VIRTUAL
MOONLIGHTING
SEASON 10 EPISODE 11
WORKING IT ALL OUT
You can’t touch this!
You can’t touch this!
You can’t touch this!
MC
Hammer’s Can’t Touch This thumps loudly through a popular LA fitness
facility. A sweaty, over developed bodybuilder grunts and growls as he lifts a
heavily weighted barbell above his head. He lets it drop to the floor with a
crash. His trainer slaps him a high five and hands him a bottle of water and a
towel.
A
man enters the men’s locker room, wiping sweat off of his face. He goes to a
locker, dials the combination lock, and commences to undress. Other men have
dressed and left, leaving the locker room quieter than usual. He wraps another
towel around his waist and turns to go to a shower stall.
A
locker room attendant with coke bottle glasses pushes a cleaning cart, eyeing
him and his locker from beneath a large baseball cap. He pushes his cart in
front of the row of lockers and stops.
CUT TO…
A
class of fifteen to twenty women of different ages, sizes and shapes moves in
sync. The class instructor shouts aerobic dance steps and motivation as the
group flashes across the gym floor. A rainbow of the latest fitness fashion
goes with them…bright colored leg warmers over hosiery with matching leotards
and headbands. Splotches of sweat threaten to seep through their fitness vogue.
CUT TO…
A
view of the entire facility where a large mass of people work to keep up with
three dozen treadmills, stationary bikes, various weight machines and the
occasional elliptical. On one side several rows of enthusiasts balance on large
inflated balls colored blue, pink, silver, red and green. They roll and crunch
their abs…some better balanced than others.
CUT TO…
The
man in the locker room stands in a steamy shower with his eyes closed,
shampooing and water sliding down his face. We see his hand turn off the water,
grab his towel hanging on a hook and throw it over his face and head, drying
himself while on the move.
You can’t touch this!
CUT TO…
The
camera catches…or we notice…that attention is drawn to the center of the gym. A
young woman dressed in black, tight fitting cropped leggings flaunts across the
floor. Her white sports bra struggles to contain its contents. She has long
bleached blond hair tied in a high ponytail with a bright colored band. Her
sexy toned arms, the tops of her firmly supported breasts and rock-hard abs are
a golden brown. She makes a show of strutting to a drinking fountain where she
juts her firm round buns out and bends over to get a drink. All of the men are
entranced…some of the women can be seen rolling their eyes.
We
see an older, gray-haired gentleman, seemingly intoxicated by the backside view
of the blonde. He loses his footing slightly on a treadmill. His wife, also slightly gray-headed,
continues her stroll on her own treadmill next to him.
Wife: (not missing a beat)
Oh for Pete’s sake George! Quit tripping over your tongue!
You can’t touch this!
You can’t touch this!
You can’t touch this!
The
bombshell wipes water from her chin with the back of her perfectly manicured
hand. She grabs a towel from a shelf and makes her way to an office door where
her male counterpart, a dark-headed trainer sporting a shirt with the gym logo,
greets her with a smile.
A
locker room attendant with a long black ponytail tied under her cap pushes a
supply cart, watching the gym owner and the woman laugh and joke. People brush
by her, tossing their sweaty towels into her dirty towel bag hanging on the
side. She frowns as the gym owner closes his office door.
The
rest of the men in the gym carry on…the show is over.
CUT TO…
The
man in the locker room has exited the shower, his towel tied around his waist.
A group of men enter the locker room joking and laughing.
He
stands in front of his locker and it’s the first time we can actually see his
face. He looks a lot like Brad Pitt…because he is Brad Pitt! Pulling the door open, he sees all of its
contents are gone…
He
looks around the locker room to see if anyone notices his predicament…
Pitt: What the hell?!
You can’t touch this!
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
ACT I
SCENE I
Blue Moon
Morning
Familiar
theme music plays as dozens of people walk quickly through the lobby of Century
City Plaza carrying briefcases, coffee and newspapers. Some greet each other
with smiles and good mornings…others take the last drags of their mid-morning
cigarettes before heading to their offices…and others look ready to pounce
through elevator doors as soon as they open. And they do.
Maddie
and David can be seen in one as people push their way inside, interrupting a
discussion between them and pushing them to the back corner of the elevator. A
large man with a bulging leather bag slung over his shoulder scrunches David
closer to Maddie.
He
leans down and speaks softly in her ear.
David: You left her all of the numbers, right?
Maddie: (checks her watch, whispers) Yes, but Ellie is sometimes fussy
right before her morning nap. I can’t remember if I told Sunny about that. I
should probably call her as soon as I get in the office.
The
elevator stops several times and people shift and move to let others off. Each
time the door opens we can see Maddie and David shift with them, trying to
continue their discussion. Finally, two pairs of familiar looking shoes quickly
step off the elevator on the twenty-second floor.
David: (grabbing Maddie’s arm) Whoa-ho-ho!
Take it easy there, pahdnuh! No need to go stampeding into Blue Moon your first
day back.
They pause
in the hallway.
Maddie: (on the verge of tears) David, I just want to call home and
check in. I feel like I’ve abandoned our little Bunny…
He
wraps his arm around her as they forge ahead into this new parenting territory
and enter Blue Moon. She checks her watch again…and David does the same,
unbeknownst to Maddie.
The
office employees, led by Herbert and Agnes, have taken their places just inside
the door.
Employees: WELCOME BACK, MS. HAYES!
A
flurry of confetti is thrown. A huge Welcome Back sign hangs on the window
blinds and helium-filled balloons float on the ceiling. Agnes hands Maddie a
bouquet of fresh flowers and gives her a hug.
Agnes: You look terrific Ms. Hayes! Motherhood has treated you well, I
think!
Maddie: Thank you Agnes. And thank you everyone for all of your hard
work while I’ve been away. It’s good…it’s nice to be back on a more regular
basis.
The
women gather around her and start firing questions about babies, being a mother
and if it was hard to come back to work.
David: All right, ladies, all right! You can carry on with your
little hen party, but I’ve got things to do. So before the boss starts slamming
doors, I’d best get to it!
He
gives them all a wink and goes inside his office.
Maddie: Well, I suppose I should get busy as well. Agnes, any messages
that I need to follow up with? Has Mr. Addison turned in any receipts for
billing this month?
Agnes: Just a few messages from last week, Ms. Hayes, and Mr. Addison
is all up to date on receipts. We’ve all been busy bees around here. He spent
most of last week getting ready for your return so you might not have a whole
lot to do right away.
Maddie: (gazes at David’s office door) Well, that doesn’t surprise me
at all, Agnes. He’s really been terrific.
They
make their way into Maddie’s office.
Agnes: (nods) Bert was the same way. They say new motherhood is a
powerful thing, but no one ever really talks about how fatherhood affects a new
dad. Herbert has been terrific too, but he was a nervous wreck when I started
back to work.
Maddie: And how were you, Agnes? You first day back, I mean?
Agnes: Oh, I was a mess, for sure. I just
tried to not show it around him. But, if I had to do it over, I wouldn’t hide
it so much, you know? I mean, everyone knows it’s hard.
Agnes
sees Maddie’s conflict written all over her.
Agnes: You know Ms. Hayes, Mickey has thrived in day care, even though
he was a little sick at first. But all of his teachers really love him and he’s
happy there. That’s all that really matters, right? Happy babies make happy
mothers is what I always tell myself.
They
share a smile.
Maddie: Thanks Agnes. I know Ellie is going to be just fine. I just
didn’t realize how hard this would be!
Agnes: Well, can I get you anything else? Do you have a vase for the
flowers?
Maddie: Yes, I think I do. No, that’s all, Agnes. I suppose I should
try to make the day productive. Let’s hope a case or two comes our way today!
Agnes: Okay, then, I’ll leave you to it then.
Maddie: Thanks again, Agnes.
She
turns to leave, starts to say something else, but thinks twice as she sees
Maddie pull a picture frame out of her purse and place it on her desk. She smiles
knowingly and leaves, softly closing the door behind her.
Maddie
fills a vase with water from the bathroom and puts the flowers in it. She
catches her reflection in the mirror, grabs a tissue and wipes a tear from her
cheek. And then checks her watch. And with a sigh of resolution, she goes to
the phone and dials.
A
busy signal…
She hangs
up, fiddles with a pen…and then dials again. Busy! Frustrated, she punches the
button and hangs up the receiver. Then, staring at the phone she picks it up
again….
