Due to circumstances (possibly foreseen but unavoidable!), there will not be a new Virtual Moonlighting episode tonight.  Please check back, it will be posted sometime this week.


Meanwhile…..hope this little peek into Maddie’s infanticipating will keep you happy till then…….


October 23, 1993

10:30 AM

The Hayes/Addison Residence


The doorbell rings.


A few moments pass, and we get a glimpse of Maddie Hayes, struggling down the stairs from the second floor.  She is dressed casually in a pastel maternity overblouse and jeans.  The doorbell peals again.  She grumbles as she plods towards the door.


Maddie:  He sure picked a great time to go get a haircut.  Haircut….Ha!


She finally reaches the door and pulls it open.  She catches the UPS man in the midst of writing a call slip.  He looks at her and smiles.


UPS Man:  Oh, you are home.  I just about gave up on you.


Maddie:  Just take me a little longer to get places these days.  You have a package for me?


UPS Man:  If you are Miss Hayes.


He looks rather pointedly at her stomach.


Maddie:  Don’t mess with me, buddy.  I’ve been known to bite the heads off of live chickens when I am this cranky.


He fairly tosses the box at her, and bolts from the door, yelling as he sprints towards his truck. 


UPS Guy:  No need to sign.  Have a nice day.


Maddie slams the door after him.


Maddie:  Guess he no longer believes that all fat people are jolly.


She looks down at the package, recognizing the familiar Chicago address.  She heads for the living room, assesses the furniture, and begins the careful descent to the sofa.  Touchdown!  She pulls the wrapping off the box and opens it.


It contains a card and a tissue wrapped gift.  She open the card first……and smiles at the picture of the pretty baby being borne through the sky by a stork.  She opens the card and reads.


Dear Maddie,


  How are you today, my darling girl?  I had the most wonderful day today, and I wanted to share.  I had lunch with the ladies of my bridge club, and they had a little party for me.  They gave me a beautiful little necklace with a “Nana” charm.  It was very sweet of them.  They also gave me a couple of astrology books, so that I can be prepared for my little Grand-Saggitarius.


I thought I would send them off to you.  I can almost hear you now….thinking I am losing my mind…but I thought you could have fun with them.  I know you will scoff, but some of the chapters are very interesting.


Give my love to David, and let him take care of you.  We’re so excited…can’t wait to get on that plane!  See you in a few weeks.





Maddie smiles, but shakes her head, speaking to herself.


Maddie:  Ok, this time she might just be going over the edge.  Astrology…..what nonsense!


She tosses the package to the end of the sofa.  She looks around the room, seeking some sort of distraction that will not require her to move.  With a grimace, she looks again to the package, scoots over and picks it up.  She unwraps it and finds two books “Linda Goodman’s Sun Signs” and “Linda Goodman’s Star Signs”.  She starts to leaf through the first one.


Maddie:  What a gimmick.  This stuff is so generic, anybody can find themselves in it…..choose your best traits, ignore your worst.


She looks at the list of signs:  she knows her birthday, February 4, makes her an Aquarius, but she finds out that David, born on March 27, is an Aries.  She flips to the chapter called “Love Sign Compatibility” and begins to read the page entitled “Aquarius Woman and Aries Man.” 


As the elements of Fire and Air react with one another they have a spontaneous reaction towards each other. Aquarius love is detached but unselfish which an Aries can enjoy if the demanding characteristic is given up by it. At the same time, Aries can fill the emptiness of Aquarius with the passion of affection.

An Aries man has the exciting enthusiasm which never sweeps away and is always fresh as a dew drop. He is strong and courageous and always ready to take up the first step without any trace of fear in his nature. When it comes to love, the Aries man can be quite natural and fall in love almost instantly, especially for an Aquarius woman. But at the same time he also expects a positive response from his lover.

An Aquarius woman is quite enigmatic; she may even seem to be absentminded at times and living in her own imaginary world. The instinct of an Aquarius woman is very strong and it helps her and her partner to achieve new heights and success in their careers. Aquarius woman becomes friend with an Aries man very quickly but it takes her a bit of more time to plumb that she has fallen in love with him. She gives love generously to her Aries man and always proves to be a great partner in all his activities.

The problem usually comes when the Aquarius woman thinks of herself to be mature enough and also thinks that her Aries man needs to grow up. Whereas, Aries man may at times find his Aquarius woman detached and aloof with no expression of love. But the tender inspiration and boundless love of the typical Aquarius woman always brings back her Aries man to her, who knows that no other woman can be so smart and yet simple at the same time.

An Aries man makes an Aquarius woman feel special and ladylike, which she generally misses in her life. He does not have any qualms about spending money on her and wants her to be always in her best of form and spirit. An Aries man always pushes up the Aquarius spirit and brings more comfort together with security and excitement to her life. At times an Aries man can show bossy attitude which may hurt the individuality of a free willed Aquarius woman but then he is always ready to apologize and make up for the damage done. Both the Aquarius woman and the Aries man have the risk taking ability, which brings them a lot of excitement and success with each others support.

