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Virtual Moonlighting

Season Eight - Episode 13

By Lizzie Darcy


Something Is Rotten blah, blah, blah



Act I  


Scene 1 - Early Monday Morning, Hayes/Addison Bathroom


Our hero, David Addison, stares distractedly at his half naked, half shaved reflection in the steamy bathroom mirror.  Still damp from the shower, he has the towel tightly wrapped low around his waist and his ever-thinning hair is combed back.  He is not his usual bouncy, cheerful, the-world-is-my-oyster self this morning, although he hasn’t noticed any difference.  But for us, the fact that he is not singing is a dead give away that something is rotten in Beverly Hills.  Well maybe ROTTEN is too strong a word, but something is off.


Should any one of us step into the scene (and how many of us would volunteer for that job?) to ask what the problem is; he would deny the very notion of a problem with a quick, offhand, distractingly funny retort.  That’s the David we have come to know and love.  Oh he might admit that he got a hold of a bad oyster, drank too much (or too little) or was “up kinda late last night;” but he would expect us to leave it at that.  I wouldn’t bet the farm that we could get him to agree that he is a little preoccupied, reflective, even pensive today?  But of course that could be because he may not know the meaning of the word “pensive.”


pen•sive  (pĕn´ sĭv) adj.  Deeply, often wistfully or dreamily thoughtful; Suggestive or expressive of     melancholy thoughtfulness; reflective


PENSIVE - Ok, not an adjective we would normally use when describing David, but this morning, with only two paragraphs into the episode, we know it even if he doesn’t.   And you know it, because I am telling you, David Addison is pensive. 


So what does David have to be PENSIVE about?  His life is great: he’s got a Beverly Hills address, partners in his own business that is anything but nine to five, in love with one hell of a woman with whom he gets to share both business and pleasure.  He’s got friends and interests (Not sure I would call bowling and blues “interests” but David would).  His life is good.  So what is causing this pensive mood today? 


Could it be that he watched his only brother drive out of the area code yesterday? No.  He is happy for Richie.  He is glad that Richie is – or SEEMS to be – moving TOWARDS something rather than AWAY from something, which has been Richie’s M.O. his whole life.  So, good for Richie.  Go get ‘em, brother.  Will David miss him?  Will there be a VOID in his life now that his brother is a thousand miles away?  Maybe, maybe a little, maybe a little more than David is willing to admit, but certainly not enough to cause David to contemplate his navel (as it were) while shaving.  (That just sounds like an accident waiting to happen.  I hope the razor is not too sharp.)  So what else could it be?


It could be that Maddie has her six-month check up today with Dr. Weed.  But no, that is not right either.  Maddie has been feeling great, better than great (he knows just how great).  Her symptoms have all but disappeared.  It won’t be forever; he knows that.  And they will come back and then they will have to be dealt with, but with any luck that will be years down the road.  And Maddie and David are due for some luck, well, for some continued luck.  The past year has been interesting at best, rarely a dull moment, but they have never been more solid as a couple.  This cohabitation thing is not bad.  Hey, maybe that’s it. 


Maybe this SOLID domestic life is finally taking a toll on David: the garbage, the dry cleaning, walking the dog.  Maybe the collar is too tight on Mr. Love-‘em-and-leave-‘em Addison.  No.  That’s not right either.  David has never been the Love-‘em-and-leave-‘em type.  Oh, he has known (in the biblical sense) plenty of women, and God knows he still likes to look, but David has always preferred being a one-woman man.  Not the kind of guy that wants to settle down with an office job, a mortgage and bridge with the neighbors every Tuesday, but the kind of guy who likes to wake up next to the person he fell asleep with and know that it will be the same person the next night.  He would have stayed with Tess if only  … well let’s just leave it at IF.  But would they have been good for fifty years? Don’t think so.  He would have stayed with Gillian if she weren’t …Gillian.  Thank God he was saved from that mess - twice.  There have been a few others, not many, that David thought about making a life with.  Well that is not exactly true either.  Not a LIFE, but a piece of it, longer than a weekend and less than a golden anniversary.  But for whatever reason, things didn’t work out.  And now there’s Maddie. 


Maddie …Madolyn Hayes … The Blue Moon Shampoo Girl … Cover Girl … the IT girl of the 70’s … Maddie is something special, and not just for the public reasons.  Dating a cover girl has more than two advantages, not the least of which is how he looks with her on his arm.  He looks down at the vanity covered with her stuff.  How she keeps it straight, what goes where, when and why is completely beyond him; but the results are undeniably perfection.  Is that enough to keep him coming back for more?  Nah, beautiful women are a dime a dozen, particularly in the land where the plastic surgeon is a girl’s best friend.  No, it is not what’s on the outside that keeps David from letting his mind wander.  It is all the other stuff about Maddie that only David knows; at least he wants to believe that only he knows.  She is smart and funny.  She challenges him.  She is not blinded by his razzle dazzle, but she’s not immune to it either.   She makes him want things he never knew he wanted.  She is … well she is just great.


Yep, she’s it for David … THE one … the one and only … probably, more than likely, almost certainly.  He has already spent eight years of his life with this woman in various on-again-off-again roles: friends, partners, lovers.  The past couple years the on-again was really ON and the off-again was all but nonexistent.  But eight years?  Good God almighty.  That has to be a record for David.  Heck, it IS a record for David.  Eight years to be in love with one woman … that is something all right … something to write home about.  Do you want to know something?  He is not done loving this woman, not by a long road.  He’d be the first to tell you that, if you could get him to be honest.  But the fact that his eye (or any other part of his anatomy) has never wandered is enough for me to believe he is hooked, and it should be enough for you too.


So, why the consternation?  Why the pensiveness?  What is different about today, a beautiful sunny spring day in March 1992?  Should I tell you?  I should know, goodness knows; it is my story.  Well OK, it’s not MY story, it’s David’s story, but should I tell you anyway?  Is it my place to tell you?  What makes you think I will tell you honestly without putting my own spin on it?  What makes you think I know?  What makes you think because I picked the adjective I know the motivation?  Cause I’m writing this?  Ha, you have no idea.  The workings of the mind of David Addison are a mystery to everyone, including him and especially the authors (speaking for myself alone, of course).  We – both you and I – are just going to have to see how this plays out.


Enter our other hero – Maddie Hayes.


Maddie: Addison!  Get a move on!


David turns to see Maddie completely dressed and ready for the day, the week, her life.  God, she is quite literally stunning; absolutely take-his-breath-away, drop-dead, Helen-of-Troy-was-a-dog-next-to-her stunning.  And she is standing in his bathroom talking to him like she is supposed to be there, like he is supposed to be there.  After all this time, knowing that he spends his days and his nights with beautiful creature makes him weak in the knees … sometimes.  Sometimes it gives him just the right amount of humph to … well, you know what that “humph” does for David.


Maddie:  You are going to be late.  What are you doing?


David:  DOING?  What am I doing?  You’re NOT planning on going out of the house like that, are you?  Boy oh boy, times sure have changed.


A panicked look crosses Maddie’s face and she steps into the bathroom to check her self out in the mirror.


Maddie:  What?  Like what?  I look OK.


He wraps an arm around her making sure to not get too close. He does not want to get the shaving cream in her hair.


David:  You look FABULOUS!  Too fabulous for we mere mortals. 


He touches her lightly on the cheek with his free hand.


Maddie:  Stop it. (She pushes him away but clearly loves the compliment.) So, you are driving yourself to work today?  Do you think you’ll make it in time for our 11:30?  Should I call the tow truck now?


David:  I’ll be there.  The Vette is running like a top.


Ignoring the hundred or so responses she could make to that statement; she looks back at the mirror and checks one last time, and cleans up the edge of her lip line.


Maddie:  Right … got to go. 


She turns and looks at him.  He is still not really acting himself.  He is watching her with an odd half-grin on his face.


Maddie:  You OK?


David: Great … great great … greater than great great … the great greatest.


Maddie:  (rolling her eyes) Great.


Another short pause while she looks deeply into his eyes.  She picks up a towel sitting on the vanity and wipes his mouth of the shaving cream and then kisses him.  It is more than a see-you-later-honey kiss but not nearly a see-you-between-the-sheets-in-five-seconds kiss.  David is a little stunned.  When she pulls away, she rechecks her make up and starts to walk out of the room.


David:  What was that for?


Maddie:  Motivation!  By-ee.


David:  (he playfully mocks) By-ee.


