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The Sweet Spot





October 23, 1993


The Hayes Addison Master Bedroom


The camera scans, then settles on a cheery yellow glider rocker with a matching ottoman.  It is not part of the bedroom’s usual décor, but appears to be part of the nursery furniture, out for a “test drive”.


In the glider, Maddie Hayes sleeps prettily – and pregnantly.  Her head lolls sideways, and her blonde hair falls across her face.  She is dressed for bed in a pastel pink nightgown. Her legs are elevated on the ottoman.   Atop her distended midsection rests an open copy of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”.  It is quite a serene picture.


We pan over to the bed where we see David Addison, whose appearance is at quite the opposite end of the spectrum.  He is wired!  He sits cross legged on the end of the bed, totally engrossed in the television.  He wears a Phillies T-shirt and hat.  There is a huge bowl of popcorn in his lap.  He nervously chomps on the popcorn while keeping up a running discourse with the television.


Announcer 1:  In the bottom of the ninth, the Phillies look to finish off the Toronto Blue Jays and end their bid for a second straight World Series Championship.


David:  From your lips to God’s ears, Tim.  Here comes Wild Thing to the bump.


He sings.


David:  Wild Thing….you make my heart sing…..


Announcer 2:  And here comes the Phillies’ closer, Mitch “Wild Thing” Williams to the mound.  The Phils have come back from a 5-1 deficit, scoring five in the seventh, and now they are looking for Williams to help take this one home.


David:  Bring it home, boys.  Bring it home!


Announcer 1:  Uh oh.  Williams starts the inning by walking Rickey Henderson.


David raises his voice a little.


David:  Whattaya blind, ump?  Need to borrow my granny’s glasses?  No problem, Mitchie.  Throw a double play ball.


He takes a peek over at Maddie, as she dreams away, making sure he has not disturbed her.


Announcer2:  Williams put himself in a real bind here.  Henderson is a huge threat to steal.  He’s got great speed.


David:  C’mon Mitch, you got this!


Announcer 2:  And there’s a fly ball.  Williams retires Devon White, one down.


Announcer 1:  What intensity we have here.  These Phillies took over first place in the NL on the first day of this season and never relinquished it again.  A team of character.


Announcer 2:  And a team of characters…..Williams, Daulton, Kruk.  This mullet wearing crew, the so called Macho Row, has really redefined baseball in Philadelphia.


David beams.


David:  That’s my team!  C’mon, strike this guy out.


Announcer 1:  And it’s a base hit for Paul Molitor.


David groans.


Announcer 2:  So it’s first and second, one out, with Joe Carter coming to the plate.


Announcer 1:  Well, the Phils are thanking their lucky stars that it is not Brian “Brick” Richards up in this spot.


Announcer 2:  Yeah, Brick has had a great series.  An amazing .389 batting average, with 4 home runs and 11 RBIs…clearly the MVP of the series.


David:  Blah, blah, blah.  You clowns realize the MVP comes from the WINNING team?


Announcer 1:  Joe Carter steps up to the plate.  He is 0 for 3 tonight, and 0 for 4 against Williams.


David:  No batter, no batter! 


There is some stirring from Maddie’s chair…in the form of a serenade of delicate little snores.


David smiles, and laughs to himself.


David:  I wouldn’t dare tell the lady she snores.  She’d never believe me.


He turns back to the television.


Announcer 2:  Carter is 0 for his last 7, and he swung at ball three.  Two balls and two strikes.


David:  Whoot, there it is!  C’mon baby!


Announcer 1:  That was a flat footed strike, Joe Carter, and a flat footed swing he took at that slider from Mitch Williams.  Looked awkward, didn’t it?


Everything seems to go silent as Williams goes into his windup…..the blur of the ball, the crack of the bat……


Announcer 2:  Well hit down the left field line….way back and it’s gone!  Touch ‘em all, Joe!  Joe Carter with a three 3 run homer….the winners and still World Champions – the Toronto Blue Jays!


David jumps off the edge of the bed, popcorn flying everywhere.  He wails.


David:  Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!  No no no no no no no no no no no no no!


His caterwauling awakens Maddie.  She jerks and her book falls onto the floor.  Her eyes are wide and she looks alarmed.


Maddie:  David?


David paces around the room, ranting like a mad man.


David:  Unfreaking believable……two strikes…..lays the ball up in front of him like it’s on a tee!  What the hell!


Maddie (a little louder):  David!


David:  8 to 6.  Damn.  In first place all season, and it comes down to the bottom of the ninth.  God!


Maddie (screaming):  DAVID!!


He looks over at her alarmed.


David:  What?  You’re not having the baby, are you?


Maddie:  No – are you?  What are you screaming about?


David: They lost….the team that couldn’t lose…they lost!  Look at that!


He shrugs towards the television, which is showing the Toronto Blue Jays jumping into a dog pile on the field.  Some of the players raise Joe Carter and Brick Richards onto their shoulders and parade them around the field, to the delight of the fans.


Maddie:  Oh, baseball. I thought somebody was being killed.


David:  Me…that was me!  They’re ripping my heart right out of my chest.


He plops on the bottom of the bed, and watches as the Commissioner’s Trophy is presented to the Blue Jays’ Manager.


David just groans, but his eyes never leave the screen.  Maddie just watches him, shaking her head.


David continues to rant.


David:  Toronto!  That’s in Canada, for God’s sake.  How can they be the champs of the great American pastime?  Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie…….


Maddie:  Well, it is the World Series, isn’t it?


David groans even louder, then turns his eyes back to the screen.


Announcer 2:  And here is the MVP for the series, the man who single handedly won two games with his big bat, and his fielding skills….Bryan “Brick” Richards.


Maddie struggles up and goes out into the hall as David still stares morosely at the screen.  She returns, dragging a vacuum, making some noise as she pulls it behind her.


David looks over at her.


David:  What do you think you are doing?


Maddie:  Did you want to leave the popcorn here until it sprouts?


David:  You’re not vacuuming anything, sister.  Go sit down.  I made the mess, I’ll take care of it.


He grabs the vacuum, plugs it in and starts ramming it up and back across the carpet with a vengeance.  He is muttering to himself the entire time.  Maddie watches for a moment, then goes into the bathroom.


David finally finishes, and returns the vacuum to the hall closet, then reenters the bedroom.  Maddie comes back into the room and makes her way to the bed.


David stands watching the television screen, which is showing the celebration in the locker room.  Giddy Blue Jays players are spraying each other with champagne and beer.  David looks as sad as we have ever seen him.


Maddie walks over around him, and switches off the television.


Maddie:  David, come to bed.


David:  I don’t feel like it.


Maddie:  That might be a first.  David Addison turning down an invitation to bed.


David:  I’m not in the mood….not that it would make a difference if I were in the mood…….remember Madame, we are mood-less at this juncture.


Maddie:  And we will survive that, just as you will survive this.  C’mon David…it’s just baseball.  You’ll feel better in the morning.


David looks at her sternly.


David:  It’s just baseball!  It’s a good thing you are carrying my child…..those are fighting words!


Maddie:  What are sleeping words?  Come to bed, David.


He pouts.


David:  Ok, Ok, I’m coming!  But I don’t ever want to hear the name Brick Richards ever again.


He climbs into bed, and Maddie gathers him into her arms.


David:  I hate baseball.





Act 1

Blue Moon Investigations

David’s Office

Monday, Several Weeks later



David sits at his desk, staring at a screen and tapping on the computer keys.  Music plays in the background.  He almost unconsciously starts to drum on the desk, singing along with the radio.


I got my mind, set on you

I got my mind set on you

I got my mind set on you

I got my mind set on you


But it’s gonna take money

A whole lotta spending money

It’s gonna take plenty of money

To do it right, child.


Maddie Hayes opens the door and enters, leading with her eight months’ pregnant stomach.  She is dressed in a fashionable peach maternity pantsuit, and looks quite sweet….if not a little large.


David smiles.


David:  Perfect timing.  There she is…my inspiration.


He continues to drum and sing.


It’s gonna take time

A whole lot of precious time

It’s gonna take patience and time, ummmmm

To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it,

To do it, to do it right, child.


Maddie continues on her slow trek towards his desk, but he rises, and moves towards her, taking her arm and trying an impromptu jitterbug.  It looks pretty much as funny as it sounds, and all the while David sings.


