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Virtual Moonlighting
Season Eight – Episode Fifteen

An Affair to Forget…
                A Weekend to Remember.

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Act I:  Friday Afternoon 5:00 P.M.
     On the road to San Diego
     In David’s ‘Vette  (yeah, really!)

It is a sunshine filled afternoon in very early May.  Windows wide open, the Corvette flies south down Highway 10.  The radio plays a steady stream of “David music”.

    “Cruisin’ and playin’ the radio,
     With no particular place to go.
     Hail, hail, rock and roll….”

David is seated comfortably in the driver’s seat.  He wears a moss green T-shirt, which serves to make his eyes even greener.  It is tucked into black form fitting jeans.  His sneakers have seen better days – but somehow, they seem right.  He whistles along with the music, keeping the beat by thumping on the steering wheel.

He glances over at the passenger seat, careful not to be caught staring.  Maddie struggles with a flying mass of blonde hair, finally sweeping it up into a large barrette.  Her exasperation is evident.

She looks over, catches him looking at her, and sticks out her tongue.

David:  Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to stick that thing out unless you’re gonna use it?

She repeats the face.

David:  Not only that, you are tempting the age-old legend of having your face freeze like that.  Together with that stunning hairstyle, you’d be knocking ‘em dead.  

Maddie:  You can just lay off my hair as a topic of conversation.

David:  Tit for tat, Blondie.  So what’s the deal anyway…going back to the 80’s look?

Maddie:  I told you this already.  Vincent broke his leg on vacation in Paris.

David:  His leg was on vacation in Paris?

Maddie gives him a look.

Maddie:  And which Stooge are you pretending to be?  You know what I mean.

David:  So what’s the big deal anyway?  There must be a million hairdressers in L.A.  Heck, I can take you to my barber, old blind Pete.

Maddie:  And finally, the explanation.  No thanks, I think I’ll wait for Vincent.  It’s just a little annoying.  I hadn’t remembered how long it took to do this much hair.

David:  The price of beauty…and Lord knows, you’re worth it.

She again sticks out her tongue.  David crosses his eyes at her, then lets his
gaze return to the road.

Maddie leans back in her seat, and sighs deeply.

Maddie:  David, why are we doing this?

David:  To break the monotony of the drive.  It was either funny faces or license
plate bingo.

Maddie:  Not that this.

David:  What this, then?

Maddie:  Why did we take this case?

David:  Two simple reasons –

Maddie interrupts.

Maddie:  They’ve got to be simple.

David:  May I proceed?  Number one – it was my turn.

Maddie:  Your turn?

David:  My turn – to be on top, to say yes, to decision make.

Maddie:  I don’t think so.

David:  Hey, don’t forget – you latched onto that group of Middle English loonies who spoketh with forked tongueths.

Maddie:  They were lovely, cultured people – a little eccentric perhaps, but that is somewhat the norm with your more creative element of society.

David:  Their dad was creative all right.  Horny little rabbits aren’t that creative – he took that go forth and multiply stuff very seriously, I guess.

Maddie:  I agree, there were an awful lot of them.  But certainly a family to be proud of.

David:  Yeah, I guess.  Although, look at MY father – he’s proud of Richie.

Maddie smiles.

Maddie:  And so are you.  He’s finding his way – hopefully, he and Amy can make it work for them.

David:  Yeah, yeah, yeah…anyway, this episode isn’t about Richie and Amy. That was just a gratuitous mention so Lizzie knows we didn’t cancel their contracts.

Maddie:  Huh?

David:  Forget it.  Back to the Shakespeare nuts.

Maddie:  All’s well that ends well.

David:  Good one, Maddie.

She smiles slyly.

Maddie:  Anyway, the fee for that job ought to keep you in auto mechanics for another week or two.

David:  Trust me baby, we’ve finally got all the kinks worked out of my girl here.

Maddie:  For little more than the price of a brand new car.

David:  Anyone can have a brand new car…I wanted one with personality, character…one that was different, unusual…one that has –

Maddie interrupts.

Maddie:  Quirks, flaws, faults?  Is this anything like people who look like their dogs?  People who ARE like their cars?

David:  Very funny. Look, you couldn’t ask for a better ride.  Cruising along on a beautiful spring day…this car is the best.

Maddie:  This car has two speeds – fast and stop.  I just hope we’re close to an exit ramp this time.

David:  Maddie, honey, I give you my solemn word.  I swear on my Sam Cooke records – everything about this car is hunkey dorey.

Maddie:  Hey, I don’t care about hunkey or dorey.  I’ve got a hundred dollars riding on this car and its track record.

David:  More than a hundred bucks, baby.  You are SO going to enjoy paying off the OTHER part of that bet.

Maddie:  We’ll see who enjoys what, Mister.

She shoots him a suggestive look.

David:  Anyway, stop trying to change the subject.  So do you concede that  those Peares and their case were your call?

Maddie:  Certainly – a good call!

David:  And so will this one be.

Maddie:  The jury’s still out.  So, in addition to your monumental assurances that this is going to be a great case…your other reason might be?

David:  Madolyn Hayes, we are headed to one of the most beautiful and luxurious hotels on the West Coast to spend an all expense paid weekend…

She interrupts.

Maddie:  Spying.

David:  Spying?  Since when did investigating become spying?

Maddie:  Since when did divorce cases become so darned ugly?

David looks at her carefully.

Maddie:  I hate this case.  I hate the client, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to hate
her husband too.

David:  Let it all out, honey.  Let’s hear what you really think.

Maddie:  Gloria Townsend is a very unpleasant woman.

David:  Being unhappy does that to people.

Maddie:  But she’s not trying to GET happy – she’s trying to get rich.  And if a little revenge falls on her plate, she’ll eat it up with a spoon.

David knows instinctively when to be quiet.  This time he actually listens to the  little voice in his head before he responds.

David:  OK.

Maddie begins to talk, faster and more furiously.

Maddie:  She seemed nice enough when she came to the office.  I felt sorry for her when she told us about her husband’s affair…ha, affairs!  I thought she was heartbroken, devastated.  Then she dropped the big bomb – she wants as much evidence as possible for her divorce suit.  Not to save her marriage, not to recover her lost love – NO – to pad her settlement, to inflate her bank account!

David:  You’re funny.

Maddie:  What do you mean funny?

David:  Funny like I can’t get a straight line on how that mind works.  Every time I think I’ve got you figured out – Jeez Louise!

Maddie:  Meaning?

David:  This is not the first case we’ve taken like this.  In fact, I think we’ve been good for a twisted little adultery almost every season.  

Maddie:  Maybe I’m tired of all of it.  Maybe people should work harder.

David:  Harder how?

Maddie:  Harder to stay together.  Harder to make things work, make a life.

David:  Maybe that’s what he’s doing.

Maddie:  He who?

David:  The husband.

Maddie:  So you’re saying he has a reason…a right to cheat on his wife?

David:  Whoa, did I doze off here?  What are you – a ventriloquist?  When did those words come out of my mouth?

Maddie:  Well, you inferred…

David:  Oh ho, reading my mind again, Miss Hayes?

Maddie:  After eight years, I know that you usually take the man’s side.