The sweetness of their love helps them to agree to the differences, bringing to their relationship all kinds of beautiful bonuses and boosters to happiness and harmony. Once the Aries man and Aquarius woman overcome their differences, the problems that crop up in their relationship are solved just by having a mature conversation enhancing their emotional as well as physical intimacy. The days are generally much enthusiastic and inspiring for this couple as both of them are fond of passion and freshness in their life. A golden and glorious future always stands in front of this lovely pair with all the brightness and affection to be cherished for the life time.

The most complicated facet of this relationship is the physical aspect of it. Once the Aquarius woman makes up her mind to dedicate herself to the relationship there is a great scope of discovering a very good sexual compatibility between the couple. In any case, both of them should make efforts to develop an everlasting physical intimacy. There are times when Aquarius woman is taken aback by the amount of passion showcased by the Aries man during the time of lovemaking. One of the simplest ways to treat the Aquarius woman is to treat her differently every time while making love so that the element of surprise always exists in the physical relationship. The Aquarius woman should realize the fact that the Aries man can easily get hurt especially when she shows signs of detachment and in order to maintain his ego, Aries man never display his displeasure or emotions in front of her. She should never respond to his sexual overtures with anything but a sincere and all-consuming enthusiasm, always welcome his embraces with unmistakable joy and anticipation.

Maddie lays the book on her stomach with an skeptical look on her face.  

Maddie:  I am sure it is just coincidental, but there is a lot of truth in that.  No wonder Mom thought it might intrigue me.

She flips through the book again and finds a section entitled “The Saggitarius Child.”  She again becomes engrossed.

In the building where I live, there's a dark-haired Irish girl who was born in December. She plays a guitar and sometimes writes songs. Once she wrote a line I thought was pretty fabulous, but she was having trouble with the rest of the lyric. She really didn't need to worry, with that opener. It was: "There you were, waving your heart at me. . . ."

Her quaint phrase sums up every Sagittarian from age one week to one hundred years. The calendar doesn't matter. They never grow up, anyway. Take a good look at your little Sagittarius girl. There she is, waving her heart at you, like a friendly sheepdog. Your little Sagittarius son waves his heart just as enthusiastically, needing desperately to be liked for his own honest self. When people don't say "hello" back to them, their tiny hearts droop in disappointment. Sagittarians are happy, playful, miniature clowns, who laugh with tears in their eyes when they're rejected. Even the infants show their sunny natures and desire for comradeship. The Jupiter baby will cry when he's left alone, but wheel his bassinet into the living room where the grownups are laughing and talking, and he’ll sleep contentedly, with the warm, reassuring sound of human voices in his tiny ears. His dreams will be all the sweeter for being wrapped in the cozy, familiar atmosphere of loving and happy people. Later, he may grow more removed from family ties, but when he's little, he needs the security of human smells and sights and sounds, exactly as a newborn puppy needs one of your old sweaters in his basket to snuggle up to cozily. If such close, human contact is denied the Jupiter youngster, he'll withdraw and maybe become a little sarcastic. Then he’ll adopt a substitute, like the dirty, torn blanket of Linus in "Peanuts." It can be a soft pinch pillow or a cuddly teddy bear, with its ears twisted off and its nose missing, but it represents security. He'd much prefer you.

The Sagittarius boy shows his happy-go-lucky nature by wandering into the woods with a makeshift fishing pole and a can of worms, barefoot, cheerfully whistling, talking to everyone he meets, his faithful dog trotting behind him. Sagittarians are informal as youngsters, and they never, outgrow it. The little Jupiter girl may go through a tomboy stage, and you'll always be reminding her to "act like a lady" as she grows up. But these girls and boys have their own ideas of what makes "a little lady" and "a little gentleman." It starts out with honesty. Naked, unadorned, brutal honesty. They have it refined to an art and they will expect it from you-or else. Or else what? Or else they will refuse to be docile little slaves, meekly obeying every 'parental whim.

Your authority is fair game for the Sagittarian child's frank, curious investigation. He'll give in graciously if he's convinced there is logic behind your command. Parental orders must first pass the scrutiny of his inquisitive, reasonable mental processes, and if you don't come out with a good grade in his test, you will get left back. There you'll stand, waving your authority or a switch at him, and there he'll stand, waving his honesty and defiance right back at you. If you're fair and you try to be as honest as he is, the Jupiter youngster will leam to respect your rules. You'll have to be firm when you know you're right and give him a good, solid reason. When you're wrong, you'll have to admit your mistake and come right out with a straightforward confession of stupidity. Let's face it, many times parents insist on obedience to rules they make up for their own convenience, rather than for the well-being of the child. A Sagittarius moppet can smell that kind of dishonesty a mile away as his nostrils quiver like a bird dog's and his muscles quiver with anger, backed by righteous indignation. Better plan to explain all your orders and commands to him calmly, or be prepared to use up a lot of switches before the Jupiter obstinacy in the face of unjustified punishment will show any signs of weakening.