And this time I know it’s for real

The feeling that I feel

I know if I put my mind to it

I know that I can really do it


I got my mind set on you…set on you

I got my mind set on you…set on you.


David spins Maddie, and puts his arm around her waist, looking for all the world like he intends to dip her.  Maddie gasps.


Maddie:  Whoa.  Before you do that, you’d better be very sure where the center of gravity is gonna shift.


David pulls her up straight to him.  They are face to face.  David speaks softly and sweetly.


David :  Guess I need to yell Timberrrrrrrrr!


She pushes him away, but she is laughing.


Maddie:  We should have this on video.  I bet that looked like those dancing hippos in Fantasia.


David:  Au contraire, Mademoiselle Hayes.  You are grace personified.


Maddie:  Addison, I think I like it better when you are cracking wise.  It’s certainly more believable.


David:  OK…how’s this?  Sit down, take a load off.


Maddie sits on the black leather sofa and sighs.


Maddie:  Never really appreciated leather.  Now, I kind of like it.  Gives me a sliding start when I have to get up.


David:  So why have you wandered over to my neck of the woods?  Need to go over anything with me before you head for home, part timer?


Maddie:  I’m not going yet.  I didn’t get here till after 9 – thanks to Miss Me’s little temper tantrum.  I’d still be out there somewhere chasing her, if the mailman hadn’t nabbed her mid-flight.


David: She’d come back.  She knows how good she has it.


Maddie:  She’s spoiled rotten…thanks to you, Mr. “sneak her some pepperoni when I’m not looking”.  She’s going to have quite an adjustment when the baby gets here.


David:  She’ll adjust…..she’ll probably be better at it than we are.


Maddie:  Lord, I hope not.  Anyway, you know we have an appointment at 12:45.  I just came in to get a yogurt and some fruit out of the refrigerator.


David:  Who would’ve thunk it?  Yogurt in that fridge?  Used to be Ripple and icy vodka.


Maddie:  They are not long, the days of wine and potatoes.


David snorts.


David:  Funny, Hayes.


Maddie:  Before you know it, we’ll be storing breast milk in there.


David:  Yep, less than a month.  Remind me to check which jug I’m putting my Bosco in….no pun intended, of course.


Maddie grimaces.  David walks to the fridge, opens the door and grabs a container.  He holds it up towards Maddie.


David:  Blueberry?


She nods her head.


He also picks up a container of fresh fruit, and carries the two to her.


Maddie:  Want some?


David:  Woman, that stuff is evil.  Who wants to eat something that tastes like it’s already gone bad?


He goes over to his desk drawer, rummages a bit, and comes up with an enormous Slim Jim.  He sighs happily, unwraps it, and takes a large chomp.


Maddie:  Oh, and that is quite a delicious and nutritious lunch.


David:  Late breakfast.


They eat in companionable silence.  Maddie looks thoughtful, then speaks.


Maddie:  You know, we keep saying that this baby is going to have the very best parts of us.  What if this child ends up with some of our worst traits?


David:  Speak for yourself….I have no worst traits.


Maddie nods at the Slim Jim.


Maddie:  Of course not, Mr. Healthy Choice.  Your idea of a balanced meal is the Happy Hour buffet at the bar at the Sheraton.


David:  You’re not a fan of the multiple uses of cocktail weenies?


He continues.


David:  There has to be some middle ground…compromise.  What kind of a world would it be if there were all celery and no Tastykakes? …another of life’s simple pleasures I introduced you to.


Maddie:  I concede on the Tastykakes.  But there are still alot of things about us that I might not want our child to emulate….stubbornness for example.


David:  I am not going to touch that one, or we might still be debating it when Bunny makes his or her debut.


Maddie:  I didn’t say whose stubbornness.


He gives her the eye.


David:  Anyway, I am very doubtful that we are going to have a child who is a control freak, slams doors and eats junk food all the time.  At least for the first few years.  By then, we’ll be old hands at this parenthood thing – and will have discovered the secret for molding its young mind to our whims.


He grins.


Maddie:  Yeah right….did that work for your parents?  For mine?   Anyway, we don’t want to mold his or her mind to our whims….guess we will just have to learn to stay one step ahead.


There is a knock knock on the door.


David:  Who’s there?


Agnes sticks her head in.


Agnes:  Agnes.


David:  Agnes who?


She looks puzzled for a moment, then giggles a little bit.


Agnes:  Ag-nes you don’t know the client is here.


David gives her a thumbs-up.


David:  Good one, Viol-ette.


Maddie slides forward on the sofa, and starts to pull herself to her feet.  Her napkin slides to the floor.  She glances at it in dismay, then addresses Agnes.


Maddie:  Fine Agnes, you can show……ooooh.


Maddie fails to stifle a huge yawn.


Maddie:  Oh my goodness, I am so sorry.  You can show him in, Agnes.


David:  Maddie, I can handle this.  You really should go home.  You’re exhausted.


Maddie looks like she is considering it.


Maddie:  Well, the little wonder did play a full game of prenatal soccer last night.  Maybe…..


David walks over towards her, pulls her up, and leans down to pick up the napkin.


Agnes carefully observes that David is not looking, and goes into an elaborate charade, shaking her head emphatically “NO”.  Maddie looks at her with a puzzled expression.  Agnes makes some other “NO” signs – waving her hands, crossing her arms in a big “X”.  She takes a little too long, and David catches her out of the corner of his eye.


David:  Charades?


Agnes:  Mmmmmm, uh no.  I just think maybe Miss Hayes will want to stay for this client.


David:  And why would that be?


Agnes:  Because this guy may be the biggest stud-muffin I have ever seen.


Maddie perks up, as David puffs.


David:  And why would Miss Hayes care about that?  She has me.


Agnes giggles.


Agnes:  You know I love you, Mr. Addison, but you’re more like a stud-bagel….maybe a stud-doughnut.


Maddie chimes in.


Maddie:  Stud-pig’s ear?


David:  Thank you for playing.  Well, Agnes, please escort this Adonis in…if he has time before his Playgirl shoot.


Agnes giggles, then returns to the reception area.


David:  Last chance to make a clean getaway.


Maddie:  Now?  My curiosity would keep me from my afternoon nap.


She smiles at David, as the door opens.


Agnes scoots in, and then the doorway is filled with a man for whom Adonis may be too mild a word.  Both Maddie and David’s eyes take him in…all six foot four of him….mid thirties, athletic build, shock of dirty blonde hair, sunglasses that move David directly into envy mode.


Agnes:  Mr. Hayes, Miss Addison, this is Mr. Richards.


David gives Agnes an annoyed look, and sticks out his hand.


David:  I am David Addison, and this is my partner, Madolyn Hayes.


The man shakes David’s hand firmly, and takes Maddie’s gently.  He holds on just a moment too long.


A small giggle escapes Maddie’s lips.  David shoots her a look.


Man:  Pleased to meet you ma’am….Mr. Addison.


David looks over at the hulking man, and senses something familiar.


David:  Have we met?


Man:  I get that a lot.  I play baseball.


David:  Richards?  As in Brick Richards?


Brick removes his sunglasses, and reveals the face that dominated baseball telecasts for the entire month of October.


Brick:  Yes, sir. 


David turns to Maddie.


David:  Maddie, this is Brick Richards of the Toronto Blue Jays.


Recognition crosses her face.


Maddie:  Oh yes, I think I’ve heard David mention your name a time or two.


Brick:  You’re a baseball fan, then?


David:  Die hard.  Born and raised in Philadelphia.


Brick:  Guess you’re not very happy with me right now.


David:  We’ll get you next year.


Maddie:  Congratulation on your success, Mr. Richards.


Brick:  Please call me Brick, ma’am.


Maddie:  If you’ll stop that ma’am stuff and call me Maddie.


David:  You can call me Mr. Addison.


Brick laughs.


Brick:  You’re a funny guy.  Glad there are no hard feelings.


David:  Just make sure you give Joe Carter my regards.  So what do you need us for…to try and figure out where that homer finally landed?


Maddie:  Why don’t we sit down and discuss your case, and you boys can dissect those details later.


Brick:  That’s the thing about baseball.  My dad always said “Baseball is life.  All the rest is just details.”


