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Up the Down Rabbit Hole


Fade in:

MADDIE dresses for work.  She slips on a skirt.  The zipper is hard to pull up.  She looks at herself in the mirror and does not like her profile.  She presses on her stomach to flatten it.  She pulls the skirt off and tosses it to the back of the closet.  


MADDIE is sitting on the bed putting her shoes on.  She has changed into a loose fitting dress.  Miss Me is lying next to her, watching her every move.  The state of the bed linen shows that she has slept alone (only one side pulled down).  She stands and crosses to her vanity to pick up a towel that she left there. Under it is an old, ratty shirt of David's.  She lifts the T-shirt with two fingers - disappointed at the sight of such a rag.  She catches her reflection in the mirror with the shirt in full view, and a wicked grin crosses her face as she drops it into the waste basket.   Then ... feeling guilty ... laughs at her reflection ... pulls the T-shirt out of the trash and throws it in the hamper with the towel.

MADDIE: (to the dog) I guess we should get David some T-shirts, eh girl?

The dog yaps, leaps off the bed, and heads downstairs with Maddie following.



Miss Me is whining as she sits near her empty dog dishes.

MADDIE: Sorry girl, the doctor said nothing after midnight - not even water.

She bends down to scratch the dog behind the ears and a wave of nausea hits her. She holds on to the sink to keep herself from falling.  First, a look of concern crosses her face, then quickly it is replaced by recognition, then sheer panic.  She pulls her organizer out of the side pocket of her purse and flips back - one ... two ... three ... four ... five ... six pages (pages=weeks).  Her eyes widen - clearly stunned.

MADDIE (CONT'D): Six weeks?  Uh Oh, Little One!
(she closes her eyes, shakes her head and whispers to herself) We've got to switch from ribbed to extra strength. (pause) This can't be happening.

The dog whines again and scratches at the cabinet where her food is kept.  Maddie pulls the leash off the counter and bends down to hook it on to the collar.  She experiences another wave of nausea as she stands up.

MADDIE (CONT'D): What timing!  The day we get you fixed is the day we find out that I'm not broken.  

She checks her watch, grabs her purse and leaves in a rush with the dog leading the way.

David is standing in the middle of the room playing paddle ball.  He is muttering to himself as if he were a sports announcer.

(NOTE: the sound of the constant THWAP - THWAP - THWAP of the ball hitting the paddle is heard.)


DAVID: (hushed voice like a golf announcer) Ladies and gentlemen, we are heading into the second hour of Addison's amazing display of style, skill and --

MADDIE bursts into the office and slams the door behind her, throwing her back up against the door as if she were being chased and is now safe.  David continues his monologue.  


DAVID (CONT'D): --- and impenetrable concentration.  Not since 1973 when ...


MADDIE: (anxious) David, I'm late.


DAVID: (continuing to paddle not looking at her and ignoring her statement) Just in time -breaking the Addison Family record here from 1973.  Richie did 65 - no, 69 minutes without so much as a bathroom break.


MADDIE: (tying to get his attention) DAVID!! I'm late.


DAVID: I covered for you.  Told 'em that you were "PREFERENCING" your roots. Sure it's a little more expensive but ... you're worth it.



DAVID: Got ya!


MADDIE: You can say that again.  ... David, please stop that.


DAVID: (continuing to paddle) Can't -- in the zone.


MADDIE: (pleading) David, I am trying to talk to ...  I'm ---!


DAVID: (moving toward her) Late - I heard you, ... So stay after school and clean the erasers.


Maddie grabs the paddle ball and throws it across the room.

(NOTE: the thwapping has finally stopped)

DAVID (CONT'D): (mocking the coffee commercial) Jeez Maddie, why so tense?  

MADDIE: Did you hear what I said?  I'm LATE.

DAVID: Am I supposed to send you to your room? (he gets a very lecherous look in his eye) Mmmmm ...I could get behind that.

MADDIE: David ... That is exactly what I am talking about.

David looks confused but not interested enough to ask.  He passes her to pick up the paddle ball game from the corner where it landed and starts to paddle again.



DAVID: So? .. You're late ... dock your pay.  

MADDIE: I am not THAT kind of late.

DAVID: How many kinds of LATE are there? (counting on his hand - while paddling with the other) - Fashionably, - For An Important Date, Why-Bother-to-Show-up-at-All ...

MADDIE: David!

He stops paddling and looks at her. She makes a "think about it" face to David.  He is still lost - shrugs and shakes his head.  Maddie throws herself down on the couch and covers her face.

MADDIE (CONT'D): Do I need to draw you a picture?  I AM ... LATE.  (she makes a rocking a baby motion with her arms -- very quickly) A realization crosses David's face and he looks away.

DAVID: Oh ... OH?  ... THAT kind of late.  

David is stunned and needs to sit down on the edge of the desk.

DAVID (CONT'D): (with much bravado) I guess we should switch from ribbed to extra strength.

David and Maddie are both silent for moment.  Maddie is trying to get a read on how David feels about this new development, and David is staring off into space -trying to figure that out himself.  Finally they speak at the same time.

DAVID (CONT'D): Are you sure?  ... It could be a mistake?  ... I mean how can you KNOW? ... I mean really KNOW ... What did you say? ... No ... You first ...

MADDIE: ... I am never late.  ... It can't be a mistake ... I am not sure how I know but I know ...I think I know ...No ... Go ahead ...

Both shut up at the same time and look frustrated.  They do the rock, paper, scissors thing and David wins (he pulls rock and she pulls scissors).

DAVID (CONT'D): (nervous) Are you sure?  I mean, how can ...

MADDIE: ... Six weeks ...

DAVID: Six? ... It seems like the UMS's are ever other week ...

MADDIE: (ignoring his slam about her moodiness) I am never late ...

She stops herself and David nods and averts his eyes down and away from her.  They both are very aware of the last time she was "late."  

DAVID: (still looking away ... softly) How could this happen? (looks back at her)

MADDIE: Ducks and Bees, David!  They do more than duck and be.

DAVID: Not that ...  I mean .. We've been careful ... SOOO careful ... more than careful ... to a fault ...
(implying that their sex life had suffered due to the "care" that they were taking)

MADDIE: Well ... Apparently not to a fault ...

There is a pregnant silence as each tries to read the other's feelings.  Then they are jolted by a KNOCK on the door.  They look like they have been caught doing something very wrong.  The KNOCK comes again.

AGNES: (O.C.) Miss Hayes?  Mr. Addison?  (She opens the door and pokes her head in) You're late!

MADDIE: I beg your pardon?

AGNES:  You're late?

Maddie turns to David to see if he is thinking what she is thinking ... That they were overheard. He doesn't, and shakes his head, with that kind of look that says "nah, she didn't hear"

DAVID: Late for what, Agnes?

AGNES:  Your 10 o'clock with Mrs. Vanderhose????  You were supposed to meet with her at the Four Seasons???? ... I guess you forgot ... You're late ... She just called.

MADDIE: Mrs. Vanderhose?

DAVID: Mrs. Vanderhose -- of course Maddie ... Late for Mrs. Vanderhose.

AGNES:  I told her you would be there shortly ... that you had left already ... Should I call her back?

MADDIE: No, No.  That's fine. We'll leave right now...

DAVID: (under his breath, sarcastic) Sure ... Why not? ... We got at least 7 or 8 months to kill.