David:  And of course, the man could only be the cause of the problems – that bastard…that lousy dog.

Maddie:  Well, according to what Gloria Townsend said –

David:  What Gloria Townsend said?  Maddie, you just spent five minutes talking about  how much  you DID NOT like Gloria Townsend.  Now you’re acting like every word out of her mouth is straight out of the King James version.

Maddie:  Not necessarily.  I’m just operating with the information she’s given us. She is the client, and it sounds legitimate.

David:  And of course, we’ve never had a client that has lied to us before.  Jeez, Maddie, does it all have to be so black and white to you?  Take a walk on the gray side, for Pete’s sake.

Maddie takes a long, deep breath, and sits silently for a few miles.  When she speaks, we realize it takes an effort.

Maddie:  You’re probably right.

David raises his eyebrows.

David:  What?

Maddie:  I’m probably overreacting.

David:  No, you never do that.

Maddie:  You’re asking for it, Addison.  Accept the concession gracefully, can’t you?

She starts to bat the air frantically.

Maddie :  And what is it with flies all of a sudden, for God’s sake.…try and shoo that damned thing out your window, will you?

David grins as Maddie tries to find another outlet for her frustration at perhaps being wrong.  The fly, in the meantime, takes cover in a small corner down next to the back seat where he finds an overlooked Mickey D’s French fry.

Maddie looks and David, and sighs.

Maddie:  What I am saying is, I guess there are two sides to every story.

David:  At least.  But the best part is, we don’t need to take sides…just pictures.  We don’t need to pass judgment.  Hell, I don’t care if Townsend is sleeping with the Chargers’ cheerleading squad, just as long as we get the right camera angles.

Maddie mutters in a monotone.

Maddie:  Just do our jobs.

David:  Right.  It’s not pretty, but we’re good at it.  And it pays the bills.

Maddie:  I guess.

David:  Why so glum, chum?  This really is a piece of cake.  We’ll have some time to soak up the sun…enjoy some of the amenities of the hotel – room service…those great complimentary toiletries…like bath and shower products.

Maddie laughs.

Maddie:  You and your one-track mind.

David:  And don’t you love it?

Maddie:  That I do.  

His joking seems to change her mood.

Maddie:  David, let’s make a pact.

David:  Not that again.

Maddie:  Sorry, bad choice of words.  I propose we make this a “you and me” weekend.  Yes, we have a job to do and we’ll do what we need to do to get what the client wants.  But once we’ve done what we need to do – how about we make this weekend all about us?  Like we’re the only two people in the world…or at least in this episode.

David:  No supporting cast, no under fives…nobody but us?

Maddie:  Nobody but us.

David:  Quite a feat if we can do it.

Maddie:  To say nothing of the writer.

David:  I’ll give her a virtual raise if she can pull it off.  It sounds just like my kind of idea.

Maddie:  Mediocre minds….

David:  OK, how about some inspiration?  Some “you and me” music?

Maddie watches carefully as he fishes a cassette tape from under his seat, and pops it into the player.  As she recognizes the familiar tones of Frank Sinatra, she reaches across and places her hand on top of his.  They share a smile.

    Is it an earthquake, or merely a shock?
    Is it the real turtle soup, or merely the mock?
    Is it the cocktails, this feeling of joy?
    Or is what I feel the real McCoy?

The camera moves outside and watches the car as it travels across the long blue bridge to Coronado Island.  San Diego Bay sparkles in the sunlight, and we can catch a glimpse of The Hotel Del Coronado in the distance, looking very much like something out of a fairytale.

    Is it for all time, or simply a lark?
    Is it Granada I see, or only Asbury Park?
    Is it a fancy not worth thinking of?
    Or is it at long last love?


Hotel Del Coronado

Act II:  Friday evening, 7:00 PM
       Hotel Del Coronado
      An oceanview suite on the top floor

We open on a beautiful sitting room area, decorated in tranquil colors –beautiful shades of blues and greens.  It is almost like a Monet painting, with water themed drapes, and matching furniture. The adjoining bedroom area continues the beach theme with pale sand and sun colors. The camera pans the room slowly, and finally rests upon Maddie.

She sits on the sofa in the suite, totally engrossed in a coffee table book.  David enters, but Maddie barely looks up.  If YOU look quickly, out of the corner of your eye, you’ll catch sight of a small housefly, heading towards the sheer drapes on the French doors.

David plops down on a chair.

Maddie addresses him, never taking her head out of the book.

Maddie:  Did you get your baby taken care of?

David bristles defensively.

David:  Well, you know, I need to make sure they park her in the right spot.  After all, it’s a hotel parking lot.

Maddie:  Right.  I quote, “one of the most beautiful and luxurious hotels on the West Coast”.  I bet they’ve taken care of one or two cars in their day.

David:  You’re asking for it.

Maddie:  Asking for what?

David plops down on the sofa next to her.

David:  How about a good swift kiss in the mouth?

They share a lingering kiss. They break apart, and Maddie returns to her book.  David rises and takes a stroll around the suite.

He calls from the bedroom.

David:  So, you’ve already unpacked.

Maddie:  Hmmm?  No, the maid did it…I forget her name.

David picks up a card from the dresser.

David:  Concepción.

Maddie:  What?

David:  Concepción.  The maid’s name.

Maddie:  That’s nice.

David:  (cajoling) Don’t you want to come in and see the bedroom?

Maddie:  I’ve already seen it.

David returns to the couch.

David:  What are you doing?

Maddie:  Looking at this book – all about the history of the hotel.

David:  And I bet it’s available to purchase – AND TAKE HOME – from the gift shop in the lobby.

Maddie ignores him.  

Maddie: Listen to this.  This is the advertisement run for the opening day of the hotel – “There is not any malaria, hay-fever, sleeplessness, loss of appetite or languor in the air; nor any thunder, lightening, mad dogs, cyclones, heated-terms or cold-snaps – and all these advantages may be enjoyed for $3 per day and upward.”

David: What a difference a hundred years or so makes.

He leans in and starts to kiss her neck.  She never takes her eyes off the book.

Maddie:  Did you know that they filmed “Some Like It Hot” here in 1958?

David mumbles.

David:  Marilyn Monroe, right?

Maddie:  And there is an interesting fable about a haunted room.  Supposedly a woman killed herself when her husband never showed up for a prearranged meeting.

David looks up from his task.

David:  The disappearing man.  I think I know the feeling.  Maddie, what are you doing?

Maddie:  What do you mean?

David:  Why read the book when we’ve got the original article?

Maddie giggles.

Maddie:  Good point.  You know how caught up I get in all the fantastic details.

David:  I got a better idea.  How about I catch you up?

Maddie:  Catch me up?

David:  In case you haven’t noticed, I’m way ahead of you.  Let me give you the abbreviated tour.  A quick stop on the balcony for a look at the ocean, and then on to the bedroom.

Maddie:  I’m hungry.

David:  So am I.  Oh, not that kind of hungry, huh?  Room service?

Maddie:  Sounds perfect.

David picks up the phone, and dials.

David:  Room service please.

He waits for a moment.

David:  Yeah, hi.  Two steaks, one medium rare, one medium well, two baked potatoes, two Caesar salads – wine….yeah, you pick.  Thanks.