Maddie:  Well, I guess as far as the two of you are concerned anyway.


She smiles, and then notices Agnes, still lingering by the door and ogling Brick.


Maddie:  Agnes?  Agnes?  (more emphatically)  Mrs. Viola!


Agnes:  Yes, Miss Hayes?


Maddie:  We’ll take it from here.


Agnes:  Weeeellll…if you’re sure….


She backs out of the room, slowly, pulling the door behind her.


Brick:  Another baseball fan?


David:  I think she’s got it bad for all male sports.


David leads them to the desk area.  Brick holds Maddie’s arm while she descends into one of the chairs in front of the desk.  He takes the chair next to her.  This provokes a veiled dirty look from David.  He circles the desk and plops into the chair behind it.


David:  So, what can we help you with?


Brick:  I need you to conduct an investigation for me…but I need it to be done very quietly and discreetly.


David:  Think your wife is stepping out on you?


Brick:  I don’t have a wife.


David:  Girlfriend?  Significant other?


Brick:  Not any more.  But this has nothing to do with that.  My World Series ring is missing.


Maddie:  You get a ring for winning?


David:  You only won a few weeks ago.  Hardly seems enough time to get your finger measured.


Brick:  No, it’s last year’s ring, the one from 1992.


David (unenthusiastically):  Oh yeah, you’ll have two.


Brick:  If you can find the first one.


Maddie:  Is it a very valuable ring?


Both answer at once, looking at Maddie like she is witless.


David:  A World Series ring?   Brick:  A World Series ring?


Maddie:  Well, I mean, is it precious metals, precious stones? 


Brick smiles at her.


Brick:  Well, I know it’s from Tiffany’s and has a bunch of diamonds, but it’s not so much about what it’s worth.  There are only a hundred or so made each year. For me, it represents achieving one of my childhood dreams.


David:  Maddie, to translate into Los Angelese – Oscar, Emmy, Grammy….Golden Globe?


Maddie:  I understand.  Just trying to establish a monetary value.


Brick:  To me, pretty much priceless.


David:  So how did you mislay this priceless big honking piece of jewelry….leave it on the sink in a public restroom?


Brick:  No, it has gone missing from my home.


David:  Maybe this is a job for Dudley Do-right and Royal Canadian Mounties.


Brick:  No, Mr. Addison, I am a California boy, born and bred.  My home is here. 

Even though I work and travel a lot with baseball, I maintain my residence here in Los Angeles.  The ring came up missing a few weeks ago, along with some other items.


Maddie:  Other valuable items?


Brick:  Some other baseball items and memorabilia, a computer, some stereo and video equipment….a diamond engagement and wedding set, and the World Series ring.  All valuable, but replaceable, except for the rings.


David sits back and lets Maddie ask the questions, but his eyes are darting back and forth observantly.


Maddie:  When did this theft occur?


Brick:  About four weeks ago.


Maddie:  Were you at home?  Do you live alone?


Brick:  I wasn’t at home.  It was during the playoffs.  But my best friend, who lives in my guest house was there.  He discovered the theft.


Maddie:  His name is?


Brick:  Brian, Brian Mathews.  We met when we were ten.  In fact, I got my  nickname because our little league coach couldn’t handle two Brians.  He called me B-Ric, which kind of morphed into Brick.


David:  So he lives with you?  When you are there?


Brick:  Both when I am there and away.  He takes care of some of my everyday affairs, pays some bills, helps with some of my publicity.  He ran into a little hard luck a few years ago, and he’s been with me ever since.


David:  So your friend is on your payroll.


Brick picks up David’s tone.


Brick:  He earns his money, Mr. Addison.  And before you even ask, I trust him implicitly.


David:  Fair enough.  So he would be the one who filed the original police reports and handled the insurance company?


Brick:  There were no reports or claims.


Maddie:  I’m confused.  When did you find out your house had been burglarized?


Brick:  Last week.  After the World Series, we had lots of publicity to do, and the parade, of course.


David (wryly):  Of course.


Brick:  Brian waited to tell me until I got back to California.


Maddie:  For heaven’s sake, why?


Brick:  He knew I had a lot on my mind.  The stress of a championship run versus the publicity the whole thing would have dredged up…it would have ruined my focus.  He didn’t want to do that.


David:  But not reporting a robbery for…how many weeks?  Four?  You lost all opportunity to get any clues from the scene.  The trail would be cold…Antarctica cold.  Seems very odd to me.


Brick:  I support what Brian did, Mr. Addison.  We are like brothers.  We have a twenty five year friendship.  He knows me better than I know myself sometimes. 


Maddie:  But you have created a very difficult situation for finding your possessions.  Police reports, insurance claims – they will all be very difficult to construct now.


Brick:  But I don’t want the police or the insurance company involved. I want you to discreetly look for these things.  See what you can find out.  I know it’s a long shot right now….but if there is any way I could get back the rings…..


Maddie:  Excuse me, Brick but something is missing here.  There is some other reason you don’t want this made public.


Brick sighs


Brick:  Caprice.


David:  Caprice?  THE Caprice?  The Fredrick’s of Hollywood Caprice?


Brick:  The very one.


David:  She’s the EX-significant other?  How did I miss that connection?


Maddie:  Behind on your Entertainment Tonight watching?


David:  Well, Caprice is a very …errrr…talented lady.  The rioters stole her skivvies from the museum last year.  Turned ‘em in to the priest at Blessed Sacrament later.


He rethinks, and equivocates a bit.


David:  Present company excepted, she is the most sought after model in the world.


Brick:  Well, let’s just say I stopped seeking.  Wasn’t crazy about what I found.


Maddie:  Was Miss……


Brick:  Caprice….one name….like Cher, Madonna……Medusa.


David chuckles.


David:  Snakes and all?


Maddie:  Was Caprice living in your house at the time of the robbery??


Brick:  Not then, but earlier in the summer.  We were engaged.  But things didn’t work out.  I found out she was more interested in my money and my fame than she actually was in me.   She used me to jump start her career.


Maddie:  I’m so sorry.


Brick:  It was rough, but I know now that I am much better off.  And she got what she wanted out of the deal….lots of publicity and a nice settlement.


David:  Settlement?


Brick:  The wedding set I mentioned that is missing.  It is a family heirloom, passed down through generations.  It is worth some money, but worth much more in sentimental value.  I had given the engagement ring to Caprice.  She didn’t really like it…not large enough for her taste.    She kept wrangling for a bigger, more showy diamond.


Maddie:  Did you get her one?


Brick:  No, but I bought her some other jewelry.  When we broke up, she kept the other pieces, but I asked for the engagement ring back.  After some negotiations, she agreed to return it to me – for a price…..a six figure price.


David:  And did she have access to your place during the time of the robbery?


Brick:  She says she returned all my keys, but I can’t be sure.


David:  You didn’t change the locks?


Brick:  Our breakup happened right in the middle of the baseball season.  Not the best time.  Brian…


David interrupts.


David:  Just another one of the details that Brian managed to ignore?


Maddie reads Brick’s face and jumps in.


Maddie:  So outside of the two of them, how many other people had regular access to your home?


Brick:  Housekeeping staff, gardeners, pool cleaning crew…I guess any one of them could be suspects.  Brian can get you a list of names.


Maddie:  Brick, I’ve got to say, this is not an easy situation. We can certainly try and help you, but we don’t have the resources of the police.


David interjects.


David:  Oh don’t be so modest, Maddie.  I think we can provide the service that the gentleman requires.


She looks at him strangely.


Brick:  You can have complete access to the house, and anything in it.  Brian can work with you with any information he has.  And although it might be a little uncomfortable, I can get Caprice to speak with you as well, I am sure.  I really would appreciate your help.  And quite frankly, money is no object.  You might think this is a fool’s errand, but I really want this.  Name your price.


Maddie starts to speak, but David quickly jumps in.


David:  You wouldn’t mind if Miss Hayes and I took a moment to discuss how to handle your case, would you?


Brick:  No problem.


Brick sees Maddie start to struggle up from the chair.  He jumps to her assistance, pulling her gently to her feet, and putting his arm around her waist to steady her.


Maddie looks up into his face, and smiles.


