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Episode One | Episode Two | Chairman of the Bored | Chairman of the Bored II | Smeared Window | Episode Six | Gosh Golly Gee, Maddie | Cold Feet, Warm Heart | Episode Nine | Episode Ten | Dog...Cat...Man...Woman | She's a Little Bit Country, He's a Little Bit R&B | Episode Thirteen | Scenes of the Crime | The Wedding: Part One | The Wedding: Part Two | The Wedding: Part Three | Episode Nineteen | Episode Twenty | Maximum Insecurity | Hooked on a Feeling
Hooked on a Feeling
VIRTUAL SIXTH SEASON
Act I Maddie's House, 11:30 A.M. the next day
Maddie enters the front door, laden down with briefcase, purse, and a pile of file folders. She looks exhausted. She drops her burden on the foyer table. Like a bolt of lightening, Miss Me catapults into the room and excitedly runs in circles around Maddie. Maddie smiles slightly and addresses the puppy.
Maddie: Hey you, out you go.
The puppy proceeds out the door and Maddie leans against the doorjamb wearily.
The dog returns, and Maddie heads towards the kitchen. She observes that Miss Me has been fed.
Maddie: So he was here, huh? And where is he now, may I ask? Gone, like a thief in the night…… Well, I can't think about it now - I am bone tired.
The puppy jumps up on her hind legs and does a little dance.
Maddie: I had to say bone, huh? Very cute - another one of Addison's tricks.
She hands Miss Me a dog biscuit, and goes into the living room. She suddenly feels too tired to climb the stairs. She collapses on the sofa.
Maddie: Just a couple minutes till I get myself together - then I'll go up and get a few hours sleep before I talk to David………where the hell is he? I truly expected him back in the courtroom this morning.
She replayed the morning's activities in her head.
She had been returned to the City Court at 8:45 A.M., and seated in the first row, under the watchful eye of the bailiff. She cranes her neck looking for David, partly dreading the possibility of finding him there, yet disappointed when it appears he has heeded her advice of the previous evening. At precisely 9 A.M., the scene unfolded as it had the day before.
Judge Jackson seated herself and looked around the courtroom.
Judge Jackson: Ah, there's my piece of unfinished business. Miss Hayes, could you approach the bench, please?
Maddie: Yes, Your Honor.
Maddie walks to the front of the room and faces the judge.
Judge Jackson: Well, Miss Hayes, bet you've had an interesting evening.
Maddie: Yes, Your Honor.
Judge Jackson: So, regarding your experience with rubbing me the wrong way - anything you would like to share with the rest of these people?
Maddie: Yes……Your Honor, I would like to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I was completely out of line.
Judge Jackson: Thank you, Miss Hayes. Apology accepted. Now where is that partner of yours? Can I expect him to jump up on a table and recite The Declaration of Independence?
Maddie: No ma'am, it looks like I am on my own today.
Judge Jackson: Then let's get this finished. In review, you are pleading……..?
Maddie: Not guilty, Your Honor.
Judge Jackson: Still?
Maddie: I cannot change my plea, Your Honor, when I know I was not at fault.
Judge Jackson: Very well, Miss Hayes, I am prepared to pass sentence. I find you guilty of speeding and failure to obey a traffic signal, which constitutes reckless endangerment. You will be required to pay a $150. fine, and to serve five days of community service. These days will commence tomorrow. You will report here, to the Parker Center, room 614, at 8 A.M. to be assigned to your work crew. Any questions?
Maddie: No, Your Honor.
Judge Jackson: You are dismissed, Miss Hayes. A word of warning……your inflexibility and stubbornness are apt to get you into quite a bit of trouble. But I'm sure you've heard that before.
Maddie: More than I'd care to admit, Your Honor. I thank you again for your patience. I meant no disrespect.
Judge Jackson: Thank you, Miss Hayes. See the court clerk to pay your fine and to retrieve your personal belongings. Bailiff, please call the next case.
Maddie claimed her personal belongings and left the courtroom. In the hallway, she was approached by a man in uniform, whom she recognized from the jail.
Officer Smith: Miss Hayes? I'm Joe Smith, Dave's buddy. He asked me to give you this.
He hands her a parking stub.
Officer Smith: He said to tell you that the car is at the EZ Parking lot, right down the street. He also said to tell you to get some sleep, and he would speak to you sometime this afternoon.
Maddie: Do you have any idea where he went?
Officer Smith: No ma'am. He seemed pretty excited about some case, and he had some guy with him. Little, scruffy, looked like he had just gotten out of bed……..
Maddie: Mr. Viola, I presume. Well, thanks officer. I appreciate this.
Officer Smith: I'd do anything for Dave, Miss Hayes. He's a right guy - he always comes through.
Maddie smiled, and left the courthouse. Walking down the street, she examined the parking ticket that Officer Smith had given her. The car had been clocked into the parking garage at 6:10 this morning. What on earth could David be up to? She turned the ticket to the reverse side, and read aloud the words written in the familiar handwriting.
Maddie: Love you, D.
She paused for an instant, then continued.
Maddie: I love you too, you big dope. Where are you?
Maddie is jolted back into the present tense by the ringing of the phone. She grabs at it.
Maddie: Hello…………..oh, Agnes, hi………….no, I thought you might be Mr. Addison……..yes, I'm fine - but very tired. I figured I'd get a few hours sleep and see how I feel……OK, I guess. I've got to do five days community service, starting tomorrow…….no, I'm not sure what I'll be doing. I guess I'll find out tomorrow……..I really need to speak to Mr. Addison if he's there……oh, OK, well, if he calls in, let him know I'm looking for him, please…….oh, he already did, huh?…….to check on me?? Well, OK, thanks. I'll speak to you soon.
Maddie hangs up the phone, rises slowly, and makes her way up the stairs to the bedroom. She smiles as she spots the traces of David in the room - closet door hanging ajar, socks balled up on the rug, light blue shirt hanging on the chair.
In fact, if she were to admit it, David was everywhere - her thoughts, her dreams, her plans. The note on the parking ticket, the telephone call from Agnes - just more evidence of his love and devotion.
Maddie flips on the radio, and walks across the room. She goes to the chair, picks up David's shirt and holds it against her cheek, inhaling the familiar scent of him. She carries it with her into the bathroom.