Maddie: Third time’s the charm…
She
dials, punching the last number emphatically.
It
rings and a smile appears on her face.
Sunny: Hayes-Addison residence.
Maddie: Sunny! This is Maddie!
She
picks up the new picture she brought for her desk and thumbs Ellie’s little
smiling face.
Sunny: Ah! Maddie! I just got off the phone with David!
Maddie: (leaning back in her chair) You did, huh?
Sunny: Yes! And I’ll tell you the same thing I told him.
Everything is fine. Little Ellie is sleeping soundly and will be ready for a
stroll after lunch. There’s no need to worry. I promise everything is fine.
Maddie: I know. I guess I just needed to hear one other person say it
this morning.
A
quick knock is heard at the door and David appears. He sees Maddie smiling and
saunters over to the edge of her desk.
Sunny: Calls are fine, but if I don’t answer, assume Miss Ellie is
busy going about her day so you two can do the same.
Maddie
eyes David.
Maddie: Yes, I suppose that is the whole reason we have you, Sunny. And
we certainly don’t doubt that Ellie is in good hands. It’s just first day
jitters, I suppose.
Sunny: Yes, well all is well and uh….Bunny and I look
forward to seeing you later today!
Maddie
smiles at hearing her refer to Ellie as Bunny. She eyes David, knowing he’s the
one who spilled the beans.
Maddie: Okay, kiss Bunny for me. I’ll let you go now. And I’ll check back later.
A
“caught” look crosses David’s face.
Sunny: Of course, Maddie, of course, if David doesn’t beat you to it! Now you
two enjoy your day! Good-bye now!
Maddie: Good-bye.
She hears the click of the line and holds the phone
to her chest a moment.
David: I was just coming in here to give you a report on the home front.
Should’ve known you’d beat me to it!
David takes the receiver from her and places it on
its cradle. He knows this day is hard for her.
A beat…
David: I think what we need is a good case to jump-start your first day back.
Maddie: Yeah, what did you have in mind?
David: Well, nothing in particular, but you just wait because this is the part
in ACT I where Agnes comes in with a client, we discuss…yada, yada, yada, yes,
no, yes and ba-bing! (he snaps his fingers) we get neck deep in something!
Maddie: Oh yeah! I thought that didn’t happen until ACT II? I’m out of practice…
David: Not from where I’m sitting. (Smiles)
A beat…
David: (shrugs) ACT II, ACT I…
There’s a knock on the door.
David and Maddie: Good ol’ Agnes.
David turns to see Agnes entering with a large
muscular man a few years younger than him. We see he is the same man that
greeted the blonde bombshell in the gym. He’s wearing a black pullover shirt
that stretches across his massive pectorals. Two buttons at the top are no way
near being buttoned because his neck and chest are too thick. His black wind
pants have three white stripes down both legs and he sports the latest elite
running shoes. His dark hair is slicked back and the veins on his arms pulse
with “machoism.” His six-pack abs…or possibly eight… need no sucking in.
Standing tall to greet him, David clears his throat…
Hitches his pants up slightly…
And sucks in his gut.
This
portion of Virtual Moonlighting is brought to you by Thighmaster. Squeeze your way to shapely hips and thighs…fit
into those jeans again with Thighmaster! To order your Thighmaster call
1-800-555-5555 and have your MasterCard or VISA ready. $19.95…30 day money back
guarantee. Call now for quick delivery!
Agnes: Mr. Addison? Ms. Hayes? This is Mr. DaVain. He doesn’t have an
appointment, but I thought you might like to speak with him. Is now a good
time?
David: Now would be the perfect time, Agnes!
David extends a hand and Mr. DaVain shakes firmly. A
slight grimace crosses David’s face.
David: I’m David Addison. (Gritting his
teeth) And this is Maddie Hayes.
Mr. DaVain lets go of David’s hand as he turns his
attention to Maddie. David stands trying to feign toughness, shaking his limp
hand behind his back.
He holds Maddie’s extended hand ever so delicately
for a moment.
Mr. DaVain (smiles): Maddie Hayes? Madolyn Hayes? I used to love to watch your shampoo
commercials when I was a younger! How long has that been now?
Maddie
(blushing
slightly): More years
than I care to mention.
He still holds her hand. David interrupts his gaze.
David: (under his
breath) See, I wasn’t the only one… So, Mr. DaVain, have a seat.
Mr.
DaVain: Please, call me Joe.
He lumbers
over to one of the office chairs. David perches on the corner of Maddie’s desk
as he peruses the bulging muscles of this guy, and he seems to realize who this
man is…or might be. Maddie takes a chair next to him, grabbing a yellow note
pad and pen.
David: DaVain…Joe DaVain…now why does that
ring a bell?
DaVain: Could be you’ve heard of my father,
Jon DaVain? Or my grandfather, Jack DaVain?
Maddie: Oh, of course, Jack DaVain, the king
of fitness on TV for many years. My mother used to perfect her plie squats with
him many a morning.
DaVain: Yes, that was Grandpa, back in his
golden years. He’s still going strong at eighty!
Maddie: What can we do for you here at
Blue Moon?
DaVain:
I
manage the new gym in town. Maybe you’ve heard of it?
Maddie and David answer simultaneously.
Maddie:
Yes.
David: No.
David looks at Maddie, puzzled.
Maddie:
(shrugs)
DaVain Gyms. I looked into their membership a few weeks ago. It’s the hottest
new place to sweat. Seems as though fitness and fancy gym memberships is the
craze these days.
David (still
puzzled): It is?
Where have I been?
Maddie
(ignores
David): We just had a baby. Well… a few months ago… In fact, this is my first
full day back at the office, but I do know the place you’re talking about.
DaVain: Wow! You
just had a baby? You look terrific!
David shifts, a little self-conscious again.
Maddie
(modestly): Well, it
hasn’t been easy.
DaVain: What did
you do?
David
(a
little smirk): Do tell!
DaVain gives David a confused look.
Maddie
(eyes
David): Well… Ellie
and I have been sweating to the oldies…
DaVain: Ah! Richard
Simmons, of course!
David: And all
this time I thought it was all of the extra-parental time…I feel so used!
DaVain still gives David a confused look.
Maddie: Don’t
worry, he has that effect on a lot of people. So, Joe, how can we help you?
DaVain: Three
months ago we began to have a number of thefts at our gym.
David:
Did
you contact the police?
DaVain:
Yes.
They questioned a few personal trainers and members.
Maddie: And what
came out of their investigation?
DaVain:
Not
much. They focused
on one client in particular, but she claimed she was in an aerobics class at
the time of the uh… first incident. The class attendance records we keep
supported her alibi.
Maddie: And no
leads at all?
DaVain: No, nothing
to make them continue the investigation around her anyway. She’s since dropped
her membership.
David: And the
thefts continued? So, are you talking about a missing wallet here, a missing
watch there? In the locker room or something?
DaVain:
Well…it
does happen in the locker room…
Maddie and David share a look.
DaVain: When it
first happened we all thought it was just a joke someone was playing on the new
clients…a way to make sure they remember to close their lockers and actually
lock it.
Maddie:
And
what is this not so funny joke?
DaVain: Someone is
stealing our clients’ clothes…leaving them with nothing but the towel they took
with them to the showers. It’s very embarrassing…and we’ve lost quite a few
present and potential customers because of it.
David suppresses a snicker. Maddie gives him a “knock it off” look.
Maddie:
Sounds
like a bunch of nonsense in the men’s locker room to me.
DaVain: But, this isn’t only happening in the men’s
locker room, Ms. Hayes. The women have been victims as well.
Maddie:
Surely
you have security cameras in your gym?
DaVain: Everywhere
but in the locker rooms. We even have a few in the parking lot.
David: I don’t
understand. Why wouldn’t the police follow up on this? Maybe plant someone
inside?
DaVain:
Partly
because the unsuspecting aren’t filing complaints. The embarrassment of it
makes them only want to drop their membership and leave.
Maddie:
Maybe
it is all a prank?
DaVain: Our
business is suffering because of it. Membership has dropped. Apparently word is
out that customers often get left with nothing but a DaVain towel on them.
David:
I’m not so sure we can do anything either.
David rubs his chin, looks at Maddie and contemplates the situation.
David:
Although
this is certainly the type of case Blue Moon is known to handle. We could
probably do a little surveillance and--
Maddie: David…can I
see you a moment…outside?