He looks back at himself in the mirror, wipes the lipstick from his mouth, smiles and finishes shaving with a renewed gusto.


David: (sings)  Ain't nothing like the real thing, baby, Ain't nothing like the real thing,



Scene 2 – Later Monday Morning, Dr. Weed’s Office


Maddie stands in Dr. Weed’s office redoing the buttons on the cuffs of her blouse.  She looks … I don’t know how to describe it.  Well, let’s see.  She is not pacing or fidgety so she is probably not nervous.  She is not checking and rechecking her watch so she is not anxious.  Her hands aren’t clenched in tight fists and her teeth aren’t gnashed together, so she is not mad.  Wait! What is that?  I hear something.  It is music.  It sounds like it is coming from Maddie.


Maddie:  I never feel a thing is real, When I'm away from you, Out of your embrace, The world's a temporary parking place …  Mmm, mm, mm, mm

My God, she is singing.  Maddie Hayes is singing and humming.  She is standing in her doctor’s office waiting to hear who knows what and she is making music.


Maddie:  Say, its only a paper moon, Sailing over a cardboard sea, But it couldn't be make-believe, ‘cause you believe in me … Without your love, It's a honky-tonk parade, Without your love Mmm, mm, mm, mm …


She sounds happy too.  It is not just any song; it is a happy song.  She has changed the lyrics, too.  It’s supposed to be “It WOULDN’T be make believe, IF you believed in me” not “It COULDN’T be make believe, ’CAUSE you believe in me.”  If we leave the tense thing out of it (changing from a conditional past tense clause to a present tense statement); and the fact that the line makes no sense with the rest of the song; it sounds like it’s bordering on positive thinking. 


Maddie:  It's a Barnum and Bailey world, Just as phony as it can be, But it couldn't be make-believe, ‘cause you believe in me.


WOW … Maddie Hayes thinking positively and singing in the second scene!  Not a first, but certainly a rarity.    Not to be a wet blanket, but I wonder how long this is going to last?  When the other shoe is going to drop.


Enter Doctor Weed.


Dr. Weed:  So, Maddie.  You seem in great spirits this morning.


Maddie:  I am.  I feel great Doc.


Dr. Weed:  Well that certainly fits with what I found.


Maddie:  Nothing, right?


Dr. Weed:  Well not nothing, but certainly not anything to concern yourself with.  It seems that the endometriosis is being kept in check with the birth control pills.  It was definitely a mild case.  You are very lucky. 


Maddie:  I feel lucky.


Dr. Weed:  (smiles as she reads the chart) The symptoms will go away with menopause, so we may be able to avoid any more serious … interventions.


That was not the shoe you heard dropping; that was Maddie’s mood.


Maddie: More serious?


Dr. Weed:  You have read all the information Maddie.  In some cases, a hysterectomy is the only option, but I think we will be able to avoid that in your case.


Maddie:  Good to know.


Dr. Weed:  Have you thought any more about having a baby?


Enter the OTHER SHOE … with a THUD!


Maddie:  A baby … No … Yes … I mean not really.


Dr. Weed:  You and David …


Maddie:  Yes, David and I are still together and things are great.


Dr. Weed:  That is good.


Maddie:  Very good.  Business is good and living together is better than I thought it would be.  It is amazing; we sure know how to stay out of each other’s way when we need to.


Dr. Weed:  Is that good?


Maddie:  It is very good.  Working together all day, sometimes on stakeouts all night, and then sharing a bed every night … almost every night … it can take a toll on two people if you don’t know how to stay out of each other’s way when a little peace and quiet is required.


Dr. Weed:  I suppose you’re right.  My husband gets underfoot more often than I care to admit, but I couldn’t image how we would do it if we worked together too. 


Maddie:  It’s a challenge.


Dr. Weed:  Have you thought about getting married?


Maddie:  Married?  No … I mean I suppose we will eventually … if there is a reason to … but why ruin a good thing.


Dr. Weed:  I don’t mean to rain on your parade Maddie, but you are not as young as you used to be.  To be blunt.


Maddie: (shakes her head) Blunt?  Did you miss the bedside manner seminar?


Dr. Weed:  Maddie, we have talked about this before.  You are 41 now, right?  You need to start seriously considering having a child … if you want one.  Now, if you don’t then that is fine, and I’ll shut up.  You are a career woman; you don’t need to have a baby.  We are in the nineties and women don’t need to have a baby to feel complete. But …


Maddie:  But?


Dr. Weed:  I was there last time Maddie.  I know the pregnancy was unplanned, but I also know that you wanted a child.


Maddie:  (tearing up) Yes.


Dr. Weed:  It was tough on both you and David but you seem to have lived through it and come out on the other side so much stronger … as a couple.


Maddie:  We have.


Dr. Weed:  So?


Maddie:  So?


Dr. Weed:  What would be wrong with a planned pregnancy?  Or two?


Maddie:  Ohhhhh … David and I do much better when things are thrown at us and we have to deal with them on the fly.


Dr. Weed:  Maddie. 


Maddie:  OK.


Dr. Weed:  I am not saying that you have to start TODAY, but you need to address this issue before Mother Nature takes away your options.


Maddie:  Time and tide, Doctor?


Dr. Weed:  They wait for no man … or woman.


So there it is.  Come back to rear its little Gerber head.  A baby.  A baby for Maddie and David.  They talked about talking about having a baby six months ago before she went in for the laparoscopy.  What did they agree on then?  They agreed that when the time came to have THAT discussion that Maddie would get to choose the time and place.  He said he wasn’t ready to make a plan then and she said she wasn’t either – BACK THEN.  They needed to get her healthy.  So, now she is healthy.  She is enjoying her health.  Is either of them any more ready today to have this discussion?  Can’t say.  But, the ball is in her court.  She gets to choose the time and place.  Does it need to be today?  Does it need to be in this episode?  Does it even need to be in this season?  No.  No, it doesn’t.  After all she is only 41, she has got at least a few more baby-making years left in her.  They can put this off for a little while longer.


Scene 3 – Late Monday Morning, Blue Moon Office


David comes out of his office dressed in a T-shirt and boxers (the ones with the letters H-I-S across his butt).  He puts his hand to his nose.


            David:  Agnes, this is not working.  I still smell like Pauli the grease monkey.


            Agnes:  Bert will be here any minute sir.


Bert bursts through the door with a new shirt under his arm waving a bar of LAVA soap.


            Bert:  This will take care of it Mr. Addison.


            Agnes:  What took you so long?


            Bert:  It is not easy finding LAVA soap at the Century City Mall.


            Agnes:  (annoyed) Gelson’s?


Bert:  Should have mentioned that before I went to Bullocks, Broadway and Bloomingdale’s.


David takes the shirt and soap and retreats to his office.


            Agnes:  Where is the car now?


            Bert:  The tow truck should have gotten to it by now.  Miss Hayes will never see it.


Maddie, naturally, walks in to hear the end of that comment.


            Agnes:  Would you go check?


            Maddie:  No need, the tow truck is there right now.


            Agnes:  Miss Hayes.  Here so soon?


Agnes and Bert hang their heads as if they were caught.


            Maddie:  What happened?


            Bert:  Fuel line.


            Maddie:  David?


They both nod to his office, just in time to see him enter buttoning his new shirt still with the creases from the packaging.


            David:  (looking down) That LAVA is great … my hands have never been so clean.


            Maddie:  We should get some for the house.


He looks up and grins.


            David:  Maddie!  Didn’t expect –


Maddie:  I didn’t expect you to be here so soon either.


David:  Oh yeah?


Maddie:  What’s that smell?


David:  Smell?  Soap?  Oil?  Gasoline?


Maddie: It smells like … like … Obsession for Men.


They both look at Bert; who shrugs his shoulders.


Bert:  Agnes likes it.


The whole staff looks over at Agnes who shakes her head letting them all know that she doesn’t.  Maddie turns and walks into her own office; David follows.  She drops her briefcase and purse on her desk with a thud.


David:  Not a word about the car?  No “I told you so”?  No, “why don’t you get rid of that piece of -‘’?


Maddie:  David, it is your little project and if you want to sink all your money into that big money waster …


David:  It’s a Vette not a BMW


Maddie:  … I have nothing to say to that.


Maddie takes off her coat and a slip of paper falls out.  David grabs it before it has a chance to hit the ground.  It is a prescription.


David:  You OK?  What’d the doctor say?


