddie:  Nice to hear.

 

Dr. Weed:  As the pregnancy progresses, there may be some alterations you want to make, based on your comfort and satisfaction, but I have a feeling you are a very creative guy, David.

 

David:  And I have an equally creative partner.

 

Dr. Weed:  So enjoy this time, in every way.

 

David:  Thanks, Doc.  That’s the kind of medical advice I like!

 

Maddie:  I think we have taken up quite enough of your time, Janet!  Thanks so much.  I feel a lot better.  See you next week.

 

Maddie starts to walk out the door and on her way……strong….. independent.  She pauses for a moment, looks back, and holds out her hand to David.  He takes it and they exit together…hand in hand…just as it should be.

 

COMMERCIAL BREAK

 

 

Act IV

Scene:  4:15 PM, Blue Moon Detective Agency

 

The office is pretty much as you would expect 45 minutes before quitting time.  At Jergenson’s desk, there is a heated discussion among all the boys about the Dodgers’ lack of offense, punctuated by occasional rude hand gestures.  On the other side of the room, the girls oooh and ahhh over the latest copy of the National Enquirer.  Agnes is in front of her reception desk, spritzing and cleaning, looking sweetly Madonna-like (not that one….the real Madonna!!), in her maternity smock.

 

David and Maddie enter, looking quite happy.

 

Maddie:  Good afternoon, everyone.

 

Magillicuddy jumps up, already making excuses.

 

Magillicuddy:  Oh Ms. Hayes, we were just taking a moment to discuss the surveillance techniques in…….

 

Maddie interrupts.

 

Maddie:  They’re not going to let Cincinnati beat them this year, are they, Mr. Magillicuddy?

 

Magillicuddy stutters….

 

Magillicuddy:  Ummmmm….who?

 

Maddie:  The Dodgers, of course.

 

David grins.

 

David:  Look at that, boys!  I taught her all she knows!  Why, a few years ago, she didn’t know a baseball from an ear of corn, and now…..

 

Maddie:  She knows that his Phillies ended up in the cellar last season!!!

 

Maddie receives some appreciative laughter.

 

Agnes has been watching quietly, taking it all in.  Finally, she speaks.

 

Agnes:  Miss Hayes, Mr. Addison, is everything OK?  I expected you back sooner and I was starting to get…….

 

David reaches for Agnes and pulls her into a dance move, twirling her, as he sings

 

David:  Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing……don’t you worry ’bout a thing, pretty mama…..’cause I’ll be standing in the wings when you check it out……”

 

Maddie:  Ok, Stevie….let’s break this up before we set the music world back a few decades.

 

David pouts a little.

 

David:  The last really good music was written 30 years ago anyway.

 

Maddie addresses the employees.

 

Maddie:  I have an inspired idea.  Let’s all pretend its 5 o’clock and see how fast the office empties out.

 

All of the wobblies, with the exception of Bert and Agnes head for the door, David following right behind.

 

Maddie:  David!  Not you!

 

He turns and trudges back, a disappointed look on his face.

 

Maddie:  Agnes, Bert…..would you mind coming into my office?  We’ve got a few things we need to go over.

 

Agnes, still a little flustered from her dance looks at Bert who immediately assumes his perennially suspicious face.  The four of them move into the office, Maddie sits at her desk, David on the edge, and Agnes and Bert take the two chairs in front.

 

Maddie:  We haven’t had a chance to talk in a bit.  How are you feeling, Agnes dear?

 

Agnes flashes a beatific grin.

 

Agnes:  I am feeling just great Miss Hayes.  We just passed the halfway mark, and I have so much energy, right Bert?

 

Bert does a slight eye roll

 

Bert:  Yes dear.

 

Agnes:  And the house is coming along nicely.  I just love to wake up every morning.…love my life!

 

Agnes realizes she has been talking for a while, and then, a thought flits through her head and across her face.

 

Agnes:  How are you feeling, Miss Hayes?

 

Maddie:  I am feeling fine.  How about you, David?