She emerges moments later, wearing only David's shirt. She crawls into the bed, leaning back against the pillows, as Barbra Streisand's voice emanates from the radio. She smiles as she hears the words to one of her favorite songs….who says there's no such thing as kismet????
I was alone,
You were alone,
Parallel lines that touched one another.
Just feeling our way,
Lost in the dark,
Drawn to each other…..
So much to say, and so much to do.
So much of you for me to discover.
Like what makes you laugh,
And what makes you cry,
How does a friend become a lover, too…
I've waited all of my life to find
Someone who'd need my heart and read my mind.
To light my days and warm my nights.
Someone I know I could call,
My someone for all my life.
Looking at you looking at me,
Loving the look of love that I see there.
I find when I look deep in your eyes
Reflections of me there.
I've waited all of my life to find
Someone who'd need my heart and read my mind.
To light my days, and warm my nights.
Now all at once in your arms
All that I feel, tells me it's true.
All that I ask
Is all of my life…..with you.
She speaks to herself.
Maddie: I have to start living my life hoping for the best, not expecting the worst.
Maddie: David and I are going to make this work…….if I ever find him.
Her eyelids flutter closed as she drifts off to sleep and
Maddie's theme plays.
Act II - 12:30 P.M. Bert's Tempo, parked curbside on a Los Angeles street.
Bert is behind the wheel. He is rumpled, and looks as if he has been roused from bed. But there is an almost rabid energy about him, an eagerness to forge on.
David sits in the passenger seat, slumped against the door. He has a day's growth of beard, and a glazed look in his eyes, difficult to see as his eyelids keep drooping closed.
Music is blaring from the radio, a feeble attempt to keep them alert
I remember our bodies lying tangled in the sheets
I remember when love used to be so sweet
Now the only thing that's mixed up is the way I feel inside
We're pushing, pulling. We're twisting, shouting.
I never thought I'd feel this doubting, doubting.
Oh baby, I'm so tangled.
Twisted up like a lover was never ever meant to be.
Oh baby, I'm so tangled.
These riptides of emotion are drowning me
Oh baby, I'm so tangled.
What was simple is now complicated.
And all the plans we made just seem outdated.
Whoa, oh, now hearts are breaking, and hopes are dying.
Why do we always end up crying, crying?
Oh baby, I'm so tangled.
Whoa….these riptides of emotion are drowning me.
I know that it's confusing you
Still I can't stand the thought of using you.
We're pushing, pulling. We're twisting, shouting.
I never thought I'd feel this doubting.
Oh baby, I'm so tangled.
Twisted up like a lover was never ever meant to be
Oh baby, I'm so tangled.
Finally, Bert, being Bert, cannot contain himself.
Bert: Hey boss, are we ever going to get moving on this? I can understand that you wanted to sit outside the jail until we were sure that Miss Hayes got out OK. Then, I know we had to move to the courthouse, and make sure she was released, and that she got the car out of the parking lot. But now, don't you think we should start working on this case? Got any other ideas on leads?
David just groans.
Bert: We're losing valuable time, sir. You know, we lose a couple of leads, the trail turns cold.
David glares at Bert through hooded eyes and finally speaks.
David: Pal, this trail is colder than a sled dog race in Alaska. This is a wild goose chase if ever I saw one.
Bert: But sir, we can't give up! We've got to find the person who is smearing the name, besmirching the character of our Miss Hayes………
David: Hey, caffeine boy, chill! I'm not giving up…just regrouping. I'm just beat. It's been a really long and strange twenty-four hours.
Bert: Yeah, I bet. I don't know how you keep it all under control, sir. If my dear, sweet Agnes had been in jail, branded a criminal, a felon - well, I don't know what I would do!
David: OK, let's not exaggerate - she didn't kidnap the Lindbergh baby.
Bert: I don't think she's as old as the Lindbergh baby would be, sir.
David makes a face at him.
David: Bert, let me ask you something? What if it had been Agnes in this situation? Wouldn't you have tried to get her out of it - wanted to help her?
Bert: Well, Mr. Addison, what I wanted to do, and what I actually would have done would probably be two different things.
David: How so?
Bert: Well, sir, while meaning no offense, I consider you and I very similar……
David looks askance at Bert.
Bert: What I mean, sir, is we're both men - compadres….traditional, old-fashioned guy's guys who'd like to take care of our women - solve all their problems.
David: Yeah, so?
Bert: Mr. Addison, Agnes would have me singing soprano if she felt I was inferring she couldn't take care of herself.
David: Hmmmm……think I got a taste of that particular knife last night!
Bert: Yeah……it's part of this whole eighties thing. And I'm not saying it's easy. But sometimes you just gotta step back. See if this makes any sense - sometimes Agnes wants me, and sometimes she needs me. Sometimes Agnes wants to need me, and sometimes she needs to want me. Sometimes……..
David whacks himself on the side of his head, and makes a noise like his brains rattling…..
David: Bert, what the hell are you talking about? That makes as much sense as a horse wearing a dress. Try again!
Bert: OK, to simplify, I let Agnes know I am there for her if she needs me, but unless she's sick or in danger, I tread carefully before I barge into her business. I respect the fact that she is smart enough to know when she needs and wants my help.
David: But you're a couple. Why is there her business and your business?
Bert: Boy, you really are new at this relationship stuff, huh?
David gives him a look that would dry paint.
Bert: I think that life would be pretty boring if every two people who fell in love traded in their individuality. Do you wanna give up your Saturday night poker games for Miss Hayes' yoga classes? Why would you want to change Miss Hayes? Isn't what makes Miss Hayes Miss Hayes what you fell in love with?
David looks at Bert and shakes his head.
David: And a small, hairy man shall lead them……
David: Forget it…..sounds like I might have a little bit to learn about women. Who'd've thunk it? And that I'd be learning it from you?
Bert: Mr. Addison, you flatter me. It's just that I got to step into the line of fire a little earlier than you. I'm happy to share my battle scars.
David: And one thing I can do without is more scars. Thanks, Bert.
Bert: Don't mention it, sir. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you and Miss Hayes. It is but a repayment of a mere fraction of the debt I owe you. Why if it weren't for you, I would never have become Blue Moon's chief investigator.
David looks at Bert dubiously.
Bert: Present company excepted, of course, sir.