The comment is not unheard by Maddie but she chooses not to respond.  He grabs his coat and leads Maddie out of his office.  He hands Agnes the paddle ball game.

DAVID (CONT'D): You're up.





Maddie sits staring out the window in silence.  She is clearly distracted.  David is lost in his own thoughts and is driving very carefully .. overly carefully -- obeying speed limits, looking three times before making a turn, using his blinkers.  There is a long silence. Finally Maddie breaks it.

MADDIE: David, could you step on it -- we are late enough already.

DAVID: Rushing is the surest way to have an accident.

MADDIE: A little late for that life lesson.

They drop back into silence for a few moments.  David breaks it this time.  

DAVID: Are you sure? ... Maybe we should get one of those home tests?  

MADDIE: Those tests won't be accurate for at least 5 or 10 years.

DAVID: So? What? ... Should I stop and pick up a rabbit?

MADDIE: Can you be serious?

DAVID: I'm being very serious ... You  need to go to a doctor ...

MADDIE: That's an understatement ... I need my head examined.

DAVID: What does that mean?

MADDIE: (exasperated) Nothing ... It means nothing.

DAVID: Come on Maddie ... Are you planning on ignoring this until ...

MADDIE: I am not ignoring anything ... If I wanted to IGNORE it ... I never would have told you ... Which is sounding like the route I should have taken.

DAVID: What are you so mad at me for?  It's not my fault ...

Maddie glares at him.

DAVID (CONT'D): It takes two to tango, Blondie.

She looks away.  She is as much annoyed with the possibility herself as she is annoyed at David's appearance of not wanting it to be true.  They pull into the Four Seasons driveway.  A valet approaches and tries to open the door for Maddie.  The door is locked.  David unlocks it from his side and the valet tries again. Maddie steps out quickly and does not wait for David before she enters the lobby.


David rushes up to Maddie who is walking very determinedly toward the dining room.

DAVID: Hey... Hey ... HEY!

He grabs her arm and she stops, but does not look at him.

DAVID (CONT'D): (moving to get into her line of sight) You SHOULD have told me. (pause) You shouldn't NOT have told me...

She is silent, still not looking at him.  He turns her toward him and puts his hand under her chin, tilting her head back so she will look at him.

DAVID (CONT'D): (softly, sweetly) What?

MADDIE: Would it be so horrible?

DAVID: No ...  Not horrible at all  (pause…. still keeping his voice tender) ... just once in my life, I would like this kind of news not to hit me out of left field.

MADDIE: (her shoulders drop and she relaxes a bit) I know ... I'm sorry ... This is not ... I wasn't prepared for this today.

DAVID: (smiling) I didn't get the memo either.

MADDIE: (annoyed again, turning away) ... Forget it.  

DAVID: Hey ... We'll figure it out.

MADDIE: Maybe I'm wrong.

DAVID: It has been known to happen.

She looks at him quizzically.

DAVID (CONT'D): You being wrong.

He pulls her to him.  She does not respond immediately, but eventually she puts her arms around him too, and hides her face in his neck.  The maitre' d approaches and interrupts them.

MAITRE' D: May I help you?

They pull away quickly, Maddie more than grateful for the interruption.

MADDIE: Mrs. Vanderhose's table.



They are shown to Mrs. Alice Vanderhose's table. She is a very tall, very stately, very distinguished looking woman of about 55 - 60 years of age.  She rises to greet them and she looms over both Maddie and David.  She is at least 6'5" and knows how to carry her height.  She knows it intimidates people and she uses that to her best advantage.  

MADDIE: (Maddie extends her hand) We're sorry to keep you waiting, Mrs. Van-- ...

MRS. VANDERHOSE (taking Maddie's hand) Don't apologize ... Can I presume that you are Madolyn Hayes?  The Blue Moon Shampoo girl?

MADDIE: Yes, ma'am. But that was a very long time ago.  

MRS. VANDERHOSE: Well you still have a shine ... a luminescence ... a glow about you.
DAVID:  (grinning) I was thinking the same thing ... not two minutes ago.

MADDIE: (she glares at David's secret playfulness) Thank you.  This is ...
(turning toward David and losing her train of thought) ... is my ... my ...
(lost for words)

DAVID: (smiles ... meant for Maddie but is directed toward Mrs. Vanderhose) I'm Ms. Hayes' partner - David Addison.

MRS. VANDERHOSE: (extending her hand to meet David's)
It is a pleasure to meet you.

(She is clearly attracted to David in an older woman/widow kind of way) Please sit down.

David holds the chair for Maddie, paying more attention to her than he normally would.  The waiter approaches.

May I bring you some coffee?

DAVID: Decaf for her and a large glass of O.J. ... and some milk - skim milk ...
(he whispers to her) ...Not for two, just a healthy one.

 Maddie is appalled that he thinks it's funny - their life might be altered permanently and he thinks it is funny ... but she is also relieved - in some weird way - that he is not HATING the idea.  

DAVID (CONT'D): Black coffee for me - the strongest you got.
(whispering to the waiter) Maybe something a little stronger than black ... You know what I mean?

The waiter nods and exits. Mrs. Vanderhose is completely oblivious to the entire exchange.

MRS. VANDERHOSE: Have you eaten?

DAVID: Stopped for pickles and ice cream on the way over ...

Maddie hits him under the table.

DAVID (CONT'D): I mean bacon and eggs.  We're fine.

MADDIE: Nothing thank you.  How can we help you Mrs. Vanderhose?

MRS. VANDERHOSE: I need you to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Luella Hubbard is ... OR IS NOT ... my late husband's BASTARD child.

Both Maddie and David were taken aback by her directness.

MRS. VANDERHOSE (CONT'D): I see I have shocked you ... Let me start at the beginning  ...well ... I'll give you the Reader's Digest version.  About a month ago, I got a visit from a Luella Hubbard, a beautiful young woman of about 22 - 24 years of age.  I had never met her before ... I knew ... well, suspected, that there might be someone like her  ... but I never knew her name ... She is the daughter of Sandra Hubbard, a woman that used to work for my husband ...
(speaking slowly to make a point) ... about 23 - 25 years ago.

David and Maddie make eye contact.

MRS. VANDERHOSE (CONT'D): You are thinking what I thought... middle aged wealthy man ... sexy young secretary ... torrid affair ... accidental baby ... and the secretary gets bought off to protect the marriage ... well, at least the marital assets.  It happens more often than most people want to admit.

MADDIE: Accidents do happen.

DAVID: And they keep on happening.

MADDIE: (ignoring David) What does your husband have to say?

MRS. VANDERHOSE: My husband is dead.

MADDIE: I'm sorry.

MRS. VANDERHOSE: My husband and my son were killed about 9 months ago.  It was a terrible accident. I am not going to tell you that our marriage was a slice of heaven, I can't even pretend to believe that Lewis, my husband, never cheated on me.  God knows I had my share of chauffeurs, pool boys and personal trainers ... The rich have a strange sense of fidelity.  I am sure you understand me, Ms. Hayes.

Maddie looks away. David looks at Maddie, then back at Mrs. Vanderhose.

DAVID: What is it that you are asking us to do again, Mrs. Vanderhose?