 

David:  If I felt any better, it would be illegal.  How about you, Bert?

 

Bert mumbles.

 

Bert:  Well, I’m okay I guess…a little tired.  Working here all day…then working around the house…..

 

Agnes:  Shush!

 

Bert:  Yes, Sugarbunny.

 

Maddie:  Well, the reason we are talking to you is…..

 

Agnes leans forward in her chair, expectantly.

 

Maddie:  We want you to take on a special assignment.

 

Agnes slumps back….this time it’s Bert who gets excited.

 

Bert:  Wow…seriously.  Oh Miss Hayes, we will be great.  I will put all of my being into completing this assignment to your ultimate satisfaction.  I can confidently say……..

 

David interrupts.

 

David:  Down, boy.  The job is already yours.

 

Maddie:  It is a fairly routine undercover assignment.  We will be asking you to observe the staff in the Iverson’s large home for any evidence of theft.  Your cover will be as temporary employees, replacing the maid and the gardener who are off on vacation.

 

Bert:  Of course.  I have been doing yard work around the house for the last few weekends.  See that?

 

He thrusts his fists into Maddie’s face.

 

Bert:  Under those nails….that’s real dirt!

 

Maddie:  Impressive, Mr. Viola.  So Agnes, you can see why I asked about how you are feeling.  Are you sure that you feel you can do this comfortably?

 

Agnes:  Oh yes, Miss Hayes.  Cleaning, laundry, dusting…..that is like a vacation to me.

 

David:  Ok remember folks, we want you to get into your cover.  But don’t become the Jolly Green Midget and Mrs. Clean so well that you forget what you are there for.  We need to catch a thief.

 

Bert:  Absolutely, Mr.  Addison.  You can count on us.

 

Agnes has a quizzical expression on her face.

 

Maddie:  Is everything ok, Agnes?  Do you have some concerns?

 

Agnes:  About the assignment?  No…but…..

 

Maddie:  What, Agnes?

 

Agnes:  Well, I can’t help but wonder.  You and Mr. Addison usually do all the undercover work yourselves.  Unless…..

 

David jumps in.

 

David:  Well, there’s lots of paperwork around here.  Both Miss Hayes and I need to jump on cleaning up the billing, working on collections, balancing the checkbook.

 

Maddie bursts into laughter.

 

Maddie:  Nice try at a cover, David.  As if I would even let you near the checkbook.

 

Agnes:  Miss Hayes?

 

Maddie smiles.

 

Maddie:  Yes, Agnes, we’re going to have a baby.

 

Agnes whoops, and runs around the desk, enveloping Maddie, and then David in huge hugs.  Bert seems a little stunned, then recovers, and approaches David with his best macho handshake.

 

Bert:  Congratulations, Mr. Addison.  Nothing better on earth than impending fatherhood.  And to you, Miss Hayes. We will be happy to do all that we can as your body swells with the life of your impending child.

 

They all speak at once.

 

Agnes:  Bert!

David:  Bert!

Maddie:  Mr. Viola!

 

Agnes pipes in.

 

Agnes:  What Bert means is we are very happy for you.  I knew it…I just knew it!

 

Bert:  You did?

 

Agnes:  We’ll talk about it later.

 

Agnes turns back to Maddie.

 

Agnes:  So, how are you feeling?  How far along are you?  What can we do to help?

 

David:  I already helped.

 

Maddie shakes her head.

 

Maddie:  We are around two months, and I am pretty much feeling like anybody in their first trimester…..a little tired, a little sick…..but I understand that should get better.

 

Agnes:  Oh yes, the second trimester is so much better.

 

David teases.

 

David:  So how come nobody is asking how I feel?

 

Agnes:  We know how you feel, Mr. Addison.  You’re busting your buttons!

 

Maddie:  So back to the reason we asked your help with this case.  You know a little bit about my history.  My pregnancy has the possibility of being a little risky.  This is new to me…to us.  We have to get a handle on how I really feel and how much I can take physically.  We didn’t think an undercover assignment was the place to find out those things.