David: But of course…..speaking of investigating - let's talk about what we can do with this cockamamie case.
Bert: OK, so explain to me again what information the ho…., the pro…., the woman gave you…..
David: Not much of anything. What she actually said was that I should know that Maddie wasn't crazy - some stretch, huh? - and that I should follow up on the Beamer.
Bert: Well, where do you think we go with that?
David: Let's look at a couple of possibilities. How about stolen cars?
Bert: I've got a connection at Police Headquarters who can help us with that.
David: How many gold 1985 BMWs do you think there are in L.A. anyway?
Bert: I've got a connection at DMV who can help with that.
David: How about getting copies of the photos of Maddie's car?
Bert: I've got a connection at Traffic Court that ought to be able to help us with that.
David: Whoa, Bert! You're better connected than the Cosa Nostra. Looks like you will be covering most of the angles. You haven't left much for me to do.
Bert: Well, sir, now that you mention it…….
Bert fidgets awkwardly in his seat.
David: Bertie, boy, what is the problem? Are you blushing?
Bert: Mr. Addison, although you might think I am a bon vivant, a man of the world…….
David makes a "can you believe this?" face at the camera.
Bert: The truth of the matter is that the truth is far from pretty…….
David: What are you talking about? Who writes your dialogue? Tell the writers to cut about 20 percent of your words, and just write plain English.
Bert: Are you trying to cut my part, sir? Is that what happens when you become a big star…….try to cut the little people's lines?
David looks disgusted.
David: Forget I said anything. Just go on.
Bert: The thing that makes me nervous is dealing with the dark flowers of the night……the black orchids - sultry, and mysterious.
David: Do you mean the hookers, Bert?
David: You're kidding, right?
Bert: What can I tell you? I'm very apprehensive. I would rather crawl through sewers, rustle through attics, talk to almost anybody else……………
David: (almost to himself) Boy, if there's anybody in the world that I figured would have experience in having to pay for……..
Bert: Pardon me, sir?
David: Forget it. I will be happy to deal with the ladies. My connection at the jail should be able to get me the skinny on their whereabouts.
Bert: Great, so have we got it covered?
David: Well, enough for a start - looks like you're working the day shift, while I pull the night shift.
Bert: Maybe those hookers need to get a union. My contacts sure work better hours. I can make some calls and get moving on this right now.
David: I'll pick you up at your place at ten tomorrow morning, and we'll compare notes.
Bert: Sounds like a plan. Should we head back to the office?
David: I think so. The kids have been unsupervised all day - who knows what they've gotten into.
Bert: Good point, sir. That Magillicuddy is really a troublemaker. We really need to evaluate his performance.
David: Some other time, Bert. I'm just gonna drop in for a couple of hours to catch up, then I'll head over to Maddie's to check on her before I go out streetwalking.
Bert: Are you sure that's safe, sir?
David: Which one - Maddie or the streetwalking?
Bert: Flip a coin!
David: Can't avoid life….gotta work this out and move forward…whether we solve this case or not. There's something much bigger at stake.
Bert: Guess you're right, sir. Failure is not an option.
David: And into the valley of death……….just put the car in gear, buddy!
Bert grins, shifts, and merges the car into the moving traffic.
Act III Maddie's bedroom, 7:00 P.M.
David enters the room, and leans against the door, watching Maddie sleep. She is sprawled in the center of the bed, the covers and pillows in some disarray, as if her sleep has been restless.
Her face is flushed, and she lies on her side. David sits on the side of the bed, next to her, still just watching. As if the impulse to touch is just too much to resist, he reaches over to brush a strand of hair out of her face. His hand lingers on her hair.
Maddie's eyes blink, and slowly open to take in the picture of David.
David: Hiya beautiful.
Maddie: (very softly) I must be dreaming.
David: A good dream, or a nightmare?
Maddie: Not sure………..where am I? Are there bars on the door? Is there a woman in the next room offering to buy my hair?
She opens her eyes and smiles.
David exhales, a bit relieved. This is going to be all right.
David: Was she offering a good price? I don't know……..
Maddie: You don't know what?
David: I think you better hang onto those locks, Blondie. I'm not getting a great picture of you as a baldie.
Maddie: Funny, the more I see of you……..
David: OK, no more bad hair jokes. I'm pretty sure my contract says everybody needs to lay off the hair.
Maddie: Or lack thereof……..
She pulls herself up against several pillows. David seems to be staring.
Maddie: So, Addison, it seems we have a few things to……….David, what are you looking at?
David smiles his cocky little grin.
David: Just what are you wearing?
Maddie colors slightly.
Maddie: It's your shirt.
David: What's the matter, Maddie? Victoria's Secret run out of the slinky stuff? Been too long in between doing your fine washables?
Maddie: I just grabbed it off the chair because…………
She pauses for a moment.
Maddie: No, that's not true. I put on your shirt because I wanted to feel you, smell you….and you weren't here. It was the next best thing.
David leans over closer to her and rubs his fingers along the edge of the collar.
David: I have to admit - you do a lot more for that shirt than I ever did. There's nothing so sexy as a beautiful woman wearing nothing but a man's shirt. I am correct - nothing but my shirt, right?
Maddie: One mystery at a time, sir. This is only the third act.
David: I could ask for it back.
Maddie: After the fight.
David: Speaking of fights………..
They regard each other quietly, then both begin to speak at once.
David: Maddie? Maddie: David?
David: Blondes before brunettes! It's the law - it's alphabetical!
Maddie takes a deep breath, then starts to speak.
Maddie: I just wanted to say that I know I behaved badly, and that I'm really sorry.
David gapes at her with a puzzled expression…..almost as if he were in a stupor. He cannot believe what he is hearing.
Maddie: David, this relationship thing is something I'm having a hard time getting settled into. I've been on my own for such a long time - it's difficult to realize that I need and want to have you involved in so many things that I used to keep to myself. But I do - and I need you to keep reminding me that we are a team, in all aspects of our lives. And I need you to keep me balanced, to make me laugh at myself, and make me happy. And to let me make you happy. And to tell me you love me and make me believe it……even when I am not very loveable.
David rises, and walks over to the wall. He leans back, and bangs his head several times.
Maddie: David, what are you doing?