Maddie:  She said that I am as healthy as a horse, but I’m no spring chicken.


David:  Did she go to the Old MacDonald School of Medicine?


Maddie:  I’m paraphrasing … again.


He shows her the prescription in his hand and cocks his head as if to ask, “Why do you need a prescription if you are healthy as a horse?”  Maddie takes the prescription out of his hand and tosses it on her desk. 


Maddie:  Nothing.  Changing birth control.


She looks away quickly to something (anything) that is on her desk; anything to avoid eye contact with David.  He watches her, but does not say anything.  There is a quick knock on the door and Agnes pokes her head in.


Agnes:  Miss Hayes, Mr. Addison, Mrs. Shrueson is here.


Maddie:  Her appointment is not for another half an hour.


Agnes:  She asked if she could meet with you in private first, before the rest of the family shows up.


David:  Rest of the family?


Maddie:  Show her in, Agnes.


Agnes closes the door.  Maddie notices that David is looking at her strangely.


Maddie:  What?  We might as well get a jump on this case; we are nearly ten pages into this episode and have not even met the client.


David:  Maybe this is one of those where there really is no case; it is all about US.  Which means …


He comes around the desk and gets very close to her face with his.


David: (whispers) … which means that there would be a gratuitous sex scene on its way.


He leans in to kiss her quickly. 


Maddie:  Or a fight.


She smiles and returns the playful peck. 


David:  Ooooh … a fight and a makeup.  I could get behind that.


He puts his hand on her butt, and is about to kiss her again, but the moment is broken as Agnes knocks and shows Mrs. Shrueson in.  She is a fifty-ish woman who has a hard shrewish look about her, kind of like the third grade teacher who yelled at “the class” all day and sent more kids to detention than she kept in her classroom. 


David: Or not.


Freeze on David looking thwarted.


Commercial Break



Act II


Scene 1 – Maddie’s Office – Late Monday Morning (cont)


David takes his position on the credenza behind Maddie as Mrs. Shrueson makes her way into the room.  Agnes leaves.


Mrs. Shrueson:  Thank you for seeing me early, Miss Hayes, Mr. Addison.


Her voice is soft and kind and not at all like the third grade tyrant David was expecting.


Maddie:  You know us, Mrs. Shrueson?


Mrs. Shrueson:  Please, call me Katie.  And yes, I have done a little investigation of my own.  That sounds like I have been stalking you.  I can assure you it is nothing of the kind.  But my siblings and I have discussed hiring a detective for some time now, and when we finally agreed I wanted to know exactly who could and would handle our case.


David:  We definitely could, probably should, but ‘would’ is never a sure thing around here.  Please sit down.


Mrs. Shrueson Katie: Where do you want me to begin?


Maddie:  Wherever you like. 


David:  You can start with what you want us to investigate.


Katie:    It is not a what, it is a who: Nadia Weibchen.  She is my father’s … was my father’s … how shall I phrase this … assistant.


Maddie:  Your father…?


Katie:    My father died about six months ago.  I am sure you have heard of him, S.K. Peare?


Maddie: Of course.


Maddie looks at David who clearly has no idea who S.K. Peare is.


Maddie:  S.K. Peare is one of the most prolific writers of the past fifty years.  He has written 25 or 30 novels, plays and screenplays.  He has won every award:  Pulitzer, Booker Prize, Tony, Emmy, Oscar.  He is considered the Shakespeare of the twentieth century.


David:  Oh … THAT S.K. Peare.


Not a clue.  David has no idea who this guy is.


Katie:    He was so much more than that.  That is the layman’s – Newsweek’s if you will - point of view.  My father had one of the greatest minds of this or any other generation.   It is pretty remarkable that he got as far as he did considering where he came from.  He was born and raised in Ashland, Oregon.  His father left before S.K. was born and his mother was a stage manager for the Shakespeare festival.


David:  (whispers) Oregon again … what’s up with Oregon?


Maddie:  (whispers back) Isn’t the writer from Oregon?


David:  (whispers back again) She just told us that. Try to keep up.


Maddie:  (whispers back again) OUR writer!


Katie:    Whenever you two are finished.


David:  Sorry.


Maddie:  Sorry.


Katie:     In any event, they were dirt poor but with an amazing amount of dedication and determination, my father made a name for himself as the leading authority on Shakespeare and world history.  He paid the bills by writing plays, screenplays and novels.  But he was a teacher first and foremost.  He wrote a series of books analyzing Shakespeare’s plays and how they relate to world history and politics, but he also wrote many other treatises dealing with global politics, social reform and the human condition.  He was a formidable voice.  He was so much more than a pop novelist and hack Hollywood screenwriter.


David:  Sounds like a busy guy.


Katie:  Busy?  He was obsessed.


Maddie:  Obsessed?


Katie:    My father was obsessed with leaving a legacy. 


David:  Legacy?


Katie:    He wanted to be remembered in 500 – 1000 years … a legacy. 


Maddie:  It sounds like he accomplished that.


Katie:  One could argue.  But that brings us to why I, and my siblings want to hire you. He left quite an estate, as you can imagine, not just money, but the rights to his work.  Somehow in the last months of his life, Nadia Weibchen got him to change his will.  We suspect that she rewrote it herself.  Everything goes to her.


Maddie:  What can you tell us about Miss Weibchen?


Katie:  Not much I am afraid and I am not sure that anyone else knows much about her either.  You see, I was estranged from my father as was my brother and all my step-siblings for most of our lives.  We only got to know him recently, the last three years of his life.  I don’t believe any one of us even spoke with her on the phone much less met her.


David:  Just how many siblings are you talking about?


Katie:  My father had seven children from his four wives and one from a mistress.  At least that is all we know of.


David:  I’d say leaving a written legacy was not all he was obsessed with.


Katie:  The idea that my father would leave his entire estate to any one person is ludicrous. 


Maddie:  None of his previous wives were ever listed as sole heir?


Katie:  My father married and … worked with amazing women.  Smart and independent and accomplished in their own right.  I don’t think any of the women he spent time with or married expected the relationship to last nor to receive more than their due.  My father was constantly taking on new projects and moving in different directions which usually involved moving to a different country: Scotland, Denmark, Italy, or Morocco.  And with each new project was a new assistant.


David: None of the women he married followed him?


Katie:  As I said they were accomplished themselves and had different paths to follow.


Maddie:  Including raising the children he left behind. 


Katie:  Yes.   As I said, it is ludicrous to believe that he would leave everything to one woman.


Maddie:  You said she was his assistant.


Katie:  She probably did his typing and she may have handled much of his business affairs as a secretary would.  But to be honest Miss Hayes, I am sure they were lovers.  I’ll bet she is some 30 years old professional student looking for a free ride.  She is probably cute, blonde, and a psuedo-intellectual … a poodle.  You know, at his age - mid eighties - more power to him.


David:  I’d agree with that.


Katie:  I do not argue that she should be taken care of.  She was with him for the last years of his life and helped him to make some final arrangements, but she does not deserve more than her due.


David:  The rest should go to his children?


Katie:  No Mr. Addison.  The children of S.K. Peare are all successful.  We don’t need or want his money.  Whatever we wanted from him, he gave us before he died and it wasn’t money, I can tell you.  No, my father had a number of charities, foundations and universities that he was attached to and it was always my understanding that his money and his works would be given to them to manage.


Maddie:  His legacy.


Katie:  His legacy does not belong to one woman; it belongs to the world.


There is a quick knock on the door and Agnes pokes her head in.


Agnes:  There is a man in uniform out here. 


Katie: That will be my brother.


In walks a very large man, dressed in an army uniform covered with medals.  They all stand immediately.


Katie:  This is my brother, General Henry V. Peare.  Finny.


Finny:  Well met.


Hands are shaken.  Right behind him is a melancholy young man who could not have been more than twenty or twenty-five.  He slips in and sits down in the corner of the couch without meeting anyone’s eye.


Katie: The youngest, Lettie.  He is from Denmark and his English is limited.


Lettie:  The lady doth protest too much.


A man and a woman enter who appear to be joined at the hip.  She is whispering in his ear and giggling and he is returning the whisper.  They sit very close together on the love seat.


Katie:  My brother Ro and his new wife Jules.  You may recognize him; he is the hottest young actor in Italy.


Maddie and David don’t recognize him.


Ro:  Good ‘morrow.


A very large Moorish looking man enters and stands in the middle of the room.  He dwarfs Finny.