He hangs up the phone and looks at Maddie.

David:  About an hour.  Plenty of time.  Now where were we?

Maddie:  Lead on, McAddison.

Arm in arm, they head towards the balcony as the phone starts to ring.

David:  What – I forget to order the silverware?

He walks over and answers the phone.

David:  Hello…… oh yeah, that’s great…….right now?

He looks helplessly at Maddie.

David:  Ok, so what’s on the agenda for tomorrow?  You’re kidding, right?  They both play?……..  I can’t do that…..…no, I won’t do that.  Is there another way?… I’ve got it….can you get me a maintenance uniform, and one of those little carts?  Yeah, like a greenskeeper……what time?  Seven – IN THE MORNING?  You’re kidding….Ok, I’ll meet you in the garage at 6:30.  Yeah, thanks a lot.

He hangs up the phone.

David: (sarcastically) Perfect.

Maddie:  What was that?

David:  While I was talking to the guy at the garage, I let it slip that I would pay for some dirt on Townsend.  Well, it seems that the concierge on his floor is looking for a little part time employment…information services, I think you’d call it.  Townsend has booked the whole weekend’s activities through him, and the guy will share the info with us for, shall we say, a little monetary remuneration.

Maddie:  Yick.

David:  Yick what?

Maddie:  The guy’s a…what do they call it, a groundhog?

David:  A mole.

Maddie:  I knew it was some kind of a slug who crawled underneath the ground.

David:  Lucky for us.

Maddie:  I guess.  It still offends me that this guy is a trusted employee of this hotel, and yet will sell out one of their guests.

David:  We can’t afford to be offended.  This guy is the key to getting this job done…and quickly, I might add. That’s to our advantage -- the better to see you with, the better to smell you with, the better to eat you with, my dear.

Maddie:  It still doesn’t make me like it any better.

David:  Oh well, it works for me.

Maddie:  So what was the phone conversation?

David:  Townsend is a golfer, and evidently, so is his lady friend.  They have a round of golf booked at 7 AM.  The guy suggested I go golfing.

Maddie laughs.

Maddie:  You can’t even get the ball through the clown’s mouth.

David:  I will never take you miniature golfing again.

Maddie:  There’s a threat.  So what are we going to do?

David:  I am going to get dressed up like a groundskeeper, and ride around on a golf cart, getting the pictures we need.

Maddie:  And I?

David:  You are going to sit in the sun and get more beautiful.  Why waste the day?  This is an easy assignment.  You may as well have some fun while I slave away.

Maddie:  You’ve always wanted to drive one of those little carts, haven’t you?

David smiles guiltily – he’s been caught.

David:  You got me.  The guy’s got one uniform.  I’ll get this done in the morning.  Meanwhile, you’ll save your strength for later tomorrow.

Maddie:  What happens tomorrow?

David:  Tomorrow my dear, I’m gonna wear you out with “you and me” time.

Maddie:  We’ll see who wears whom out.  Meanwhile, what’s wrong with right now?

David:  I like the way you think.  Bedroom?

Maddie:  Balcony.

They walk towards the French doors, which open onto a balcony with a beautiful view of the Pacific.

Maddie:  Oh, David.

David:  Wow, that’s a lotta water.

Maddie:  Look at that sunset.  Isn’t that the most beautiful thing you’ve ever…..

David takes her in his arms.

David:  Maybe the second most.

Maddie:  Something’s getting deep around here, and it’s not the water.

David: And they say women are supposed to be the romantic ones.

Maddie moves closer and kisses him on the nose.

Maddie:  What I’m looking at isn’t half bad either, fella.

David starts to tease.

David:  Tell me more.

Maddie runs her fingers over his face.

Maddie: (mocking)  Those eyes…like deepest green emeralds, those lips, as red as flame, that hair…

They hear a knock on the door.

Maddie exaggeratedly wipes her brow.

Maddie:  Whew…saved by the bell.

David grabs her by the waist and hauls her back into the sitting room.

David:  We’re eating in the bedroom.

Maddie:  There’s a deal.

She heads towards the bedroom, smiling back at him, as he goes to answer the door.

Unnoticed by either, the fly slips in.  His education begins.


Act III  Saturday morning 9:30 AM
               The hotel suite

The camera pans the room and we see Maddie, curled up in the bed, alone.  We zoom in on the padded headboard, where we discover an old friend of ours (if not of Maddie’s).

Zip:  Hi, this is Zip, your favorite reporter from W-INGS, giving you the buzz on what’s happening.

Ssssh, be careful, she’s still asleep.  Once she wakes up, I’m not safe here.  But given the events of last night, she oughta sleep for a good long time.

Who knew?  Human mating is a wild ritual, I’ve gotta tell you.  First you sit on the bed, eat, drink a little wine, and then…well, it’s hard to explain.  It’s a little bit funny, a little bit crazy, a little bit tender.  The two of them must enjoy it…they laugh a lot.  They tease and make fun of each other, even call each other names and stuff…but it must be all part of the game.  When you watch them afterwards, sleeping in each other’s arms, open…not defensive, you know they’ve got something there.

Then this morning, the guy snuck out of bed to take a shower, quiet so as not to wake her.  But it didn’t take her long to realize he was missing.  She was sitting up in bed, hugging her knees when he waltzed out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a grin.  Seemed like they might rerun the evening, but then the guy said something about that case again …I wish I could figure this out.  He tucked her back into bed, and told her he was going.  She mumbled something about sunscreen and insect repellent (gulp!), and she was back to sleep in an instant.

So my plan here is to use a little bit of my new knowledge and see where it gets me.  When the lady opens the door, I’m outta here…off to find adventure…I’ll let you know later where it leads me.

Maddie stirs in her sleep and starts to stretch.

Zip:  Ooops, she’s getting up.  I’m gonna make myself scarce till the big escape.  Wish me luck.

Maddie sits up in bed and checks the clock

Maddie:  9:30…I haven’t slept this long in ages.

She rises, and reaches for her robe.  She looks around the room.

Maddie:  I have the strangest feeling that someone is watching me.  Oh well, a shower and coffee, in that order.

She exits into the bathroom.

Scene:  Saturday morning 10:30 AM
                Coronado Golf Course

David Addison sits in a golf cart near the 14th hole.  He wears a pair of bright green coveralls, short sleeved and open at the neck.  The sneakers are his own and are currently propped up on the steering wheel.  He monkeys with the lens of a camera.  He looks out towards the hole, then sits up straight as something catches his attention.  He starts to mutter to himself.

David:  Jeez, ya think maybe this could finally be them?  Not as if it’s taken them over three hours to get to this point.  Who the hell invented this game?  A bunch of jerks chasing a little ball all over the world, whacking it a couple of times, and chasing it again.  And of course, this dope Townsend has to be a diehard – no carts for him, no.  Has to walk the whole damned course.  Not that it’s any big deal for him…got some poor caddy to haul the bags.  There’s a job.  If you don’t die of sunstroke, it’s a pretty safe bet you’ll have a heart attack carrying golf bags for some corporate fat ass.

He tinkers again with the camera lens.