Maddie:  Thanks so much.  Just give us a minute and we’ll be right with you.


Maddie and David exit into the outer office.  David looks around.


David:  This looks funny.  Is everything in reverse?


Maddie:  Reverse?


David:  Oh wait, it is in reverse.  We usually do this kind of little chat outside of your office.  Does that mean advantage, Addison?


Maddie:  Advantage for what?  I don’t see how we can solve this case, David.


David:  I don’t see how we can’t.


Maddie:  Meaning?


David:  Did you look at Brick’s feet?


Maddie:  No why?


David:  I was wondering whether Brian had stolen his shoes yet.  Seems he has gotten away with everything else.  How can somebody with such amazing baseball smarts be so stupid?


Maddie:  Stupid?  You think Brian is stealing from Brick?


David:  You don’t?


Maddie:  No.  They are lifelong friends.  They grew up together.  Brick has helped Brian through tough times.


David:  Brick is successful.  Brick is loaded.  Brick gets the supermodels….and Brian lives in his guest house.  That’s gotta hurt.


Maddie:  That’s a pretty cynical evaluation….think maybe you’re letting your baseball fanaticism and recent disappointment cloud your judgment?


David:  Have you got a better theory?


Maddie:  Nothing concrete, but I think there is a much more obvious suspect.


David:  Who is?


Maddie:  You’ve heard the phrase, “Hell hath no fury……”


David:  Like you when I’ve eaten the last Kit Kat?


He grins the charming grin.


David: Really, Maddie….you suspect Caprice?


Maddie:  Cherchez la femme.


David:  Not me, dollface.  My cherchez-ing days are done.  I’ve found my femme.


Maddie:  You know what I mean.  Seems like Caprice’s actions might be suspect.  She could have something to hide.


David:  I’ve seen those lingerie photos.  There’s really no place to hide anything.


She pokes him with her elbow.


Maddie:  My gut tells me she is in this up to her pretty little neck.


David:  Hmmm….I’ve never made it past her pretty big……Ouch.


This poke might have inflicted permanent damage.


David:  Well, she definitely doesn’t need the money.  So I guess you are betting on revenge.


Maddie:  Most definitely.


David: Well, well, Miss Hayes…isn’t this an odd series of events?  Looks like we’re each playing for the other team, metaphorically speaking.   You’ve got the boy and I’ll take the girl.  I’ll toss the bat in the air, and you catch.


Maddie:  Huh?


David:  Sorry, classic playground rules for baseball.  Fists….for evening up the sides.


Maddie:  Even without that little detour into your childhood, this is going to be a complicated case.  The clues are just not going to fall into our laps.


She looks down and shakes her head.


Maddie:  Even if I did have a lap, that is.  And you are going to end up doing a lot of this by yourself.


David:  I can handle it….along with our crack Blue Moon staff.  And if it is rough, I will be energized by the all important phrase….”money is no object.”


Maddie:  But aren’t you the person who said just a few weeks ago, “I don’t ever want to hear the name Brick Richards again.”?


David:  I’ll hold my ears.  I have no compunctions about seeing his name…especially on the signature line of a big fat check.


Maddie:  Well, the money will come in handy…..and I would like to help Brick get his keepsakes back.


David puts on a mopey face.


David:  Yeah, poor Brick.  Well, I guess he comes with the deal.  Along with you and Agnes, and the drooling.


Maddie: I have to admit, he’s easy on the eyes.


David:  And he knows it……that southern gentleman act would be fairly realistic if I didn’t know he was from Southern California.


Maddie:  You need to let go of your World Series obsession…or is that depression?


David:  And the best way would be for us to get a little slice of Brick’s paycheck…and maybe even find his ring.  Find out who in his life is not on the up and up.


Maddie:  Ok, you’re in the driver’s seat on this one.  Let’ go tell Brick we’ll take the case.


David:  He’ll be the only one who is surprised.


He smirks at the camera.


David:  Imagine that….we’ll take the case!


They reenter David’s office, as we…..




Act 2

Inside the Lexus

Tuesday Morning



Won’t you wear my ring around your neck,

And tell the world, you’re mine by heck

Let them see your love for me,

And let them see by the ring around your neck.


David drives, singing along with the radio.  Maddie sits in the passenger seat, silent and seeming a little distracted.


He looks over at Maddie and smiles.


David:  That song always sounds funny…reminds me of another song.


He sings.


David:  How in the heck will I wash my neck if it ain’t gonna rain no more?


Maddie is quietly staring out the window.


David:  So, that was a superior tete a tete with the Doc.  We’re sliding into home here, Slim.  Starting to get excited?


Maddie responds automatically.


Maddie:  Three more weeks…that’s a good thing.


David:  A great great thing.  And the best news of all is that Dr. Weed is very confident that all is well.   Bunny has the go ahead to come out and play…and everything will be hunky dory.


Maddie:  Well, she still wants me to maintain the restrictions, limiting the work hours, and staying off my feet.


David:  Well, not all the restrictions.  She did say we could “resume normal activities”.  In fact, it sounded like a little hanky panky might be motivating for Bunny.


Maddie is quiet for a moment, then speaks hesitantly.


Maddie:  Ummm.  Yeah, about that……


David:  Wanna add me to your day planner……or night planner?


Maddie:  David, you know the baby is just 37 weeks now, right?


David:  Meaning your due date is in three weeks.  Is there an echo in here?


Maddie:  Well, I’m just a little hesitant….


Her voice tails off.  David leans over and turns down the radio.


David:  About what?  Maddie, what’s wrong?  Are you scared about something?  The doctor said everything is great.


Maddie:  And I feel that too… sort of.  But I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to be concerned.


David:  Nobody said it was.  Just tell me what you are upset about.


Maddie:  Not upset as much as unsure.  There are lots of theories about the pros and cons of intercourse around the due date.  And a lot of different theories supporting the fact that intercourse can possibly stimulate labor.


David:  But that’s ok, right?  According to the doctor?


Maddie:  Logically, I get that.  But David, things happen.  We know that.  And I just think that the extra three weeks could be important for the baby.  I kind of feel that we should keep him or her in place for as long as we can……give the baby the best possible advantage.  Is that wrong?  Or unfair to you?


David looks at her for a moment, loving her and feeling her anxiety.  He knows that this is a disagreement he is not even going to try to win.


David:  No, it’s not wrong.  And it’s no more unfair to me than it is to you.  Let’s keep Bunny in the oven until the time is just right.  Maybe Bunny and the turkey timer will both pop at the same time.


With some effort, Maddie hauls herself over towards him, and kisses him on the cheek.


Maddie:  Thank you, David.  I know nine more weeks will be tough for both of us.


David:  Ho…ho…hold the phone!  NINE weeks!?!


Maddie:  Well, three till the baby is born and then six afterwards.


David mutters to himself.


David:  Nine weeks.  Guess I’d better make friends with my left hand again.


Maddie:   Really, David!


David:  Well then, I’m just going to have to count on you to help me through it.  I’m pretty sure we get extra points for creativity.


Maddie:  Spontanaiety….


David:  Improvisation….fantasy….


Maddie:  You’ve got the idea.


David:  Let’s face it, you kept me waiting for three years before our first go-round.  I’ve got some experience.  Guess we can struggle through nine weeks.  Let’s just keep this simmering till later. 


He leans over to turn up the radio again.


David:  Now, what we need is a little out of the mood music.  Soooooo…. about this new case of ours.


Maddie:  It’s going to take a lot of work.  Maybe we made a mistake taking it at this time.


David:  I think we’ll be ok. We’re gonna find out something fast, or we’re going to find nothing.  If we farm out most of the conversations with the service people to Jergenson and Jamie, we can handle Brian and Caprice ourselves. 


Maddie:  That’s a good plan.  But I do think we need to use Agnes and Bert as back up, just in case Bunny puts a little kink in the case.


David:  Most times, I’d like to back over Bert…..but your plan has mojo.  So who is going to do what?  I’d like to be in on your interview with Caprice.


Maddie:  There’s a surprise.  And I’d like to see how you handle Brian.


David: Handling?  Not the term I’d use.  But let’s try and set up appointments -- one tomorrow and one Thursday.  Mornings so you can go home early.  And we will have Bert on stand by for both.


Maddie:  Sounds good.