David: I'm banging my head against the wall. A smart lady like you - you should see that I love you every time I look at you, every time I touch you, every time I kiss you.
Maddie flashes him a dazzling smile.
Maddie: Don't hurt yourself.
David starts to pace back and forth by the side of the bed.
David: Maddie, I never meant to infer that you couldn't make your own decisions, or that I could make better ones for you - with my track record ? Ha! I hope I am not that kind of macho jerk! But I really acted like one yesterday, and I apologize. I fell in love with a bright, decisive logical woman…..and you, honey, fell in love with someone who's a bit of a whack job sometimes. But I don't think either one of us wants to change the other - I think we both just need to get better at sharing…... at letting the other one in. I can't picture my life without you -I want to do everything I can to make sure we are sharing for a long, long time.
Maddie looks up at David, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
Maddie: Will you come over here, please?
David sits on the bed beside her. Maddie winds her arms around him, and hugs…..hard.
Maddie: I remember once, a long time ago, I said, "If people are meant to be together, they'll find each other, no matter where, no matter when." When we are old and gray…….. when we are sitting in our rocking chairs…… I want to remember this moment. I love you, David.
David: I love you, Maddie.
He brings his lips to hers, softly at first. As their kiss deepens, he caresses her throat, and pulls her closer.
As they kiss, background music begins to play.
Somebody walked into my life
And he's right on time.
Somebody looked into my eyes
And he read my mind.
And it's true
I only need to tell you that it's you
You're everything I ever dreamed would come to me.
Somebody walked into my heart
And to my surprise
Somebody's tearing me apart
And it feels just fine
And it's you
I've waited, oh so long to say it's you
You're everything I've ever dreamed.
And tonight I give in to the feeling
Tonight I give in to the thrill of loving you
Tonight I give in to believing
I'll hear you say, you'll always stay.
Somebody turned my life around,
And I'm not the same.
Suddenly, I don't hear a sound
Only your name,
And I really need you.
Oh, tonight I give in to the feeling
Tonight I give in to the thrill of loving you
Tonight I give in to believing
We'll always stay in love this way.
And tonight I give in to the feeling
Tonight I give in to them all, so hold me
Tonight I give in to believing, darling
You're everything I ever dreamed would come to me.
Somebody walked into my life……….
As they kiss, David's hand traces down the shirtfront, and starts to fumble with the buttons. As their passion becomes more intense, they pause for a moment, and look deeply into each other's eyes. Maddie's fingers tangle in his hair, and she lets her head fall back. Heat radiates through her body everywhere he touches her. She pulls him to her, down onto the bed.
The music continues to play and we……..FREEZE FRAME
Act IV Much later that evening on Hollywood Boulevard
We see Maddie's gold BMW coming down the street. A shot inside shows David driving slowly, looking both left and right as if he is searching for something - or someone. Music plays, but it is low and nondescript. As he drives, he drums on the steering wheel with his fingers. He is obviously impatient and a little distracted. If the info Smitty gave him is correct, he should be spotting Maddie's former cellmates any time now!
But the last thing on earth he wants to be doing tonight is riding around Los Angeles, looking for a hooker. He smiles contentedly to himself. There are many people out on Hollywood Boulevard, searching in the black night - looking for sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Thank God, he wasn't one of them! All he needed to do was to finish up this little bit of business, return to Maddie's, and climb back into bed with his own pretty woman.
Their reunion had been amazing - being with Maddie always felt like coming home to him. And it looked like, it felt like they were on the right track again. No more detours…roadblocks!
That's why he was out here in the early hours of the A.M. - for Maddie. He knew she wouldn't be satisfied until they got to the bottom of this business with the car. And since David had talked with the girls outside the jail, he knew her suspicions had some foundation. David could smell a case…..and so did Maddie. She had smelled something fishy from the very beginning, and although he would never admit it to her, sometimes Maddie's gut instincts were better than his own! And the way she was hanging on to this one - like a person hanging on the edge of a cliff-scrabbling to hang on to the sliding pebbles - well, he owed it to her to try and get this resolved.
He had had a few moments of caution as he had dressed, standing by the bed watching while she slept. He had almost awakened her to bring her along, or at least to tell her what he was going to do. But he couldn't bring himself to do it - she had had such a bad couple of days, and she started her community service first thing in the morning.
So he had left a note on his pillow (no dummy, he!), and hoped she would understand why he was doing this without consulting her. He hoped to arrive back in time to wake her in the morning and give her some good news.
David continues to drive down the boulevard. He comes into the busier part - shops, eateries, porno theatres, massage parlors. At each corner is a small group of women - a group of businesswomen whose business was to provide pleasure. They are dressed to attract attention.
David: Lots of good material here - probably would make a great movie.
All at once he catches a glimpse, a flash of red hair, and recognizes one of the hookers from the jail cell. It is the oldest of the three, the one who had obviously been the leader.
He steers the car over to the curb, and the redhead saunters over.
Hooker #1: Hey, nice car - lookin' for a date, hon?
As she sticks her head in the window, she recognizes David.
Hooker #1: You again! What is this - Fatal Attraction? Or was it love at first sight?
She bats her eyes suggestively.
David: None of the above - although if I had met you earlier on my paper route - who knows?
The redhead laughs cynically.
Hooker #1: Yeah, right. Flattery will get you nowhere. In fact, it really pisses me off, to tell the truth. Tell me what you want.
David: Sorry. I'm trying to find the other girl who was with you last night - petite, long, dark hair??
Hooker #1: What do you want her for?
David: I need her to help me solve a case. I'm a private detective. She led me to believe that she had some information that could help.
Hooker #1: And what does she get out of it?
David: What do you think she should get out of it?
Hooker #1: Listen, Mr. BMW, I know exactly what information you are talking about. And I know that if she spills to you, she puts herself in a hell of a spot. Can you take care of her?
David: Like how?
Hooker #1: Get her the hell out of here. She's only been here for a few weeks, and she's just plain wrong for this life. I've seen lots of innocents like her before. She's gonna get herself hurt - or worse.
David: You're really worried about her……that's great.
Hooker #1: Yeah, I'm Mother friggin' Theresa. So tell me, big guy, can you get her out of here and back on the bus to Out-in-the-Sticksville, where she belongs?
David: I promise…..I'll do my best.