David:  I hope this thing is working.  Although so far, the pictures don’t do much for me.  A man and a woman playing golf.  Granted, the woman is not his wife, but I don’t see exactly what these pictures are going to do to up the ante on this broad’s divorce case.  Not unless, at some point, they decide to throw themselves down on the turf here and make the beast with two backs.  Fat chance of that…hell, no.  THAT might be interesting.  This must be the most boring stakeout I’ve ever been on.
Actually, it’s the first solo stakeout I’ve been on in a helluva long time.  Not used to being the Lone Ranger anymore…and Tonto’s back in the hotel, curled up with the pillows instead of with me.  Man, that lady still surprises me.  Like on the way down here…God knows she has opinions…hell, the whole Pacific fleet knows she has opinions….she doesn’t keep them to herself…but this stupid case has got her pretty little feathers ruffled.  Wonder what’s tiptoeing around that noggin of hers?  I’d get it if she was on one of her big crusades for doing the right thing for our client…but she doesn’t like the client either.  And she definitely doesn’t like cheating.

She couldn’t be worried about that, could she?  Who am I kidding, she worries about everything. A relationship with her has more layers than Frank Purdue’s henhouse.  For a savvy lady, she is sure naïve about things that happen between men and women.  She doesn’t get that for a man to be unfaithful with his body, he’s already been unfaithful in his mind, unless he’s just a dog.  There’s already something wrong…something very wrong for the guy to go elsewhere…or the woman to for that matter…

Sometimes it just fits…Tess didn’t fit, Gillian didn’t fit,…and though I tried to force it, Annie didn’t fit.  Maddie fits…the first time I held her in my arms, I knew it.  I knew it was just where she belonged. I was doomed.  She knows that.  And she knows that I know that she knows.  I think she’s just a little nervous about tying up the last of the loose ends on this commitment thing.

Hell, who isn’t?  There’s risk in everything.  I think we’ve lowered the odds as far as they can go.  Sometimes you just gotta close your eyes and jump in…let life take you where it wants you to go.

David sits lost in his thoughts, as a smile crosses his face.

David:  She jumped in last night though, didn’t she?  

Maybe this Townsend guy just had the wrong fit with his wife.  Maybe we’re doing the poor guy a service…maybe I’d just better take these pics and get back to the important stuff.

He peers through the camera lens, then slams his hand down on the steering wheel.

David:  Where the hell did they go?  Addison, you moron, you haven’t sat here for half the morning, and missed the main event, have you?  Go man, go.

He turns the key, and the golf cart comes to life…if you can call the small electric purr life.  David stomps on the pedal, rocking his body back and forth, as if his movement will help accelerate the vehicle.  He veers wildly, taking the turn on two wheels.  Although the path is clearly marked, he steers towards the grass, making his own version of a shortcut.

David:  This thing’s got the horsepower of a half dead hamster.  You bet your ass I’m gonna catch them though.  I’m not wasting another morning doing this.
Let’s see what this baby can do.

He heads up a hill, his eyes scanning the scenery for Townsend’s group.  All at once, the ground falls away, and the golf cart tumbles into a large sand trap.  Dust rises, and clouds the scene.  In a few moments, as the dust settles, we see the golf cart, upside down in the sand trap.  David lies on the ground next to it.  He stirs, and sits up, holding his head, then mutters to himself.

David:  Guess that’s why they tell you to stay on the path.

Scene:  Saturday, 12 noon
              The hotel suite

On the terrace outside their suite, Maddie reclines on a beach chair.  She wears a black one-piece bathing suit, consisting of very little fabric and a lot of illusion.  The table beside her holds an icy glass of tea, a popular novel, upside down and opened, and a bottle of suntan lotion.  She, however, is still, her eyes closed behind her sunglasses.

She hears the door of the suite open.

Maddie:  David, is that you?

She hears a grumble.

Maddie:  How did everything go?  Did you get what you needed?

The grumble turns to a groan.

David:  And then some.

She rises from the chair and walks into the sitting room.  She gasps as she sees David.  He is sitting on the sofa, still wearing the green coveralls.  He is covered from head to toe with a layer of sand.  His hair stands up from his head in nine different directions.  There is a cut on his left arm that is oozing a small trickle of blood, as well as a small cut at the corner of his mouth.  And his left eye is turning black, almost as we watch.

Maddie:  My God, David, what happened?

David evades.

David:  Nothing.  No big deal.  Something stupid.

Maddie:  He didn’t hit you, did he?  Tell me you got too close and he hit you?

David:  No, he didn’t hit me.  And no, I definitely didn’t get too close.

Maddie walks into the bathroom, and returns with a washcloth.  She wraps it around some ice from the bucket and presses it to his eye.

David:  Ow, ow ow.

He pulls the ice from her hand, and holds it to his own eye.  Maddie hammers at him.

Maddie:  David, tell me what happened.

She sits next to him on the sofa.  She is holding another wet washcloth, which she uses to wipe the blood off his arm.

David:  Do you think the fees for this case will cover replacement costs on a golf cart?

Maddie gives him a knowing look and prods.

Maddie:  Spill it, Addison.

David:  It’s really no big deal.  I got distracted and I lost them.

Maddie:  How distracted could you be on a golf course?  Tell me you fell asleep.

David:  I did not fall asleep.  I was just….I was thinking about some things and I guess I just got lost in thought.

Maddie smiles.

Maddie:  See, I told you how dangerous that thinking stuff can be.

David:  Sure, mock a man in pain.

Maddie dabs at his lip with the cloth.

Maddie:  Go on.  I’m not so sure how much you’re gonna get to milk this until I hear the end of the story.  So what were you thinking about, anyway?

David:  I don’t know – the ’81 Phillies, the meaning of life, last night…you know, stuff.

Maddie:  Last night?

David:  Um hmm.

Maddie:  OK, go on.

David:  When I realized I had lost sight of Townsend and his playmate, I tried to catch up with them by taking a shortcut.  There’s no acceleration on those things…I swear I could have done better on a tricycle.  I drove up what I thought was a hill – but turned out to be the lip of a sand trap.  And Dave fell down and broke his crown, and the golf cart  came tumbling after…end of story.

Maddie starts to laugh, but is cut short by David’s look.

David:  Maybe my next woman will be feeling and sympathetic.

Maddie:  I hope you got a copy of the video.

David:  For sure, we could win a million bucks…then we could stop taking all these stupid cases.

Maddie:  See, this is a stupid case, I told you.  Are you really OK?

David:  I’m fine.  I hightailed it out of there fast.

He indicates the name stitched on his coveralls.

David:  I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to explain not being Pedro.

Maddie:  So you haven’t seen a doctor?  Do you think you should?

David:  Nah.  I’m just embarrassed and crummy.  Both will probably come off in the shower.

Maddie:  I hate to ask this question, but did you get the pictures?

David:  I’m pretty sure I got enough.  The only question is did they survive?  The camera was pretty beat up.  I dropped it off at the camera shop downstairs.

The telephone rings.  She picks up the receiver and hands it to him.

David:  Yes?……yeah, I’m fine.  Sorry about the golf cart.  Really?  I’m amazed….hopefully, I got everything we need…well, at least that’s good news.  Listen, give me a call if anything changes, OK.  Thanks.