David:
And
you say you’re out of practice.
They both step outside the office door and face each other in the usual
stand off pose.
David
(smiles):
Just like riding a bike, ain’t it?
Maddie: David, I
don’t think I want to do surveillance in a gym full of bodies like the one
that’s in my office. I know exactly how that will go… and…
David:
But,
I think this is exactly the kind of case we should take your first week back.
It’ll be easy. Just a little spying here and there…
He sees something else is bothering her.
David:
And?
Maddie:
And?
David:
I
get the feeling you were going to say something else.
Maddie checks the office employees… they seem to be immersed in the
latest baby pictures.
Maddie:
(whispers) Well…I was
just thinking…I don’t think I have a thing to wear for this kind of
surveillance…I mean…some of those fitness freaks really wear…or wear less than
what I would wear at home…
David laughs and copies her, checking out the staff. He gives her a
mischievous look up and down.
David: (whispers)
I’m sure you’ll look great in the latest fitness fashion.
Maddie: (still
keeping her voice down) Have you seen some of that garb?
David:
Let
me get this straight. You don’t want to take the case? Because you have nothing
to wear? Think about those other poor souls who are literally left with nothing to wear,
Maddie!
Maddie sighs, knowing he’s right.
David:
I
think it’s perfect for us.
Maddie:
I
know…it is…I guess so…but I’ve got the feeling this is gonna be one heck of a
workout.
She opens the door and David holds back, watching her walk inside.
David:
(under
his breath) How hard can it be?
Scene
III
Hayes-Addison
House
Late
afternoon/Early evening
The Lexus pulls into the long, gated driveway. It’s barely parked before
we see Maddie dashing from the front seat and scampering through the front
door. She comes to a stop in the foyer as she sees Ellie in the den, sitting in
her swing and cooing. Sunny plays peek-a-boo with towels she’s been folding on
the sofa. David smiles as he finally catches up with her carrying a large
shopping bag from Freddie’s Fitness World.
The sight of his daughter freezes him in his tracks as well.
Sunny: Well look
who has come home, Ellie! Do you think mom and dad have survived today?
She pulls Ellie out of her swing and carries her to Maddie. Ellie kicks
her legs with pleasure when she sees them. David drops the shopping bag on a
chair and watches as Maddie takes Ellie in her arms and showers her with little
kisses.
David:
Yes,
Sunny, I believe we all did…with flying colors.
He kisses Maddie and strokes Ellie’s head.
He and Sunny share a smile.
Maddie:
So,
I guess everything has gone well…since the last time we talked?
Sunny:
Everything
has been just fine. I was just folding some laundry. I’ll put it away before I
retire for the evening, unless you need me to do anything else.
Maddie:
No, I think we’ve all had a full first day.
Sunny:
Well,
your dinner is in the oven and Ellie had a bottle about an hour ago, so she
should be happy for a while.
David: Thanks
Sunny.
Maddie:
Yes,
thank you…please, feel free to relax the rest of the evening. Don’t mind us!
Sunny: Oh, I plan
to. Tonight is my TV night! Nothing like a little Columbo after a long day!
But, if you need me for anything be sure to call. Bye Ellie. You be good now
for mom and dad.
She tickles her toes through her bootie socks and leaves the three of
them. Ellie displays a slobbery grin. David takes her from Maddie.
David:
Come
on little squirt! Let’s go see what’s for dinner. I’m starving!
She kicks her legs again as David holds her out at eye level and then
brings her to one shoulder. Maddie follows them into the kitchen, making faces
at her, eliciting another squirm.
The kitchen swing door sways a few times and finally settles to a close.
David: Ah, you
like that, huh? Well, just you wait…I’ve got all kinds of fun things…..
FADE TO BLACK
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
ACT
II
Scene
I
The
next morning
DaVain
Gym
The blue Lexus sedan circles the parking lot of DaVain’s gym. People are
coming and going…some in a hurry to get to a class…some hand in hand with small
children, burdened with diaper bags on top of gym bags…all with a mission in
common.
David waits for a mother and child to cross and then pulls into an open
parking slot.
David: Ok, Maddie,
let’s go see what we can find out…. I figure we scope out the locker rooms
first…
He grabs both of their gym bags, opens the car door and gets out. He
sports mid-thigh length dark blue shorts, a new pair of hi-tops that happen to
be laced for the occasion and a gray sleeveless t-shirt.
Maddie is slow to exit the car.
David:
(closing
door) …Talk to a few people and then meet up in the gym…With any luck we’ll
solve this oddball case in a day and…
He suddenly realizes he’s talking to himself, as Maddie still sits in the
car. Puzzled he goes around to Maddie’s door and opens it.
David:
Maddie?
She’s taking one last look in the visor mirror, adjusting her leotard.
David: What are you
doing?
Maddie: (sighs)
Just making sure everything is in the right place and making sure it stays that
way. It’s a good thing I’m not nursing Ellie as much as before otherwise this
would be a catastrophe! How did I ever let you talk me into this? And why did I
let you do the shopping for it? Freddie’s Fitness my foot! I guess I should be
thankful it’s not from Fredrick’s!
David laughs.
David: Come on
Maddie. You have nothing to worry about.
She twists and adjusts herself one last time and takes David’s offered
hand, reluctantly emerging from the car.
Maddie is dressed in the perfect gym get-up…white Nike high-top aerobic
shoes with a bright pink swoosh…nude colored panty hose with bright pink leg
warmers to match the Nike emblem…which also matches her hair clasps and
scrunchie pony tail holder. Her sleeveless tank leotard is splashed with
vibrant shades of pink, blue, green, purple and a tad of yellow. Little black
swirls are scattered here and there.
She gives David the eye, daring him to make some comment. He eyeballs her
with a smirk. Knowing he should probably hold his tongue, he gives her his
trademark salute.
Maddie:
Do
you remember what I told you the last time you saluted me?
David:
That
salute was in honor of you and America’s national security. This salute, Madolyn Hayes, is for you and all of those lucky bastards
you’re about to grace with your presence.
He wraps his arm around her, pulling her close as they walk towards the
gym. His hand slides down and gives her tush a playful squeeze through her
leotard. Maddie shoves him slightly and grins, giving his barely noticeable…but
there….love-handles a pinch.
David:
Hey! What was that?
Maddie:
(shrugs
with a smile) Nothing…
She tries to pinch him again.
David:
You
tryin’ to tell me something?
Maddie:
Me?
Tell you something? (little shrug)…No…
David: Let’s get
this case over and done with, what do ya say?
Maddie:
Fine
by me.
David:
Fun
by me.
Maddie rolls her eyes as David opens the door for her. They exchange
greetings with the young woman at the welcome desk who is ready to check them
in via a computer.
Woman:
Hello!
Your names please?
Maddie:
Maddie
Hayes.
The woman looks to David.
Woman:
Sir?
David is looking in a nearby mirror, smoothing his t-shirt over his
stomach and checking out his sides where Maddie pinched him.
David:
Yes?
Woman: Your name?
David: Addison…David…. David Addison.
He looks caught and slightly embarrassed.
Maddie and the woman share a knowing smile.
Woman: Okay, so
the locker rooms are down the hall. Men’s first on the left and the woman’s
just on the other side of the towel counter. And here are your locker numbers
and combinations. We keep your numbers on our computers in case you happen to
forget.
Maddie:
Thank
you
Woman:
Sure!
Maddie looks to David with another grin.
David:
What?
Maddie: (little
giggle) Nothing. Come on. Let’s check this place out.
She weaves her arm around David’s as they go to the locker rooms.
Scene
II
Woman’s
locker room
Maddie enters the woman’s locker room and takes a look around…first the
lockers themselves, then the showers, sauna, and vanity mirrors, where several
women are drying hair and applying make-up.
A janitor dressed in khaki work pants, a black shirt and long dark pony
tail pulled up under her cap pushes a cleaning cart to the back of the locker
room. She pulls out a spray bottle and a rag and begins wiping down benches,
lockers and counter tops.
Maddie finds her assigned locker, turns the combination lock and puts her
bag inside. She sits down on an adjacent bench and re-ties her shoes…readjusts
her leg warmers…readjusts her leotard…re-clips her hair….all this while
watching other woman coming and going. She notices a posted sign that states:
For your
protection, please be sure to close and lock your locker.
A woman approaches a locker nearby. She looks to be an instructor of some
kind and she proceeds to do the same…opens locker…places her belongings in
it…and then she sits down on the same bench as Maddie, changing her shoes.