Hooker #1: Don't promise…if I had a dollar for every promise I've gotten from a guy……
Her face hardens.
Hooker #1: Well, never mind…….just make it happen.
David: I will.
Hooker #1: Drive around the block. By the time you get back, I'll have her here. Her name's Lori, and she really is a babe in the woods. Don't let me down, Slick!
David: Thanks. You're doing a good thing. Can I help you out at all?
She smiles, a bit sadly.
Hooker #1: Nope, here is exactly where I should be. So get moving, handsome.
David pulls the car away, and circles the block. When he returns to the same corner, Lori stands waiting there for him. She opens the door and sits in the passenger seat.
Lori: Hi! I couldn't believe it when Bobbi said you had come down here - for me! Wow!
David smiles at her. She is very young, and excitable.
David: Listen, Lori, we have to get something straight. The reason I came down here is to………………
Suddenly, the car doors swing open, and both David and Lori are yanked out of the BMW. The car is surrounded by cop cars, and a man, who is obviously a plainclothes detective flashes a badge.
Detective: Ok, you two. I'm from Vice, and you are both under arrest…..You have the right to remain silent……..
David: Oh, crap!
Detective: Anything you say, can and will be held against you in a court of law.
David: Whoa, buddy, hang on for a second, will ya?
Detective: If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand these rights?
David: Yeah, but………….
Detective: Pal, if you understood, you would have that yap of yours firmly clamped.
Lori: Hey……what do I do? Hey…I don't even know your name.
David rolls his eyes as the cops laugh.
Detective: Fred, you take Mr. No Name with you, while I take the lady.
David: Lori, say absolutely nothing. Not a word, not a syllable. We will straighten this out when we get to the station.
The cop handcuffs David, and pulls him towards the police car, shoving him none too gently into the back seat.
The police cars move off, and the activity on the boulevard returns to normal.
Scene: An interrogation room at the Police station
The room contains no furniture but a square wooden table and chairs. One wall of the room is entirely covered by a large mirror. David sits on one of the chairs, his elbows on the table, and his head in his hands.
The door opens, and the detective enters. David begins to run at the mouth.
David: What's going on? I've been here for hours. What time is it anyway? Did you get ahold of Smitty?
Detective: Addison, Addison, Addison, calm down. The more agitated you get, the longer this is going to take.
David sits back with a resigned look on his face.
David: Just answer one question for me please. What time is it?
Detective: A little after five.
David: Great! You know what…don't even bother with a trial. Just lock me up and throw away the key.
Detective: C'mon Addison, chin up. I've got a couple more questions for you.
David: In addition to the seven thousand you've already asked me two or three times each? Shoot.
Detective: Tell me again why you were on Hollywood Boulevard?
David: Looking for the girl, Lori. I'm working on an investigation, and she has some information I need.
Detective: So, I'm supposed to believe you weren't down there just to pick up a hooker?
David: Hell, no!
Detective: And just how long has it been since you've picked up a hooker, Addison?
David: Are you kidding me?
Detective: Just answer the question, pal.
David exhales in exasperation.
David: What the hell is this….Entertainment Tonight? If you really need to know, I haven't since I was seventeen years old back in Philly. I'm not accustomed to having to pay for female companionship.
Detective: Think I need to roll out the old lie detector here?
David: What's your point? What is with all these stupid questions about my personal life, and why is all this taking so long?
Detective: OK, Mr. Addison, I can understand your impatience. But you're here because we believe you have some information on another crime that has been perpetrated against some other innocent people.
David: Another crime?
Detective: Yes, sir. Addison, where were you last Saturday night?
David: Saturday? Playing poker with a bunch of my buddies.
Detective: And would you mind telling me how you came up with a full house four times that evening? Did you happen to have a few cards up your sleeve……trying to pull a fast one on your old buddies?
David looks at him incredulously.
David: What did you say? What the hell………?
The detective begins to laugh uproariously as he bangs three times on the wall. The door opens, and David's friend, Smitty, walks in.
Smitty: Cripes, Doug, you're a hell of a detective. Couldn't even get a confession from this cheating bum. How you doing, Dave?
David: Smitty, you son of a ……………I've been sitting here, cooling my heels, while you two were playing bad cop/lousy cop games. I'm gonna kick your keister from here to Santa Barbara.
Smitty: Hey Dave, they just got hold of me an hour ago, and I was picking up your Beamer at the impound lot. I arrived right before Doug came in here. We just thought we would play a little joke on you.
David: Very funny, moron.
Detective: Careful, Addison. Officer Smith here is your only hope. Good thing you explained your plan to him, or you would be taking up more permanent residence in a cell downstairs.
David wears a deadpan expression.
David: Yeah, Smitty, thanks! I'll get ya back, I promise. Now what about Lori?
Detective: She takes good direction, I grant you. Never opened her mouth except to give us her name. Since we can't get anything on her either, you're both free to go.
David: What time is it?
Smitty: Almost six.
David: Man, I am in big trouble. I've got Maddie's car, and about two hours to get her back here for her community service.
The detective looks at David quizzically.
David: Yeah, my girlfriend's a jailbird, too.
The detective laughs.
Detective: Hey Smitty, think we can get our buddy here a police escort home? Can't have him be late now, huh?
Smitty: My pleasure. Dave, you can pick up your stuff outside. Lori should be there too. Then we can be on our way.
David: Thanks so much, gentlemen. I've enjoyed your hospitality. Hope I can repay the favor someday - yes, I truly do!
David storms out of the room as Doug and Smitty exchange glances.
Act V Maddie's living room, 6:30 A.M.
Maddie, holding a cup of coffee, is pacing her living room. She pauses near the piano, and picks up the note - the one she found in her bed instead of David when she woke up this morning! Rereading it for perhaps the tenth time, she finds no additional clues to David's whereabouts. She wonders if she should call a cab to take her to the Parker Center, or if she should wait for David to return.
She speaks to herself.
Maddie: A mysterious David always makes me nervous. It's not that I don't trust him - just that it's like waiting for the other shoe to drop. David Addison - poster boy for Murphy's Law!
Maddie hears sirens in the distance, and the sound comes closer and closer.
She reacts with alarm as the noise becomes deafening - it sounds like they are coming right into the living room. She runs to the front door and flings it open.