 

Agnes:  I totally understand.

 

Bert:  And may we say, we are totally honored that you would entrust us with this assignment.

 

David:  Just no over the top, Bert.  It’s a pretty simple surveillance.

 

Bert:  No worries, Mr. Addison.

 

Maddie:  Just one thing.  You are the only two people we are telling right now.  It is very early, and we would like to keep the news to ourselves for a little while longer.  I know we can trust you to protect that.

 

Agnes:  Absolutely, Miss Hayes.

 

Bert:  Positively, Mr. Addison.

 

Maddie:  Thanks.

 

David:  So how about we call it a night, and meet here in the AM to discuss the details before you head off to the Iverson’s home.

 

Bert:  Sounds great.  I have a lot of research to do.

 

David:  Bert, chill.  You’re not reporting for duty at the Tournament of Roses Parade…..you just have to take a trowel, and toss a little dirt around.  I do have an assignment for you for tonight, though.

 

Bert:  Anything, Mr. Addison.

 

He nods towards Agnes.

 

David:  Take that pretty little mama home, make her dinner and then give her a long, relaxing foot massage.

 

Bert:  Will do, sir.

 

He and Agnes get up to leave.

 

Agnes:  Congratulations again, both of you!  We’re so happy for you.

 

Maddie smiles, a little self consciously.

 

Maddie:  Thank you.  Have a nice evening.

 

They leave, and David plops down in one of the chairs.

 

David:  So, that went well.  Think they can do it?

 

Maddie:  The assignment or keeping our secret?

 

David:  Both…..either…..

 

Maddie:  I have total faith in them.

 

David:  I have total faith in you.

 

She smiles sweetly and shakes her head.

 

Maddie:  Sometimes……you know exactly the right thing to say.

 

David:  So, what do you say?

 

Maddie:  Meaning?

 

David:  I was thinking of a duplicate of the assignment I gave Bert.

 

Maddie:  I’m not giving you a foot rub.

 

David:  Let me be the guy….I will do the dinner, and the foot rub.

 

Maddie:  Not sure about the dinner…..but the foot rub sounds heavenly.

 

David:  Other options…..meaningful conversation?  Warm bubble bath?  Shower for two?

 

Maddie:  Three?

 

David:  Three…..let’s you, me, and Bunny get the heck out of here.

 

He extends his hand, and Maddie grasps it.  She hands him her briefcase, picks up her purse, and they head towards the door.  They open

it, and pause for a moment in the dim light.

 

Maddie:  David?

 

David:  Yes, my love.

 

Maddie:  I really hate the name Bunny.

 

The door closes behind them and we…..

 

FADE TO BLACK

 

Scene: the next afternoon, 2:00 PM, Blue Moon Detective Agency, Maddie’s Office

 

 

Maddie sits working at her desk, reading, jotting down figures, occasionally tapping numbers into an adding machine.

 

The door opens and David enters, with a large carryall bag.

 

David:  Delivery!  Lunch is served!  Better start contemplating my tip, lady.

 

Maddie:  Yum…..I’m starved.  Let’s pull that table over by the couch.  This desk is about to be declared a disaster area.

 

David:  Allow me!

 

He pulls the coffee table over towards the sofa, and plops the bag on it.  He starts to pull Styrofoam containers out, piling them on the table.

 

David:  Pour vous, madam, the finest Cobb salad available within walking distance, with lite dressing and melba toast.

 

Maddie:  What did you get?

 

David:  Hot pastrami, melted cheese, French fries, cream soda.

 

Maddie:  Dibs on half the fries.

 

David:  Maybe one or two.

 

He reaches into the bag, and with a flourish, removes a small bottle.

 

David:  And pour vous aussi……..milk!

 

Maddie:  Yuck!

 

David:  The milk is for Bunny…..it’s just gotta go through you to get to its destination.

 

Maddie:  I hate milk.  I know I need to drink it, but yuck!

 

David:  For the future, I’d like to recommend the champagne of bottled milk – chocolate milk!

 

Maddie:  I think that takes all the healthy out of it.