MRS. VANDERHOSE: Mr. Addison --- you are probably not aware that Vanderhose Industries of South Bend, Indiana is a 10 billion dollar a year industry.  It has been in my family for generations.  My son, Wallace, was to take over operations when the time was right.  He is ... was the last of the Vanderhose line.  However, if this ... this girl, this young woman is...(with disgust in her voice)  ... is my husband's bastard child, then she is entitled to more than a pay off ... ENTITLED - hell, she has a responsibility to live up to the Vanderhose name and take her place as the heir to the throne ... so to speak.  

She gets silent.  She is speaking very coldly about all these very personal issues, like it was a business arrangement.

DAVID: This is an interesting twist.

MRS. VANDERHOSE: (directing her comments to Maddie) Ms. Hayes -- please don't misunderstand me.  I HATE the idea the Lewis had a child with another woman - that he kept it from me all these years is understandable.  
(pause to collect her thoughts) You need to know ... You must understand ... There were no other  ...  Do you have any children Miss Hayes?

David and Maddie share a quick glance and a brief panicked look.

MRS. VANDERHOSE (CONT'D): Are you two married?

They each look away in different directions ...  It is obvious to Mrs. Vanderhose that David and Maddie are together .. but not THAT together ...

MRS. VANDERHOSE (CONT'D): Well no matter ... Children are all that is important in life - they are the only reason for living.

Mrs. Vanderhose gets a faraway look in her eye and pauses for a long moment.

MADDIE: Mrs. Vanderhose?

MRS. VANDERHOSE: If this person ... this Luella Hubbard ... is my husband's child ... I want her to take his name and her rightful place in the family.  It will be up to her to carry the Vanderhose name into the next millennium.

DAVID: That sounds like a pretty tall order for someone who is a virtual stranger.

MRS. VANDERHOSE: Mr. Addison ... Vanderhose Enterprises has been in my family for six generations.  I won't turn it over to the Board of Directors or let Microsoft, Time-Warner, Kraft-Reynolds or any of those other big companies buy it and split it up - not if there is a Vanderhose alive.  The Wallace Vanderhose legacy deserves more than that.

DAVID: I understand.

MRS. VANDERHOSE: All I need from Blue Moon is to determine if she is my husband's daughter. I will do the rest.

Hold on a rear shot of Mrs. Vanderhose looking at David and Maddie.



Maddie is talking on the pay phone. David and Mrs. Vanderhose can be seen talking to the side before Mrs. Vanderhose's car drives up.  She gets in and the car drives off.  David waits by the BM'er for Maddie.  Maddie walks up quickly.

MADDIE: Did you tell her we were taking the case?

DAVID: Didn't know we were ...

MADDIE: Of course we are ... There is nothing to discuss ...

DAVID: Oh no?

MADDIE: No ...

DAVID: We are not going to have some ridiculous debate about trust? Fidelity?  Nature vs. Nurture? The erosion of the American Family?


DAVID: Why not?

MADDIE: Because I said so.

DAVID: Jeez, not two months gone and you are already sounding like a mother.

MADDIE: Careful or I'll send you to bed without your supper.

DAVID: Promises, promises.

She rolls her eyes.  David opens her door and helps her into the car.  He tips the valet and gets in.  



David is driving.  Maddie is lost in thought.

DAVID: So where to?

MADDIE: The office - to drop you off. I'll pick you up later.

DAVID: Where are you going?

MADDIE: Going?

DAVID: Going!  

MADDIE: I have an .... appointment.

DAVID: To see a man about a horse?

MADDIE: Excuse me?

DAVID: To see a rabbit about a test?

MADDIE: David.

DAVID: I'm going with you.

MADDIE: I don't remember inviting you.

DAVID: Memory is the first think to go after your waistline ... And what a waistline it is.  It'll be a crime.

MADDIE: David.

DAVID: Maddie. (pause) Where am I going?

MADDIE: (laughs) Can't believe you left that line open for me.

DAVID: Don't want you to strain yourself coming up with banter ... not in your delicate condition.

MADDIE: (rolling her eyes) Dr. Weed's office.



David and Maddie exit the elevator. They are more than a little subdued.  David walks a little behind Maddie.  Neither is upset, just needing a little more space.

DAVID: (rhetorical) Inconclusive?  What does "inconclusive" mean?

MADDIE: INCONCLUSIVE:  NOT conclusive, uncertain, indecisive, unclear, undependable ...

DAVID: Thank you, Mother Webster.  So this is what years of research has gotten modern medicine?

MADDIE: That particular test is not an exact science ... The blood test one won't come back --

DAVID: -- Inconclusive?

MADDIE: Right.

DAVID: So when did she say?

MADDIE: This afternoon.

DAVID: Right.

MADDIE: Right.

DAVID: Still say we should have gotten a rabbit.

Maddie just shakes her head.



Agnes is behind the desk and Burt and McGillicudy are standing at the desk.  They are clearly talking about David and Maddie.  Agnes hits Burt when she hears them walk up and they quickly clam up as soon as Maddie and David approach.  David grandiosely opens the door for Maddie.

DAVID: Allow me ...

MADDIE: You better save your strength.

DAVID: Hey ... MY work is done.

AGNES:  Miss Hayes!  Mr. Addison.  There was a delivery for you ...

BURT: (to McGillicudy) Apparently not the last delivery.

MADDIE: (to Burt) Excuse me?

BURT: Excuse me?  ... Miss Hayes, may I just say that you are looking radiant, luminous, incandescent --


BURT: Yes ma'am. (he shuts up and looks down)

MADDIE: (to Agnes) The delivery?

AGNES:  It's -- (points to the closed door) in your office.

Maddie crosses to her office.  The entire staff is watching her closely.  David is now interested because of the staff's interest.  He starts to follow her but is stopped by Burt.

BURT: Mr. Addison -- I have those addresses for you.

David takes them and is looking them over as Maddie opens the door and enters.  Less then a second later ...

MADDIE (O.C.) David!  May I see you for a moment?



David enters.  The office is full of balloons of all different shapes and sizes that read "IT'S A GIRL!", "IT'S A BOY!", "Congratulations Mom & Dad!" And various (and I do mean various) others that are all pink and blue and baby themed.  David is just as stunned, but starts laughing.

DAVID: Dr. Weed has a hell of a bedside manner.  I guess a phone call wasn't enough.

MADDIE: Is this your idea of a joke?

DAVID: Not really my style.  I am more of the cigar-slap-on-the-back kind of guy.

MADDIE: Then who the ...

Agnes enters with an unopened envelope.

AGNES:  I didn't open it. (grinning) Thought it might be ... you know ... personal. (winks at David)

Maddie rips open the envelope.  It is a packing slip and the "ship to" address reads:

SUITE 2106

These are obviously samples for the company in the next building.  She shows the packing slip to David.  He starts humming the theme to the Twilight Zone.  

DAVID: (mocking Rod Serling's voice) Submitted for your approval ... Two couples --- more in common than their monograms ... ignorant of the other's existence ... until the day a dyslexic delivery driver drops a delivery at the wrong door ...

Maddie smiles in spite of herself.  She takes the slip and hands it back to Agnes.

MADDIE: Agnes --- get the guy back here and have him deliver ... this stuff ... where it belongs.

AGNES:  (looking sad that the good news was not for David and Maddie) Yes Ma'am.  Right away.

MADDIE: (looks around her office and must get out) Your office?