He hangs up the phone and leans back onto Maddie.  He curls up on the sofa, with his head in her lap.

Maddie:  So what was that?

David speaks in a low tone, not opening his eyes.

David:  Believe it or not, I’m not the first guy ever to drive a golf cart into a sand trap.

Maddie:  Do tell?

David:  It should only need minor repairs.

Maddie:  Well, that’s good news.

David:  Speaking of good news.  Townsend finally got back from his stupid golf game.  He ordered room service and told the concierge that they will be staying in their room for the rest of the day.

Maddie:  So, no more pictures.

David:  Not unless you hanker to crawl on the building ledge like a peeping Thomasina and hang through their window.  I’ve battered my body enough for this case.

Maddie:  And Gloria Townsend was very explicit about not wanting THOSE kind of pictures.  She’s got kids to protect.

David:  Sounds like she’s not such a bad egg after all.  So what does this mean?  Is this case, such as it is, over?

Maddie:  At least for today.  I was thinking maybe we could get a few more shots tomorrow – at brunch, maybe packing the car and leaving.

David sits up.

David:  And today?

Maddie:  Today?

David:  Whatever could we do with today?

Maddie:  You and me?  Real people stuff?

David:  Your wish is my command.

Maddie:  You may get YOUR wish.  How about a shower?

She stands, pulling him to his feet.

David: Hey, wait a minute.  

He runs his hands down her sides.

David:  What is this you’re wearing…or almost wearing?

Maddie:  Thought you’d like it.

David fingers the fabric.

David:  And this see-through stuff?

Maddie:  It’s called illusion.

David:  That’s no illusion, baby.

Maddie laughs.

Maddie:  I have a feeling you’re going to be just fine.  How about that shower…and then a nice long nap?

David:  Whose definition of “nap”?

Maddie:  You’ve heard of compromise, haven’t you?  Give and take?

David:  Who hasn’t – take me to the showers.

Maddie takes his hand and leads him towards the bathroom as David grins back at the camera, and reaches out his hand to cover the lens.

Scene:  Saturday evening 6:30 PM
                The hotel suite

David, wearing a towel slung around his middle, is walking away from the front door.  He carries a garment bag.  He enters the bedroom, and hangs the bag in the closet.  Maddie is sleeping in the background.  He sits on the edge of the bed, just looking for a moment, then he leans down, whispering in her ear.

David:  Sleeping Beauty…..Maddie….are you ever getting out of bed today?

Without opening her eyes, and with a small smile creeping across her face, she answers.

Maddie:  You’d just love that, wouldn’t you?

David:  I’m just taking the opportunity to point out that you have spent much more time horizontal than vertical today.

Maddie:  Bragging or complaining?

David:  Get a move on, woman.  We have things to do, places to go, things to eat.

Maddie:  What time is it?

David:  6:30.  You’ve been sleeping for hours.

Maddie:  Not for the hours you were snoring.

David:  Must be my injuries.

He lies on the bed next to her, in a futile bid for sympathy.

Maddie:  Injuries, my elbow.  You could enter the snoring Olympics.

David:  What can I say?  It’s a talent.  C’mon, you, get up.  We have dinner reservations at the Prince of Wales restaurant for eight thirty.

Maddie:  We do?  What about Townsend?

David:  I made that call – going for the double header…ordered dinner from room service too.  Guess they didn’t want to get out of their jammies.

Maddie:  I’m surprised you didn’t try to pull that one.

David:  Would it have worked?   Of course it would have worked.  But it’s a beautiful night at a beautiful hotel, and I’ve got the opportunity to show my girl off.  

Maddie:  For the cause of world peace, I’m gonna leave all of that alone.

David:  Good move.  The shower’s yours.  I’m gonna go catch a few innings of the game while you’re in there.

David exits to the sitting room, and Maddie to the bathroom.

90 minutes later

Maddie looks in the mirror, and gives herself the critical once over, starting at the top.

Hair swept up onto her head, makeup flawless, her dress a vision of filmy white gauze that leaves her shoulders bare, and flows with every move she makes.  Strappy sandals complete the picture.  She picks up an evening bag, and calls to David as she makes her way towards the closed door.

Maddie:  All right David, you’ve got about fifteen minutes to get ready.

She pulls open the door to see David rise from the chair.  He is wearing an impeccably tailored tuxedo and a grin a mile wide.

Maddie’s reaction is involuntary.

Maddie:  Wow!

David walks towards her.

David:  Excuse me, ma’am, I’m not quite sure I heard that.

Maddie smiles and teases a bit.

Maddie:  Black tie, black eye…the perfect pair.

David laughs.

David:  Speaking of the perfect pair.

Standing behind her, he puts his arms around her waist, and turns her towards a full-length mirror, where they are reflected in all their glory.  Maddie reaches up and kisses him on the cheek.

Maddie:  Who are those people?

David:  Damned if I know.  Rested, relaxed, kissed by the sun….whaddya say we take them to dinner?

Maddie:  Sometimes you have the best ideas.

David:  And the night is young.

Laughing, they exit the suite.

The Prince of Wales Restaurant

David and Maddie are shown to a table with a beautiful view of the beach and the ocean.  On Maddie’s plate is a perfect Casablanca lily.  She smiles with pleasure as David holds her chair and sits across from her.  The meal progresses as a series of vignettes – champagne toasts, food, conversation, laughing and holding hands across the table.

They rise to leave, and Maddie heads for the door back to the hotel, her lily in hand.  David grabs the other hand and pulls her in the direction of the beach.

They pass a small lanai, with a trio playing.  David pulls Maddie into his arms, and they dance.

        It’s very clear our love is here to stay
        Not for a year, but ever and a day
        The radio and the telephone, and the movies that we know
        May just be passing fancies, and in time may go
        But oh my dear, our love is here to stay
        Together we’re going the long, long way

Maddie’s head rests lightly on David’s shoulder as he sings into her ear.

David:  In time, the Rockies may stumble, Gibraltar may tumble.

Maddie:  Crumble.

David shakes his head.

David:  What?

Maddie:  Crumble…the Rockies may crumble.  They’re rocks, they can’t stumble.

David raises his eyes to the heavens.

David:  What am I supposed to do?  I try and romance the woman and she even tries to micromanage that!

Maddie:  Sorry.  Maybe you shouldn’t sing.  Just dance.

David:  Everybody’s a critic.

They continue to dance as the music concludes.

        In time the Rockies may crumble, Gibraltar may tumble
        They're only made of clay, but our love is here to stay

The music ends, but they remain entwined, just looking into each other’s eyes.  After a moment, David gives her a small kiss.

David:  C’mon, we were headed for the beach.

They pause at the edge of the beach to remove shoes and socks, which they leave in a small heap.  They proceed hand in hand towards the ocean, reaching it, walk along, letting the water lap at their feet.  They are curiously silent until a larger wave splashes, wetting Maddie’s dress, and David’s pants to about the knees.

Maddie:  David, you’re going to ruin your suit.

David:  It’s rented.  Don’t worry about it.

Maddie:  It is so beautiful here.  I could walk this shoreline for hours.