Katie:  My brother Lo. 


David: (whispers to Maddie) The black sheep?


Katie:  Lo just flew in from Morocco this morning.  Is Mona with you?


Lo: Excellent wretch!  Perdition catch my soul but I do love her!  And when I love her not, chaos is come again.


Katie:  (to Maddie and David) She must be at the hotel with their assistant Cassio.


He moves over to the windows and turns back toward the room standing like a man at attention.  Finally two more people come in.  They look almost exactly alike except that one is male and one is female.  The woman is rubbing her hand as if she is trying to get something off.


Katie:  The twins, Mac and Beth.


Beth:  Out damned spot.


David:  I got some LAVA in the bathroom … works great.


Maddie:  Please, everyone.  Sit down.  Your sister has been telling us about Nadia Weibchen.


Mac:  It is a tale told [of] an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing.


Lettie: Frailty, thy name is woman!


Lo:  Hang her! I do but say what she is: so delicate with her needle: an admirable musician: O! she will sing the savageness out of a bear: of so high and plenteous wit and invention:--


Mac:  If it were done, when ‘tis done, then ‘twere well it were done quickly … that but this blow might be the be-all and the end- all here. 


Ro: A plague on both her houses.


Lo:  Yet I'll not shed her blood; Nor scar that whiter skin of hers than snow, And smooth as monumental alabaster. Yet she must die, else she'll betray more men.


Katie:  OK, OK, OK … Can we be a little more constructive?


Beth:  Yet do I fear thy nature, it is too full of the milk of human kindness to catch the nearest way.


Lettie: Though this be madness, yet there be method in it


Finny:  Good God, why do you mock poor fellows thus?


Katie:  I apologize for my family.  They are a little upset, as you see.  What do you need to know?


Maddie:  Let’s start with: do you know where she is?


Katie:  I have given your receptionist a list of homes that my father owns in the area.  Since he died here in California, the probate is here as well.  She will not have gone too far.


Ro:  Nay, if our wits run the wild goose chase. I am done. 


David:  How long was she with your father?  Have any of you actually met her?  Have a picture of her?  Anything?


Lettie: A little more than kin and less than kind.


Katie:  I never have but I know that she was with him for more than five years.


Lo: Then must you speak of one that loved not wisely but too well.


Lettie: What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel ---


Katie:  That’s enough, Lettie!  Will you take our case?


Maddie and David exchange a look.  Maddie tentatively nods to the door as if she were asking if he wanted to discuss it.  David shrugs a “no” he does not need to.  So they turn back.


Maddie:  We’ll take the case.                            David:  I’m sorry but –


There is a little stiffness in the room.


Maddie:  Excuse us for a moment please.


They exit and assume the position outside the door.


Maddie:  I thought –


David:  That is a circus Maddie.  Do you really want to –


Maddie:  It is just an investigation, a simple background check.


David:  On a woman they want to kill.


Maddie:  I think that was just for dramatic effect.


David:  OK, it’s your franchise. I’m just filling out a comment card.


Maddie:  Do you really not want to take this case?


David:  Sure, why not.  Need to brush up on my Shakespeare anyway.


They reenter the office.


David:  We’ll take the case.


Beth: What’s done is done.


Lo: But this denoted a forgone conclusion.


Finny:  Now are we well resolved; and, by God's help, And yours, the noble sinews of our power, [the Peare estate] being ours, we'll bend it to our awe, Or break it all to pieces.


David:  Right, well.  We’ll be in touch.


Mac: Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.


David:  Not tomorrow but soon.


They all start to file out.  Jules pauses and pulls herself away from Ro for a moment.  She takes Maddie’s hand.


Jules: Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I should say good night until it be morrow.


Maddie and David are left alone.


David:  Lord, what fools these mortals be.


Maddie:  Figures you could quote Puck.


David:  Beware the ides of March.


Maddie:  Brevity is the soul of wit.


David:  Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?


Maddie:  Lunch?


David:  Lead on MacDuff.


David opens the door to let Maddie exit first.


David: (sings and dancing around) The girls today in society go for classical poetry, So to win their hearts one must quote with ease … Brush up your Shakespeare … Start quoting him now. Brush up your Shakespeare and the women you will wow.


Freeze on Maddie trying to contain her amusement and failing.



Scene 2 – David’s Office – First Thing Tuesday Morning


David walks in swiftly taking off his jacket.  Bert follows close behind with several large folders and a couple of books in his arms.  Papers and pieces of papers are dropping all over the place.


Bert:  This is what I have so far, Mr. Addison.


David:  So far?


Bert:  There is quite a bit to know about S.K. Peare.  He was quite an amazing man.


David:  Why is that the only adjective to describe this guy?


Bert:  I am sure you have seen his work.  You must’ve seen the “Will Shakelton: Man of the Hour” movies.


David:  Shakelton … and the hundred or so sequels?  Hasn’t everyone?


Bert:  He created the character of Will and wrote the first seven books.


David:  There are books?


Bert:  The movies were based on his books, and he wrote the screenplay for the first three, that’s why all the sequels after the third one suck.


David:  All sequels suck.


Bert:  I don’t know … the one with the cop and the robbers in the building … what was that called?  Anyway, the sequel at the airport was OK.


David:  So he wrote a couple of movies, hasn’t everyone?  What’s all the hubbub, bub?


Bert:  A couple?  No, sir.  He wrote The Women of Windsor Park, A Whole Lot of Something About Nothing, The Squall, The Smiling Villain, The Devil’s Due, Elbow Room, Fate Masters, Bare Bodkin, Discretionary Valor, The Blinking Idiot, Doom’s Crack, --


David:  OK, OK … I get it.  He’s BIG.  But who pays attention to the writer anyway?


Bert:  No one I guess, unless they are good.


David:  What else have you got?


Bert:  Well, it seems that Mr. S.K. Peare not only wrote books, and movies etc, but he seemed to write a new will almost every year.


David:  Every year?


Bert:  He was very specific with how he wanted his estate divided.  I haven’t gotten a copy of one of the previous wills, but I have spoken with a woman who used to work for the lawyer.  She, of course, could not tell me much, but what she did confirm was that the will that is listed as his last, the one that gives everything to this Nadia Weibchen person, does not sound legitimate.  


David:  How does she know?


Bert:  She says the man was fanatical when it came to which foundation would get the rights to what work, and how the income for those rights were to be used etc.  She said his wills are more than 150 pages in length.


Bert holds up a three-page document representing S.K. Peare’s last will and testament.


David:  I guess that is one place to start. 


Bert:  Do you ever think about it?


David:  It?


Bert:  Death … dying … where you’ll go … and what you’ll leave behind.


David:  Not today.


Bert:  Seriously, what kind of impact have we had on the world?


David:  Impact?  I’ve had my name on the wall at the Paradise for high score in darts for the past three years.


Bert:  It’s a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for four years.*


David:  Huh?


Bert:  Don’t you want the world to remember you after you’re gone, Mr. Addison?


David:  I’d be happy if the dry cleaner would remember not to put starch in my shirts.


Bert:  I mean a legacy … something to leave behind … like children.


David:  Children? 


Bert:  Yeah … little pieces of you to leave behind for the next generation.


David:  Little pieces of you to fight over your record collection.


Bert:  But I thought that –


David:  Never mind Bert.  See if you can get a copy of the last will … I mean the one before the last and find out who the lawyer is on this last one.  What have we got on Nadia Weibchen?


Bert:  Miss Hayes is on that right now.


Cut to Maddie’s Office


Cecilia Stansfield is standing by the door.


Ceci:  Ok, well, we’ll do lunch on Friday?


Maddie:  Absolutely.  The whole crew of us: Chloe, Terry, you and I.


Ceci:  I am so glad that Terry is going.  I like her a lot, and I love how you two became friends. 


Maddie:  Not the typical story.


Ceci:  When is her baby due?


Maddie:  I think it is late May or June.


Ceci:  I am waiting ‘til the time I can hear that kind of news about you.


Maddie:  Oh Ceci.


Ceci:  The doctor said you were fine.


Maddie:  You know it is a little more complicated than that. 


Ceci:  Not much.  Have you and David talked about it?


Maddie:  Not yet.  We will.  We need to.


Ceci:  You can’t make this decision alone.


Maddie:  I know.


Ceci:  This is a big one Maddie.  Probably the most important decision a couple can make.


Maddie:  I know.


Ceci:  What do you think David is thinking about this?