Instructor:
Hello!
You here for the nine o’clock aerobic class?
Maddie:
Uh,
yes, possibly. It’s my first day here.
Instructor:
(bubbly
and perky) Oh, well you should come to my class. It’s a great way to get
started in any fitness program. I guarantee you’ll get a great workout…
Other women pass by them. Maddie tries not to look distracted, but wants
to take mental notes on all of the people coming and going.
Maddie:
Yes,
well…
The instructor continues her bubbly persuasion.
Instructor:
…and
then you might want to get with a personal trainer. You know, someone who can
firm up those abs…tighten up those—
Maddie eyes one woman in particular, does a double take, but then is
taken aback by the instructor’s matter-of-fact invitation. She watches again
the very pretty woman, blonde, mid thirties, open her locker, place her bags in
it, lock it back up and leave.
Maddie:
Yes,
well…
Instructor:
Don’t
get me wrong. You look terrific for a woman your age. But, I always say, use it
and lose it!
Work it and perk it!
She laughs annoyingly at her own joke.
Maddie:
Tell
me…(points to door)…was that?…Was that Michelle Pfeiffer who just left?
Instructor:
Yes,
the Cat Woman herself! Doesn’t she look great? She works hard, though. I would
imagine being Cat Woman takes a lot out of her!
Maddie:
Yes…I
would think so…so…are there any other famous people who use this gym?
She leans closer to Maddie like she has the secret to everlasting youth.
Instructor:
(whispers)
Well, I’m not really supposed to talk about that, but yes we do!
Obviously, she loves to talk about it…
Instructor:
(leans
closer still, whispering) Last month….(she looks around, making sure no one
else can hear her)…Kim Basinger was in here…left with nothing but a towel and a
few bodyguards who helped her get out of here unnoticed. Boy was she mad!
Maddie feigns ignorance to keep her talking.
Maddie:
Really?
Why just a towel?
Another woman passes by and the instructor waits until she’s left.
Instructor:
Oh…I’ve
probably said too much…(makes sure she keeps voice down) Haven’t you heard?
We’ve had a problem with locker room theft the last six months or so. Someone
is stealing clothes from the rich and famous! They haven’t caught them yet, but
people are dropping out of the gym right and left. Joe…Joe DaVain? He was livid
the last week...
She whispers even softer. Maddie leans in closer.
Instructor:
Who’s
that baseball pitcher in that movie? Bull something? Anyway, Kevin Costner was
left dripping, and then the crazy police officer guy…uh…what’s his name?
Maddie:
Mel
Gibson?
Instructor:
Yeah!
That’s the one! They both lost their clothes and probably would have sued the
pants…ha ha!…the pants…off of Joe, but neither wanted the publicity. Same for
that rich guy Donald Trump. He sure didn’t need anymore face time on the ten
o’clock news. Boy, whoever is doing this is pretty clever, though…(whispers
again as more women enter locker room)…they know those people don’t like the
public seeing them so vulnerable, so they just quietly leave. But, Kim
Basinger? She wasn’t so quiet! Wow! Weird, huh?!
Maddie:
Yeah…weird…
Maddie eyeballs one lady by herself, seemingly checking out a few open
lockers. She touches a pair of shoes left on a bench.
Instructor: Oh my, I have to get to my class. Come on!
Give it a try! My name is Misty, by the way!
Maddie:
Okay,
Misty…maybe I’ll see you there!
Misty waves at Maddie and leaves. Maddie watches the other lady closely,
looking busy with lacing her shoes again.
The lady picks up the high-heeled shoes, looks inside for the brand…or
size…and then sets them back on the bench and leaves.
Deciding to follow her, Maddie quickly closes and locks her locker and
leaves.
The janitor eyes Maddie from beneath her cap, pushes her cart in front of
a row of lockers…and pulls out a piece of paper from her pocket.
Scene
III
The
nine o’clock aerobic step class
A line of men and women file into an aerobic room with wall-to-wall
mirrors. Misty the aerobic instructor greets members with a smile, flipping
switches and turning dials on a black box, making music pump through the
speakers hanging from the ceiling. People are stacking their steps in equally
divided spaces on the gym floor, talking amongst themselves.
Maddie is seen entering the small gym…and David follows close behind.
Maddie:
So
you didn’t see anything suspicious?
David:
Not
if you don’t count a bunch of men telling tall tales of their conquests.
Maddie:
Conquests?
Oh brother!
David:
Well,
some of those guys were suspicious in their tail tales, or is that tales of
tails… So why are we in here?
Maddie grabs a stack of steps and picks a spot on the floor. David does
the same.
Maddie:
(points
with a slight nod) See that lady…the one wearing pink?
David looks around coolly and spots her.
David: Yeah, what
about her?
Maddie:
She
was looking at a nice pair of shoes earlier in the locker room so I followed
her.
He looks at her again and doesn’t see anything about the woman that makes
him feel she could be the locker room lifter.
David:
Since
when is looking at a pair of shoes grounds for suspicion? What do you do with
these things anyway?
He copies Maddie and stacks his steps next to hers.
Maddie:
This
is what’s called a step aerobic class. You step on it, over it, around it and
across it…all to music.
David:
Is
this more of your Richard Simmons secret?
Maddie:
Secrets?
I have no secrets from you other than what I do at home when you’re not there!
She suppresses a grin.
CUT
TO…The men’s locker room…
The attendant with the thick glasses is wiping down counters, peering
around from beneath a cap. He works his way to a row of lockers, pulling his
cart as he goes. Looking around he pulls out a piece of paper from his pocket.
Finding what he’s looking for, he puts the paper back in his pocket and pushes
his cart further down the row.
He begins to dial a lock…
CUT TO…step aerobic class…
David: Maybe I should go check out the—
Misty: Ok, everyone ready?
She flips another switch on the
back box and turns the volume up on the music. Tina Turner’s Proud Mary thumps vigorously.
Misty: Let’s get warm! Wide march in place!…Feet
apart! Lift your knees!
Maddie follows. David just kind
of fakes it, shuffling his feet, wanting out of there!
Maddie: What? You can’t leave now! If I
have to do this kind of surveillance, so do you! Now get marching!
David: (rolls eyes) Maddie? This is not
surveillance! This is ridiculous!
Maddie: What, you can’t handle a little
step class?
She grins, but the challenge is
heard…loud and clear.
David: Ok, Ms. Hayes…Let’s see who
crosses the finish line still standing!
Misty: That’s it! Now let’s dip it! Come on now! Dip
and dip and dip and dip it now!
The class begins to squat
together.
David: (looking at Maddie) Just what
exactly are we dipping?
Misty: Dip your backsides! That’s right!
Tighten it now!
Maddie: (confused) Did she just say dip
your biscuit?
They both grin at each other.
Maddie dips away, trying to get a look at the face of the woman in pink. David
had rather just watch Maddie dip…
She catches him…but has no time
to reprimand…Misty is off to the races! Flipping another dial, the tempo of the
music increases.
Misty: Ok, lets go! Up, up, down, down,
up, up, down, down…
David catches a toe on the step
and stumbles slightly. Maddie laughs.
Maddie: How hard can this be?
David decides to pay attention…the
beat of the music has picked up and Misty is shouting different moves with knee
raises, leg lifts, and crazy little steps around the steppers. He nearly bumps
into Maddie on one side and then collides hard with a man twice his size on the
other.
Man: Easy there, Fred! Miss Rogers over there’ll
be looking for a new dance partner.
Misty: Looking great everyone! Let’s
pick it up a notch now!
David smiles sheepishly as Maddie
skips, lifts and steps gracefully over the steppers.
CUT TO…Men’s locker room…
The young attendant closes a
locker and pushes his cart to the door. Checking both ways down the hall, he
twists the top of a garbage bag, ties the top, and then goes to a storage room
marked janitorial. Opening the door, he places a doorstop at the bottom of the
door, takes another look around and pulls the cart inside, sliding the doorstop
away with a foot.
Scene IV
Same morning…an hour later
DaVain Gym
David and Maddie can be seen
toweling sweat from their faces. David’s gray t-shirt is soaked; he looks as
though he’s been running a marathon. Maddie, on the other hand, looks
invigorated, as she tucks sweaty little strands of hair behind her ears.
Maddie: Well, that wasn’t too bad! This
is fun, David!
