Promo
Virtual
Moonlighting, Season 9
Episode 4
Blue Moon Detective Agency
Maddie Hayes’ Office
David and Maddie
are leaning against the edge of her desk.
David: (enthusiastically) There
they are! Our loyal readers! Looking good!
Well, I’m David Addison and ….
Maddie: (in a monotone) I’m Maddie Hayes.
David: Hold the phone,
Goldilocks! That kind of enthusiasm
isn’t going to get anybody hyped. That
click, click, click you hear is them switching to Virtual “Lois and
Clark”. That Superman stuff is giving us
a run for our money this season.
Maddie: Too bad.
David: Too bad! Too bad? Do you realize how hard it is to hang onto
readers in this day and age?
Maddie: Do YOU realize how hard it is just to get
up every morning and go through the efforts to get myself to look like an
actual human being? I would think, you
being the person who’s been my hair holder for most of the past three months,
would be a little more attuned to that – maybe you might have tried to schedule
this later than at 8 bloody AM in the morning.
David: But the union…….
Maddie: Make sure the union
is standing close by when I need someone’s shoes to throw up on.
David: (shameful) Sorry.
Maddie: Yeah, right.
Meanwhile let me ask you a couple of questions. How come whenever we do one of these, we have
to introduce ourselves? Don’t you think
anybody who is reading this stuff knows who we are, and how they found this? It’s not as if we’re the lead story on AOL
these days.
David: Yes, dear.
Maddie glares.
Maddie: Yes, dear?
David: Isn’t that what you
wanted me to say? I’m dancing as fast as
I can here.
Maddie remains
silent. David scratches his head for a
moment, then his face lights up, with a brainstorm.
David: Maddie, can you do
me a favor?
Maddie: What?
David: Can you close your
eyes, and put your hands over your ears?
Maddie: Because?
David: Because I am going
to say something that you definitely are not going to want to hear….but I think
we can eliminate a whole lot of this crazy banter if you let me say it.
Maddie: I’m too tired to
argue with you.
Maddie sighs,
closes her eyes and covers her ears, elbows turned out.
David admires
her for a minute.
David: Nice pose…really
enhances her…ummmmm…shall we say, upper torso.
He looks
directly into the camera, speaking to the readers with sincerity.
David: Now without being
condescending, Ms See No Evil, Hear No Evil has been battling some raging
hormones. In fact, speaking
confidentially, some days have been downright challenging….and I know challenges
with this lady!
He raises his
arm and shakes his fist in the air.
David: Danged writers! But they have assured me that about one act
into this episode, we hit the mark – slide into second…….the second trimester,
that is. The morning, afternoon and
evening sickness are all gonna take a hike, and we’ll have our girl….my
girl….back to normal.
He winks.
David: Well, she may be a
little chubbier around the middle, but ix-nay on the at-fay
jokes!
He leans over
and kisses Maddie, causing her to open her eyes.
Maddie: Brave man….kissing
on the lips before
David: Bite your tongue…or
perhaps you should leave that to someone with more highly developed skills in
that area.
Maddie: Puh
- leeeease…..so have you finished what you wanted to
say?
David: Yes.
Maddie: And I don’t want to
hear it?
David: Nope. Suffice it to say, the next time, you get
irrationally mad at me for what seems like no reason, you can use this one as
back-up.
Maddie: An IOU? I like it.
David: So shall we move on? This is turning into a long promo.
Maddie: And it’s not as if
we need to extend this episode. Diane is
nothing if not verbose.
David: Is that a nice word
for long winded?
He winks at the
camera.
David: Sorry, Di!
David thinks a
minute.
David: Well, wait a minute
Maddie. I want to ask you another
question.
Maddie: (mocking)
Yes, dear?
David: What year is it?
Maddie: That IS a question –
real, virtual, or Moonlighting?
David: Let’s start with
real.
Maddie: Well, it’s 2011…but
we’re really not supposed to know that.
David: (horrified) 2011!
Hey, that would make us………
Maddie: Old! Yeah, that’s why it doesn’t get mentioned
much. I can’t picture our 60-ish selves
running car chases, climbing buildings and such.