Maddie:  Honestly?  I have no idea.  Sometimes I am sure one way and other times I have no idea.


Ceci:  You two need to talk about this.  A good long, sit down, discuss from all sides type discussion.


Maddie:  I know and we will.  I just have to find the right time and place.


David walks in. 


David:  I’ve got the time if you’ve got the place.


Ceci:  You see Maddie it is that simple.


Ceci and David exchange hellos and goodbyes and Ceci leaves quickly.


David:  Something I said?


Maddie:  She has got some committee meeting she is late for.  I’ll see her for lunch on Friday and if you are up for it we are invited up there in two weeks for the weekend.  It will of course include a birthday bash for Miranda.


David:  I remember my fifth birthday … what a blow out that was!  We destroyed the house.  The clown quit permanently.  I think that is when my mother started to drink.  Never seen so much cake and ice cream in my life and NO girls allowed.


Maddie:  Well times have changed. 


David:  No cake?  No ice cream?  What kind of communist party are you running here?


Maddie:  This particular five year old needs a date to her party, interested?


David:  You wouldn’t mind?


Maddie:  Why would I mind?


David:  It is a green-eyed monster, which doth mock the meat it feeds on.


Maddie:  I’m taking AND THE BARD SAYS away from you.


David: The quality of mercy is not strained.


Maddie:  It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath.  It is twice blest: it blesseth him that gives and [her] that takes.


David:  I like the him that gives and the her that takes part.


Maddie:  So will you do it; be Miranda’s date?


David:  It would be an honor. 


Maddie:  You’re a good man, David Addison.


David:  Why do I feel like I have just been pimped?


Maddie:  Do you want to know what I found out about Nadia Weibchen?


David:  I feel so used.  So dirty. 


Maddie:  I wasn’t able to get that much; so don’t quit your day job.


David wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her very close.


David: Or my night job?


Maddie: (not being able to contain her smile) No, definitely don’t quit that.  Nadia Weibchen?


David:  Who?  What?  Yeah, whatcha got?


Maddie:  Well, it turns out that Weibchen is her married name.  Her real name is La Ramera.  She is from somewhere back east and she is a graduate student at UCLA, and has been for the past eight years.


David:  What is she studying?


Maddie:  No one seems to have the same opinion about that.


David:  Do we know were she is?


Maddie:  With some dogged hours of footwork, extraordinary sleuthing skills, and an amazing piece of detective work, I have managed to pin down a location on the elusive Mrs. Weibchen.


David:  You called her?


Maddie:  First try.  She is expecting us in forty-five minutes.


David:  That is why I have always said that you are the best.  Better than the best, the best-est.


Maddie:  Save it Addison, for something you really want.


David:  Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing?


Maddie:  Addison!


David:  Consider it saved.


Maddie and David exit.


Commercial Break


Act III –


Scene 1 – Condo in Malibu – Later Tuesday Morning


Maddie and David are walking up to the door of a condo on the beach in Malibu.  Maddie’s hair is completely windblown.  Since her suits are now suits and not dresses (i.e. tight wool rather than flowing silk), and don’t blow much in the wind, her hair is the only thing that is mussed.


Maddie:  This is why I don’t live at the beach.


David: Windblown is a good look for you.


Maddie knocks.  There is no response.  She knocks again.  Still nothing.  A woman comes jogging up behind them.  She is late twenties, very pretty and slightly overweight.  By the way she holds herself, you can tell she is not impressed with our two heroes standing on the doorstep.


Woman:  May I help you?


David:  We are looking for Nadia Weibchen.


Woman:  And you are?


Maddie:  Maddie Hayes and David Addison from Blue Moon Investigations.  We spoke on the phone.


Woman:  Right.  I am Nadia Weibchen Peare.  I did not expect you so soon.


Maddie:  May we speak with you?


Nadia:  Is this about the will? 


Nadia starts pacing and kicking her feet into the sand.   She is becoming very upset.


Nadia:  Are they trying to say that I am ---


Nadia explodes with a burst of tears, and rants about something that neither David nor Maddie can understand.  It goes on for a long minute until finally an older woman comes to the door.


Old Woman:  Missus Nadia … Missus Nadia … the baby … she is crying.


Nadia:  Portia?  My baby.


Nadia darts into the house with the old woman following.  The door is left open, and that is enough of an invitation for Maddie and David.  The house is done in very tasteful Southwestern style.  It is a large condo, at least it looks larger on the inside than it did on the outside.  The main room – a living type room – has a great view of the ocean and is covered with kid paraphernalia.  There is a library off to the right and the kitchen/dining area off to the left.  The sound of a crying baby is heard coming from upstairs, but it is getting closer.  Nadia enters the room holding a baby in her arms trying to settle her down.  Nadia ignores David and Maddie, sits down in the rocker and begins to breastfeed.  Maddie is slightly embarrassed, but David is clearly captivated by the scene and not in any sexual way.


David:  (whispers) Wish I could do that.


Maddie:  David!


David: Not that that … the other that that. 


Maddie:  Huh?


Nadia:  Isn’t she beautiful?  She is so little, so sweet, such a little tyrant when she is hungry.  Just like her father.


Maddie:  What is her name?


Nadia:  Portia.  She is five months old today.  A little birthday for my girl.


Maddie:  Five months?  Who is her father?


Nadia looks up at Maddie with fire in her eyes.


Nadia:  My husband, may he rest in peace –


Nadia bursts out crying again which causes the baby to cry.  Nadia gets up quickly and hands the baby to Maddie and rushes from the room.


David:  Hormones must still be out of whack.


Maddie tries to settle the baby who doesn’t want to be settled.  She walks her around the room and shows her different things to distract her from the fact that she did not get to finish her meal.  The baby is really fussing.  Maddie burps her and bounces her gently, and soon she does calm down.  David watches all this with an odd – pensive – expression on his face.  From downstairs comes a little boy.  He walks directly up to David.


Little Boy:  Who are you?


David:  I’m David, who are you?


Little Boy:  I am Shy.


David:  You don’t seem shy.


Little Boy:  That’s my name.  I am Shylock K. Peare, but Mama calls me Shy. 


David:  I see. 


Shy:  Who is that?


David:  That is THEE Madolyn Hayes.


Shy:  Is she your wife?


David:  She is my partner. 


Shy:  She is not used to being around babies, is she?


David:  No.


Shy:  It looks good on her.


David is completely amused by this brazen little boy.


David: How old are you Shy?


Shy:  I am five.  I am precocious and have a great vocabulary for someone my age.


David:  (laughs) Yes you do.


Shy:  Is Mama despondent again?


David:  What?


Shy:  Despondent.  It means sad or unhappy.


David:  Yes, I guess she is.


Shy:  She is unhappy a lot; ever since Father passed.


David:  Are you unhappy too?


Shy:  Sometimes.  But now I am the man of the family and I need to be strong for Mama and baby Portia.


Nadia reenters the room with a box of tissues.


Shy:  Mama, should I ask them to leave?


Nadia:  No, my little man.  Do you want to stay and listen to me speak with these people or would you like to go back and work on your letters?


Shy:  I will stay.


David and Maddie are a little shocked that she would want her child to be involved in this conversation.  The baby starts fussing again when she hears her mother’s voice.  Nadia takes the baby from Maddie and resumes her position on the rocker and the breastfeeding.  Shy sits down next to David. 


Nadia:  I am sorry for that outburst.  You can certainly understand why I am a little emotional.  My hormones may still be a little “out of whack,” as you say, but the death of my husband a month before our baby was born is not something a little Midol will fix.


David is, of course, a little embarrassed that he was overheard.


Maddie:  We understand.  We are just a little confused.  You say that you were married to Mr. Peare.


Nadia:  Yes.  We married six years ago.  I have the papers that prove it.  I was his TA, teaching assistant, at the university and when he retired I became his personal assistant.  Soon we were in love.  We married shortly before Shy was born.


Maddie:  It sounds very romantic and a little idealistic.


Nadia:  What is your point Miss Hayes?  Why are you here?


Maddie:  Mr. Peare’s other children, his older children, have some concern over the validity of the will and of the disposition of his assets. 


Nadia:  How sharper than a serpent’s tooth to have a thankless child.


Maddie:  I realize that this is a bad time to discuss this.


Nadia:  You know, it is really funny that they are trying to take this all away from me.  I have never met any of them but without me they would never have known their father.


David:  What do you mean?