David: Only till you got to around Oregon or Washington.  Then the water would get really icy and your toes would probably fall off.

Maddie:  Now who’s being unromantic?

He puts his arm around her waist, and pulls her close to him as they continue to walk.

David:  Sorry.  It has been a pretty nice day.

Maddie:  Golf cart accidents notwithstanding.  That was a really wonderful dinner.

David:  And you’ll note, I didn’t quack once while you were eating your duck.

He looks at her and smiles.

David: Was this what you meant by a “you and me” day?

Maddie:  Maybe not what I thought of originally, but it has turned out to be pretty darned perfect.

David looks at her carefully.

David:  What do you mean?

Maddie:  Look at all the couples out there looking for excitement, adventure.  The ones who say their lives need something…would they be satisfied with this?

David:  Continue.

Maddie:  We’ve got enough excitement in our daily lives for any ten people…we have car chases, and hot air balloon rides, and food fights.  We yell loud, and slam doors, and have rowdy passionate sex.  We live large.  Maybe every once in a while, we need to live smaller…need to have a day like today to reenergize, revitalize, appreciate what we have.

David:  I think I can go along with that…with one restriction.

Maddie:  Which is?

David:  You weren’t talking about ditching the rowdy passionate sex, were you?

Maddie:  What do you think?

She grabs him and pulls him into a passionate kiss.  They stand framed in the moonlight for several moments.  They pull apart slowly, as Maddie looks into his eyes.

Maddie:  I love you, David.

David:  Good thing.  I love you, Maddie.

Maddie:  Think we could find a hotel room around here?

David:  I know just the place.

Holding on to each other, they make the long walk back to the hotel.

Hotel Del Coronado at night

Fifteen minutes later

David holds open the door for Maddie, who enters the suite, but quickly stops.  The room is filled with candles, and flowers.  Soft music emanates from the sound system.  She turns to David, obviously pleased.

Maddie:  David, how did you do this?

David:  Some mole I know.  You know what a mole is, some slug who crawls underneath the ground.

Maddie:  Must have cleaned up his act.

David:  So what do you think?

Maddie:  I think we’re in the wrong room.

She takes his hand and gently pulls him towards the bedroom.  She places her lily on the bedside table, and her arms around his neck.

Maddie:  I’m not sure you know how wild and irresponsible I am where men in tuxedos are concerned.

David:  A formalwear fetish, huh?

Maddie:  Only one thing that I like more than men wearing tuxedos.

David stands still as she starts to untie his tie.

David:  And that is?

She kisses him beneath the ear, as she starts to unbutton his shirt.

Maddie:  My man not wearing a tuxedo.

Tie, coat, shirt start to pile up on the carpet.

David:  You’re getting way ahead of me here.

Maddie:  You’re good at this game.  You’ll catch up.

David:  I bet you taste as good as you look.

A few wisps of white gauze land on the pile.

Maddie:  Try and see.

He pulls her towards him in a persuasive kiss, as they tumble to the bed.  The final pieces of clothing fall away, as David starts to explore her body with a gentle mouth.  His pace is leisurely, and he pauses for a moment to smile into her eyes.

It’s the smile that always gets her, the one that turns her into a warm fluid puddle.  She starts to return the kisses in kind, nipping on the small, raw spot on the edge of his mouth.

David:  Ouch.

Maddie:  Don’t like that?

In answer, he sweeps her into another kiss.  Passion smolders beneath the surface, but this is a kiss of devotion, a kiss that makes one out of two.  The camera pulls back away from the bed, and fades to black.

Two hours later

Maddie gives up.  She sits up, sheet wrapped around her, and stares at David.  What a picture he makes, sprawled across the bed, sheets wound around him.  He can sleep almost anywhere, drop off at anytime, and stay asleep indefinitely.    Even after the most exquisite lovemaking, sex that left her senses tingling…there he is – dead to the world.

She, on the other hand, is wide-awake, invigorated.  Usually she is content to lazily slumber in David’s arms, basking in the afterglow.  But today she needs to be up and moving.  She pulls her robe from the bottom of the bed and wraps it around her.  She rises, careful not to wake David.

She walks to the desk, and sits on the chair, all the while studying him.  She would be hard pressed to explain the feeling that something is different…a funny feeling she has…like bubbles popping beneath the surface…something that feels oddly right.

She paces in front of the French doors, and comes to rest leaning against the corner of the door.  All the while she watches David sleep, and thinks….

For a peek inside Maddie's mind, click here (This will invoke Real Media Video-your experience may be affected by the amount of traffic on the net at the time or on how many simultaneous users are viewing the clip. If you are having a problem seeing it, finish reading the episode and then come back later to see the video.)

Maddie shakes her head and smiles…so many memories.  Eight years – who would ever have thought it would last?  Who would ever have thought it would begin?  Two people…so different in so many ways…with the ability to hurt each other, to heal each other, to make each other crazy.

Maddie:  I can’t even remember what my life was without him.  He just bulldozed his way in -- into my life, and into my heart.  He knew what he wanted, he knew what I wanted…and he didn’t give up…no matter how many times I pushed him away.

I’ve always loved him…I could never kid myself about that.  I was just so afraid of what was happening to me on the inside.  My head said he was oh so wrong for me…I never planned for him…I always dreaded the unexpected – like poison ivy, or a tornado, or the plague.  But he’s taught me that the unexpected can be fun – like a surprise party, or a walk in the rain…or a Casablanca lily on your plate at dinner…

He’s loyal and honest, and fun.  Our friends love him, my parents adore him, even my dog loves him.  He’s proved time and again that he’ll always be here for me…even during the terrible times, when he thought the baby wasn’t his…it was all about me.  He’s the only reason I made it through that time.

Sure, he’s made mistakes.  We’ve both made some good ones.  But how can I deny that every road leads back to him.

He’s my past, my present and my future.  For always.

Maddie suddenly feels very tired…a good tired, like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders.  She creeps back to bed, crawling in and snuggling against David’s side.  He turns in his sleep, pulling her into his arms until they fit together.

Maddie whispers to herself.

Maddie:  We fit together.

She yawns and closes her eyes, while we catch an almost imperceptible smile from a not quite asleep David.


Act IV  Sunday morning, 9:00 AM
            The hotel suite

Maddie awakens in bed by herself.  She looks around the room, but David is nowhere to be found.  She calls out.  

Maddie:  David?

David:  I’m out here.  

She notices that one of the French doors to the balcony is ajar.  She wraps the sheet around her, and rises from the bed.  She giggles to herself as she sidesteps several articles of clothing to reach the door.

David is dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.  He is leaning over the railing, camera in hand.  He looks through the viewfinder, and clicks away.

Maddie:  Hey.

David turns and smiles.

David:  Hey yourself.  Nice outfit.

Maddie:  This old thing.  I just picked it up – off the floor, I think.

David:  It suits you.

Maddie:  Thanks.  Meanwhile, I need to protest the fact that it’s starting to become a regular practice…me waking up in bed by myself.

David:  I won’t object as long as you’re not going to bed by yourself.

Maddie:  Your spot’s always saved.

David:  Good to know.

Maddie:  So what are you doing up so early?