David hangs the towel around his
neck.
David: I’d say we’re earning our
paycheck, but we haven’t earned it yet…
Maddie: True…I don’t think the lady in
pink is a likely suspect either. She was checking out everyone’s high-tops at
the end of class…guess she just likes shoes.
Maddie takes a drink at the
drinking fountain as David sees Joe DaVain with a client.
David: Well lookie
there…seems Big Joe is quite the ladies man. Who wouldn’t be with the six-pack
he carries.
Maddie: What do you mean?
Maddie searches across the gym
and sees what David sees…Joe is smiling at a young female client dressed in a
white sports bra and tight black leggings. He places a weight in each hand and
guides her through the lifting motions. One hand touches her lightly at the
small of her back. He smiles again as the girl adjusts her form.
David: Hands on kind of guy…
Maddie: Well…she seems okay with it. That
is his job.
David: Tough one, too.
The girl bends over to put a
weight on the floor. DaVain’s eyes linger a little too long.
Maddie: Though he does look to be enjoying
it a little too much.
The attendant from the men’s
locker room earlier pushes a cart and bumps into a rack of large inflated
rainbow colored balls. They bounce and roll into Joe and his client, disrupting
his instruction and causing the girl to lose her balance.
Maddie: Maybe if that janitor took those
thick glasses off he might see two feet in front of him!
David: (eyes janitor) Yeah…he sure gets
around though.
Maddie: Well, what next?
David: Next?
Maddie: Next. We haven’t cracked a clue
yet. Did you see anything in the men’s locker room? I think I’d like to go back
to the women’s…maybe freshen up a little…see if I can get anyone else to talk.
David, did you know that some of the people that have gotten their things taken
are famous?
David: And people say women just primp
and beautify in the ladies room! Who?
Maddie: Had a little chit-chat with Misty
before class….Like Kevin Costner, Mel Gibson…
David: Humph…
Maddie: Kim Basinger…
David: Really? Where?
David looks around the gym.
Maddie pokes him with an elbow.
David: Ow!
Maddie: Misty said she was capitol P
capitol O’d when she was left with only a couple of
towels. Apparently her security and publicity team went nuts on Joe. I wonder
why he didn’t tell us about that yesterday?
David watches as the attendant
and a few helpful trainers pick up the bouncing balls scattered across the gym.
Once all of the balls are retrieved he wheels the cart by them, avoiding Joe
DaVain and his stare.
Maddie: So you didn’t talk to anyone
earlier? Maybe we should return to the scene of the crime?
David: Yeah, well you know what they say
about that…
Commercial Break
What’s better than getting
fit with songs from the old days? Buy Richard Simmons “Sweatin’
To The Oldies” Part One and get Part Two for half the price! That’s right!
Sweat and get your groove on at home with Richard Simmons “Sweatin’
To The Oldies” Part One for just $19.99 and Part Two for half the price! (Plus
shipping and handling) Call 1-800-555-5555 and have your MasterCard or Visa
ready!
That’s 1-800-555-5555
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
ACT III
Scene I
Same Day
DaVain Gym…men’s locker room
The coke-bottle eyed attendant
turns his supply cart down the hallway and leans against the wall, a little out
of breath. He seems rattled by his earlier collision and DaVain’s nasty look.
He keeps his head down underneath his cap…no one seems to notice him anyway.
Maddie: So, we meet up again in say…(she
checks her watch)…fifteen minutes?
A flurry of women enters the
ladies locker room and Maddie goes with them.
David: Sounds good.
He towels his face and neck again
and seeing the janitor, wonders if he might have seen or heard anything.
David: Hello…
He keeps his head down and
acknowledges David with a nod.
David: I was wondering…do you know about
the locker room thefts that have hit this gym lately?
He shakes his head quickly, but
still doesn’t speak. David tries to get a better look at him and sees he is
very young. His hair is cut short and the cap looks to be a little on the big side.
The glasses he wears magnify what little David can see of his eyes.
David: You really get around with that
cart of yours…you haven’t seen or heard anything…someone talking about the
thefts maybe?
The janitor again shakes his head
no, avoiding eye contact.
David: Ok…thanks for your time.
He nods again.
David turns and enters the men’s
locker room, tossing his sweaty towel in a hamper.
The janitor slowly lifts his
head…and smiles.
David saunters by the lockers,
jiggling a few locks to see if the doors truly are secure. Only the empty ones
hang open. All the others seem to be locked tight. A couple of older men who
have just gotten off the racquetball court eye him suspiciously.
Man #1: Hey! What do you think you’re
doing?
David: it’s not what you think… I’m
just…uh…looking for my locker. I seem to have forgotten the number.
Man#2: Rebecca at the front desk can
help you with that. And I’d be careful if I were you. We’ve had a rash of
locker thefts. Everyone is a little skittish, you know?
David: Locker thefts, huh? Thanks for
letting me know.
Man #2: No problem. Just be sure you lock
up. People who have had their stuff disappear swear they locked theirs…Guess
the embarrassment is too much.
David: Yeah…guess I can understand that.
Man#1: This place is lucky to still be
open. Especially after that crazy guy…what’s his name?
He looks to Man #2.
Man #2: I can’t remember, but he was one
crazy son-of-a-bitch when he found his locker swept clean. Joe’s nose was
swollen for weeks! But it hasn’t just been the famous. Regular people like us
have been victims as well, so you can’t be too careful.
David: Makes you kind of wonder why
someone would risk the chance of getting caught. I mean, opening a locker that
wasn’t theirs…people coming and going…
A big man enters the locker room,
looking David up and down.
Big Man: Hey, you’ll do! I need a sparring
partner in the next kickboxing class. Mine cancelled at the last minute. You up
for it?
David: Boxing?
Big Man: Nah, not boxing, but a lot like
it. Kickboxing, man! Ever heard of it? Come on!
He loops a huge arm around
David’s shoulders and neck and drags him out.
David: (breathless) Sure, why not…
Man #1: Boy is he in for it.
Man #2: (laughs) Yeah, poor guy won’t
know what kicked him!
The two men laugh.
Scene II
Mid morning
Gym
Maddie: Ok, Sunny. Thanks for the
update. We should be home around the same time, hopefully. Although, this case
has been short on clues. I’ll call again later…just to check. Kiss Ellie for
me, okay? Goodbye.
She hangs the payphone up and
checks her watch. Fifteen minutes has long since gone. Scanning the gym she
sees no sign of David.
CUT TO Kickboxing class…
And another one bites
Another one bites
Another one bites the dust…
Queen’s Another One Bites the
Dust reverberates through the small gym. The kickboxing instructor drills
the class, each partnered up with weighted boxing gloves and kick pads.
Instructor: Turn and extend with a punch!
That’s it!
David’s sweat drips down his
face, his clothes soaked once again.
Instructor: Now, hook, hook, hook and PUNCH!!
Hook, hook, hook and PUNCH!! Eyes on extension and gimme
some steam!
His partner punches hard, jarring
his whole body.
Instructor: Okay, now switch with your
partners. New punchers, new punchers…and go!
David pays his partner back.
Instructor: Hook, hook, hook and PUNCH!! Eyes
on extension and gimme some steam!
Maddie can be seen looking
through the small gym windows. She spots David and enters the class.
Instructor: Come on, Addison! Let’s see what
you’ve got!
David pants and punches… sweat
flies.
Instructor: Atta boy! Blow that air out! Turn
those hips! Time to switch again.
The class quickly changes gear.
Instructor: Now we add the last of our kicks.
Remember, snap it, pull back. Here we go! Snap it, and pull back. Snap it, and
pull back.
The class kicks rhythmically with
the music. Maddie approaches David.
Maddie: David?
David turns…and his partner lands
a hard kick.
David: Whoa! Maddie, I’m a little busy.
Maddie: Yeah, I can see that.
David keeps his focus on his
partner as he lands kick after kick.
Instructor: Ah, do we have a newcomer without
a partner? Hey, Frank? Come partner up with me and let the little lady get a
few kicks in with Addison!
Maddie hesitates.
David: Yeah, let the little lady get a
few kicks in!
David seems to plead with Maddie,
sweat pouring into his eyes and down his neck.
Maddie: David? Are you okay? You look
awful!
David: (pants) Yeah, well sorry I’m not
all fresh as a daisy like you.
Instructor: Let’s go now! Snap it, and pull
back. Snap it, and pull back! Let’s go little lady!