From the back, she sees David and a young girl with long, brown hair. David waves the two police cruisers away, and as they turn, Maddie recognizes the girl from the jail cell.
David looks terrible…. rumpled and heavy eyed from lack of sleep. Maddie gives him a relieved smile as he approaches the door.
Maddie: Hey mister, you sure you got the right house?
David: I hope I do. I'm sorry, honey, but things got a little complicated.
Maddie: With you - NO! How could that be possible? So what were the policemen for…..protection?
David leans over and kisses her softly on the cheek.
David: Nope, speed. I guess I was hoping I could protect myself.
Maddie: And I hope you can. I'm sure my neighbors were thrilled by all the sirens at this time in the morning.
David: They're just jealous that I rated an escort.
Lori has been standing back reluctantly. David remembers her presence.
David: Maddie, you remember Lori, right?
Maddie: Sure, I'm not likely to forget any of the details of my incarceration.
Lori: And don't let them kid you, Maddie. It doesn't get any better on your second visit.
Maddie: Second visit? Was that where you were last night……jail?
David: Surprise! Now we can both swap jailhouse stories.
Maddie: How about swapping some now?
David: How about this - can you get me a cup of joe and bring it upstairs to your bathroom? I am in desperate need of a shower.
Maddie: You can say that again.
David: I am in desperate need of a shower.
Maddie pushes him.
Maddie: You big dope!
David: OK, for that, no peeks for you while I'm in there.
David squeezes her shoulder as he walks by.
David: Lori, Maddie is going to take care of you while I try to get my act together to take it on the road. Why don't you freshen up - we have lots to talk about later.
He flashes Maddie a grin that she can feel down to her toes. She stands silently as she regains her composure. She looks over at Lori, who looks very young and very lost.
Maddie: C'mon Lori, let's get you settled in the guest room. I've only got a short time before I need to go, and I'd like to talk to David for a few minutes.
Maddie makes Lori comfortable in the guest room, fills a large mug of coffee, and goes upstairs to her bedroom. She enters the bathroom, where we can hear the shower running.
Maddie: Knock, knock.
David sticks his head out of the shower.
David: Come in……and I do mean, come in.
Maddie: Take the leering grin off your face, pal. I'm already dressed and I'm staying that way. How about a sip of this?
She holds the coffee to his lips, and he takes a gulp. He grabs her shoulder and pulls her close.
David: How about a sip of this?
His lips take possession of hers, briefly but intensely.
Maddie: Enough of your tricks, Addison. How about some explanations?
David: Hand me the towel, will you?
The water stops, and after a few moments, David emerges from the shower, damp and full of refreshed enthusiasm. He grabs the coffee and takes a hefty swallow.
Maddie meanwhile has taken the only seat in the room. She sits quietly observing while David prepares to shave.
David: You look terrific this morning, Maddie.
Maddie: Cut the sweet talk, David. Give.
David: Well, I hope you're not going to be mad.
Maddie: I hate it when you start a sentence that way.
David: OK, here goes. The other night, outside the jail, Lori hinted to me that she had some information about crimes involving gold BMWs.
Maddie: See, I'm not crazy!
David: The jury may still be out on that.
Maddie: You're a real comedian, David. So you went looking for her last night.
David: Yeah, Smitty had given me a lead on where to look for her. I didn't want to wake you - figured that you could use an uninterrupted night of sleep.
Maddie: Considering I had already had one very welcome interruption.
She leans over and kisses him on the one patch of his cheek without shaving cream.
David: So, you're not mad?
Maddie: No, that was sweet - and I know the difference between when you are being sweet and when you are being overprotective.
David: Well, that's a load off my mind. I was sure you were going to be mad.
Maddie grins widely.
Maddie: Keep you on your toes, don't I? So then what happened?
David: I went to find her on Hollywood Boulevard, and got caught up in a Vice sting.
Maddie: Oh, no!
David: It took hours to straighten it out. I'm here thanks to Smitty, the big jerk!
Maddie: After this is all over, we'll have to have Smitty over for dinner. He appears to be quite a character.
David: All I can tell you is, hide the silverware.
Maddie: So what did you find out from Lori?
David: So nothing. We came right here and didn't have a chance to talk about anything. I figured we'd drop you off, and I'll find out what I can.
Maddie: She looks so sweet and innocent - hard to believe she lives the life she does.
David: Well, that's another thing we need to talk about. I made a promise to Bobbi -- that's your redheaded roommate from the other night. I told her I would do my best to get Lori off the streets and back home.
Maddie looks at him thoughtfully for a moment. He squirms under her scrutiny.
David: After all….the world could do with one less hooker…..and she's a sweet kid.
Maddie: Addison, you're a marshmallow.
She stands and puts her hand on his cheek.
Maddie: I found a pair of jeans and a T shirt you left here. They're lying on the bed.
Maddie: You're on your own for underwear - unless you want to wear some of mine.
David: Ha Ha - well, I don't think I'll tell you. Maybe you can find out for yourself later.
Maddie: I'll be looking forward to that. Now, c'mon, get a move on - I don't want to be late repaying my debt to society.
She smiles and leaves the bathroom. David pats on aftershave, and starts to whistle
"Ain't No Woman Like the One I Got"
Scene: Riding to the Parker Center 7:15 A.M.
David drives and Maddie is in the passenger seat. Lori sits in the back seat, curled up in a corner. She wears a pair of sweats, compliments of Maddie. She is swallowed up by the clothing, which makes her seem even smaller and more vulnerable.
Lori: So, Carlos, he's our manager, he came up with the scheme about the gold BMWs.
David and Maddie share a look and David silently mouths the word "manager". Maddie shakes her head slightly, and puts her finger on her lips to keep him quiet.
Lori: I've heard him say it many times. "Those damned cops are stupid - looking for broken down cars and sleezy looking drug dealers." He's bought a fleet of gold BMWs, and insists on very professional looking guys in their early twenties to drive and handle the deals.
David: Yeah, I guess under the right circumstances, anybody can clean up and be presentable.
Lori: No, these guys really are presentable. Carlos and his crew are experts at picking up people who have hit rock bottom, who are at the end of their ropes. He says that the computer age has been his biggest success.
Maddie: How so?
Lori: There are lots of hungry, desperate young guys out there since the dot coms have started going south. They're still looking for the big bucks, and it's amazing what some people will do when they get in over their heads.