The radio intrudes.


Who wants to buy this diamond ring?

She took it off her finger now, it doesn’t mean a thing.

This diamond ring doesn’t shine for me anymore

And this diamond ring doesn’t mean what it meant before

So if you find someone whose love is true….

Let it shine for you.


David:  Rings…..


Maddie:  Yeah rings.  I never knew you got a ring for winning the World Series.  It seems kind of an odd thing as a prize…jewelry, I mean….for guys.


David:  Especially the size of them.  You saw the pictures of Brick’s ring.  Huge……one giant diamond as the bird’s eye, and about 15 others.  Big block letters, it’s not even really good looking.


Maddie:  Sounds like some engagement rings I’ve seen.  So big and ostentatious, they really overshadow the meaning.


David:  Like the kind that Caprice was hankering for.


Maddie:  And according to the pictures, the one she had was quite lovely.  She sounds like a real piece of work.  I can understand dreaming of a certain kind of ring when you are a teenager or something, but eventually, hopefully….you get to the point where you understand the ring is the least of it.


David:  So a ring is not a necessity?


Maddie:  I’m not sure I’m saying that.  The ring is important as a infinite circle that two people’s love creates.  The circle represents the sun and the moon…masculine and feminine.  Silver and gold.  But nobody ever said there had to be a ten carat diamond involved.


David:  But diamonds are a girl’s best friend.


Maddie:  Well,of course they are used in the most traditional engagement rings now.  But the Egyptians used braided reeds and papyrus.


David:  A paper ring.  Now that’s practical. 


Maddie:  The Greeks also used hemp before they decided on longer lasting materials.


David:  Now there’s an idea – hemp.  If the marriage goes up in smoke, so can the ring!


Maddie:  Do you know why engagement and wedding rings are worn on the third finger, left hand?


David:  It so happens I do.  The vein in that finger is supposed to run directly to the heart.


Maddie:  I’m impressed.


David:  I think I heard it in a Valentine’s Day commercial last year….or maybe it was from Bazooka Joe.


Maddie shakes her head at him and continues.


Maddie:  And when couples exchange rings, they take the left hand of their intended with their right….joining the yin and the yang...the active and the receptive.


David:  You really know a lot about this stuff.


Maddie:  Most women do…you spend most of your formative years dreaming about getting engaged and married – the ring, the ceremony, the bridesmaids.


David:  And after the acne clears up?


Maddie:  If you’re smart, it all goes back to the circle….capturing eternity…returning to itself…like life.


She takes his hand and places it on her midsection.


Maddie:  Kind of like this…


She smiles at him and continues.


Maddie:  Did you know the hole in the center of the ring symbolizes the gateway leading to things and events both known and unknown?


David:  The known and unknown, huh?


Maddie:  So sayeth the wise.


David is now the silent one, his brow furrowed and a pensive expression in his eyes.


They pull into the parking garage as the radio plays.


But you say it's time we moved in together
And raised a family of our own, you and me -
Well, that's the way I've always heard it should be:
You want to marry me….





Act 3, Scene 1

Blue Moon Detective Agency

Wednesday Morning

9:00 AM


David enters the office, whistling.  Agnes is seated at her desk, looking a little frantic.


Agnes:  Oh Mr. Addison, thank goodness you’re here.


David:  Well, all things considered, I’d rather be in Philadelphia, but ya gotta make a buck, right?


Agnes:  I guess, but listen….


David:  You will observe that the brains part of our brains and beauty combo is missing this morning.  Miss Hayes is draggin’ her wagon, and I convinced her that she and the papoose needed a little extra sack time.


Agnes:  I know, she already called me.  But listen……


David:  She did?  Oh well, I knew I shouldn’t have trusted her to stay in bed, especially with an unopened bag of Mint Milanos in the kitchen.


Agnes pulls herself upright and glares.


Agnes (sternly):  Mr. Addison!


David:  Ok, ok…who put the bug up your…….


Agnes:  Hey!  Did you remember the appointment that you have today with Brian Mathews?


David:  Yes, Agnes.


Agnes:  Well, Miss Hayes said that you were to let me sit in on it.  She said, and I quote, “He needs an unbiased female perspective.”


David:  Hmmph…unbiased and female in one sentence.


He laughs.


David:  Sure, Agnes, you can be Remington Steele and I’ll be Laura Holt.  So, is he here yet?


Agnes:  Yes, sir.  He’s in your office.  But wait, there’s more.


David:  Spill it…


Agnes:  Caprice is here also.


David:  Holy cow, Agnes, you buried the lead.  Caprice is not supposed to be here until tomorrow.


Agnes:  Yeah, she got her appointment date mixed up.  She sure is pretty, but she seems a little…..


David:  Confused, naive, fragile?


Agnes:  No, I think I meant dumb.


David:  Agnes, I am shocked and appalled.


Agnes:  Mr. Addison, after speaking to her for five minutes, I’m not quite sure she’s going to be able to find her way home.


David:  Luckily, there are probably legions of virile young males who would carry her around on their shoulders.


Agnes:  Ain’t it the truth?


David:  Hmmmm.  So what did you do with her?  Did they come in together? 


Agnes:  They came in separately, about fifteen minutes apart. She is in Ms. Hayes’ office – with Bert.


David:  Lord, Agnes, you are a trusting soul.


Agnes:  Bert wouldn’t go for her…he prefers a woman of substance.


David:  Ok, so let’s regroup.  I will go in and introduce myself to Caprice, then Bert will keep her distracted until you and I finish talking to Brian Mathews.  Then Bert and I will talk to Caprice…then we will all compare notes.


Agnes:  Sounds good.  Just one more thing.


She hands him a typed sheet.


Agnes:  This is a list of questions that Miss Hayes dictated over the phone.  She says you should use them for both Caprice and Mr. Mathews.


David:  That blonde…even micromanaging me from bed…although I guess that beats micromanaging me IN bed.


Agnes giggles.


David:  All right Detective Viola.  Give me five minutes to peek in on your hubby and Caprice to make sure there’s no hanky panky going on.


Agnes:  No chance of that, Mr. Addison….


David:  .and then you and I will take on Mr. Mathews.


Stage directions:  There is no dialogue in these vignettes…..just the music playing over as David dashes back and forth between the two offices.


Cue Music:


I see you, you see me

Watch you blowin’ the lines when you’re making a scene

Oh girl, you’ve got to know

What my head overlooks, my senses will show to my heart


David and Agnes enter his office, shake hands with Brian Mathews.  They take seats, and begin to converse.  David is doing most of the talking, while Agnes observes carefully.  David pauses for a moment and excuses himself…..


When it’s watching for lies

You can’t escape my…Private Eyes

They’re watching you

They see your every move


David enters Maddie’s office, where Bert and Caprice are sitting on the sofa.  David pulls over a chair and joins.  An almost mirror image of what occurred in Maddie’s office happens here.  David asks questions, and Bert observes.  After a few moments, David rises and heads out the door.


Private Eyes

They’re watching you

Private Eyes

They’re watching you watching you watching you watching you


David goes back into his office.  Agnes is talking, and David resumes his questioning.  Mathews looks confused, then irritated.  David again leaves.


You play with words, you play with love

You can twist it around, baby that ain’t enough

“Cause girl, I’m gonna know

If you’re letting me in, or letting me go


David goes back into Maddie’s office and begins to question Caprice.  She becomes visibly upset, and dabs her eyes with a tissue.  Bert looks sympathetic, as David leaves.


Don’t lie when you’re hurting inside

“Cause you can’t escape my….

 Private Eyes

They’re watching you

They see your every move


David returns to his own office.  Mathews is now agitated and shouting.  Agnes tries to calm him down while David watches carefully.  After a moment, he leaves again.


Private Eyes

They’re watching you

Private Eyes

They’re watching you watching you watching you watching you


David goes into Maddie’s office.  He speaks to Caprice.  She becomes enraged, and starts to shriek at him.  Bert tries to calm her down.


Why you try to put up a front for me

I’m a spy but on your side you see

Slip on, into any disguise

I’ll still know you look into my

Private Eyes


Music stops.


David returns to the outer office.  Mathews and Caprice storm out of their respective offices…and meet in the middle.  Both appear to be shocked, and unhappy to see each other.