David: Yeah, let’s go little lady!
Maddie: Okay, okay. Little lady, huh?
She attempts to kick the pads
David holds. Her long legs are plenty capable, but David’s tired arms hold the
pads too low.
Maddie: Hold the pads up, David! I’m
going to kick you.
She gets the hang of it and lands
a few good ones. David smiles.
Instructor: Now gimme
some more steam! Blow it out! Snap it, and pull back. Snap it---
Maddie’s foot lands square in
David’s face, knocking his head back and landing him on the gym floor.
Maddie: (gasps) David, David, David!
She kneels next to him. The
instructor joins her.
David: (bleary-eyed) She can punch
too…Hey?
He gets a better look at the
instructor. His black skin glistens and his teeth flash with a brilliant white
smile.
David: Aren’t you Billy? Billy Blanks?
Blanks: That’s me.
He helps David to his feet.
Blanks: You did all right today, Addison.
You keep this up and those abs of yours will be rock solid in no time.
He gives David a playful slap to
his belly. David gasps.
Maddie: Come on…we still have work to do.
She grabs his arm and they exit
the glass doors.
David: Work to do? What do you think
I’ve been doing!
Maddie: I don’t know, but I hope you haven’t
blown our cover.
Scene III
Mid afternoon
At the Gym…Still
Pump up the jam, pump it up
While your feet are stompin’
and the jam is pumpin’
Look at here the crowd is jumpin’…
A series of flash by scenes…
Maddie and David getting
instructions from a friendly trainer on the proper use of the large inflated
fitness balls…David sits and bounces, bumps into Maddie and then rolls
off…Maddie covers her mouth and laughs…While David gets a little one on one
instruction Maddie talks to a gym member near by…
Get your booty on the dance floor
make my day…
David on a stationary bike
getting talked up by an old man who seems to be an expert cyclist. He pushes
David in a little competition…they go nowhere fast…David tries to ask him
questions about the locker room thief …the old man cups his ear…he can’t hear a
thing over the music…
Old Man: Huh? What was that?
David: Do you know anything about the
locker thief?
Old Man: No, no…I don’t care for cottage
cheese.
Pump it up, pump it up…
Meanwhile…Maddie is stuck in a
treadmill class and the instructor sets her treadmill to a high incline. She
begins to sweat, huff and puff…she tries to talk to the lady next to her, but
she’s more interested in Maddie’s workout attire than the gym thief…
And finally…
CUT TO…A small area of the gym designated as a
waiting area…a few small leather sofas and chairs furnish the room, along with
a bench or two.
Maddie sits on a bench…David
eases onto the edge of a chair, leaning on his elbows.
Maddie: I knew we shouldn’t have taken
this case. It was too weird to begin with!
They both towel their faces. They
are beaten!
David: I’m so tired right now Maddie I’m
not even going to argue…
Maddie: Okay, but what do we do now?
We’re no closer to solving this thing than we were before DaVain even walked
into our office.
David: (big sigh) I think we need to hit
the showers and start fresh tomorrow.
Maddie: Yeah…maybe so.
She gets up to go. David doesn’t
move.
Maddie: David? You coming?
David: What I can’t wrap my brain
around…and this was even BEFORE you landed that right foot of yours…is why
hasn’t anyone seen anything? From all of the people we’ve talked to in the
locker rooms and all of the classes, everyone knows about the thefts and will
readily talk about them. How come no one ever sees the thief? The lockers I
checked were all locked. The lockers you checked were all locked. So, other
than a few victims early on who got their things taken because they didn’t lock
up, all of the others apparently swear that they did…
Maddie: I know, but David I’m too
exhausted to think straight right now. Let’s shower and go home. I miss Ellie…
David stands to go…a little
slower than normal.
David: And to think we get to do this
all over again tomorrow…
Maddie takes her towel on either
end and begins to roll it, a gleam in her eye.
David: You wouldn’t! Talk about beating
a man while he’s down!
She attempts pops him, but he’s
quicker and grabs the towel.
David: Ha! I still have some life left
in me! Now give me that!
Maddie laughs as David dumps
their towels in a hallway hamper.
Maddie: Give me twenty minutes Addison
and I’ll be good to go.
They both go to their respective
locker rooms.
David dodges the janitorial cart
as the shy kid pushes it out of the men’s locker room. The janitor keeps his
head down, wheeling his supplies to the storage room at the end of the hallway.
He opens the door, slides a doorstop under the door, pushes his cart through
and kicks the doorstop with his foot. The door closes behind him.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
ACT IV
Scene I
Men’s locker room
Same afternoon
David stands in the hot steamy
shower willing his tired muscles to relax, his mind reeling. A smidgen of doubt
is spread across his face. He leans against the shower wall and lets the water
pummel his back completely lost in thought.
His turns the water off, wipes
water from his face with his hand, and hesitates a moment before exiting the
shower stall.
A thought hits him.
He snatches his towel off of the
hook, drying hurriedly as he tries to remember his locker number, eyeing the
rows of lockers.
David: 92?
He tries the combination…wrong
locker.
David: 82, 82…
Tries the combination…nope…
David: Okay, which one, which one…ah!
86, 86! Which I’m gonna be very soon…
He turns the lock…and it opens.
He looks inside. It’s completely
empty.
David: Ah, you have GOT to be kidding
me!
He slams the door and looks
around. A few men look on, knowing exactly what has happened. He turns to them.
David: Did you see anyone around this
locker? Say in the last few minutes or so? Small, shy…dressed like a janitor,
maybe?
They point to the door.
Securing his towel, David braves
the exterior of the locker room and ventures down the hallway. At the end he
sees the kid in front of the supply room.
David: Hey!
The attendant looks up…and then
runs, pushing the cart with him.
David looks straight into the
camera.
David: What? You knew this was coming!
The things I do for you people!
His attention goes back to the
kid who now has nearly tipped his cart over. He recovers and takes off again.
David: Hey! Come back here!
Cue the chase music!
Loose, footloose kick off
your Sunday shoes
Please, Louise pull me off a my knees
Jack, get back c'mon before we crack
Lose your blues everybody cut footloose
People move aside as David chases
him around the corner. He enters an elevator. The doors close just as David
gets to them. He pounds it once with a fist and then turns looking for the
stairs.
And he’s off.
I've been working so hard
I'm punching my card
Eight hours for what?
Oh, tell me what I got
Bounding to the bottom of the
stairs, David slips through a doorway. He’s now standing on the deck of an
indoor pool… A class full of elderly ladies, each topped with bathing
caps are being led calmly and quietly in water aerobics.
Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On a, Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby, kiss me
Water aerobic instructor: And hands above your heads and bounce
and twist. Bounce and twist. Arms strong now…pull those knees in and bounce and
twist, bounce and twist…
Fill my heart with song
And let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you
Some of the women have stopped,
eyeing David curiously as he approaches them. A gasp is heard…
Women: Oh my!
Fill my
heart with song
Let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
He kneels down next to one woman
who is holding on to the side of the pool and speaks softly to her.
David: How do I get to the elevator
from here?
She points…and then smiles. David
smiles back and exits.
Woman: What a cute thing he is!
In other words, in other words
I love you.
The women giggle.
David finds the elevator, but too
late. He sees the janitor hurriedly pushing his cart around another corner and
up a ramp.
David: Hey!
His shouting makes the kid take
off again.
David: Oh, for the love of—
Loose, footloose kick off
your Sunday shoes
Please, Louise pull me off a my knees
Jack, get back c'mon before we crack
Lose your blues everybody cut footloose
David follows in hot pursuit. The
ramp takes him back up to the gym where the janitor weaves his cart in and out
of treadmills, around people and through large weight machines.
David waits, tracking him across
the gym floor. The kid hesitates a moment, searching for an out. He sees David
and takes off again.
Gym clients have stopped what
they were doing, staring in disbelief.
David pursues, only this time he
knows where he is headed. He crosses his path and grabs the end of the supply
cart. The kid pushes hard, but not hard enough.
David: Hold on! I just need to talk to
you!
The young man fakes left and goes
right, tipping the cart over and clipping David. He runs full speed, bypassing
Joe DaVain.
DaVain: (angrily, holding voice down)
Addison, why are you chasing our locker room attendant through my gym…in a
towel?
David: No time to talk now Joe. But
usually in these cases, the person being chased is the guilty one! See ya!
David takes off again and DaVain
follows. He shouts at Rebecca, the desk clerk.