David:  You know, the early bird catches the worm…although what I’d want with a worm, I have no idea.  I was just full of restless energy, so I got up and checked on the camera and the pictures.

He reaches for a tray on the table.

David:  Coffee?  Tea?

Maddie:  Tea, please.  You did all of this, and room service, and I didn’t hear a bit of it?

David:  You must have been tired out…did I hear you wandering around in the middle of the night?

She peers at him over the rim of her mug.

Maddie:  I couldn’t get settled.

David:  A little overstimulated?

Maddie:  Nobody likes a braggard.

David:  Somebody liked one last night.

Maddie:  And so it goes.  What are you taking pictures of, anyway?

David:  It’s the greatest thing.  Who do you think are sitting having breakfast down there, just a perfect zoom lens shot from our balcony?

Maddie:  The happy couple?

David:  They sure do look happy.  I’ve got some great shots for Mrs. Townsend’s memory book.

Maddie:  So we’ve done what we came for.  

David:  You sound so…I don’t know, disappointed.  I, for one, think this has turned out to be a great weekend.

Maddie reaches over to touch his hand.

Maddie:  Don’t …it’s been a wonderful weekend.  I just feel a little sad that all that has turned out so well for us has been based on a case of two people splitting up.

David:  Gotta get past it, Maddie.  That’s just life.  And in our business, we’re gonna see a whole lot more of it.

Maddie:  I guess.

The telephone rings.  As David walks past her to the bedroom, he comments.

David:  There’s toast there.

Maddie lifts the cover, and start to nibble on a piece of toast.  At the same time, she shamelessly eavesdrops on David’s conversation.

David:  Hello?  Hey, my friend.  You’re a man among men.  Great job last night…..yeah, it was perfect….

Maddie smiles.

David:  So what’s on the agenda for today?…Oh yeah?  Well, he’s going that alone….oh, he is.  And what might the lady be doing?  Interesting…late checkout, huh?  You took care of it already?…You’ve thought of all the angles.  I’ll catch up with you later this afternoon.  Thanks.

David returns to the balcony to find Maddie still with the smile on her face.  He stoops to kiss her.

David:  And what’s the smile for?

Maddie:  Nothing.  Just something I remembered.  Did the mole have any other information on Townsend?

David:  Townsend is golfing again this morning, but without the lady.  He has an eleven o’clock tee time with a couple of business associates.

Maddie:  You aren’t –

David:  Not if the course was papered with thousand dollar bills.  We don’t need any pictures of him with business associates.  Between yesterday’s pictures, and the ones from this morning, we should have enough for what Gloria Townsend needs.

Maddie:  I think so.  Did he say what the lady might be doing?

David:  She has an eleven o’clock appointment at the beauty salon.

Maddie rises and starts towards the door.

Maddie:  That’s for me.

David:  Whoa…Maddie.  What do you mean?

Maddie:  I mean, I’m going to the salon and find out what I can about this woman…what’s her name again?

David:  She’s using the name “Mrs. Townsend”.

Maddie:  That should be easy to remember.

Maddie walks into the bedroom with David at her heels.  She gathers the clothes from the floor, and deposits them on the desk chair.  She then walks to the closet, pulling out a sundress.

David:  I don’t understand what you’re doing here, Maddie.

Maddie:  You know what, David?  I’m not sure I do either.  But I can’t help but have this feeling that if I don’t go, we’re going to miss something.  Or maybe just I am.

David groans.

David:  Maddie, Maddie, Maddie…..last day of fun in the sun…”you and me” time…sure you want to give it up?

Maddie:  I’m sure I DON’T want to give it up, David.  But I know…..

They both speak at once.

Maddie:  I HAVE to.             David :  You HAVE to.

He looks at her and sighs.

David:  OK, I’ll go get the last of this film developed.  Think you’ll need the camera?

Maddie:  I don’t think so.  I’ve got the miniature one in my purse.  What are you going to do?

David:  I guess I’ll wander around a bit.  I haven’t seen a whole lot of the place other than the golf course and this room – not complaining, you understand --about the “this room” part, of course.

Maddie:  I’ll meet you back here after?  Maybe you can give me a tour of what you find.

David:  Hope you find what you’re looking for.

He kisses her lightly and exits.  She looks after him for a moment, checks her watch, and hurries into the bathroom.

Sunday afternoon, 12:30 PM
On a bench on the ocean side of the hotel

David Addison sits on the bench.  He is holding a very large ice cream cone in one hand, and a small white bunny in the other.  Admittedly, this is not a usual look for an adult at the Hotel Del Coronado, and he gets a few curious stares from passersby.

He mutters to himself.

David:  What are you looking at, pal?  It’s not like I’m using the stuff to lure unsuspecting children.  As long as I’m eating the ice cream and holding the bunny, what business is it of yours?

He looks at the bunny.

David:  And what the hell are you looking at anyway?

He starts to laugh at himself.  

David:  What the hell am I doing, talking to a stuffed rabbit?  What the hell am I doing buying a stuffed rabbit?  I dropped off the film at the camera shop, and I thought maybe I’d go into a gift shop…pick up that book that Maddie has been so crazy about reading…you know, about the hotel.  Anyway, I walked past a toy store…Geppetto’s like the guy in Pinocchio (didn’t think I knew my Disney, did you?)

Anyway, just as I start to pass, I catch a glimpse of a kid and her father having a tug of war over this bunny.  It wasn’t the bunny…I guess it was the kid.  About two years old, with blonde curls all over her head.  She wrestled the bunny from her dad, and came running over to me.  She looked up at me with the bluest eyes and said, “You bunny”, and handed it to me.  Her dad came running over and grabbed her.  I tried to give her back the bunny, and she wouldn’t take it.  She said it again, “You bunny.”

So what?  It’s a sign?  I was meant to have that bunny?  I don’t think so.  But what the hell, it’s a bunny.  So I bought it.  No big deal...a couple of bucks on after Easter clearance.  I'll tell you though, that kid was really cute. 

Oh well, time’s a wasting.

He looks up at a stone statue of a Beefeater guard.

David:  Thanks for the conversation, buddy.  Love your gin.

He drops the remainder of the ice cream cone in a trashcan, and walks away, dragging the bunny by one arm.

Scene:  Sunday afternoon 2:00 PM
        The hotel suite

David reclines on the sofa in the sitting room.  He has a beer at his elbow, and a half eaten sandwich next to it on the end table.  The white bunny, quite overlooked, has been tossed on the coffee table.  He languidly clicks the buttons of the remote control, not finding anything he likes.

The door flies open and Maddie runs into the room. It is a new Maddie…or the old Maddie…or the new old Maddie…or the old new Maddie.  In other words, Maddie with a haircut.

David looks over and remarks in a singsong voice.

David:  I’m telling Vincent!

Maddie:  David, you’ll never guess what.

David:  You got your hair cut.  In fact, you got them all cut.

He laughs.

Maddie:  Very funny.  You have successfully completed third grade humor.

David:  It looks nice.

Maddie:  And seventh grade flirting.  Listen to me.

David:  I’m listening.

Maddie:  I’ve been in the salon all this time.  First I had a facial.  Then a manicure and a pedicure.  I was running out of things for them to work with, so I had to let them cut my hair.