DAVID: Sure you wanna go in there?  Who knows --

MADDIE: David!

DAVID: (dropping into a game show voice) So Mamma Hayes has chosen Door #2 -- but before we show her what she's won -- let's see if she would like to trade it for what Papa Bear is holding in his hand?

He holds up the note that Burt gave him such that she could not see it.

MADDIE: (reluctantly playing the game) What is Papa Bear holding in his hand?

DAVID: Address to Sandra Hubbard.

MADDIE: (looking around her office) Anywhere ... let's go.



Maddie and David drive up to (deletea) the Hubbard home in Sherman Oaks.  It looks like a fairy tale house.  The paint is the same color as gingerbread, the shutters are painted red and white, the roof has that fairy-tale warped and shingled look.  The lawn is littered with children's toys. Children of various ages and ethnic backgrounds are running in and out of the house.

A 45-50ish woman comes out of the front door with a baby boy on one hip and a 3 year old girl sobbing incessantly at the other.  The woman is small - very small - not even 5' - she hardly looks like more than a child herself.


DAVID: No --

SANDRA HUBBARD: (upset) You were supposed to be here yesterday.  

DAVID: We are not the Wilsons.

SANDRA HUBBARD: (confused) Kathy and Mark Wilson?

DAVID: Maddie and David.

MADDIE: Hayes and Addison ...

SANDRA HUBBARD: Well of course ... You're Maddie Hayes .... I'd know you anywhere. I still use Blue Moon shampoo.  I can see you do too ... You have an amazing glow about you.

Maddie and David make quick eye contact - recognizing that they are sick of these constant innuendos.

DAVID: Mrs. Hubbard --

SANDRA HUBBARD: "Miss" --- rather "Ms".  An understandable mistake.

The little boy leans out to David with his chubby little arms extended and starts to whine.  Sandra Hubbard hands the baby off/up to David, who reluctantly takes him.  Soon the child stops fussing and is happily playing with David's offered tie.

SANDRA HUBBARD (CONT'D) Max really likes you. ... You're a natural ... How many do you have?

DAVID: None -- well ...not yet ... (trying to recover his macho) At least not that I know of...

Maddie rolls her eyes.

SANDRA HUBBARD: You can take one or two of mine ... I have got so many ...

DAVID: You don't know what to do?

SANDRA HUBBARD: Don't think I haven't heard that before.

MADDIE: Ms. Hubbard, we are private investigators hired by Mrs. Lewis Vanderhose.

SANDRA HUBBARD: Ah yes --- I was expecting you. Please come in.  Excuse me, I've got some buns in the oven.

Sandra picks up the older child and carries her into the house.  

DAVID: (to Maddie) She needs to give the Pillsbury Dough boy a rest.

Maddie and David follow her in.  Maddie realizes that she has two kids flanking her and trying to hold her hands.  She takes them reluctantly.  Sandra hands off the little girl in her arms to a teenager on her way up the stairs.  A second teenager takes the child from David's arms.

SANDRA HUBBARD: Sorry for the mess.  The house is in quite an uproar.  We had a death in the family -- the rabbit.

DAVID: (to Maddie) The rabbit died?

MADDIE: I know how she feels.

SANDRA HUBBARD: (to the children in the kitchen and the kids hanging on to Maddie) Go on now ... outside.  It is a beautiful day.  Go on ... go watch the birds and the bees do what they do ...

The children leave.

DAVID: (to Maddie) Sex education is starting earlier these days.

MADDIE: We might need a refresher.

DAVID: I think we got "IT" down pretty good.

MADDIE: Not the how ... The how NOT.

Sandra takes a tray of buns out of the oven and gestures for Maddie and David to sit at the kitchen table.  

DAVID: Ms. Hubbard, we have been ...

SANDRA HUBBARD: Please - call me Sandy ... and second of all, I am going to tell you the same thing that I told Alice Vanderhose.  

MADDIE: Which is?

SANDRA HUBBARD: I never slept with Lewis - Mr. Vanderhose.  Have you seen pictures of him?

Maddie and David shake their heads.

SANDRA HUBBARD (CONT'D) You'd understand if you had.  He was at least 6' 8". And as you can see ....  

She puts her hand over her head to show that she is short.

SANDRA HUBBARD (CONT'D) I am not.  It would be highly unlikely and physically very difficult ...

DAVID: But not impossible.

SANDRA HUBBARD: We did not have a torrid affair - Mr. Addison. We had no affair at all.  He was my boss and I would NEVER consider sleeping with a co-worker - particularly the boss.


SANDRA HUBBARD: Too complicated and messy and makes for really long days.

DAVID: ... but great for raises and promotions and don't forget the Christmas bonuses.

Maddie looks at David.  He smiles to let her know that he was only kidding.

SANDRA HUBBARD: We worked together for a long time - a very long time.  I liked him - a lot.  

DAVID: So why does Mrs. Vanderhose ...?

SANDRA HUBBARD: Alice Vanderhose's only purpose in life was to produce an heir to take over the family business.  Can you imagine what that must do to a woman…….especially one as intelligent as Alice Vanderhose?  Knowing that the only purpose to her existence is to procreate.  She must have felt like a prize cow. (she fusses with the items on the table) Do you have any children Ms. Hayes?


SANDRA HUBBARD: Children are all that is important in life - they are the only reason for living.

MADDIE: Mrs. Vanderhose said the same thing.

DAVID: Literally ... Word for word.

SANDRA HUBBARD: Did she now? (pausing to choose her words carefully) Of course, a child can be born out of love, duty or ... by accident -- an irresponsible and stupid act - a mistake.

DAVID: Which one was Luella?

SANDRA HUBBARD: Mr. Addison -- my daughter is not a LOVE CHILD, born of some accidental night of passion.  


SANDRA HUBBARD: If she had been ... Lewis would have taken her from me before I could have gotten out of delivery.

MADDIE: What about Luella's biological father?

SANDRA HUBBARD: Not ALL children need a mother and a father ...

DAVID: That's not what they told us in health class.

SANDRA HUBBARD: Some women choose to raise a child on their own.

DAVID: Makes it hard to collect child support, but I suppose it saves on travel time during the holidays.

SANDRA HUBBARD: Is there anything else?

DAVID: (to Maddie) Seems like we have our answer, Miss Hayes.

MADDIE: Except for one thing ... Why does your daughter think otherwise?

SANDRA HUBBARD: Lu never had a father. I guess she missed that ...

DAVID: Was probably pretty rough on her.  Not knowing who she is or where she came from.

SANDRA HUBBARD: I did the best I could, Mr. Addison.  If Luella's father would have been a man worth knowing, I would have tracked him down and made him be a part of her life -- but he was ... irresponsible, reckless, lazy, shiftless, waste of human flesh.  

DAVID: No Jim Anderson, eh?

Maddie looks at him with a puzzled look.

DAVID (CONT'D): Robert Young?  Father Knows Best?  Jeez ... you need to get cable.

Maddie shakes her head and looks back toward Sandra.

SANDRA HUBBARD: He ran the day I told him and I was glad to see him go.  She has been better off without him - we both have.

MADDIE: She is not a child anymore -- shouldn't that be her decision?

SANDRA HUBBARD: If there is nothing else?

DAVID: You are aware that Lewis Vanderhose was killed in an accident about nine months ago?