Nadia:  I influenced S.K. to contact his children.  I knew he was not in the best of health and that he only had a few years left.  I knew that the day I met him.


Maddie:  That didn’t concern you?  Knowing that you would be raising the children alone?


Nadia: (laughs) S.K. was not a man to be put off.  He was … how shall I say this … vital until the end.  He was eighty-four.  We made love the night before he died.  I was eight months pregnant with his ninth child and we made that kind of love that makes the angels weep.


A little too much information for Maddie and David but they don’t comment.


Nadia:  His only regret was that he could not have made it an even ten before he shuffled off this mortal coil.  Not that we did not try.  As for raising them, well Miss Hayes, the raising part was not really S.K.’s forte.  You have met the others, so you know; he did not raise them either, but because of him they are who they are today.  And from what I understand they are very successful.


Maddie:  What do you mean?


Nadia:  Everything those children had growing up from braces to education came from S.K.  They would not be who they were today if it were not for their father.


Maddie:  I don’t think they would argue that.


David:  You say that you had a hand in the reconciliation?


Nadia:  After I became pregnant with Shylock, I felt that S.K. really needed to know his other children.  I wrote letters for him and made phone calls and to their credit they came running.  I thought it was for love of such a great man and to know where they came from, but now it seems like it was all for the money.


David:  If you were married, why didn’t you introduce yourself?  Let them know Shy?  He is their half brother.


Nadia:  Look at me Mr. Addison.  I am fifty years, more than fifty years younger than S.K.  Do you honestly think they would have looked at me as anything more than a gold digger?  Do you think they would have understood our love?  I doubt it.  Besides –


David:  Besides?


Nadia:  It was not about me getting to know them; it was about them getting to know him.  If I were there or if they knew the extent of our relationship it would have hindered what was important.  Now look at them trying to destroy me.  I brought these vipers together to get to know each other and their father – me – I did that – no one else.  It was me.  Do I get a thank you?  Do I get any kind of gratitude at all?  No, I lose the only man I have ever loved and his children want to take what little he left me away from me.


David:  I would hardly call an estate worth in excess of 30 million dollars, little.


Nadia:  Does money keep you warm at night Mr. Addison?


Maddie:  They are not claiming the estate for themselves and they are not trying to exclude you, it was their understanding that the bulk of the estate was to go to various charities and foundations in Mr. Peare’s name.


Nadia:  As it shall.


David:  Excuse me?


Nadia:  S.K. was concerned that he would … not be around when Portia was born.  He did not know what would happen so he decided to leave everything to me to make sure that we were provided for, (as were all his children before these) and he trusted me to dispose … as you so clinically call it … of his assets as he would have.


Nadia gets up and again hands the baby to Maddie.  She enters the study and the sound of drawers being opened and closed is heard.  Maddie looks down at the baby just in time to see her vomit all down the front of Maddie’s Donna Karin suit.  Shy quickly gets up and runs to the kitchen for a damp towel and rushes back.  Maddie is amused.  She cleans off her suit with one hand and continues to hold the baby with the other even though Shy has offered repeatedly to take her.  Nadia comes back into the room with a fistful of papers, sees the mess on Maddie and tries to hide a satisfied smile.  If Nadia could have thrown up on her too she would have.


Nadia:  Here are all the papers you need to see Miss Hayes.


She takes the baby back.


Nadia:  You tell Katie and the rest of them that if they have a problem with their father’s wishes, they can call his lawyer.


Maddie:  There has been some confusion about where you can be reached.


Nadia:  You did not seem to have a problem.


Maddie: So you will be staying here?


Nadia:  With a five month old, a five year old and an old Polish immigrant … I am not going far.  Not until the estate is out of probate.


Freeze on Nadia looking superior, mean and spiteful.


Cut to the car. 


Maddie tosses David the keys as she continues to work on the stain on her jacket.  David opens the door for her and is looking at her oddly.


Maddie:  We need to stop by the house on the way back, and the dry cleaner.


David has no response.  He just nods slightly.


Maddie:  You have nothing to say?  Like ‘Baby puke becomes you.’


David:  Nope. 


Maddie:  Are you OK?  You were suspiciously quiet in there.


David says nothing, but helps her into the car lovingly.  He closes the door and makes his way around the car slowly looking out over the ocean.  He slides into the drivers seat and starts the engine.


Maddie:  David?


David:  Purrs like a kitten.


Maddie:  David?


David:  Huh?


Maddie:  Are you OK?


David:  Sure, I’m great.  Home and the cleaners … anywhere else?


Maddie:  No.


David:  I live to serve.


David focuses on the road, clearly his mind a million miles away.  Maddie watches him silently.


Scene 2 – Hayes/Addison Bedroom – Later


Maddie exits the bathroom wearing only a camisole and slip.  The soiled suit is tossed across the vanity chair.  She goes into her closet to pull out another suit and is about to put it on when she notices David standing by the window looking out over the backyard.


Maddie:  Something out there?


David:  (distantly) Miss Me is chasing her tail.


Maddie:  I know the feeling.


There is no response from David.  Now Maddie knows something is up.  She leaves the suit on the hanger.  She walks up behind David and wraps her arms around his waist and rests her chin on his shoulder.


Maddie:  David, would you tell me if something was wrong?


David:  I would.  Would you?


Maddie:  I think I would.


David turns to look at her.  Very calmly and gently and sweetly he combs his fingers through her hair as he surveys the details of her face.  Without a word he leans in and kisses her.  It is a loving kiss with no sense of urgency or wild passion, just a tender, warm, adoring kiss.  She pulls back to look at him and her eyes are full.  She wipes them before a tear can fall.  He leads her to the bed slowly.  She smiles gratefully and he returns it.  Another soft kiss ….


Fade to three hours later.


There are no pillows on the floor and their clothes, or what was left of them when last we saw them, are laid carefully on the chair by the bed and the sheets are not in disarray.  Maddie is curled in to David with her head resting on his shoulder and her arm across his chest.  She is sound asleep.  David is awake with both arms wrapped protectively around her.  He looks contented and happy and present yet far away.  Maddie stirs slightly and David tightens his hold.  He tilts his head toward hers and closes his eyes.


Fade to midnight.


Maddie is wrapped in a robe and looking out over the backyard.  The moon has risen and it is bathing her in a soft white glow.  Behind her we see David stir in the bed and quickly notice that she is gone.  He gets up, grabs his boxers and joins her by the window.


David:  Can’t sleep?


Maddie:  I’ve been … re-energized.


David:  I did that?


Maddie:  Yes you did.


She turns to him and they wrap their arms around each other but neither makes a move to leave the window.


David:  So what are you thinking about?


Maddie:  Just at that moment I was thinking about S.K. Peare.


David:  Should I be jealous?


Maddie:  I think he is a narcissistic, self-absorbed, raging egomaniac.  


David:  You think that about all men.


Maddie:  Only when it applies.


David:  Does it?


Maddie:  If we are talking about S.K. Peare, then yes I think so.


David: Because he wanted lots of kids?


Maddie:  Because his whole life was about how he was going to be remembered by strangers.  Not his wives or his children.  Yes he gave his kids money and opportunities that most people only dream of, but again that is all for the obituary.  He focused so much attention on what he was going to leave behind, I wonder if he ever enjoyed what was right in front of him.


David:  What made you think of that now?


Maddie:  This afternoon I guess.


David:  That bizarre trip to the beach?


Maddie:  No, after that.


David:  Was wondering if you gave that a second thought.


Maddie:  Second, third … think I am in the hundreds by now.


David:  So our … afternoon delight –


Maddie:  Don’t … don’t joke.


David:  It made you think that this Peare guy was a raging egomaniac?


Maddie:  It wasn’t my first thought and I am not going to connect the dots of my logic for you…


David:  Never a pretty picture.


Maddie:  … But, a man so obsessed with his legacy couldn’t possibly know how to make love to a woman such that the ‘angels would weep.’  Nadia has no idea.


David:  You do?


Maddie:  I do.


David:  I’ll take that as a compliment.


Maddie:  As it should be taken.


David:  So.


Maddie:  So, it is just sad.  A man with such a brilliant mind and incredible talent so obsessed with how he is going to be remembered and then to have all that foiled by someone just looking for money.


David:  Sad?


Maddie:  I also think that he did not learn anything from his hero.


David:  Shakespeare?


Maddie:  He got stuck in the sonnet: Not marble nor the gilded monuments of princes shall outlive this pow’rful rhyme, but you shall shine more bright in the contents than unswept stone, besmear’d with sluttish time.


