Virtual Moonlighting, Season Nine

Episode 3

 

 

ANNOUNCER:  Tune in next week --

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  Hold it ... that should be LOGIN next week.  Login, not Tune In.  This is Virtual.

 

ANNOUNCER:  It says 'tune in' on the script.  I'm reading the script and the script says TUNE IN.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  (annoyed) Can you change it, please?  There's a pencil right there. 

 

[PENCIL SCRIBBLES]

 

ANNOUNCER:  (clears throat) Login next week, June 5th, for another exciting adventure with --

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  Hold it ... does your script really read 'exciting adventure'?

 

ANNOUNCER:  Right here, in black and white ... well blue and white ... well white on blue ... it's more of an off blue, kind of a cobalt or midnight blue.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  I get it.  Fine.

 

ANNOUNCER:  Fine? 

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  We'll fix it in post.  From the top. 

 

ANNOUNCER:  Is there a title for this episode?

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  Is there one on the script?

 

ANNOUNCER:  No.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  Then I'm going with no.  Again, please ... from the top.  Try to sound ... at least interested.

 

ANNOUNCER:  Right ... Next week, on June 5th, login for another exciting adventure when Mattie and Davey take a once in a Blue Moon Cruise.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  HOLD IT! -- It's Maddie, not Mattie - MaDDie and David.  He's not six.  David.  And they don't take a blue moon cruise; it's the BLUE MOON CREW.  The employees, the staff, you know the crew.

 

ANNOUNCER:  It says cruise ... like on a boat.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  (YELLING) IS THERE A BOAT IN NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE? ... WHAT?  ... NO, A BOAT, A BOAT ... LIKE A SHIP, ON THE WATER. ... WHAT?  ... NO?  NO BOAT, RIGHT? ...  THANK YOU!  No boat, no cruise. 

 

ANNOUNCER:  (mumbling reading through the script) Says here there's a kid.  Is there a kid?

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  Yeah, we got a kid. 

 

ANNOUNCER:  Says there's a special guest star. 

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  There's a guest star ... not sure I would call him SPECIAL ... but he's big in Hollywood and he was fun to have on the virtual set. 

 

ANNOUNCER:  Says something about a wedding.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  It does not.

 

ANNOUNCER:  It does. 

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  HEY ... IS THERE A WEDDING?  NO, RIGHT?  Nope. No wedding. 

 

ANNOUNCER:  One of the clips this MaDDie person is talking about a wedding cake.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  Really, which one?

 

ANNOUNCER:  One sixty-five.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  ROLL ONE-SIX-FIVE!

 

~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                             ~!~!~

 

MADDIE:  I used to think that I would have a chocolate wedding cake with chocolate icing with little green ivy piping and purple or yellow roses.

 

DAVID:  You want a chocolate wedding cake?  Isn’t that against the rules?

 

MADDIE:  My wedding, my rules. 

 

~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                             ~!~!~

 

ANNOUNCER:  Wedding cake equals wedding.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  Just because they talk about a wedding cake doesn't mean that there is a wedding.  How long have you been in this business?  Don't you know promos are all about getting the people excited about the next episode - excited enough to tune in or login - and if we have to edit the truth to make it look more exciting, where's the harm?

 

ANNOUNCER:  (sarcastic) Truth in Advertising. 

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  Ain't it though.  Look forget the VO ... let's just roll some clips.

 

ANNOUNCER:  I'm still getting paid for this session. 

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  (annoyed) Of course you are.  ROLL 'EM

 

~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                             ~!~!~

 

KID: (Russian accent) My name is Dimitri Senechak Leopold Romochka Petrovich. 

 

DAVID:  That's quite a handle, kid?

 

KID:  (Russian Accent) You may call me Pasha.

 

MADDIE:  You said something about your father, Pasha?

 

KID:  (Russian Accent) Yes, my father has been kidnapped. 

 

~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                             ~!~!~

 

MADDIE:  Do you want Mr. Addison to go to jail for kidnapping or obstruction of justice?

 

~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                             ~!~!~

 

PETEY:  I've never met my dad.  He doesn't know about me. 

 

DAVID:  And you came out here by yourself to surprise him?

 

PETEY:  Something like that.

 

DAVID:  Let me give you a piece of advice, kid.  Men don't like that kind of surprise. 

 

PETEY:  Speaking from experience?

 

~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                             ~!~!~

 

MADDIE:  David's been … he's been good recently.  He deserves a reward. 

 

AGNES:  Like giving a dog a bone?

 

~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                             ~!~!~

 

MADDIE:  He's not your son?

 

RAMON:  I’m his room service waiter.

 

~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                             ~!~!~

 

DAVID:  That's Danny DeVito!

 

~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                             ~!~!~

 

BERT:  Mr. Addison there's no such thing as a Secretary of Child Protective Services.

 

DAVID:  An obvious oversight. 

 

~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                             ~!~!~

 

DAVID:  Come on, Maddie ... they can't throw you in jail for making up stories or every one of the writers in Hollywood would be typing from San Quentin. 

 

~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                            ~!~!~                             ~!~!~

 

ANNOUNCER:  Those are the highlights?

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  It's a taste.  A tease.  Just enough to get them to login next week.

 

ANNOUNCER:  The rest of the episode hasn't been written yet, has it?

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  Not your concern.  (beat) It'll be ready.

 

ANNOUNCER:  Well, I'm on pins and needles.  Can I get my check?

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  Stop by accounting on your way out.

 

Announcer leaves.

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  The voice-over talent has more attitude than the actual talent. 

 

LACKEY:  Why do we need him?  This is virtual. 

 

DIRECTOR (OS):  You have a point. (beat)  Shut up and go get me some coffee.  THAT'S LUNCH PEOPLE!!

 

[People shuffling out & someone sneaking back in]

 

ANNOUNCER:  (blows into mike)  Check ... Check ... Check one two. ... ECHO ... ECHO ... ECHO ... (clears throat)   Login next Sunday, June 5th, for a new episode of Virtual Moonlighting! (beat) ... (excited)  Login Sunday, June 5th, for a new episode of Virtual Moonlighting! (beat) ... (Monster Truck Rally Voice)  SUNDAY!  SUNDAY! SUNDAY!  Sunday, June 5th, there's a new episode of Virtual Moonlighting!  (urgent)   Login next Sunday for a new episode of Virtual Moonlighting!

 

VOICE (OS):  Your check is ready!