DAVID: And that the heir to the Vanderhose fortune -- his son Wallace -- was killed in the same accident?


DAVID: Mrs. Vanderhose is looking for someone to take Wallace's place at the head of the family.

Hold on Maddie and David looking at Sandra - whose expression has changed from confident to nervous, as if she were caught.



Silence as Maddie is in deep thought looking out the window.  David is driving and lost in his own thoughts.

MADDIE: David?

DAVID: Maddie.

MADDIE: Do you think they are right?

DAVID: (talking quickly, trying to be funny) Could be -- but there are a lot of lefties out there you know.  You righties shouldn't just presume that we lefties don't exist.  Some of the great minds of the 20th century have been south paws  -  Henry Ford, Larry Bird, Picasso ... Ronald Reagan.

He turns to look at her and smiles.  She looks playfully annoyed.

MADDIE: Reagan?  Great mind? (playful and smiling)

DAVID: Yeah ... Well when he was awake.

MADDIE: Are you finished?

DAVID: (smiles) Who?

MADDIE: Mrs. Vanderhose and Ms. Hubbard?

DAVID: About ...?

MADDIE: Never mind.

DAVID: "Never mind" what?

MADDIE: It's nothing.

DAVID: You started it ...

MADDIE: I changed my mind.

DAVID: You mean about kids being all that is important in life?


DAVID: Maddie there are a lot of important things in life -- music, food, SEX.  Not in that order ... But ---

MADDIE: Is that all you ever think about?

DAVID: With you sitting beside me, baby, it's a wonder I can remember my own name.(grin)

MADDIE: David!! ... Thank you ... I think.

DAVID: Look -- each of us has -- what 80 - 90 years on this rock ... Kids should take up 18 - 22 years somewhere in the middle ... That is a lot of time on either side that is not about kids.  

MADDIE: But in general ...what do you think?

DAVID: Generally I try not to.

Maddie looks away clearly irritated by his avoidance.  He relents and tries to answer the question.

DAVID (CONT'D): I don't know what I think --- in general or otherwise.  

He pauses hoping that it is enough for Maddie - it isn't.

DAVID (CONT'D): We don't even know if there is anything to think about.

Maddie looks back at him annoyed.  She believes that they should talk about this - NOW.

DAVID (CONT'D): All right, what do you think?

MADDIE: (pauses - then softly) I don't know.

David reaches over and takes her hand and squeezes it firmly.

DAVID: Then we are on the same page ... A hell of a start ...

MADDIE: A start?

DAVID: For us? ... I say we're ahead of the game.

MADDIE: (disappointed) Right.

DAVID: No -- I don't think that kids are ALL that is important in life.  Yeah, pretty damn important when they are around ... But I don't see a car seat in the back seat.

MADDIE: What would you think if there were?

DAVID: Look -- I think we need to find out what it is that we should be thinking about before we start really thinking about it.  I mean ... should we be thinking about this hypothetically or should we stop at Babies-R-Us and register? (pause to let his words set in) THAT ... is what I think.

MADDIE: (confused pause) You think?

David broke into a broad grin.

DAVID: I think.

Maddie returned the grin.

MADDIE: Well that IS news.

David pulls into a strip mall and parks.  Maddie looks up at the sign above the store they were parked in front of.  She is immediately confused.  It reads "The Stork's Nest."

MADDIE (CONT'D): So we are skipping right past "hypothetical" part?  

DAVID: Luella Hubbard?  The case?  You want to know why Luella is so convinced she gets a piece of the Vanderhose pie?

MADDIE: She works in a store called "The Stork's Nest?"

He shrugs.

MADDIE (CONT'D): Is it just me?  Or are these baby references just getting too absurd.

DAVID: Just you. (smiles) Oh, let her have some fun.


DAVID: The writer.

They get out of the car.



A tall, slim woman approaches them.  She is dark like Sandra Hubbard, but other than that looks nothing like her.  Her name tag says "Ella," so they know they have found the right person.

LUELLA HUBBARD: May I help you?

MADDIE: Yes we are ...

David cuts her off and wraps his arm around her waist.

DAVID: ... The Spocks and we are having a baby.

David kisses Maddie's temple and caresses her stomach.  She slaps his hand away.

DAVID (CONT'D): (whispers to Luella) Still a little sensitive about her weight.

Maddie is shocked, but David is talking too quickly.

LUELLA HUBBARD: Congratulations!

DAVID: You would think with a name like "SPOCK" we would know all there is to know...(he laughes a little too emphatically) ... We don't.  We need ... everything.  

LUELLA HUBBARD: Everything huh? Crib, Changing Table, Bureau ...

DAVID: The whole nine months ... I mean yards.  The sky's the limit.

LUELLA HUBBARD: Well, OK then.  I am just the one to help you. ... Let me show you around.  We'll start with the cribs.

She turns toward the section with the cribs.

MADDIE: (to David) What are you doing?

DAVID: Follow my lead ...

MADDIE: Look where that got us.

David smiles and skips away from her to walk with Luella.  He is asking numerous questions about the cribs, dressers, the number of recalls per manufacturer, the paint used in the furniture.  Maddie is amazed at how informed his questions are.  She can't help but smile especially with his acting job of proud papa and doting husband.  Next to her is a display of stuffed animals.  There are bears, puppies, and kittens.  They are soft and colorful.  Maddie pulls a floppy eared bunny from the display.  It is covered in soft purple terry cloth with off white on the tips of his paws and ears.  She gets a faraway look in her eye and rubs the soft bunny's face against her cheek.  She looks over towards David, who is still making a show of it.  She smiles a loving smile at him.  She walks towards him, keeping the bunny in her hand.



LUELLA HUBBARD: (pulling an order form out of her drawer) So, Mr. And Mrs. Spock, where should we begin?

DAVID: Wherever you say...

MADDIE: I'd say we begin with the truth.  

David takes note of the rabbit in Maddie's hands.

MADDIE (CONT'D): I am Maddie Hayes and this is David Addison.  We are private detectives hired by Mrs. Vanderhose to determine if you have a viable claim to Lewis Vanderhose's estate.

DAVID: That's one place to begin.

LUELLA HUBBARD: OH -- I see.  Did you say "CLAIM"?

MADDIE: That is why you contacted her - is it not?

LUELLA HUBBARD: No -- No it is not.  I was looking for my father --- I wanted to meet him -- to know him.  When I discovered that he was gone ...there was nothing left for Mrs. Vanderhose and I to talk about.
... But you should have seen her face when she saw me and I told her who I was.  She said that I was the spitting image of Lewis Vanderhose.

MADDIE: Miss Hubbard - we spoke with your mother a short time ago ..

LUELLA HUBBARD: She denied the whole thing - right?

DAVID: Undeniably denied.

LUELLA HUBBARD: Well that is my Mother Hubbard.  I think she is still in love with him and refuses to mar his memory.

MADDIE: Do you have some evidence ... Some proof that would show that Lewis Vanderhose is your father?

LUELLA HUBBARD: Well ... I have a letter he wrote to her about 2 years after I was born.  It was a business letter, but it ended with a comment that implied he had more than a passing interest in her and in me.

DAVID: What did it say?

LUELLA HUBBARD: It said that he hoped I was well and that my mother had finally gotten what she wanted.