David:  Well … Men at some time are masters of their fates; the fault, dear [Maddie], is not in our stars but in ourselves.


Maddie:  We are such stuff as dreams are made on and our little life is rounded with sleep.


David:  (Yawning) To sleep, perchance to dream.


Maddie:  You’re tired?  I could stay up all night.


She kisses him on the jaw and then on the temple and then nibbles on the ear a little.


David:  Ah … there is life left in these joints.


He sweeps her up into his arms and we fade to black.


Commercial Break


Act IV –


Scene 1 – Maddie’s Office – Thursday Mid-Morning


Maddie is sitting at her desk.  In her hand is the prescription that she got from the doctor on Monday.  She will need to fill it today, no later than tomorrow.  Her eyes are focused on the paper, but they cannot see what is written there.  She is looking past the paper, past her past, past their past, she is looking at ---


OK … I need a little interjection here.  What is the problem with Maddie?  She is clearing struggling with this ‘plan to talk to David.’  Why didn’t she talk to him on Tuesday night?  I have never (or rarely) seen them closer.  What about all day Wednesday.  Come on Maddie what are you afraid of?  Now before I go off on Maddie.  Before I all start calling her a chicken or a wimp.  Why doesn’t she just talk to David?”  They are a solid couple; she would be the first to admit that.  It is not like they are kids and it is not like he is going to go running for the hills if she brings it up again.  In fact, I would go so far to say that he is not going to say “NO.”  Well I don’t think so. I suppose a baby would cramp his style?  Put a serious crimp in those romantic nights at home with the little woman, or those raucous nights out with the boys? (When was the last “raucous” night out David had?)  All I am saying its, that it is not an obvious thing, David saying, “Sure, let’s have a baby.”  It is a discussion item, something that they really need to sit down and hit from all sides.  This is not like picking out a car; and it is so much more complicated than deciding whether or not to take a case.  So this is going to have to be a real, adult, mature, sensitive, considered discussion where they weigh and balance all options and decide, together, as a couple what is best for them and their lives.  It is my guess is that THAT is why Maddie is not RUSHING to get into this with David.  She’ll do it; she is not afraid; but when the time is right and not a moment before.    


In Maddie’s defense I am sure she has many things that she needs to think through on her own first.  Maddie is a thinker; remember?  But I don’t think she will blast off to Chicago again.   My sense is that the first thing for Maddie to do is to decide what her own issues are and get a handle on them.  So, let’s look at this thing from her perspective.  We all know Maddie well enough now to know that she has thought this through six ways to Sunday and has come up with every possible bad scenario.  If we leave out the two horrific concerns (not being able to conceive and not being able to carry to term), some of her issues may be: 



I think Maddie needs to do a little more thinking about this for herself.  And then they will have to talk about it, seriously talk about it … someday … soon.


David knocks and walks in.  He flops down on the couch without a word.  She slips the prescription under a file and pretends that she is reading what Bert left for her earlier.  She exaggeratedly puts it down.


Maddie:  David?


David:  Maddie.


Maddie:  Did you need something?


David:  Yes, yes I do need something.


Long pause.


Maddie:  And that would be?


David:  I need you … I need for you … I need to tell you … I need to ask you … I need to talk to you about –


Maddie:  What?  Just spit it out.


David:  Well … come on Maddie … you must be thinking about this … you must feel the same way.


Maddie:  I might, but I don’t know what way.


David:  Do I really have to spell it all out for you?


David gets up and starts to pace the room.


Maddie:  Use small words.


David:  Don’t you think … I mean hasn’t it occurred to you that … Don’t you think that the time … You must know that I think –


Maddie:  You think what?


David:  You should … we should … we could …


Maddie: Should what?


He tries to read her expression but can’t.  He lets out a deep breath and blurts out.


David:  This case is ridiculous.  We should drop it.


OK. OK.  I am sorry … me again.  I need to add something here.  Isn’t obvious what is going on?  Isn’t it so clear to you, the reader?   Can’t you read through it?  Is it me or are these two just imposs ---


There is a quick knock on the door and Bert rushes in.


Bert:  BINGO!


David:  Bingo?


Wait a minute here … FREEZE.  Damn it Bert, I was making a point.  I was trying to say that Maddie and David … that David and Maddie … that they … oh bother, I lost my train of thought … UNFREEZE.


Maddie:  Bingo?




David:  Huh?


Maddie:  Huh?


David:  Nadia Weibchen’s divorce was never final and her husband lives in Tolucca Lake.  I have phone records to prove that they have been in constant contact.  His bank account shows large deposits that do not fit with his … unemployment claims.  The lawyer who drew up the will is in jail for fraud, and … and this is just too disgusting to comment on … S.K. Peare had been on a ventilator and enough morphine to keep an rhino down for the last three months of his life.  There is no way he could have rewritten that will.


David:  (whispers to Maddie) Or made angels weep.


Maddie:  Good work, Mr. Viola.


David:  Going to have to promote you to Flatfoot Extraordinaire before the FBI finds out and woos you away


Bert:  Not a chance sir, thank you.


David:  So, Miss Hayes … another trip to Malibu?


Maddie:  No … I think that HOLIER THAN THOU Ms. Weibchen should meet us on our terms.


David:  The client Miss Hayes?


Maddie:  The client should be here too.


David:  Using that ONE ROOM theory of mine again?


Maddie:  Might be a mistake this time.


David nods and starts to leave.


Maddie:  Where are you going?


David:  To make Jello … I was thinking red … but green might be ok too.  What do you think … a bathtub or something larger?  I could get a trough.


Maddie:  Swine.


David:  USDA … PRIME.


Maddie:  You are primed all right … you handle the Weibchen and I’ll take care of the Shrueson.



Scene 2 – David’s Office – Thursday Afternoon


David is sitting at his desk, and Maddie is pacing behind him.


David:  Are you nervous?


Maddie:  Me?  No.  Why should I be nervous?


David:  No reason, but you are doing some serious damage to the Berber.


There is a knock on the door and Bert comes in with a scummy looking man.


David:  Mr. Weibchen, I presume?


Bert nods and the two men sit down on the couch.  Just before the room gets really uncomfortable, Agnes knocks and announces Nadia Peare.  Nadia saunters in with her “holier than thou” attitude until she spies Weibchen and Bert on the couch.  Her whole body drops about three inches and she decidedly sits down in the chair by David’s desk.


David:  Hoisted by her own petard.


Nadia:  You brought me all the way here for this.  I need my lawyer.


Bert:  He’ll be out in five to ten.


Katie’s voice comes from the doorway.


Katie:  Why don’t you use your husband’s lawyer?


The two women’s eyes meet.


Nadia:  Kate the Shrew. 


Katie:  Nadia the gold digger.


Nadia:  Just where do you get off?


Katie:  Before you do.


Nadia:  How dare you try to shut me out?  If it weren’t for me, you never would have met your father or your siblings.


Katie:  I’ll grant you that.  But that does not mean that you get everything.


Nadia:  I have two small children to raise.


Katie:  Should we do DNA tests?


Nadia:  They are his; that is the truth.  They are your siblings.


Katie:  You are as phony as that marriage license.


Nadia:  Those kids will be raised as his children.  So it is mine, all of it, MINE.


Katie:  It doesn’t belong to you.  He didn’t belong to you.  His work doesn’t belong to you.  It belongs to everyone. 


Nadia:  So I get nothing?  Is that what you are saying?  I spent six years of my life with a dying man, for nothing.


Katie:  I assumed it was for love.


Nadia:  I loved him all right.  I loved him. (She shakes her head and laughs)  The ego-maniac, self-absorbed, narcissistic, arrogant, self-indulgent pig that he was.  Yes, I loved him.  I couldn’t help myself.   He had a way of making me feel so insignificant and yet the most important person in the world to him.  I earned that money.  I earned my place in his legacy.  I will not have my children shut out.


Nadia breaks down in gut wrenching sobs again.  Mr. Weibchen tries to comfort her, but she shoves him away with a nasty remark about it being his idea and hating him, but it was very hard to understand.  David nods to Bert to have him get the EX out of there.  Maddie and Katie make eye contact and Maddie signals to David to leave the two women alone.  They exit too.


Dissolve to hours later in Maddie’s Office


Maddie:  Your one room theory worked again.


David:  Every time.