DaVain: Rebecca, call the police!
David finally reaches the young
janitor, grapping him by the collar as he pushes through the storage room. They
both tumble inside, rocking shelves stacked with a few large plastic bags that
tumble down on top of them.
David manages to emerge first,
digging out from underneath. A broken
bag opens to reveal a variety of clothes, a few expensive looking purses…and a
very familiar looking pair of shoes. He holds them up.
David: I know a lady who’s not going to
be very happy about this.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Don’t just juice! Power juice
with Jack LaLanne’s Power Juicer! For
just pennies a glass you and your family can enjoy fresh all natural juice
without additives like sugar and or preservatives! And it’s easy! Simply place
fresh fruit or vegetables into the juicer shoot, cap it, and flip the switch.
And VOILA!! A glass full of wholesome goodness!
That’s the power of juice!
With your VISA or MasterCard,
Call 1-800-555-5555 to get your Jack LaLanne Power Juicer for $29.99 plus
shipping and handling!
That’s 1-800-555-5555!
That’s the power of juice!
The kid tosses a bag off of him
and this one pops open as well. Several pairs of mans loafers, designer-looking
jeans and a few shaving kits fall in disarray. His cap and glasses have fallen
off.
Uh…her cap and glasses
have fallen off. She has black short cropped hair, but her eyes and eyebrows
are a dead giveaway. David looks her over…she’s very small in stature and he
can see how she’s pulled off the role of the mystery gym grabber.
And she looks like a tough little
nut to crack.
David helps her stand.
David: So I have you to thank for my
attire this afternoon.
She rolls her eyes, folding her
arms across her chest.
A beat…
David: Who are you and why have you been
stealing clothes from the locker rooms?
Girl: I didn’t steal anything!
It’s all here, every last bit. Now if you’ll excuse me!
She makes an attempt to get by
David, but he steps in front of her.
David: Now, why would a person…a girl…
take or steal others
belongings dressed as a boy? And then pack them up and store them in bags?
She makes another attempt to
leave and David stops her again with a hand on her shoulder.
Girl: You have no right to keep me in
here!
David: You know, you’re lucky no one has
pressed charges and if you’re smart…and somehow I think you are…you’ll get out
of this without too much trouble.
She relents, but is not happy
about it.
David: What’s your name?
She sighs.
Girl: Molly…my name is Molly McCoy.
David: Ok, Molly…why’d you do this?
She plops down on top of another
plastic bag with a sigh. The air slowly seeps from it with a hiss.
Molly: He stole from me.
David: What do you mean? He who?
Molly: He stole from me. Well, an idea,
anyway.
David waits patiently as she
swipes a hand through her short hair.
Molly: God, look at this muffin top!
This is what I did…all on account of him!
David: Okay…
Molly: Almost a year ago Joe decides he
wants to …(she makes quotation marks with her fingers)…please his members. He
announces that a suggestion box would be placed at the front desk for any ideas
members might have to improve the gym. The cards would be anonymous, so we
could feel free to tell him how we really felt, you know? I’d heard of this new
cardio-fit exercise called Kickboxing. You ever heard of it?
David: Yeah, yeah…I’ve done that before…
Molly: Well, instead of placing my idea
in the box I go to his office to tell him about it. At first he’s all excited
about the idea…says that might be just the thing the gym needs and that he’s
heard some of the big name movie stars and producers out here have been doing
that type of thing on their own. Anyway, he thanks me for coming by, gets all
flirty like and suggests we go out for a drink sometime. I agreed to meet him
the following weekend at the bar down the street. But he doesn’t show up. And
then I don’t hear another word from him or about the idea I had. In fact, he
completely ignores me, like we’ve never met. Three months later, the gym
announces a new Kickboxing class with the famous Billy Blanks. The next thing
is the clientele around here starts to increase…mostly those movie star type people
Joe talked about. And there you go!
DaVain’s Gym is rolling in the dough.
David: And you think you should have
benefited in someway because the kickboxing was your idea?
Molly: Well…yeah!
David: So, you decide to lower the
membership by making people drop out…taking things from lockers, hoping the
word gets out to potential members?
Molly: Yes, but when the thefts first
started, that wasn’t me. People were being really careless about locking things
up. I just decided to make the thefts continue and what better way to do that
than to target the famous? The ones that don’t want any negative publicity and
would gladly just leave the gym and never return. You know, people like you…
David: Like me?
Molly: Yeah, I recognized you right
away.
David looks puzzled.
Molly: Aren’t you the guy who played
John McClane? What’s your name again?
David: (rolls eyes) No, no I’m not, but
I get that a lot though.
Molly: Oh…well…I guess I owe you an
apology then…taking your clothes and all.
David: What you’ve done is wrong. You
know that, right?
Two LAPD officers suddenly open
the door. DaVain stands behind them.
Molly: But, Joe DaVain is a lying
egotistical pig!
DaVain enters.
David: Well, I’m certainly glad we
cleared that up. Now, tell me how you really feel.
He turns to the officers.
David: She’s all yours.
Grabbing a bag of familiar
looking clothes, he exits the storage room.
The officers can be heard reading
Molly her rights, but then DaVain stops them.
DaVain: Wait a second, wait a second!
Can I have a word with her first?
David: (turning back) Smart thinking,
DaVain!
DaVain eyes David.
And then Maddie can be heard
yelling from the locker room. She’s livid!
Maddie: David? Is that you out there?
David stands outside the women’s
locker room door, the plastic bag with her clothes slung over his shoulder. He
stifles a laugh.
David: Yes dear!
Maddie: Arg! David! My
locker has been swept clean!
David: Now Maddie! Didn’t you lock it
up?
Maddie: David! Don’t give me that! Of
course I locked it! What am I going to do? I can’t go home like this!
David: Haven’t you ever heard of less is
more?
And there is silence. David
waits…he can almost here the bomb ticking…and then…
David: There’s no way anyone could have
gotten into that locker if you’d locked it!
He laughs and listens. But still
there’s silence…
David: Maddie?
And she appears…head held
stoically…her hair wet from the shower…one towel tied waist high and another
tied just under her armpits. She sees he’s been reduced to a terry cloth skirt
as well.
David smiles.
David: You too, huh?
And she gives him the hairy
eyeball.
Maddie: Less is more my—
David grabs her and quickly
covers her mouth, turning to the camera.
David: Aaand CUT!
Scene II
Late afternoon…same day
DaVain’s office
Maddie and David, now dressed,
sit in chairs opposite DaVain. He signs his name with a flourish at the bottom
of a check made out to Blue Moon Investigations and hands it to Maddie.
Maddie: Thank you.
DaVain: No, Ms. Hayes, thank you. I hope
you both find the little extra worth your trouble.
Maddie: So what happens to Molly?
DaVain: We’ve come to an understanding.
David cocks his head.
DaVain: Uh…so to speak. I’ve agreed to
acknowledge her contribution to our gym with compensation and in turn she has
agreed to a signed confidentiality.
Maddie: A signed agreement? To what?
DaVain slides a legal form across
his desk to Maddie. She meets his eyes and let’s the paper rest. David picks it
up instead. It’s addressed to Blue Moon, stating an agreement to confidentiality
between DaVain gyms and the agency.
David plops it back in front of
him.
David: Blue Moon has never had any
reason to sign such a form, Joe, and we’re not going to start now. Our word is
our word.
DaVain: Surely you can understand why I
ask for such a thing. After all that has happened I can’t afford any more bad
publicity. If word gets out that an over zealous janitor turned rogue we’d be
done for around here.
David: And at the end of the day our
word is our word.
DaVain: Well…Molly didn’t really sign it
either.
Maddie: The one thing she did right I
suppose. But, tell me…how did Molly even get hired? And then pose as two
different people?
DaVain: I didn’t hire her. A former
office manager, Maxine, did all of the interviewing when Molly became a
janitor. I had to let Maxine go when we started losing members due to the
thefts and since then a few things have gotten overlooked.
Maddie: Such as?
DaVain: Namely the new technology we’re
using to check members in at the desk. The security hadn’t been locked down
properly. Up until today any employee could go into an office with a PC and
look up information on all of our members, including locker numbers and
combinations, and manipulate the attendance records. That’s how Molly was able
to pick and choose lockers and back up her alibi when the police questioned her
as a member.