MADDIE: I don't understand.

LUELLA HUBBARD: I didn't say it was concrete evidence.

DAVID: Concrete?  About as solid as Jell-o.  Anything else?

LUELLA HUBBARD: A picture I have of him at a Christmas party.

Luella pulls the picture out of her desk drawer and hands it to David.

Close on the picture: it is an office party where Lewis Vanderhose (we know it is him because he is the tallest man in the picture) standing next to Sandy Hubbard.  

MADDIE: This is hardly solidifying.

LUELLA HUBBARD: Can you see the resemblance between us?  

Maddie and David look back at the picture and then back at Luella.  They nod slightly implying that there is more than a passing resemblance.

LUELLA HUBBARD (CONT'D) I know that is a little soft too --- but the only way to prove it is a paternity test.

DAVID: Not sure how feasible that is ... Lewis Vanderhose has been pushing up daisies for the past 9 months ... Why does that sound familiar?

MADDIE: (gives him a minor look and roll of the eyes) Why did you wait so long to come forward?

LUELLA HUBBARD: My mother never spoke about him when I was growing up.  I stopped asking when I was about 8.  Just recently, I told her I was pregnant. (pause) The father of my baby had offered to pay for the abortion before he took off to Mexico with my best friend.  That is when she spoke about him - I guess she felt sorry for me.

Maddie and David are both a little taken aback.  

MADDIE: I'm sorry.

LUELLA HUBBARD: You don't need to be. I turned out all right without a father -- so will mine.

Long pause.

DAVID: Miss Hubbard -- if it turns out that Lewis Vanderhose is indeed your natural father ...

MADDIE: Miss Hubbard, Mrs Vanderhose wants you to become a member of the family - take the name and come into the business - the Vanderhose family business.


MADDIE: It's true.

LUELLA HUBBARD: They are rich ... I mean really rich!

MADDIE: And they need someone to take over the business.

LUELLA HUBBARD: I can't believe it.

DAVID: Some Cracker Jack prize, eh?

Hold on Luella - stunned.



David is very quiet, staring ahead and deep in thought.  The bunny is still in Maddie's lap.

DAVID: Cute rabbit.

MADDIE: Yeah .... (pause) Are you all right?

DAVID: Just thinking?

MADDIE: Don't start.

DAVID: (half hearted smile) I won't make a habit out of it.

MADDIE: So what's got the squirrels working overtime?

DAVID: Nothing.  I was ... Forget it.

MADDIE: David.

DAVID: (reluctantly) Growing up not knowing who your father was is rough.

MADDIE: Luella?

DAVID: Anyone -- How can men do that?


DAVID: I would never walk away from a kid of mine.

MADDIE: Good to know.

They make eye contact and David takes her hand.

DAVID: I don't know what kind of father I would make -- but I would at least show up.  (pause) My Dad and I weren't very close - but I knew who he was ... I knew what I was going to look like in 30 years ... I knew if I needed a kidney ...

MADDIE: It must have been very difficult for both Sandra and Luella.

DAVID: Weekend fathers are better than nothing.

MADDIE: I guess so.

DAVID: (angry) Sandra Hubbard has no right to keep that kind of information from her daughter - not now.  She's over 21.

MADDIE: David - we don't know her reasons, then or now ... Maybe she doesn't know.

DAVID: Not the first time that has happened.

Maddie feels a little sting at that remark thinking that David is referring to the paternity confusion of last time.  She looks away.

DAVID (CONT'D): I'm sorry.

Maddie shakes her head to let him know that she is not going to press the point.

DAVID (CONT'D): Hey ... I am sorry.

He pulls her hand to his lips.  She looks back at him and smiles a little.

DAVID (CONT'D): (smiling broadly - playing with her) Are you sure this time? ...  I mean your boy Sam was in town  -- oh six or seven weeks ago ...

MADDIE: (smiling back) No ... not Sam ... not this time ... if there is a THIS time ...

DAVID: Anyone else been tossing their hat into the ring?

MADDIE: Well ... I didn't want to say anything ...

DAVID: But ....

MADDIE: Have you seen the new UPS driver?

DAVID: The UPS, huh?  Figures you'd go for men in uniform with big packages.

MADDIE: It's the shorts ... makes me weak in the knees.

DAVID: Now there's a piece of information that I could have used a few years back.

MADDIE: And you thought you knew everything there was to know about me.

DAVID: Guess I'll need a refresher course ... So, do you know a good tailor ... got a closet full of pants that need ... shortening.  





Agnes has her back up against the door and the staff is playing Nerf basketball - boys against the girls.  Agnes is supposed to be the lookout.  She doesn't notice Maddie and David walk up the hall because she is cheering on her team.  Maddie and David's faces can be seen full in the window watching the goings on.  They are not pleased.  Burt notices Maddie and David and comes to attention ... The rest of the staff falls in line quickly and looks nervous. The ball as gotten loose and rolls to Agnes's feet.  Agnes is the last to notice them.  Maddie and David enter the office.

MADDIE: (sternly) Just what do you people think ...

DAVID: (matching her stern) Miss Hayes --- May I handle this?

Maddie looks at David, shocked.  She tucks her purse and the rabbit under her arm and stands back with an amused smile, allowing him to "handle this."

DAVID (CONT'D): Teams ... to your baskets!

The girls head to the door to Maddie's office and the boys move toward David's.  David puts his hand out to Agnes and she hands him the ball and takes her position with the girls.

DAVID (CONT'D): What is the score Miss DiPesto?

MADDIE: David, I hardly think ---

DAVID: Ms. Hayes ... Please.

He looks at Maddie to be sure she is not going to say anything else.  She shrugs and raises her hands in a "hands off" gesture.

DAVID (CONT'D): Miss DiPesto?

AGNES:  76 to 34.  The Girls ... Ladies ... Women.

DAVID: The Quarter?

AGNES:  We were 45 seconds from the end of the first half.

DAVID: Well I don't mind telling you all that I am shocked, outraged, and severely disappointed.  Haven't I told you repeatedly that if you cannot play with co-ed teams, then you can't play at all?  

THE STAFF: Yes, Sir.

DAVID: How can you even call it a competition?  O'Neil has no hook shot, Viola is worthless from the free throw line and not one of you men can make a three pointer ...

MADDIE: David ...

DAVID: (ignoring her) Whereas Inez has the hands of Magic Johnson, Jamie can hit the basket with her eyes closed - nothing but net - and Agnes ... well, let's just say if she ever went Pro ... Larry Bird would have a run for his money.

AGNES:  Mr. Addison ... I was sitting out ... We thought that four on three would even it up.

Maddie shakes her head and smiles.  She cannot help herself.

DAVID: Enough!  It's nap time.  All of you.  In your seats.  Heads down.  I don't want to hear a peep out of any of you until it's time for milk and graham crackers.

He snaps his fingers and they all rush to their seats and put their heads down.  He surveys the room quickly to see that they are all down.  He turns to Maddie and puts his arm behind her back and starts to lead her to his office.

MADDIE: (playfully snide) You sure "handled" that ... Coach.

DAVID: You should see the half-time speech ... What am I saying? ... it was the same one I used the other night when you didn't ... Well you know when.

They disappear behind David's door and only Agnes looks up and smiles.