 

Maddie reaches to move the bag off the table, and realizes it is not empty.  She reaches in and pulls out a small white duck with a creamy beak and feet.  She smiles.

 

Maddie:  What’s this?

 

David:  Duck

 

Maddie:  Duck?

 

David:  Duck….duck….goose?

 

He reaches over and pinches her lightly on her posterior.

 

Maddie:  Very cute.  Pour vous?

 

David:  Saw it in the gift shop downstairs.  Thought we’d add it to Bunny’s collection.

 

Maddie:  I thought sure your first purchase for the baby would be a baseball glove.

 

David:  Waiting to see whether we need a pink one or a blue one.

 

Maddie:  Oh, you have much to learn, Addison.  Baseball gloves are brown.

 

David:  Why do I get a distinct feeling I am going to learn a whole lot more during this pregnancy?

 

Maddie:  That makes two of us.

 

They settle to the task of eating, and chatting.

 

Maddie:  So how about that outfit that Bert had on?  Think it was a little over the top?

 

David:  He looked like a mini Marlon Perkins.  Guess we weren’t specific enough in letting him know that the most exotic thing he would be doing would be transplanting geraniums.

 

Maddie:  Well, we know our Mr. Viola has a flair for the dramatic.

 

David:  Napoleon in Weejuns.

 

Maddie:  And wasn’t Agnes cute in her little pink polyester maid’s uniform?

 

David:  Again, not the maid’s uniform of my dreams.  Especially with the pink high top sneakers.

 

Maddie:  The maid’s uniform of your dreams wouldn’t really allow a lot of work to get done.

 

David:  Well….there’s work, and then there’s work.

 

Maddie:  I have a feeling Mrs. Iverson will be just fine with the maid we gave her.

 

David:  Maybe I was thinking of Mr. Iverson.

 

Maddie:  Maybe he’s not interested.

 

David:  And maybe he is using his high tech security system to play Peeping Stephen …….watch the neighborhood joggers as they bounce along in the morning sun.

 

Maddie:  Well, hopefully he is not our problem…unless he is stealing his wife’s money and knickknacks.

 

David:  Mumphffff  refffrrw fremfreff.

 

Maddie: Don’t talk with your mouth full.   I have no idea what you said, and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to.  Are you finished?

 

David:  OOOOOOH…that was pretty good.  You’re sounding like a Mom already!  Yes ma’am, may I be excused?

 

 David pops the last fry into his mouth as Maddie starts to clear the remnants of the meal from the table.

 

Maddie:  I know it’s not an exact science, but how long would you think it will take to solve this case?

 

David:  Probably a few days.  I actually did put a couple of those nanny cams in the house…..in a teddy bear in the baby’s room, and in a clock radio in the boy’s room.  They probably won’t give us what we need, but there’s no harm in trying to back up Agnes and Bert.   But this isn’t too complicated…..it shouldn’t take long.

 

There is a knock on the door.

 

Maddie:  Come in.

 

Agnes enters, resplendent in her pink, following by what could kindly be called a lump of brown.

 

Maddie:  Agnes, what are you doing here?

 

David:  Bert, is that you?  What the heck is that all over you, mud?

 

He walks closer and takes a sniff.

 

David:  Man, you smell like………

 

Maddie jumps in quickly.

 

Maddie:  Fertilizer…..he smells like fertilizer.  What happened?

 

A shining smile through the grime.

 

Bert:  We cracked the case.

 

David:  In four hours?

 

Bert:  Three, not counting the commute.

 

Agnes:  Hey, what’s this “we” business?

 

Bert:  We’re a team, aren’t we, sweetie pie?

 

Agnes: You’re about to get cut from this one.

 

David:  This team sounds more like Tweedledum and Tweedledumber.

 

Maddie:  Wait…let’s start over again from the beginning

 

Bert:  Well, truth be told, Miss Hayes, we really need to give credit where credit is due.  Agnes is the true heroine …her diligence and dedication to getting to the bottom of this case is what…….. 