 Agnes and Bert follow them out, but linger in the office doorways.


Caprice reacts first, addressing herself to David.


Caprice:  We’re done here, Mr. Addison.  Have someone call me a cab.


The office staff, who have been virtually unused in this episode, look up and answer as one.


Staff:  You’re a cab!


David gives them the thumbs up.


Caprice flounces out the door, giving it a slam for good measure.


Mathews looks to David and growls.


Mathews:  I don’t think we are done here by a longshot, Addison.


David:  I’ll speak to Brick and we’ll be in touch.


Mathews proceeds out the door, slamming it behind him as well.


David:  Wow, two door slams and the primary slammer is a couple of zip codes away.


He addresses Agnes and Bert.


David:  Well, that was interesting, huh?


They each nod, silently.


David:  Can you each get your notes together for me by about 2?  I’d like to go home a little early to check on Maddie, and have them ready to go over with her.


Agnes:  Absolutely, Mr. Addison


Bert:  Sure, Mr. A.


David:  I’ll be in my office watching a movie on the inside of my eyelids….


He exits, and Agnes and Bert scurry to their desks.  They each grab legal pads and start scribbling furiously as we




Act 3, Scene 2


David walks across the living room towards Maddie, carrying a huge wrapped box.


Maddie:  For me?


David:  I hope it’s what you want.


Maddie pulls at the wrapping….open the box and finds….another box.  She repeats the pattern and finds…yet another box, and another, and another.  All at once, there is a huge cascade of boxes from the sky, surrounding Maddie.


David stands aside, and watches as she begins opening.


The first box contains a large flower ring.  Maddie holds it up to look at it, and it squirts water in her eye.


The next contains a baby’s teething ring.  Another has nothing, but an eerie voice coming from within singing “Ring around the collar, ring around the collar.”


The next holds clanging, ringing bells, and another, a paper cigar band.


The next, a telephone, loudly pealing.  Another contains a Rock’em Sock ‘em Robot game, complete with boxing ring.


Maddie gets more and more frustrated with every box she opens.


Maddie:  Every ring but the right one…..


There is a loud ringing sound, repeating and repeating.


Cut to David’s office.


David is sleeping on his sofa.  There is a pounding on his door.  He awakens with a start, still in the midst of his dream.


Agnes sticks her head in the door.  She is carrying typed pages.


Agnes:  Sorry Mr. Addison, I’ve been calling and calling. I didn’t realize you were really sleeping.


David:  Miss Hayes isn’t the only one who is suffering from lack of shut-eye this month.


Agnes: I know that’s tough.  Well, here are the reports from Bert and I.  Hope we didn’t hold you up.


She turns to go, then turns back around to look at David.


Agnes:  You worried about something, Mr. Addison?


David:  Not worried as much as a little confused.  I might need a woman’s perspective.


Agnes:  Where could we find one of those?


David has a puzzled expression.


Agnes:  I’m just kidding, Mr. Addison, and you’re still half asleep.  What’s up?


David:  I’m really wondering if Maddie is expecting more.


Agnes screws up her face.


Agnes:  More…like twins?  Wouldn’t you know that by now?


David:  No Agnes...not twins.


Agnes:  Triplets?


David:  Not so much.  I’m talking about expectations…like the future.


Agnes:  I’m not following.


David:  Well, this case has stirred up a lot of conversation about rings and diamonds and such.


Agnes:  Rings are nice.


He grabs her hand.


David:  For example, this is a pretty nice rock on your finger.


Agnes giggles.


Agnes:  Well, sort of.


David:  You don’t like it?  That ring cost a pretty penny.  I was with Bert when he picked it out.


Agnes:  I’m going to tell you a secret.  This is not the original ring that Bert gave me.  It’s a copy.


David:  A fakeroo?


Agnes:  When we talked about buying a house and having Mickey, I decided it was much more important to use the money for those things.  So we had a copy of the ring made with one of those man made stones that look like diamonds – cubic zirconia, I think they are called.  And nobody was the wiser – until now.


David:  Even Bert?


Agnes:  Oh no, I wouldn’t have done that without Bert knowing.  I did it to help us to achieve our dreams.  Part of being a couple is sharing those important decisions…setting priorities…knowing what really matters.


David:  Yeah...knowing what matters....knowing what she wants…what she needs.  You know Maddie.


Agnes:  Well, I guess as much as anybody knows another person.


David:  In your opinion, where’s her head?


Agnes:  I think right now, she is happier than I’ve ever seen her.  You two are strong and committed, you trust each other, and you’re having a baby.  How much better could life be?


David:  That’s how I feel too.  But I don’t want her to think I’m not thinking of the future…of making it legal.


Agnes:  Mr. Addison, I think you’ve got to go with your heart.  I always feel, when something is right, I know it right away.  If I’m unsure, there’s usually something wrong – the time, the circumstances….something.


David:  That’s a good point, Agnes.  How did you get so smart?


Agnes:  Women’s intuition? 


David:  I think you just have people’s intuition.


Agnes:  Don’t worry so much, Mr. Addison.  You’re gonna be a dad.  Enjoy it.  Everything’s gonna be all right.


David:  Right?  Is that right?


Agnes turns to leave, singing as she goes.


Don’t worry about a thing,

 “Cause every little thing’s gonna be all right.

Singin’:  Don’t worry about a thing

“Cause every little thing’s gonna be all right.


Agnes turns back and grins at David before leaving.  His eyes light up ... he has what he considers the perfect idea ... as we






Act 4, Scene 1

Maddie’s Office

Thursday Morning

10:30 AM


David bustles around the room, dragging chairs around, checking their positioning, moving them again.


Maddie:  You missed your calling.  You should have been an interior decorator.


David:  We’ll leave that to Milo.  Although I do have a suggestion.


Maddie:  Be still my heart.


David:  I just thought, if we are going to keep taking cases with multiple clients and suspects, we might want to look into a conference room…or at least a conference table.


Maddie:  Well, that’s a much more practical suggestion than when you tried to bring in the pool table and the grand piano.


David:  It’s a good one too, especially if you’re going to be spending so much more time here in the office. 


Maddie:  What do you mean, more time in the office?  Nine weeks from now, I’ll be back, ready and raring to go, both in and out of the office.


David:  Nine weeks?  Me thinks there is something familiar about that.  Maybe I’d better get a move on that table if we’re gonna hold the christening here.


Maddie:  Christening?  David, we haven’t decided anything about……


Her voice tapers off as he flashes her a lascivious grin.


Maddie:  Oh, that christening.  Fat chance, conference room or not.  Right now we need to table this discussion and get back to the case.


David:  Table this discussion?  Hayes, you are full of them this week.


Maddie:  And you are full of something….now, hopefully you have a reason for rearranging my office.


David:  I want the seating set strategically.  I want Caprice and Brian to be facing each other at every moment.  And I want Brick where he can read both of them as well.


Maddie:  A little feng shui?


David:  No…I’m looking for good old fashioned confrontation, with hopefully a little guilt seeping in.


Maddie:  Where do Agnes and Bert go?


David:  If they really need to be here, they can huddle together over there on the couch.


Maddie:  They worked on this case.  They need to be part of the resolution.  It’s only fair.


David:  If they get chairs, their bonuses go down.


Maddie gives him the stink eye.


David:  Ok, we’ll stick them in the middle.


A knock on the door, and Agnes peeks in.  She has a moony expression on her face.


Agnes:  Brick Richards is here.


Maddie:  Show him in please, Agnes.


Brick Richards strides through the door and directly to Maddie.  He takes her hand.


Brick:  Miss Hayes, you look absolutely breathtaking today.


David mutters.


David:  I’d like to take somebody’s breath …..


Maddie flashes him a warning glance and returns her eyes to Brick.


Maddie:  Thank you, Brick. 


He hands her a brightly wrapped package.


Brick:  I got you a little something for your baby.


Maddie:  That is so nice.  Look, David, a gift for the baby.


David mutters something that might be construed as thanks.


Brick:  I am sure this is something you’re gonna love, Addison.


Maddie unwraps the package and lifts out a tiny Blue Jays jersey, with “Richards” spelled across the back.


Maddie:  Isn’t that sweet?


David mutters again.


David:  If you think that my……


He looks over at Maddie and regroups.