David lets Maddie precede him into the room.  He crosses in front of her to get to the fridge.  She flops down on the couch and puts her feet up without taking off her shoes. His back to Maddie, David is pouring orange juice into two glasses.  When he turns around, he gets a very serious look on his face.

DAVID: No shoes on the furniture - young lady!  How many times have I told you?

Maddie starts to sit up, but realizes the joke and lies back down.

DAVID (CONT'D): (smiling) Just practicing.  Wanted to see how it feels.

MADDIE: And ...

DAVID: I think I need more practice ... (leering playfully) Maybe we should take it from the top.

MADDIE: Which top?

DAVID: Whose top?  And you look---

MADDIE: (mocking him) --look better on top than I do.  You need some new material, Addison.

David hands her a glass and sets his down on the table.  He lifts her feet up and sits down and places them in his lap.  Very gently he pulls her shoes off, then tosses them across the room.

MADDIE (CONT'D): HEY -- those are $200 Italian ...

DAVID: They ain't glass, Cinderella.

He starts to massage her feet.  Maddie leans back and closes her eyes and moans.

MADDIE: (without opening her eyes) I'll give you three hours to stop that and then I am gonna get ...

DAVID: Get what ...?

MADDIE: I should say YOU'RE gonna get ... IT!

DAVID: Three hours, huh?  I usually get IT in just under fifteen minutes with this approach.  I think six minutes twenty eight seconds was my best time.

MADDIE: I guess I'm tired.  ... OW.  (looking up at him) Watch it ... I still need to be able to walk.

DAVID: Not for what I have in mind.

MADDIE: You're being rather ... frisky for midday.

DAVID: Frisky?  (he thinks for a moment) I guess I am ... We haven't fought for the sheets in more than a week.



MADDIE: And whose fault is that?

DAVID: I had Laker tickets.  You don't expect me to give up courtside seats with Jack --

MADDIE: May I point out that you were the one who suggested that we not make "IT" too much of a habit?

DAVID: I wasn't referring to "IT" it ... I ... I said ... doesn't matter ... By the end of the day "IT" may be moot.

MADDIE: What does that mean?

DAVID: Come on Maddie ... changes in attitude?  Changes in latitude? You know ...the next step?

The seriousness of the situation hits Maddie again.  Her whole body stiffens and she is not enjoying the foot rub any longer.  She sits up and pulls her feet away gently.

MADDIE: (serious but not angry) What next step?

DAVID: What do you mean "what next step"?  

MADDIE: What do you THINK is going to happen?

DAVID: What do YOU think is going to happen?

MADDIE: I asked you first?

DAVID: (silent for a moment trying to pick the right words) I don't know ... for sure. (pause) But whatever happens, it will be in this zip code.

MADDIE: (disappointed) I thought we were past that.

DAVID: (heavy sigh) We are ... We are past that.  

David smiles sweetly and pulls her feet back into his lap.  She is obviously charmed by him.  

MADDIE: David?

DAVID: Maddie?

There is a KNOCK on the door.  

DAVID (CONT'D): Saved by the knock.

The KNOCK comes again and Agnes pokes her head in.

AGNES:  Excuse me ... Miss Hayes --- the doctor is on the phone.

Maddie and David both sit up at near attention.

MADDIE: Doctor?  Doctor who?

AGNES:  Dr. Reed.


DAVID: Mead?

AGNES:  Reed ... the vet ... it's about Miss Me.

DAVID: (to Maddie) What's wrong with the dog?

MADDIE: Nothing is wrong with her ... It was time.

DAVID: TIME?  Time for what?

MADDIE: It was time for her to ... you know ... to get fixed.

DAVID: Was she broken?

AGNES:  Should I tell the doctor you'll call him back?

MADDIE: No Agnes, I'll take it in here.  Thank you.

Maddie gets up and crosses to the phone.  Agnes closes the door and David retreats into the bathroom.

MADDIE (CONT'D): Dr. Reed? ... Yes ... How is she? ... Is she in any pain? ... Can I bring her home tonight? ... OK ... Great ... I'll be by around 5 o'clock.  ... Thank you.

Maddie hangs up the phone and glances over to the bathroom door.  She shakes her head.

MADDIE (CONT'D): David ... You can come out now.

DAVID(O.C.) Time to get me "fixed" too?

MADDIE: Why would I want the vet to "fix" you?  Who would be the real loser then?

David opens the door but remains in the door way.

DAVID: You just took her in and dropped her off ... like a car?

MADDIE: Don't be ridiculous David.  

DAVID: You didn't tell me.

MADDIE: What was there to tell?  She is over a year old ... I should have taken her in months ago.

DAVID: She's a dog, Maddie ... nature should be allowed to take its course.

MADDIE: Nature? What's natural about having litter after litter of unwanted puppies?

DAVID: Puppies are never unwanted.

MADDIE: David, tell that to the SPCA. It's irresponsible to NOT have her spayed.  There are hundreds - no thousands of dogs each year put to death because the owners were too lazy to prevent it.

DAVID: But ...

MADDIE: But what ... I assumed you would be for this.  Mr. Prevention ... Mr. Major-Stock-Holder-at-Trojan... Mr. ARE-YOU-SURE?

DAVID: That's different... Entirely different .... You can't compare one to the other ... To have her ... You know ...fixed .... It's so ...

MADDIE: She's a dog.

DAVID: (laughs trying to brush off his mood but failing) I guess it is hard to get the dogs of the neighborhood to practice safe sex.

Maddie crosses to him and puts her hands on his arms which are tightly crossed on his chest.

MADDIE: What is it?

DAVID: (looking away) What is what?

MADDIE: Forget it.

She attempts to turn away but is stopped by his soft and gentle tone.

DAVID: I don't know ... This case ... the waiting ... now the dog ... I don't know ... it seems so ...


DAVID: I was thinking "serious." (smiles) You are right of course ... About Miss Me ... I mean I wouldn't want our little girl going out and getting knocked up by the neighborhood Rottweiler.  

MADDIE: I am glad you see it that way.

Maddie turns to walk away and he wraps his arms around her from behind and lets his hands rest on her abdomen.  He buries his face in her neck.  Maddie puts her hands on top of his.  He holds her for a long moment.  She leans back into him.

MADDIE (CONT'D): (softly) David?

DAVID: (pause) Can I go with you to pick her up?

MADDIE: I bet she would like that ... I know I would.

DAVID: (softly) Maybe we could order in and sit in front of the fire and let her recover ... at home ... with the both of us.

MADDIE: Sounds like a plan ... A really good plan.

He kisses her neck and she turns toward him.  She reaches her hand out to caress his face.

MADDIE (CONT'D): (tentative and shy) We're gonna be OK ... I mean ... You know ... Whatever? ... Right?

DAVID: (over confident) No doubt about it, Blondie?  ... We are going to be just fine ... Whatever.

She smiles and leans in and gently kisses him softly on the lips.  He responds and is about to do more.  

There was a KNOCK on the door.

DAVID (CONT'D): Nap Time isn't over!

BURT (O.C.) Yes sir ... I know ... But ... Well ... You see, Mr. Addison ... I have the information you wanted me to get on the Vanderhose case.

DAVID: Come in Kareem.  You get two shots from the free throw line.

Burt opens the door.  David crosses to his desk and holds the chair out for Maddie.  She sits and he sits on the end of the desk.