 

David gives an exasperated humph.

 

David:  Listen, Bert, this is the tail end of Act 4…the wrap up.  Go peddle your Gettysburg address somewhere else.  The readers are headed for the finish line, and you’re refusing to pass the baton.

 

Maddie:  Agnes, why don’t you fill us in?

 

Agnes:  Well, we got to the Iverson’s around 10:30.  Mrs. Iverson introduced us to all the other staff.  We also met her son, Ian, who was home from school with a cold.  We stayed within our cover…Bert went out to the garden, and I was asked to clean the children’s rooms.

 

Bert:  I busied myself acquainting myself with the flora and fauna around the estate.

 

David: (scoffing) Fauna?

 

Bert starts to speak, but is mollified by David’s sideways glance.

 

Maddie:  Go on, Agnes.

 

Agnes:  I finished the nursery, and went into Ian’s room.  I’m not sure what their regular maid was cleaning, but that kid’s room was a mess.  I looked under the bed, and there was just a pile of stuff.  I started to pull it out and came upon a plastic bag filled with what I thought was trash.

 

Bert:  Wait’ll you hear this.

 

Agnes:  The bag was filled with all of the missing things…..money, jewelry, some little figurines.  Everything was there.

 

David:  The kid’s the culprit?

 

Agnes:  As I was going through the bag, Ian came into the room.  I guess he got scared and started running.  I tried to catch him, but given my condition, I am not as fast as I used to be.

 

David:  Sneakers notwithstanding….

 

Agnes:  I followed him to the front door, and then called to Bert to try and stop him.  I didn’t necessarily want to catch him…just to calm him down.  He was very upset.

 

David:  Cue the William Tell Overture.

 

Maddie:  No David, remember that’s a rights issue for the DVDs.

 

Bert:  So then, I picked up the pursuit, I was calling for him, trying to get him to slow down……..I tripped over a rake and fell into the koi pond.

 

David:  Sounds fishy to me.

 

Bert:  I got up, soaking wet and tried to follow, but I tripped over a shovel and fell into a flower bed.

 

David:  Gardening is definitely not your forte. Or maybe it’s just walking that you are having an issue with.

 

Bert looks hurt.

 

Bert:  Well, I was trying.  I finally found him, hiding in the doghouse.  We had a little heart to heart, and he finally came out.

 

David:  His ears probably hurt.

 

Bert:  Well, he told me that he hated his little sister, and all the attention she was getting.  I guess he figured, if he created a distraction, it might take some of the spotlight off the new baby.

 

David:  My dad told me that once, Richie tried to sell me.  Put ads on all the telephone poles in the neighborhood.

 

Maddie:  And where would we all be if he had succeeded?

 

David smiles appreciatively, and jokingly turns towards Bert.

 

David:  So did you send the kid to the big house?

 

Bert:  Nope, we remanded him to the custody of his parents.

 

Agnes:  Mr. Iverson came home from work, and when we left, they were about to sit down with him and have a serious conversation.

 

David:  What a ridiculous case.  I think maybe Bridget will have to cut a switch.  But for us, that’s that.  All’s well that ends.

 

Maddie:  Well, as long as we have concluded everything to Mrs. Iverson’s satisfaction.

 

Agnes:  She seemed pretty happy…relieved even that she didn’t have to worry about her staff.

 

David:  Did you bring back the nanny cams?  Maybe we can use them….one for you and one for us?

 

Maddie and Agnes both speak at once.

 

Maddie:  Not in my house.

 

Agnes:  Not in my house!

 

David:  Got it, ix-nay on the amera-cay, Bert.

 

Maddie:  Well, thank you for taking care of this case, you two.

 

David:  Even if the fees won’t even cover those fancy new duds you bought, Bert.

 

Agnes:  Oh, I forgot.  Mrs. Iverson asked me to give you this.

 

She reaches into her pocket, and pulls out a check, which she hands to Maddie.

 

Maddie:  Oh my!

 

She shows the check to David.  He whistles.