Maddie: (softly) Spoken by somebody who knows?
Lori: Hey, don't feel sorry for me - I'm not as naïve as I look. So what if I couldn't make it as a model….I'll do just fine. I land on my feet.
David glances over at Maddie and sees her face soften. He knows that Maddie has just moved over to Lori's side.
David: Lori, let us make this clear to you. You're helping us and jeopardizing yourself - and we understand that. We won't leave you high and dry. When this is all settled, we're gonna have a talk about your future.
Lori: (bristling a little) I can take care of myself.
David: Sure you can - but I made a promise - and I don't break promises.
Maddie: I can attest to that.
Lori: What kind of a promise.
David: I promised Bobbi I would do my best to get you out of here…..and back home.
David: Yeah, she's worried about you.
Lori: Bobbi's like a den mother to all the hookers. She helped me out lots of times.
David: Well, now she seems to want to help you "out" for good.
Maddie: Lori, let's do this. You think about it, and we'll get this case resolved. David here has been appointed your guardian angel, and it's a job he doesn't take lightly - let me assure you.
Maddie smiles at David.
Maddie: And you……don't do anything stupid here.
David: Me? Something stupid?
Maddie: Don't act so innocent, Evel Knievel. I've got your number. Remember, drug runners, even Ivy League drug runners, have nice shiny guns. I don't have to tell you how upset I'd be if you get a hole in that shirt.
David: See kiddo, she cares about my wardrobe.
Maddie: David, I mean it. No unnecessary risks. When you and Bert are together, sometimes it gets just a little too Starsky and Hutch. Be careful - don't forget you've got Lori along for the ride.
David crosses his fingers over his heart.
David: Honest Injun, boss! Smitty and the guys from the precinct are already on alert. I've got it covered.
They pull up to the curb in front of the Parker Center.
Maddie: And here we are. My temporary employment. Maybe they'll have some nice., calm job for me like typing or filing.
David: Should I warn them that that could be dangerous?
Maddie tries to glare, but fails, and laughs instead.
Maddie: Yeah, you've got my number too.
She turns to the back .
Maddie: Lori, keep this guy on the straight and narrow today. I'd hate to have to break in a new partner.
David leans across the seat, and whispers in her ear.
David: That would be tough, especially since I know all your secrets, Blondie. You'd better hang on to me.
Maddie rests her head on his shoulder for just a moment, and whispers in return.
Maddie: Brother, don't I know it! David, please be careful. I wish I were going with you.
David: Oh, you're gonna have much more fun than us.
Maddie: Yeah, right! Well, gotta go.
David: So, go.
Maddie: I'm going. You'd better be here at 5 P.M. on the dot.
She leans over and kisses him lightly.
Maddie: Remember, be careful. I love you.
David: Bye, baby. I love you.
Lori moves into the front seat, and they sit and watch until Maddie has entered the building.
Lori: Wow, that's what I want in my life. It's so romantic. You guys have the perfect relationship.
David: Sweetheart, you have no idea. You saw that scene at the jail the other night. Sometimes we yell louder than the announcer at the WWF.
Lori: Maybe I can't explain this well - but you yelled love. I knew, we all knew, that the yelling was caring.
David: I can't remember when I didn't love that lady. For a short while, I walked the edge, fighting the inevitable, and then - ba bing -- I tumbled faster than acrobats at the circus. It's taken a lot to make it work for both of us - but in all that time - the feelings were always there.
Lori: Happily ever after.
David: Yeah, if the prince acts like a jerk once in a while, and the princess gets cranky if she doesn't get her space. It's life, Lori, and if the plusses are greater than the minuses, we've got it made! You, too!
Lori: Yeah, right.
David: Wait till Act VI….you'll see. Meanwhile, we need to get rolling. I think we need another half of a detective to get this job done - let's go get Bert.
Act VI In the car 10:00 A.M.
David pulls up at the curb, and leans on the horn. We see the front door open, and what looks like a walking pile of books and papers heads towards the car. A hand reaches out to grapple with the door handle. The door flies open, a cascade of notebooks and sheaves of computer paper fall into the car, and reveal Bert. He is wild eyed, and starts to ramble on immediately.
Bert: Hey, Mr. Addison, I've been up all night working on this. Look at all this information I got from my sources - lots of analysis that I think we can use.
Burt begins to tear at the papers, scattering them all over the car.
David: Bert, crank it down a notch, huh? Deep breaths - you know how hyper you get when you don't take your medication.
Bert sits, calming himself, taking slow, forced breaths. He finally sees Lori.
David: Bert, this is Lori. She's one of the ladies that I told you I met with the other night. She has been able to give me some information on the gold BMWs.
Bert: You don't mean she's a …….?
David glares at him.
David: Yes Bert, she's an informant. She's going to help us break this case.
Bert is mollified, and speaks carefully.
Bert: Great, the more the merrier.
Lori: Hey, Bert! Is all that your research about this case?
Bert: Most of it. I eliminated some of the duplicate printouts, and a few of the graphs.
He again begins to shuffle the piles, creating a new avalanche of papers all around the car. David bats sheets of computer paper out of his face.
David: Bert, I gotta drive here. Quit it, will ya?
Bert: Sorry, sir. Should we perhaps review the pertinent facts of the case here, before we go?
David: OK Bert, I'll bite. What can you tell me?
Bert: Well, number one, our stolen car theory is a bust…….no stolen gold BMWs in the last 90 days.
Lori: Can I ask…….
Bert forges on, tossing folders and pieces of paper all around the car..
Bert: There are over 4000 1985 gold BMWs in the greater Los Angeles area, no two owned by the same person. Most of the owners had a median income…legitimate income of over $100,000 a year, so it doesn't seem that they would be thieves, or drug dealers.
Lori: Isn't that the one that………….
Bert: So it seems that it may be just a random car that was confused with Miss Hayes' car. Although an analysis of license plate numbers does not find a plate with any more than 3 similar numbers to the one………
Lori: (screaming) Will you please shut up!
David stops unwinding the computer paper from around his head, and turns to look at her. Bert is, for once, speechless.
Lori: Look over there.
She points to a gold BMW, about 100 yards ahead.
David: Now we're cooking. Good job, kiddo.