A phrase often used by mothers with late November/December-born children is "curiosity killed the cat." Sagittarian curiosity never ends. The day begins with a question and they fall asleep with a question on their lips. When they're very young, just learning to talk and to explore the huge world, the questions will be, "Why is it naughty to touch the stove?" "Why does candy make my teeth fall out?" "Why do carrots make my hair curly?" "Why does Santa Claus need a letter if he's so magic?" "Why did Daddy wink at you when you were talking about a second honeymoon, and why do you call a Moon honey?" "Why do you talk like there are two Moons when Billy says there's just One?" All through lunch, nap time and supper, the questions drone on. "Why did you and Daddy say Grandpa was henpecked? Is he a chicken?" "Why did my teddy bear tell you I ate the cookies? Why doesn't he ever talk to me like he talks to you?"

You can see that most of the Jupiter youngster's questions are aimed at puncturing adult hypocrisy or grownup smugness and downright deception. It won't do you much good to get all worked up and yell, "Be still! If you say “ why” once more, I’ll paddle you. Don't ever say that word again." Then you'll hear the archer's clear little voice giving it to you right between the eyes: "Why not?"

Later, when he or she is older, it will be "Why do I have to come in at a certain time when you say you trust me?" (and you will trust this child, or you should). "Why does it matter what people think? Do you care more about people than you do about me?" That's a tough one. Better practice an answer to it while he's still in diapers. The Sagittarian teenager will never swallow your rules if they're based on social mores rather than on concern for his welfare. There are some good, sound, logical answers to your insistence on his observing certain social customs, of course. They involve a reputation and its precious value, but be sure you have them well-rehearsed and see that they ring true.

The ancient warning, "when children are little, they step on your feet-when they're bigger, they step on your heart," might have been written about a Sagittarian. There's no getting around it. This child is awkward, if not downright clumsy. Keep the medicine chest well stocked with iodine and band aids. Tiny Sagittarians clomp on your feet and get in the way of your dust mop, your vacuum and all your good intentions. You may have a constantly sore toe and a sore ego. But those are nothing compared to the sore heart you may have someday when the Jupiter boy or girl plants a foot on it firmly. His or her strong need for freedom includes freedom from family ties, and these children will strike out on their own extraordinarily early, sometimes neglecting to phone or write for long periods. It can cause some mighty painful stabs in the chest region. The best cure for such parental heartburn is to make sure when your Sagittarian child is little that he's learned to respect you for your sense of honor and tolerance. If you're narrow and prejudiced, you may only see him on holidays, if then. But if you refrain from judging his friends by any yardstick other than their true value-and if you've proved you have faith in his decency and in his dreams, he'll come home to renew his love and trip over your feet to your heart's content. Otherwise, he'll stay out there somewhere with his blanket or pillow or teddy bear in the form of new friends who accept him for what he is and believe in him.

Expect romance to rear its lacy head quite early. The girls will probably not be serious; they're just trying out their femininity, if the right parental attitude precludes using dates as that security blanket. The boys may need a little special tutoring in the subject of birds and bees. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Teach these children economy. They'll spend money like it's made of paper, which they've already discovered it is. They have to leam that when they spend their allowance, it's spent. Don't plug up the holes for them. If they waste their lunch money on comic books or Mad Magazine- let them take peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to school for the rest of the week. That may sound a little harsh, but it's necessary. Someday the Diners' Club will thank you.

Both sexes will probably enjoy school. Their multiple-faceted intelligence and great curiosity will make learning a fascinating game, if their bright interest isn't squelched by too much dull, boring routine and too much insistence on strict regulations and rigid study habits. The more progressive education becomes, the better and happier students these children will be. They're restless, and making them sit still constantly or stifling their fanciful imagination will soon kill their incentive, sadly, sometimes permanently. Sagittarian children with severe, intolerant teachers or who are victims of unimaginative teaching methods tend to want to drop out of school and go to work.

The honor system works very well with young archers. A Jupiter child will never cheat in any way, if he's trusted not to do so. Otherwise, he may figure it doesn't matter. If no one believes in him, then why try?

There may be a deep and very serious interest in religion. These are the boys and girls who decide at a tender age to become a priest or a nun, minister, rabbi or missionary in a foreign country. As they grow older, they'll question dogmas, perhaps change faith and church membership, searching eternally for truth. The Peace Corps invariably attracts Jupiter youngsters. They like the idea of seeing the world and the chance to put their idealism to work. A Sagittarian without a cause is like a dog without a bone to chew on. Fighting for causes develops their strength. Without a bone, the puppy may tear the couch or chair to shreds. Without a cause, the Sagittarian youngster may tear into ideas with such fervor and fanaticism that he can shred his future irreparably.

His eyes are fastened trustingly on the stars, and he may take a few spills as he trudges along, not noticing the rocks in his path. He's an independent, honest little archer. Give him lots of room to shoot and to practice drawing his bow. He needs to feel the grass under his bare feet, feel the rain on his face and bake his dreams in the strong, warm sunlight until they're well-done. There he is, waving his happy, optimistic young heart at you. Wave back at him with cheerful faith.

Maddie drops the book onto the coffee table.  She puts her hands on her stomach, and grins a little.

Maddie:  Oh my God……just like your father.  I’m doomed.  It’s gonna be two against one!

Her eyes widen as she feels movement, almost as if in response.  She whispers.

Maddie:  Is that you, Bunny……waving your heart?