 

David:  That’s a lot of zeros.  Guess Mrs. Iverson was very happy.  Your commissions on that should buy a lot of baby sneakers, Mr. and Mrs. V.

 

Agnes:  Thanks Mr. Addison…it was fun, but I will be glad to get back to my desk, and my phone.

 

Maddie:  it’s Friday, why don’t you two detectives take the rest of the day off, and we will see you on Monday.

 

Agnes:  Thanks, Miss Hayes.

 

Bert:  Thank you.

 

They turn to leave, and are almost at the door, when Maddie calls them back.

 

Maddie:  Mr. Viola, one thing.  I did listen to your story, but really….how on earth did you get THAT dirty?

 

Agnes starts to giggle and Bert shoots her a dirty look.

 

Bert:  After we delivered Ian to his parents, I went back outside while Agnes talked with them – I was dripping on the parquet floor.  I stood on the sidewalk, in front of the flower beds.  I wasn’t paying much attention, and a delivery man from the garden supply center dropped a dump truck full of mulch on me.

 

Agnes is almost convulsed.

 

Agnes:  They said they couldn’t see him.

 

Maddie and David struggle to keep from laughing.

 

Maddie:  Well, thank you both for a job well done.  Enjoy your weekend.

 

David:   Beware of flying fodder.

 

Bert looks disgruntled.  Agnes takes his arm, and pulls him towards the door.

 

Agnes:  C’mon sweetie, my turn to get the bubble bath ready tonight.

 

David:  Of course, you’re gonna have to hose him off in the yard first.

 

Maddie:  Good night, you two.

 

Bert and Agnes exit, and David and Maddie look at each other and dissolve into laughter.

 

David:  And, Miss Hayes, that is your crack staff.

 

Maddie:  More like cracked, but oh how I love them.  I am still a little confused about the case.

 

David:  How so?

 

Maddie:  How could the Iverson’s not know their son was unhappy?  Wouldn’t you know if your child was doing something like that?  Feeling like that?

 

David:  He’s a nine year old kid.  Did your parents always understand you?

 

Maddie:  No, I guess not…..but……. I don’t know……I hope we will …..

 

David:  My Dad hardly had a clue about me….and look how fantastic I turned out.

 

Maddie is silent, while David just looks at her.

 

David:  I promise we will.

 

She smiles, her faith a bit restored.

 

David:  Now back to Bert and Agnes.  They sure brought in a nice check.

 

Maddie:  I have a thought about that.  Why don’t we give them the whole check? 

 

She looks at David, tentatively, but for once she gets no trouble….or very little.

 

David:  How about this, we give them half the check now, and then the other half in some kind of an investment for the baby.

 

Maddie:  Who are you, and what have you done with my partner?

 

David:  Well they’re having a baby, we’re having a baby….lots of people are having babies.  Gotta be some good investments.

 

Maddie:  Such as?

 

David:  Binkies R Us?  Self cleaning diapers?  Those little things you use to suck the boogers out of their noses….what do you call them?  Snot suckers?

 

Maddie:  I love the idea……not necessarily your investment choices. 

 

David:  yeah, nobody ever needs more than one of those snot suckers.  Anyway, we have a few months to figure it out.

 

Maddie:  Ok, enough fun for one day.  I need to finish this paperwork.

 

David:  Boss lady, you’ve been pretty generous with sending people home early this week.  Why not us?

 

Maddie:  David, I need to get this work done.

 

David:  Maddie, you know, this has been a pretty unusual episode.

 

Maddie:  Amidst nine seasons of unusual episodes.

 

David:  Since we found out we are having a baby, there has been no shouting, no disagreements, no overlapping banter ……

 

Maddie:  Stay tuned next week.

 

David continues to drive towards his point.

 

David:  No fits of passion….

 

Maddie:  Fits of passion?

 

David edges over towards the door, slides his body against it, and locks it with an audible click.

 

He starts to walk towards her.

 

David:  Now, we want to keep our readers, don’t we?  So what to you say, feel like yelling a bit, slamming a few doors?