David:  Thanks, Richards.  I am sure we will find a good use for that.


Maddie:  The baby’s first baseball shirt.


David:  But not the last.


Maddie:  It was very lovely thing to do, Brick.  Thank you so much.


Brick: Best wishes to you and yours, ma’am


Maddie looks to David and senses it is time to change the subject.


Maddie: Brick, thank you for coming in.  I think we are going to provide you with just what you wanted today.


Brick:  I’m a little uncomfortable being mostly in the dark here.


David:  Take my word, Slick, this meeting is going to be driven by the element of surprise.


There is a knock on the door.


David:  Surprise number 1.  Come in.


Agnes enters, followed by Caprice.


Brick’s eyes go dark.  He speaks coldly.


Brick:  Caprice.


Caprice (huffy):  Brick.


There is another knock on the door, and Bert enters, followed by Brian Mathews.


David:  Surprise number 2.


Brick:  Brian?


Brian:  Brick.


David:  Good, everybody’s here.  Violas, you can sit there in the middle.  Caprice, right here, and Brian, over there.


This leaves Caprice and Brian facing each other directly in front of Maddie’s desk, with Bert and Agnes completing the semi-circle.


David leads Maddie to her desk chair, and takes his usual seat behind her on the credenza.  This leaves Brick standing awkwardly, until David nods his head towards the opposite end.  He walks to the credenza and sits, effectively completing a handsome set of bookends behind Maddie.


They are hardly settled when Caprice begins to speak.


Caprice:  I have no idea why I agreed to this.  I really think I should consult my attorney.


Maddie:  Miss…..Caprice, I guarantee you, if you don’t listen, you will definitely need an attorney.


Caprice flounces back in her chair.


Maddie:  I’m going to let Mr. Addison go through the details here.


David:  When you were both here the other day, we asked you a series of identical questions.  Interestingly enough, the answers to the questions were very different.


Brian:  Why is that so interesting?


David:  Well, the questions were simple ones, with some fairly predictable answers. But all of your answers were at opposite ends of the spectrum.  Now, in my experience, there could be two reasons for this.


Caprice:  Which are?


David:  Either you and Brian are complete and total strangers, or you’ve rehearsed your answers in some badly masterminded plot to deceive.


Caprice:  Badly?


Brian:  Masterminded?  Ridiculous!


David:  Exhibit A.  The first question was how well you knew each other.


Agnes:  Mr. Mathews said, “We were very close.  She was my best friend’s fiancée.”


Bert:  Caprice’s response was “Brian Mathews?  He hangs around Brick a lot, I don’t know him that well.”


Brian quickly looks at Caprice who avoids his eyes.


Caprice:  Exactly what does that prove?


David:  Maybe nothing.  But then we got down to the missing items.  Caprice, you told us you never saw the World Series ring.


Caprice:  Not that I remember.


Brick:  That’s not true.  I showed it to you when I first showed you the engagement ring.


Caprice:  I guess I forgot.  So sue me.


David:  And Brian, you said that you weren’t even aware that there was an engagement ring in the house.


Brick:  That’s not true either.  Not only have you seen it, but we had a long conversation when I finally got it back from Caprice.


Brian:  Did we?  Were we drinking?


David:  I think I’m just about ready to call bullshit here….just like I did the other day during both your interviews…which made you each so mad, you stormed out of here.


Caprice:  You were insulting.  You were trying to blame something on me.


Maddie:  Caprice, are you saying that you and Mr. Mathews had no dealings with each other…no contact after you broke off your engagement?


Caprice looks around for help, eyes wild, but stays silent.


Maddie:  Would you like to field that question, Mr. Mathews?


Brian:  No problem.  Sure, we stayed in touch.  I felt sorry for her.  Frankly, I think she got a bum deal from Brick.


Brick:  Seriously?


Brian:  You’re so used to having everything your own way.  So the kid used you to get a little publicity for her career.  What was the harm?


Brick:  The harm was that she pretended she was in love with me when she did it.


Brian:  Let’s face it, Brick…you like it when everybody pretends to be a little in love with you. 


Brick:  Exactly what are you saying?


Brian:  You’re the hero…you’ve got the talent and the drive.  And everybody else is supposed to stand around and do for you, worship you.  It gets old, you know?


Brick rises from his seat and starts towards Brian.  He is stopped by Maddie’s arm blocking his path.


Maddie:  Don’t make me get up, Brick.  It’s only a one hour show.


Brick sits back down but is clearly angry.


Maddie:  So you and Caprice became an item.


Brian:  Yes.


Caprice:  No.


David:  Which is it?


Caprice:  No.  He gave me sympathy when I needed some.  That’s all.


Now Brian is the one that is angry.


Brian:  Why you b…..


David:  Better come clean is what I think he was going to say.


Brian:  It was all her…all her idea.


Caprice (shrieking):  Shut up Brian, you are such a lying bastard!


David:  Let’s cut to the chase here.  After the interviews the other day, Mr. and Mrs. Viola...the Robins to our Batman, came to the conclusion that you were both lying and in cahoots. Yesterday, they did a run through all the pawn shops in Hollywood, showed your pictures around, and guess what we found ?


Caprice and Brian sit silently.


David:  A picture is worth a thousand words.  Take a gander.


He picks up a remote, and points it at the VHS player.  An image appears on the television screen.


David:  Recognize the guy in the Blue Jays baseball cap?  That’s a pretty lame excuse for a disguise, Brian.  And wait a minute….wait for it…….look who is slithering into camera range.  Caprice, a clue…no big sunglasses are ever gonna hide your assets.


Maddie:  So what we have here is the video surveillance tape from the pawn shop along with the receipts/  This proves that you sold some of Brick’s memorabilia and appliances from the house…to the tune of about seven thousand dollars.


Brick:  Brian, what the hell?  You could have just asked me for seven K.


Brian:  You’ll never know what that feels like, having to beg for money.


Brick:  So you turned a blind eye to our friendship and stole it?  I know why she did it, but God, man, twenty five years.


Maddie:  Let’s get back to business here.  The two things that have not turned up here are the engagement set and the World Series ring.


David:  Unless they have been broken up and sold for the stones and the gold.


Maddie:  Brick is willing to let you both walk away if you return those.


Caprice:  With no police…no publicity?


David:  With the return of the items, and the promise that you will both be gone from Brick’s life for good.


Caprice reacts quickly.


Caprice:  I’m in.


Brian:  Sure, you already got your payoff.


Brick stares long and hard at Brian.


Brick:  Payoff.  You want your payoff?


Maddie:  Brick, it’s not necessary.  You’re doing enough, not pressing any charges.


Brick:   Oh no, Miss Hayes, Brian is actually right.  He certainly deserves a settlement equal to the one I gave Caprice…after all, he’s been in my life a lot longer.


Maddie:  It’s your call, Brick.


David:  Provided they both go immediately with my detectives to retrieve the rings.


Brian:  That’s very fair of you, Brick.  I think…..


Brick cuts him off with a glare.


Brick:  And you and all your things are out of my house by night fall.


Maddie:  Bert, you will accompany Caprice and Brian to get the rings, and bring them back here.


Brick is furiously scribbling a check, which he hands to Bert. 


Brick:  Once you have the rings, and he gets his stuff, give this to him.  I don’t want to lay eyes on either of them, ever again.


David:  Bert, take Jergenson with you, in case you need some help.


Bert:  You got it, boss.


Bert and Agnes exit the office, followed by Caprice.  Brian walks slower, and looks back, seemingly with remorse.


Brian:  Brick, I……


Brick:  See ya, Bri.  Have a nice life.


Brian exits, and we fade to black.


Act 4, Scene 2

Maddie’s office

Two hours later.


Maddie has moved to the sofa, and is semi-reclining, with her feet up.  David and Brick are both pacing, each with different motivation.  They occasionally cross paths, almost bumping, and exchange looks.


The door opens, and Bert enters, carrying a plastic shoe box.  He chatters excitedly.


Bert:  They were right there on your property.  They had them buried under the house.


Brick:  Is Brian gone?


Bert:  He drove away just before I did.


He reaches into his pocket.


Bert:  Here are his keys.


David takes the box.


David:  Thanks, Bert.  Good job.