Maddie:  It was kind of sad that it all had to come to that.  S.K. provided for Nadia quite well, she didn’t need to have it all.


David:  Some people never settle for anything less.


Maddie:  At least they worked it out and it seems like the S.K. Peare foundation will leave a lasting memory of a very talented, brilliant, complicated man.


David:  Do you ever think about it?


Maddie:  What?


David:  Your legacy?


Maddie:  Nope.  I’ve got my hands full with this lifetime. I can’t worry about what is going to happen after I am dead and who is going to remember me.


David:  I’ll remember you.


Maddie:  As long as there is not a game on.


David checks his watch.


David:  Oh, shoot.  Gonna miss tip off.


Maddie:  Go, have fun.  I’ll see you when you get home.


David gives her a quick kiss and runs from the room.  Maddie sits at her desk for a moment.  It is covered with folders.  The prescription is poking out from under one.  She tucks it back under and picks up the phone and dials.


Maddie:  Terry? … Maddie … just checking in to confirm our lunch tomorrow … (laughs) … what was that …


Maddie smiles and leans back in her chair.


Fade to black.


Act V –


Epilogue – Maddie’s Office Friday - Early Evening


Maddie is collecting her stuff into her brief case.  She finds the prescription under one of the folders on her desk.  She leaves it on her desk and goes into the bathroom to freshen up.   David enters and takes her chair at the desk.


David: Some week.


Maddie: Some week.


David:  You hungry?


Maddie:  What do you have in mind?


David:  Always up for Pink’s.


Maddie: Sure.


David:  You don’t sound convinced.


Maddie:  Kind of had something a little quieter with a wine list.


David:  Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry is not gonna do it for you tonight?


Maddie: Not by a long shot – but it’s fine.


David picks up the prescription sitting on her desk and reads it (not that he understands it any better).


David:  How was lunch?


Maddie:  Great.  Ceci is going on a tour around the world with a new man in her life.  Chloe and Marcus are becoming foster parents.  His new book sold.  And Terry is as big as a house, but she has never looked more beautiful.


David:  Is she OK?


Maddie re-enters the room and David drops the prescription down on the desk and starts playing with her full blue moon (the one Agnes and the staff gave her last year for her birthday).


Maddie:  She is great.  She is expecting a call from you.


David:  Me?  She has Walter.


Maddie:  David.


David: OK, OK, I’ll call.


Maddie:  Walter is a good man … and a good father.


David:  Yeah, so?


Maddie:  So nothing.  I was just saying.


Maddie closes up her brief case and stuffs the prescription into her pocket.


David: We got the check from Katie today … more than we expected.


Maddie:  Happy customers do tip.  It is sad the repeat business is so bad.


David:  Nature of the beast I guess.


Maddie: OK.  I am ready.  I guess it will be you and March Madness this weekend.


David:  No, not if something better comes up.


Maddie:  I’ll see what I can muster.  Let’s go.


David:  Pink’s?


Maddie:  Sure.


David:  Alrighty then.


David leaps up and runs for the door to open it for Maddie.


Maddie:  I need to stop at the pharmacy before we go home.


David:  Do you?


Maddie:  I do.


Maddie flips off the lights in her office and Maddie and David are silhouetted in the doorframe.  He catches her arm and she turns toward him.


David:  I was thinking.


Maddie:  You got to stop doing that.


David:  What if we don’t?


Maddie:  Don’t what?


David: Don’t stop at the pharmacy on the way home. 


Maddie:  You mean … NOT go to the pharmacy, ever.


David:  Well I am not suggesting that we boycott prescription drugs altogether, just this one particular prescription.


Maddie: Oh. … Oh … Oh … I see.  Well … um … right … Could we do that?


David:  We could. 


Maddie:  We could?


David:  We could.


They are both silent for a moment. 


Maddie:  Are you sure you want to do that … not do that ... whatever?


David:  Sure?  Am I sure?  You’re asking if I am SURE?


Maddie:  Yes.


David:  No.


Maddie:  No what?


David:  No, I am not sure.


Maddie:  But you are still suggesting it?


David:  Suggesting it?  Yes ... yes I am suggesting it.  Putting it out on the table, as it were.


Maddie:  Sure.


David:  Sure, what?


Maddie:  Sure, we do not have to fill this prescription.


David:  So you are sure.


Maddie:  Sure? 


David:  Aren’t you?


Maddie:  No.  Not sure.


David:  Neither one of us is sure.


Maddie:  Right.


David:  But we are sure we are not going to stop at the pharmacy?


Maddie:  Right.


David:  Is that it?


Maddie:  Sure.


David:  Yeah, sure.


Maddie:  OK?


They pause in the doorway inches apart.  David’s smile is seen clearly even in the dark and Maddie’s eyes glisten in the hall light.


David:  Let’s blow off Pink’s.


HOLD … FREEZE … STOP!!!  Wait just a doggone minute here.  That’s it?  That was the BIG DISCUSSION? Talk about MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING. I can’t believe it.  Actually, I can believe it.  What did I expect from Maddie and David; mature, dispassionate or sappy dialogue that belongs on MedTV or Daytime, respectively?  Or was I expecting red roses, moonlight and schmaltzy affirmations of love and maudlin promises of a brilliant future?  ICK!  I’d need to go brush my teeth.  I should have known better.  I have never met two people who talk more, say less and understand each other better.  They are incredible and it seems like they are on the same page and have been for a while now.  I worry that this internet medium and the lack of visuals hinders the fans.  Maybe it does.  Not for me.   I have an overactive imagination, but I could always stand to re-watch these two together at their best.  OK.  Well, where were we?  Silhouetted in the doorway, inches apart (God that is such a good look for them).  … Go.


David:  Let’s blow off Pink’s.


Maddie:  Oh?


David:  RUTH’S CHRIS has a great steak.


Maddie:  And a better wine list.


David:  It does. 


Maddie:  Do you think we can get in?


David:  I know the bartender.


Maddie:  You know every bartender.


David:  Some call it networking. 


Maddie:  OK.


David:  OK?


Maddie:  OK.


It is hard to see because the hallway is so dark, but both Maddie and David’s eyes brighten, and David leads Maddie away.


David: (sings) Ain't nothing like the real thing, baby, Ain't nothing like the real thing, Ain't nothing like the real thing, baby, Ain't nothing like the real thing…



* It is not Shakespeare but it could have been.  I totally stole that line from Tom Lehrer.  A man in need of more credit.  If you ever want to hear something funny, ironical and downright snide, check him out.  There are three CD’s out that I am aware of:  An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer, Revisited, and That Was The Year That Was.  This man’s humor totally shaped my own.  He is as much a part of my youth as Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny and Winnie the Pooh.  Interesting how all those stand the test of time.



The acknowledgements for this one need to be more and I wish they were, please now that the heart is in the right place if the pen is not.  This is my last full episode for Virtual Moonlighting.  I am hanging up my Virtual pen and am going to work on other projects.  I will be consulting through the rest of this season and probably into the next, I have a piece of the next episode, but pretty much now I am just a fan.  So here goes with the THANK YOU’S:


William “The Bard” Shakespeare … no words I have for you as great as the ones you have given me.  Thank you.


Glenn Gordon Caron, Cybill Shephard, Bruce Willis, Allyce Beasly and Curtis Armstrong – absolutely the best TV has ever had to offer.  Your team effort was a candle that burned so brightly it will never be matched again.  Thank you for re-runs and here’s to DVD’s!  Thank you.


The Virtual Fans (both silent and the one that make the effort to comment) - Knowing that you are out there reading and with any luck enjoying is a great motivating factor.  To the ones that take the effort to comment and to Cindy who takes the time to really analyze, you make it all worth-while.  Thank you.


The Virtual Staff (past and present) – you ladies are the best.  We have not always agreed on a direction but we have always spoke our minds.  Thank you.


Finally to Diane Hopkins – a very very special THANK YOU!  These two years we have become so much more than co-writers.  We are more than virtual friends.  Three thousand miles is a long distance, but the Yahoo chat, the phone lines and vacations make the distance fade away.  You have kept me honest, God knows you have corrected my grammar, spelling and typing (thank GOD for English majors). You are always there with an encouraging word (or 197 words). And your Tequila ear is still young. :-)   This experience - this run - has been great … better than great … it has been great great.  Through it all, and after all we have gone through, you have to know that I will have your back for the rest of this season and for as long as you need it. You know where to find me, and I will be there.   Thank you.


So long.  See you all in the funny papers.