David: And it looks like Molly did that,
quite a few times in fact. So she cuts her hair, gets some thick glasses, a
hat, a change of uniform and a wig and presto, she’s two locker attendants in
one.
DaVain: That about tells it. We have
quite a bit of traffic flowing through here, but I never recognized her. And
she was pretty coy about it all. Members never complained about the cleanliness
of the locker rooms so I never had any need to talk to her.
Maddie: We won’t take anymore of your
time, Mr. DaVain. Let’s hope everyone is good for his or her word.
Maddie exchanges a look with
David. DaVain stands as they do the same, looking unsure as to how he has left
things with them.
David: (shrugs) The little lady happens
to appreciate honesty, is all.
He smiles at Maddie.
David: Let’s go home, partner.
David and Maddie exit. DaVain
sits again and hears David singing through the now empty gym…
You’re so vain…. um-um-ummm
You probably think this song is
about you
You’re so-o vain! Bu-dum-dum….
You probably think this song is
about cha
Don’t ya don’t yaaaa…
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
Epilogue…
Richard Simmons can be heard from
the TV. Sunny twirls a cloth diaper over her head to the tune Sugar, Sugar…
turning and stepping, jumping and lifting… Ellie sits in her bouncy seat
watching her intently, sucking on a fist.
Sunny: You think this is easy? You try
it!
She repeats the move and sings
along, getting a little grin and a slurp in return.
Sugar, ah honey honey
you are my candy girl
and you got me wanting you
Sunny: You like this, huh?
honey, ah sugar sugar
you are my candy girl
and you got me wanting you
She keeps up with the routine, wiping her brow.
Sunny: What we ladies do to keep our girlish
figures, Ellie…(out of breath)...Okay…here we go…round four!
When i kissed you girl I knew how sweet a kiss
could be
(I know how sweet a kiss could be)
Like the summer sunshine pour your sweetness over me
(Pour your sweetness over me)
David and Maddie trudge through the front door, dumping
their gym bags at the foot of the stairs. The music draws their attention to
the den. Peeking around the corner they see Sunny giving it her all, diaper
twirling over her head, hips swinging. Richard Simmons does the same…minus the
towel… She twirls around and spots them, not missing a beat…
Sunny: (out of breath) Oh… hello!…
She starts the last of her routine as Maddie and David look
on. David looks to Maddie, not sure what to think…
Ah sugar, ah honey honey
you are my candy girl
and you got me wanting you
Oh honey honey, sugar sugar..............
Sunny: Whew! Be finished in one
second…(catches her breath)…Ellie and I are just getting a little
exercise…(pants) a little more than I bargained for…but hey, we gotta do what we gotta do…right
Ellie?
Ellie kicks and grins.
Ah sugar, ah honey honey
you are my candy girl
and you got me wanting you
Oh honey honey, sugar sugar...
Maddie lifts Ellie out of her seat.
Maddie:
(smiles) Looks
like we’ve all been working hard today!
Sunny wipes her face again.
Sunny:
That so? How was your
day? Did you catch a thief or two?
She stops and really looks at them… and then voices her
concern.
Sunny:
Oh my…You two look beat!
David:
Well, you could say that.
Sunny:
I’ve got the perfect
thing after a long hard day. You just give me half an hour, forty-five minutes
tops, and you’ll be good as new!
She scurries through the kitchen door as David and Maddie
plop on the sofa with Ellie….well… David doesn’t plop so much as slowly back
into it…
Maddie:
What a day, huh?
David:
What a day, u-huh…
He watches as Maddie holds Ellie. She yawns and puts a fist
to one eye, fighting to keep her eyes open. His heart swells with pride as he
puts his arm around Maddie and pulls her in close.
Maddie:
I’m sure glad this day is
over. I don’t ever want to investigate another gym. It’s too sweaty and I don’t
like the wardrobe.
David:
You did all right today,
Blondie. I have the bruises to prove it! And you were the best-dressed woman
there.
David stretches his sore legs and rests his feet on the
coffee table.
Maddie:
Well, I know I need to
exercise more after this day. Some of those women put me to shame.
David:
What are you talking
about?
Maddie shifts with Ellie as she dozes off.
David:
Maddie?
She turns to him.
David:
I’m so proud of you…look
at you…you’re drop dead gorgeous. There wasn’t a single woman in that gym today
that could have done what you did.
Maddie: Kick you in the face?
She smiles.
David:
You know what I mean. You
just had a baby and look at you! You’ve given me a gorgeous daughter and you’re
running a business, a very successful one, especially after the last few
paychecks we’ve gotten. And you’re very smart about certain things.
Maddie:
Like what?
David:
You had Joe DaVain
figured out the moment he walked into our office. I’m a little embarrassed to
say, but when we first saw him all I could think about was how he was looking
at you and how I should start working out again. But you…you handled him
with confidence and grace. Just like you handled today.
Maddie:
Don’t put me on a
pedestal too soon. I still have a long way to go to figure out this working
mother bit. It’s a whole lot harder than I ever imagined.
She rubs a thumb over the top of Ellie’s small fist.
Maddie:
But, I guess I learned a lot about men like
him in my former life. I had to learn real quick how to spot the vain ones. And
unfortunately, there are a lot of women who go to extremes to get the attention
of someone like him.
David:
And you think Molly was
trying to get his attention?
Maddie:
At first I think she
probably was, but once she realized DaVain wasn’t the kind of man or person she
thought he was she went to the extreme to expose him…or at least get revenge.
David:
Yeah, it was pretty
extreme.
Maddie:
I don’t ever want Ellie
to feel like she has to look like someone or be something she’s not. I’ve
experienced that and it can make a person a little crazy. Thank goodness my
mother was such a good role model.
David:
What, like if Ellie
decides to follow in your footsteps into the modeling world? I don’t think
you’ll have to worry about that at all.
Maddie:
Why is that?
David:
Because she’s going to be
so busy playing baseball and basketball she won’t even want to smile for a
camera unless she’s holding her first of many homerun balls.
He smiles, smoothing Ellie’s little curls on top of her
head.
David:
And…(meets Maddie’s gaze)
She’ll have the best role model to show her what’s important and what’s not in
the man department.
Maddie:
Well, her father will
certainly be a model himself when it comes to men.
David:
There is nowhere I’d
rather be than right here with the two of you.
They share a kiss and then both lean their heads back,
closing their eyes.
A moment…
Maddie:
David, what’s that smell?
David:
(sniffs) It sure ain’t Ellie I smell…
They pry their eyes open…
Maddie:
That smells so
good…please tell me it’s our dinner.
David:
It’s our dinner…
Maddie pulls herself up with Ellie.
Maddie:
I’m starving! Let’s go
see what Sunny has cooked up. She’s a gem, David. We should be sure and thank
her.
David doesn’t move.
Maddie:
You coming?
David:
I don’t think I can move.
Maddie sets Ellie in her seat and covers her with a
blanket.
Maddie:
Okay Ellie…your old man
needs help getting to the kitchen.
She smiles at David and gives him a hand.
David:
Ah…easy Maddie, I’m dying
here…
He finally gets to his feet and Maddie grabs Ellie, seat
and all. David eases to them, wrapping an arm around Maddie.
David:
Old man?
He pulls her close and whispers in her ear.
David:
I’ll show you different…
They ease slowly to the kitchen.
Maddie:
Be nice and I’ll give you
a back massage later.
They disappear through the kitchen…
David:
Be nice? You be nice…tell
me…you’ve done kickboxing before, right? That wasn’t your first go, was
it?…
Soft theme music…
And fade….
THE END
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
Music
Credits:
MC
Hammer….Can’t Touch This
Tina
Turner…Proud Mary
Queen…Another
One Bites the Dust
Technotronic…Pump Up the Jam
Kenny
Loggins…Footloose
Frank
Sinatra…Fly Me to the Moon
The
Archies…Sugar, Sugar
Other Credits:
Many
thanks to Kim for helping me weed through some of the case details. You were a
huge help in getting my brain to whirl!
Thanks,
of course, to Jen for proofing…and prodding!
And
thanks to Diane and Lizzie for your steady and dependable support. You always
know the right thing to say!
I’m
still in love with Moonlighting after all these years and will always adore the
characters that Glenn Gordon Caron, Cybill Shepherd and Bruce Willis gave to
us. We are so lucky and I will be forever grateful.
I’m
particularly grateful, however, for the friends I’ve made through our shared
love of the show. And while I still haven’t met all of you, each of you makes
my heart full!