David:  I could have thought of a few – bikini wax, seaweed wrap….I am glad about the pedicure though.  Your toenails have been getting a little long.

Maddie:  Addison, you are a worm.  Listen to me.  She was there.

David:  The alleged…wait, the imitation Mrs. Townsend?

Maddie:  Her name is Alicia.  And she is not a bimbo.

David:  I could have told you that.  She’s too old to be a bimbo.

Maddie:  Nobody’s too old to be a bimbo – Men!

David:  So this non-bimbo…did you talk to her?

Maddie:  No, just listened.  She was on the other side of the screen, in the room next to me.

David:  OK.  Enquiring minds want to know.  What did you find out?

Maddie:  Mrs. Townsend is an awful woman.

David:  Which one…the real or the UN-Townsend?

Maddie:  The one I thought was awful.  The real one…our client.

David:  How do you know?

Maddie:  I listened to Alicia.  She told the beautician everything.  She was there for three hours, after all.

David:  I’m sure she and the beautician forged a lasting relationship.

Maddie:  Women tell their beauticians everything.

David:  I can dig that.  Every other week, I just pour out my soul to old blind Pete.

Maddie:  Who are you kidding Addison, every other week?  Anyway,she was talking about Mr. Townsend…his name is Doug.  They’ve been together for ten years.

David:  That’s some long affair.  

Maddie:  No, they’ve been living together for ten years.  Gloria had a huge affair about fifteen years ago that broke up the marriage.  Doug moved out into his own place.  He and Alicia met at work about twelve years ago.

David:  You mean the Mister and Missus have been apart for fifteen years with no divorce?

Maddie:  Gloria wouldn’t give him one.  There is a lot of money involved, a very entangled situation.  Gloria threatened to make his life hell if he didn’t go along with her.

David:  And Alicia?

Maddie:  She loves him.  And she’s been willing to do what she had to do to be with him.

David:  Ten years?

Maddie:  Ten years.

David:  What about the kids?

Maddie:  This charade has been all about the kids.  The kids are thirty-eight and thirty-five years old and live on the East Coast.  Gloria has finally decided that she will give him the divorce, and they’ve worked out the details with the money.  But they are going through the whole court thing to save face in front of the kids.

David:  So let me get this straight, these kids have no idea that their parents have been separated for fifteen years, and that their dad lived with another woman for ten?

Maddie:  Guess they’re not earning many frequent flyer miles coming home, huh?

David:  This is a crazy story.

Maddie:  Hang on, it gets a little better.  Doug and Alicia actually know we are here and what we’re doing.  It’s all been an elaborate set-up.  I actually listened to quite an amusing story about your golf cart accident.

David:  Those rotten……

Maddie laughs loudly.

Maddie: I think it’s wonderful.

David looks at her like she’s crazy.

David:  I think they took too much off the top.

She sits on the sofa, and grabs David’s hand.

Maddie:  Think about it.  I found what I was looking for.

David:  Which is?

Maddie:  Everybody gets what they want.  Gloria gets her divorce and her money, her kids get to keep their illusions, and Doug and Gloria finally get what they want.  They’re getting married right after the divorce is final.

David:  And we spent a weekend on a wild goose chase, being lied to and tricked by these idiots.

Maddie:  Tricked into spending a wonderful, all expense paid weekend that I wouldn’t trade for anything.  A weekend to remember.

David points to his eye.

David:  I almost got killed.  Bet you wouldn’t have loved it as much then.

Maddie kisses his black eye, and continues to plant small kisses all around his face and neck.

Maddie:  Let me make it up to you.

David:  Let me think about it.

Maddie:  What else can I do?

David:  Well, you’re making a good start there.  Keep it up and I’ll let you know what else I can think of.

Maddie moves on top of his reclining body, snuggling closer.

David:  Maddie?

Maddie:  Um hmm?

David:  Did you say all expenses paid?

Maddie:  Yes.

David:  Including the golf cart….and the beauty salon….and the room service?

Maddie:  Yes, David.

David:  Hand me the phone.

Maddie complies.

David barks into the phone.

David:  Room service?  I’d like dinner for two -- premium caviar, with chilled vodka, surf and turf, a magnum of champagne, strawberries, and a chocolate soufflé.   Yeah, that’s it for right now.

He drops the phone to the table, and puts his arms around Maddie.

David:  I’m feeling much better now.

They kiss and we…

                FREEZE FRAME


Sunday night, 11:30 PM
Los Angeles
The Hayes/Addison bedroom

Maddie and David are in bed asleep.  We hear a familiar buzz, and the camera zooms in on our old friend Zip.  He is sitting on a large hard covered book, which is lying on the glass-topped table.  Further examination reveals the title, The History of the Hotel Del Coronado.

Zip:  Hi folks.  Good to see you again.  We’re all back from the South, safe and sound.  Those two look a little worn out, but I think they’d tell you, they had a great weekend.

Me…yeah I had a great weekend, too.  Define a great weekend?  A little fun, a lot of laughs, and a whole lot of sex.  For those of you who are having trouble keeping up…yes, that means that I am no longer among the uninitiated in matters of sex.  I became a REAL fly in San Diego.  In a very few days, hundreds of little flies will be zipping around yelling “Daddy?”.  I am guaranteed a place in history…I will live on in perpetuity.  Not a bad twenty days in anyone’s book.

I have to tell you, I was a little worried about these two in the beginning.  But I’m sure they’re gonna be fine.  Somebody just needs to remind them every once in a while that if you’re not moving forward, you’re not going anywhere.

But I think they’ve got it now.  In fact, I’d bet my life on it.

I’ve had a good time.  See you on the Zip side.

He circles through the air, across the room and lands on the ear of the little white bunny, who is now securely propped against Maddie’s purple and white bunny.  

I ask you, can flies wink??

                    THE END


As usual, I can’t finish without giving a great deal of credit to my support.

To my virtual co-writers, sisters, friends – Lizzie and Sue, who are there through each step of the process…and make it worth doing.

And especially to Lizzie, who never gets tired of all of my BS…or at least never shows it.  A more supportive and wonderful friend I can’t imagine ever finding.  The only thing I would ever change would be your coast!  Thank you a million times.

The video production adds a whole new layer of excitement to this episode and some very special people to thank:

To Cindy Klauss, who not only slaved tirelessly to make this video just plain perfect, but who also had the added misfortune of having me as a houseguest during the production of it.  Way beyond the call of duty, Cindy.  You’re one person who gives a hundred percent to everything you do.  I’m glad to count you among my friends.

To Chad DeFranco, the music man, and designer, who spent hours listening to the ravings of a woman who seemed to be asking the impossible – and then he delivered it.  Your infinite patience and supportive guidance made the video what it is, and I’m very grateful.

To David Goldflies and CyberSYtes for their support and their talents.

To Cybill Shepherd, Bruce Willis and Glenn Gordon Caron for creating a show that still makes me want to do this. And most especially to Cybill for her rendition of “More Than You Know”, which provided the inspiration for the video.

And to the Moonlighting community.  I don’t know what I expected when I wandered into cyberspace four years ago, but look what I’ve gotten.  Your support and your friendships mean more than you know.