David: Think sex is still
going to be good then?
He grins.
David: Of course it
is!
Maddie: Yeah, you’ll
probably have traded me in for a twenty five year old by then.
David: Not a chance, dollface. You’ll be
nice and broken in by then.
Maddie: if not broken down.
David: All right, so lets get back to the topic at hand. What Moonlighting year is it?
Maddie: That you should
know. It’s
season 9. The year
that changes everything.
David sings.
David: “Having my baby……”
Maddie: Hate that song…..
David : (mocking) Yes, dear.
So what’s left? Virtual year….chronological?
Maddie: 1993.
David: I realize I am math
challenged, but does that add up?
Maddie: Five actual seasons,
one a short one.
David: Thought the critics
said they all were short ones.
Maddie: That ship has
sailed. Then, four
Virtual ones that bring us to June, 1993.
David looks into
the camera.
David: Is anyone else
confused?
Maddie: The writers. They are constantly googling
to make sure that they have the right songs, right events, right
pop culture references.
David: Googling…..isn’t
that wiggling your eyes at somebody?
Maddie: Oh, David. I’ll get back to you on that one in about
three years.
David: Three years -- real, virtual, chronological? I feel as
confused as that time I played a baby in an episode
Maddie: I think we should
just leave it in the writers’ hands…..they‘re doing a
pretty good job this year, don’t you think?
David: (sullenly) I guess. After they left us out
there in cyberspace to rot for five years.
Maddie: Bygones, David. Think they are trying to make up for it.
David: Well, I’m having fun
so far.
Maddie: Me too.
David: So is this still a
promo for episode four?
Maddie: if she doesn’t move
us along, it’s gonna be a mini-series.
David: Right. So you invited everyone for the weekend?
Maddie: I did.
David: And who accepted?
Maddie: All of them.
David: ALL OF THEM?
Maddie: All of them.
David: Your mom and dad?
Maddie: Check.
David: My dad and
Stephanie?
Maddie: Check.
David: Richie and Amy?
Maddie: Check.
David: Walter, Terri and
the kids?
Maddie: Check.
David: Bert and Agnes?
Maddie: Check.
David: Checkmate. How come we don’t know any people who ever
seem to have plans?
Maddie: Just lucky I guess.
David: Ok…..Ok…..well I
guess we’d better do this right…..
He looks into
the camera.
David: Please join us on
Sunday, June 12th, for our very special Father’s Day episode.
Maddie: As you can see,
we’ve spared no expense in bringing together all your favorite Moonlighting and
Virtual Moonlighting cast members for a family weekend…
David: In which we reveal
that we’re getting a new addition to the family!
Maddie smiles at
him:
Maddie: Our baby!
David: You won’t want to
miss this. And now, a
very special song, for a very special episode.
David sings:
Though you once were the best bunny at the Playboy Club,
You're getting to be a rabbit with me.
I just sit there and stare as you hop from shrub to shrub.
You're getting to be a rabbit with me.
When I proposed to you that evening last spring,
You said you'd be my mate.
So I went out and bought a two-carat ring,
And both of them you ate!
Then your ears grew an inch, and your nose began to twitch,
And I noticed your tail was attached permanently.
So I keep you in the back yard, in a wooden hutch,
'Cause you're getting to be a little too much.
Like Bugs Bunny,
You're getting to be a rabbit with me.
I feel like something's switching,
It's all so strange and new.
Egad, my nose is twitching,
I'm a rabbit too!
I'm getting to be a rabbit,
Hippity hop, I love you,
I'm getting to be a rabbit like you.
Move over honey, and pass the lettuce!
Maddie: David, that’s
terrible!
David: That wasn’t for you,
it was for Bunny. Don’t forget join us
on Sunday, June 12th for Virtual
Moonlighting, Season Nine, Episode Four.
He leans over
and kisses Maddie.
David: C’mon Hayes, let’s
hop on out of here. That’s a wrap!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks and
apologies to Allan Sherman (yeah, the “Hello Muddah,
Hello Faddah” guy) for use of his parody of “You’re
Getting to Be a Habit with Me.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMKajM6jnuo
See you
Sunday…….with more!