He pulls the car out into traffic, and zooms to catch up with the other BMW. Soon, he is on its bumper.
David: Hey, look at that. That's weird.
Bert: What sir?
David: The Beamer ahead of us has the same license plate number as we do. And I will give you weird squared……there is another one following us with….guess what??? The same license plate.
Bert: I will go you one better….actually two better. Look to the left, then to the right.
The three of them, in unison, turn their heads to the left, and then to the right. There is a gold BMW on each side of them.
David: I'd bet you my decoder ring that they all have the same license number.
Bert: You think they have mistaken us for a part of their fleet.
David: Good guess, Joe Hardy. You and Nancy Drew there just sit still, and look cool, while I try to figure out what we should do here.
They drive in silence for a few moments, part of the BMW parade.
David: It seems to me, whatever operation they've got going here, they expected five cars. It looks like they've lost one - goodie for us! I say we just go with it, and see where we end up.
Lori: Do you think that's safe, David? Remember, I promised Maddie.
David: We're gonna be very careful, scout's honor. But I think we've stumbled onto the mother lode here.
Bert: Mr. Addison's right, Lori. I think we've got `em.
David: All right everybody, stay sharp and pay attention. The highway narrows to two lanes up ahead. We have to be careful and watch what the other cars do.
The car on the right merges in front of David, as the car behind pulls into the left lane. This leaves Maddie's car trailing, at the rear of the group of five.
David: Oops, something's happening up here. Everybody's slowing down……
On the right, a work crew is cleaning trash from the side of the road. Prisoners in orange jumpsuits carry pointed sticks and trash bags. As the car slows, it stops almost directly across from a familiar looking blonde, who is wiping her forehead with the sleeve of the orange jumpsuit.
David yells out the window
David: Hey, Maddddiiieee!
Maddie looks up, startled to hear his voice.
Maddie: David, what are you doing?
David: Solving the case. What are you doing?
Maddie hesitates for a minute before answering.
Maddie: Solving the case.
She runs over to the car, and jumps into the back seat. We hear a loud "ouch" as Maddie lands.
Maddie: Go, David, go!
The cars speed up again, and David takes off.
David: So Maddie, how's your day been?
Maddie: Are you kidding, we're in the middle of BMW heaven! What is this?
She pushes papers around the back seat - they fly all around the car, and trail out the window. Herbert emerges from the pile.
Maddie: Mr. Viola, were you under that pile of papers all the time?
Bert: I guess……..
Maddie: David, what's the plan?
David: Just follow along until we find out what they're doing. Look, Maddie, check out the license plates of the other cars. Nope, you're not seeing double.
Maddie: Times five, maybe? I told you I was right - boy, wait till I go and see that judge!
David: OK, hang on, this could be it - looks like we're turning off. Bert, get on the horn to Smitty, and give him our location. Tell him to make sure they're picking up the signal from that Lojack.
Bert: Right, sir.
Bert pulls out his cell phone and starts to punch buttons.
David: This is the way that it is going to go down. We're going to try and stay in the car until the police get here. Just in case that's not possible, Maddie, you and Lori need to hit the floor now.
Maddie: David, I'm perfectly capable…..
David: Maddie, I don't have the time to go through a competency hearing with you right now. You said you knew the difference between caring and overprotection…..and right now, you are just a big old orange target. Just listen to me and stay down!
Bert removes the cell phone from his ear.
Bert: Sir, good news. Smitty said they've got Carlos, and he has confessed to the whole operation. They should be right behind us, and can search all the cars.
David: Hot damn!
Maddie and Lori get down on the floor as instructed. David pulls the car into the enclosed parking lot, and the other drivers stop, and start to exit their vehicles. It looks to the world like a business meeting - young well dressed executives in their Brooks Brothers suits. The group of four head towards Maddie's BMW, where Bert and David exchange anxious glances.
All at once - the cavalry!
Hordes of police cars roll through the gates, sirens blaring! There is nowhere to run!
Now standing outside the car, David, Maddie, and Lori watch as the drivers are handcuffed, and bags of drugs are removed from the trunk of each car. Bert walks back to the car from his conference with the police, and turns to David.
Bert: Smitty said he can wait till tomorrow to get statements from you and Miss Hayes, but he'd like to get them from Lori, and I tonight.
David: Good man, Bert. You think you can get Lori back to Miss Hayes' house when you finish up at the police station?
Bert: It'll be my pleasure, sir.
David: Lori, we'll catch up later. Miss Hayes and I have a proposition for you.
Lori: Ok, I'll see you later.
Bert and Lori enter a police cruiser and drive away.
Maddie: So what's our proposition?
David: Hear me out. Since this wasn't actually a case with a real client, we didn't expect to get paid for it, correct?
Maddie: So what is different from most of our other cases?
David: Funny. Well, Smitty said there will probably be a sizeable reward for these guys. What do you say we use it to help Lori set up a new life for herself, maybe college tuition, maybe trade school, whatever she wants? She is still young enough to put this all behind her. Whaddya say?
Maddie: I say, you never fail to surprise me. I say you're wonderful. I say yes!
Maddie lunges for him, and he gathers her in a bear hug. He strokes her back, and they stand locked together in the middle of the parking lot, with all the activity going on around them. They finally pull apart reluctantly.
David looks at Maddie and grins.
David: Who'd've thunk it? Your little traffic summons helped uncover a major drug ring. Gotta hand it to you, Maddie, your persistence certainly paid off.
Maddie: Our persistence. My stubbornness, and your belief in me. A lethal combination, if you ask me.
David: Well, it's darn near killed me a couple of times.
Maddie: I can't promise you that's ever gonna change.
David: Hey, I like my life a little spicy…..and speaking of spicy…..
He grabs her around the waist, and swings her to him.
David: Where did you get that outfit……it's so vibrant , so exciting…..
Maddie: So orange!!! I can't wait to get it off.
David: Mediocre minds……..I think my place is closer………
They enter the BMW, and speed out of the parking lot as the Moonlighting theme plays and we
All of My Life sung by Barbra Streisand
Tangled sung by Jane Wiedlin
Tonight I Give In sung by Angela Bofill
Ain't No Woman Like the One I Got sung by The Four Tops
Thanks to the Season Six Staff, and to those who inspire………….and praise. Couldn't do it without you!!!