Bert exits as David sets the plastic container on the coffee table, and they gather round. There are two boxes inside.  He pulls out the larger of the two boxes, and opens it, revealing the World Series ring.


David gasps.


David:  Wow!


Brick:  Isn’t it a beauty?  I never thought I would have it back without some major crap coming down.  You guys really did a great job.


Maddie:  Can I see that?


Brick hands the ring to Maddie.


Maddie:  It’s heavy. 


She reaches over and grabs David’s hand.  She slides the ring onto his finger.


Maddie:  Is it all that you thought it would be?


David:  Well, it’s great, but it’s not mine.  Not my symbol of accomplishment.


He takes it off and hands it to Brick, who slides it on his own finger, and admires it.


Maddie reaches into the container and pulls out the smaller set.  She opens the box and views the diamond wedding set.


Maddie:  It’s beautiful.


Brick:  It is, isn’t it?  Wanna try it on?


Maddie shakes her head. 


Maddie:  No thanks.  You need to save it till you find the right girl.


David:  And wait until the time is right.


Maddie smiles up at him, brightly.


Maddie:  Absolutely.


Brick returns the set to the container, and closes it.  He slides it under his arm.


Brick:  I want to thank you for doing such a great job.  No matter what your bill says, I will be adding a substantial bonus.


He smiles down at Maddie.


Brick:  Think of it as some extra boxes of Pampers.


He puts out his hand to David. 


Brick:  Thanks, Addison.


David:  Nice to meet you, Brick.  Glad we could help.


Brick:  Hope you don’t mind this.


Brick leans down and kisses Maddie on the cheek.


Brick:  Thanks, Maddie.


Maddie:  I am glad we could help you get your rings back, but I am so sorry you had to lose a friend.


Brick:  Well, maybe Brian said it best….. I do have thousands of people who love me….maybe I just need to narrow it down to one or two.


He looks at them thoughtfully.


Brick:  Like you two have.


He heads towards the door, then looks back at the two of them.


Brick:  Beside, I can’t feel too bad.


He waves his hand towards David.


Brick:  I’ve got a World Series ring.


He laughs and exits.


David stands stock still for a moment, then turns to Maddie.


David:  I don’t ever want to hear the name Brick Richards again.






The Hayes/Addison bedroom

That Same Evening

10:00 PM


Maddie stands on the balcony outside the bedroom.  There is a full moon so bright that it floods the room with yellow light.


David enters the bedroom, kicking off his shoes as he walks.


David:  OK, dog walked, lights out, all present and accounted for.


He pops his head into the bathroom.


David:  Maddie?


Maddie:  I’m out here.


He turns towards the sound of her voice and sees her through the open door, bathed in moonlight.


The corners of his lips turn up involuntarily.  He walks onto the balcony.


David:  Watcha doin’, moonbathing?


Maddie:  it’s beautiful, isn’t it?  An amazing full moon.


David:  Bet it’s a blue moon.


Maddie:  Nope…we had a blue moon in August.  You only get one of those every couple of years.


David:  Ha!  That’s what I get for trying to be a romantic.  Stomped on by Lady Practical.


Maddie:  Truth in advertising.  Take me as I am.


David:  Gladly.


He hesitates for a moment, then forges on.


David:  Listen, Maddie…I have something for you.


He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny square box.  Maddie looks and her eyes widen.


Maddie:  Oh God, you’re not going to get down on one knee, are you?


David:  No… open it.


She cautiously flips the lid open.  It contains a small ring made of gold, with a line of silver outlining the milky white center.  Maddie exhales, almost in relief.


Maddie:  It’s not a diamond.


David:  Nope.


Maddie:  And it’s tiny.


David:  It’s for your little finger.  You know, the one right next to the one with the vein that leads to your heart.


She smiles at him.


Maddie:  And the stone is unusual.  What is it?


David:  It’s not so much a stone as it is man made.  It’s quartz with liquid crystal.  This, my dear, is a mood ring.


Maddie:  A mood ring?


David:  C’mon Maddie you were a teenager in the 70s.  You remember mood rings – blue means you’re in love, red means you’re anxious, purple you’re relaxed.  And black!  When that sucker turns black, everybody had better head for the hills.


He looks at her, trying to gauge her reaction.


David:  I thought it would give me a distinct advantage, especially over the next couple weeks.


She pushes him, but she is laughing with delight.


Maddie:  You’re crazy…you know?  I absolutely love it.


She slides it onto her finger.


David:  Yeah, well with all this talk of rings and all….


He reaches for her and pulls her towards him.  He runs his hands around her stomach, the part that is their baby bridging the gap between them.


David:  This…..this is my circle….our circle.


He laces his fingers behind her back and pulls her close against him.


David:  Right here, in my hands, I have everything I ever want.  Forever and always.  The known and the unknown. I love you.


Maddie looks into his eyes, and hers start to shine.  One small tear escapes, and he rubs it gently with his thumb, then returns his hands to her middle.


Maddie:  I can’t imagine my life without you.


Her eyes drop to her abdomen.


Maddie:  Our lives without you.  I love you, David.


She winds her arms around his neck and they kiss intensely.


David:  So…that capturing eternity stuff?


Maddie:  It’s like trying to catch lightning in a bottle.  It once seemed almost impossible…but yet, here we are!


He kisses her again lightly. Their lips part….smiling.  She holds out her hand to admire her new ring.


Maddie:  Will you look at that?


The mood ring is bright, brilliant blue.


David:  Blue, huh? 


He looks at her and smiles broadly.


David:  There was never a doubt in my mind.


They kiss in the moonlight as the music rises.



There, there was a time I knew

That no matter, come what may, love

Would prevail

And then inside the dreams I knew

Came the question lovers fear

Can true love fail

Then I would miss the childhood wish

And haven't sung to you

Of the knight in armor bright

Faithful and true to you


Darling, after all

I will be the one to hold you in arms

After all

I will be the one to hold you

I will be the one to hold you in my arms

In my arms


I know in my heart and mind

That no matter, come what may, love will survive

And love, the author of space and time

Keeps the galaxies and each sparrow alive

And the love that heals the wound

After the war is through

Is the night in the armor bright

Faithful and true to you



Maddie turns in David’s arms and leans back against him.  His hands rest on her stomach and they stare at the moon together.




About the title:


In baseball terminology, the sweet spot is the magical or mystical part of the baseball bat found only by the feel and sound when the bat hits the ball.  Theoretically, when your bat meets or kisses the ball, everything falls into place…like it’s meant to be… magic.



Music Credits:


Wild Thing by the Troggs  1987


Whoot There It Is by 95 South  1993


I Got My Mind Set on You by George Harrison 1988


Wear My Ring Around Your Neck  1958


It Ain’t Gonna Rain No More by Del Williams Band  1928


This Diamond Ring by Gary Lewis and the Playboys  1965


That’s the Way I’ve Always Heard it Should Be by Carly Simon  1971


Private Eyes by Hall and Oates  1981


Three Little Birds by Bob Marley and the Wailers  1977


After All by Al Jarreau  1984





This episode is dedicated to the Philadelphia Phillies, my boys of Summer…but sadly, not Fall this year.  Although they didn’t achieve the ultimate goal this year, the 2011 season was an amazing ride that I will not soon forget.  You varied my days and my nights…and I had a good time!  Thank you.


To my friend Kim, my assistant music coordinator on this venture.  Thanks for your hard work, and thanks for “After All”.  You and Al…perfect together!


To all of our dear readers who have been so supportive and complimentary.  Your thoughtful words keep us going!


To Connie and Jen…not only my girls of Summer, but Fall, Winter, and Spring (training) too!  Your friendship and support makes this venture a joy.  You are two amazing ladies, super talented writers, and baseball fans to boot!  (You’re just rooting for the wrong teams!)  Spring training 2012...we’re gonna do it, I swear!


To Lizzie…thanks for hauling my ass out of the ashes again.  With just the right word or phrase, you can pull me together and send me on my journey far better than I started…..and I am not only talking about writing.  Thank you, my friend…I am blessed beyond measure to have you.


And to the real MVPs, the cast, crew and writers of Moonlighting.  Cybill, Bruce, Glenn and company – I would be proud to be on your team any time…even if it’s only Virtually!

Comments always welcome.