 

He reaches her and slides his arms around her.

 

Maddie flirts.

 

Maddie:  Can’t say that I do.

 

David: Then how’s about we go over to that desk, sweep all that stuff onto the floor, and put it to a much better use?

 

Maddie:  How about a compromise?

 

David:  Which is?

 

Maddie:  What’s wrong with this perfectly good sofa?

 

She pushes him backwards and they both land on the sofa.  They start to kiss and the camera politely withdraws.

 

David’s voice:  You just didn’t want to get your paperwork all messed up.

 

Maddie’s voice:  Ssssssssh!

 

Then silence, and we hear music.

 

Ain't there something I can give you
In exchange for everything you give to me
Read my mind and make me feel just fine
When I think my peace of mind is out
of reach

The scales are sometimes unbalanced
And you bear the weight of all that has to be
I hope you see that you can lean on me
And together we can calm a stormy sea

We love so strong and so unselfishly
And I tell you now that I made a vow
I'm giving you the best that I got, baby
Yes I tell you now, that I made a vow
I'm giving you the best that I got, honey

Everybody's got opinions
'Bout the way they think our story's gonna end
Some folks feel it's just a superficial thrill
Everybody's gonna have to think again

We love so strong and so unselfishly
They don't bother me so I'm gonna keep on
Giving you the best that I got, baby
They don't bother me, said I'm gonna keep on
Giving you the best that I got, listen baby

Somebody understands me
Somebody gave his heart to me
I stumbled my whole life long
Always on my own, now I'm home

My weary mind is rested
And I feel as if my home is in your arms
Fears are all gone, I like the sound of your song
And I think I want to sing it forever

We love so strong and so unselfishly
And I made a vow so I tell you now
I'm giving you the best that I got, baby
Yes, I tell you now, that I made a vow
I'm giving you the best that I got,
givin' it to you baby

 

FADE TO BLACK

 

COMMERCIAL BREAK

 

 

Epilogue

 

Scene:  Later that night, 3:00 AM, the Hayes/Addison Residence

              the master bedroom

 

Soft moonlight filters across the bed

 

Maddie, obviously awake, leans against the headboard, propped up with pillows.  She stares into the darkness, with an expression on her face that is hard to decipher.  She sits with her hands on her stomach, in an almost universal maternal gesture.

 

David is curled like a pretzel, his cheek leaning against Maddie’s hip.  He stretches a bit, and his eyes pop open, almost if he has been beckoned from sleep.

 

He looks up at Maddie, sighs a long sigh, and mumbles.

 

David:  What, you in dress rehearsal for 3 o’clock feedings?

 

Maddie looks over at him, barely seeing him, and says nothing.

 

David props himself up on one elbow and shakes his head.

 

David:  Ok Blondie, what’s bugging you?

 

Maddie:  We’re always going to worry, aren’t we?

 

David:  Everybody worries.  I worry about you.

 

Maddie looks at him strangely.

 

Maddie:  You do?

 

David:  Sure do.  I wonder what you’re gonna do when you figure out you’ve got an alien in your bed.

 

Maddie doesn’t miss a beat.

 

Maddie:  Yeah, me too.  Call Ghostbusters?

 

She gives him a little smile, but it is tentative.

 

He pulls himself up, plumps the pillows, and holds out his arm.

 

David:  C’mere

 

Maddie slides over into his arms, leaning back against him.  He pulls her close into his body, lacing his hands around her midsection.

 

David:  Now Alfred E. Newman, what’s this worrying stuff all about?

 

Maddie:  I’m sitting here realizing that we are starting on a long road to worrying all the time.  Worrying if we’ll be all right, if the baby will be all right.

 

David: (matter of factly)  We’re gonna be OK, the baby’s gonna be OK.

 

Maddie:  Right……so then we worry more – do we really know what we’re doing?  What kind of parents are we going to be?  What if our child is too bad….what if our child is too good…how do we protect him or her from all the things that can hurt, or ………You know, as the doctor says, I am a “woman of a certain age”.  We’re probably only going to get one chance at this.

 

Her voice trails off.

 

David:  Honey, I’ve got to hand it to you.  You are the best person I know at taking worrying to an art form, even without the complication of little Bunny there.

 

She shakes her head.

 

Maddie:  Addison, this is different.  It’s not a bill or a case.  Not a bunny…or a puppy.  It’s a baby!  If we screw this up……..

 

She falls silent.

 

David:  Maddie, look at me. 

 

She looks into his eyes.

 

David:  Maddie, I love you.  You love me.  We’re not going to screw this up.

 

Maddie:  We have a pretty long history of screwing things up.

 

David:  That’s why they call it history, it’s in the past.

 

He grins at her.

 

David:  Honey, look at you…you are going to be a fantastic Mom.  And excuse me for bragging – but I am going to be an outstanding Dad.

 

Maddie:  How can you be so sure?

 

David goes off into one of his flights of fancy.

 

David:  Because it’s just gotta be!  It’s written in the moon and the stars.  Heck, in a little over 7 months, you’re gonna look up the word “Dad” in the dictionary, and look….isn’t that a picture of yours truly?

 

 

To Cindy….your passion for Moonlighting rekindled mine.  To think I would have missed all of this had we not “met on the way” over 10 years ago.

Maddie:  So how exactly does that translate into “don’t worry?”

 

David:  Who said it does?  Sure we’re gonna worry….I think it’s part of the package deal.  We’re gonna do a lot of things – we’re gonna laugh, and cry, and dance and sing.  We’re going to have a little soul with the face of an angel and the spirit of the Pied Piper.  We’re going to be happy, Maddie…..happier than we’ve ever been.  How cool is that?

 

Maddie smiles…as he always can, he has talked her down.

 

Maddie:  Or a little terror with half a head of hair, who smells awful, and yells all the time.

 

David:  Well, think of the bright side, little Bunny will be too small to slam doors for quite a while.

 

She places her hand on his face.

 

Maddie:  You really are going to be a good Dad.  You certainly do tell a good bedtime story.

 

He leans down, and sweetly kisses her.  They snuggle closer, and both close their eyes and sigh……..

 

The camera moves away from the bed and the lights start to dim as we hear a lone voice singing…..

 

David:  Here’s a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry, be happy.
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy.
Don't worry, be happy now.

 

Maddie whispers sweetly.

 

Maddie:  Shut up, David.

 

We hear the tune go on, whistled, as we

 

FADE TO BLACK

 

 

Song credits:

 

It’s Love – Lena Horne

Don’t You Worry “Bout a Thing – Stevie Wonder

Giving You the Best that I Got – Anita Baker

Don’t Worry, Be Happy – Bobby McFerrin

 

Oh my goodness, we’re back!  We’re really back!  I am so glad to be continuing David and Maddie’s story, and I hope you are glad to see us.

 

Some credit where credit is due:

 

To GGC, Bruce Willis, Cybill Shepherd, Allyce Beasley, Curtis Armstrong, the wobblies, the writers and all of the Moonlighting family…..you made this show so memorable that it is easy to still be addicted 25 years later!

 

To all those out in Virtual readerdom who have taken a moment to ask where we were, or to gently encourage us to move forward.  Thanks for making us listen to you.

 

To our staff newbies, Jen and Connie, who have already proven themselves great great people with whom to work. Looking forward to your amazing talents, and your love of Moonlighting helping us guide D&M through uncharted waters!

 

To Sue….who has chosen not to write this season (yet….!), but who I am hoping will change her mind.  It won’t be the same without you!  We will definitely be asking for your consulting skills!

 

To Cindy…your passion for Moonlighting helped rekindle mine…..over 10 years ago now!  Wow!  If we had not “met on the way”, I would have missed all this!

 

To Lizzie…for whom the word “friend” was invented.  I am humbly grateful for the gift of that friendship.  You make me a better person, and your quest for excellence has made me a better writer (I hope).  Always want and need you as part of my team.

 

Today is a great day……and I am very very happy!

 

diane