DAVID (CONT'D): What do you have Burty-Boy?

BURT: Well sir ... Alice and Lewis Vanderhose were married in 1965.  They were the only heirs to Vanderhose Lumber, construction and general stores. .... Since the time of their marriage the company has grown tenfold.  The general stores are now the largest grocery/ department store chain in the mid-west and they are still expanding.  They had a son ... Wallace,who died in the same accident as Lewis Vanderhose.

DAVID: That is one - Mr. Abdul-Jabbar?

BURT: Yes sir ... There's more.  

MADDIE: Please, Mr. Viola - go on.

BURT: Right ... Well it seems that Alice and Lewis are more than just husband and wife?

MADDIE: Excuse me?

BURT: (pacing the room flipping through pages) It seems that they are related.

MADDIE: That usually happens when people get married Mr. Viola.

BURT: No - family family ... You know ... related by blood.

DAVID: What kind of wedding ceremony did they have?

BURT: No ... No ... It seems that Alice and Lewis Vanderhose have the same great grandfather.

MADDIE: Excuse me?

BURT: I will need a piece of paper or something to write on ...

Burt is looking around the office and Maddie and David look at each other and shake their heads.

MADDIE: We'll use our imaginations.

BURT: Right ... Well ...  Alice Vanderhose ... which is also her maiden name….. is the only daughter of Martha and Wallace III.  Wallace III - whose parents were  Mary and Wallace II.  Wallace II's half brother was Lewis Vanderhose I -- who was married Kate and had a son, Lewis II, and Lewis II and Carol had a son, Lewis III. Lewis III and Alice are Mr. And Mrs Vanderhose. - our Mrs. Vanderhose.

DAVID: Maddie?

MADDIE: I'm lost.

BURT: (looking around) I really need a piece of paper - or a chalk board or one of those dry erase boards ... Maybe just an overhead -- I could get Agnes to do a Powerpoint Presentation ....

DAVID: You're circling the rim, Burt!  Tip it in -- before you get fouled.

BURT: Alice Vanderhose and Lewis Vanderhose III have the same great grandfather -- Wallace Vanderhose I - but different great grandmothers.

DAVID: Well that takes "all in the family" to a new level... Or at least an old level.

MADDIE: Well that is .. new information Mr. Viola,  but it hardly has any bearing on this case.

BURT: There is more.

DAVID: This is sudden death - Burt-ster.

BURT: Yes Sir. ... Ummm ... It seems that Mr. Vanderhose ...

DAVID: First, Second or Third?

BURT: (checking his notes) Third ... It seems that he was married before he was married to Mrs. Vanderhose.

DAVID: Lewis III had a first and second Mrs. Vanderhose?

BURT: Yes sir ... The marriage was annulled ... They were married less than a year ... You'll never guess who he was married to?

DAVID: First or Second?

BURT: (checking his notes) Well you know the second ... But --

MADDIE: Mr. Viola?  Who was Mr. Vanderhose married to before Alice?

BURT: Sandy Carstairs ...  The secretary ... the daughter of the secretary for Lewis II ... and rumored to be the love child of Wallace III.  

DAVID: (sarcastic) These people need to get out more - take a dip in another gene pool.

BURT: There's more.


DAVID: More?  (to Maddie) Maybe we should've taken notes or that POWERPOINT thing ...

MADDIE: (ignoring him) Please continue, Mr. Viola.

BURT: Sandy Carstairs - the first wife and possible sister to Alice Vanderhose is Sandra Hubbard, mother of Luella Hubbard - the child in question.

DAVID: Are you sure these people aren't related to the Clampetts of Beverly Hills?

MADDIE: They lied to us.

DAVID: To be fair the second Mrs. Vanderhose III lied to us first and the first Mrs Vanderhose III lied to us second.

MADDIE: (giving David a "oh please" look) When were they married Mr. Viola?

BURT: Who?

MADDIE: Mr. Vanderhose III and the first Mrs. Vanderhose III ... Oh God, now I'm doing it.  BOTH ...

BURT: Vanderhose III and the first Mrs. Vanderhose were married in 1963 from April through December.  He didn't marry the second Mrs. Vanderhose until June of '64.

MADDIE: When was Luella born?

BURT: (flipping through a number of pages in his note book) August of '64.

DAVID: Guess we should have checked Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard for more than just bones, eh Ms. Hayes?

MADDIE: Skeletons is more like it.

KNOCK on the door.  Agnes pokes her head in.

AGNES (O.C.) Mr. Addison?  Miss Hayes?  Sandra Hubbard is here.

DAVID: The first Mrs Vanderhose III?

AGNES (O.C.) Excuse me?

MADDIE: Show her in to my office Agnes, we will be right there.




David and Maddie enter Maddie's office.  Sandra Hubbard is looking out the window looking rather nervous.

MADDIE: What can we do for you, Ms. Hubbard?

DAVID: Or call you the Ex-Mrs. Vanderhose III?

MADDIE: David ....

DAVID: Enough?

Maddie nods and looks back at Sandra.

SANDRA HUBBARD: So you know ... after twenty five years I assumed it would be harder to find out.

MADDIE: Why did you lie to us?


DAVID: You didn't EXACTLY tell the truth.

SANDRA HUBBARD: It's complicated.

DAVID: Kind of like the Vanderhose family tree? ... Actually that's pretty vertical (to Maddie)  ...Narrow anyway.

SANDRA HUBBARD: Lewis and I eloped ... We were very much in love ... At least I was... We got as far as Tucson, Arizona. (pauses for a moment and looks back out the window) They left me there ... with some money ... like a rental car ... like a whore. ... They took him back and paid some judge to annul the marriage.  I was never sure if Alice ever knew about the marriage and the annulment.  I know she never knew about Luella.

MADDIE: Did Lewis know?

SANDRA HUBBARD: He contacted me about a year after Luella was born.  I told him she wasn't his.  What all do you know?

MADDIE: We know about the two wives of Wallace I and the families that descended from that.

SANDRA HUBBARD: God ... You guys are good.

DAVID: We needed to hurry this episode along ... we have a major subplot going on.

SANDRA HUBBARD: (confused look at David then directs her attention back at Maddie) Anyway the battle for power between the Wallace and Lewis side was disgusting.  Back stabbing, infighting, everything to gain a little power with the old man.  After the old man was dead .... none too soon in my mind ... and it was clear that Alice was going to be the only child from Wallace III and Lewis was the only one from the Lewis II ... an agreement was made to re-join the families. Had to keep the royal bloodline pure.  Lewis was around thirteen at the time -- they didn't tell him until after he and I had fallen in love.
(pause) We ran ... but not fast enough and not far enough.

MADDIE: Why now?  I mean why come clean about all this now?

SANDRA HUBBARD: Luella ... She wants ... no, she deserves a history.  I had no right to keep it from her ... plenty of reason, but no right.  I just hope I have instilled enough Hubbard in her to keep the Vanderhose in check.

DAVID: You have told your daughter this ... story.

SANDRA HUBBARD: I have ... She is not very happy with me ... In fact I don't know if she will ever speak with me again.  What she really wanted was a father ... and Lewis is gone.  She is meeting with Alice Vanderhose now.

Maddie's phone rings. She picks it up.

MADDIE: Yes Miss DiPesto? ... They are here?  Thank you.  Ask them to wait for a moment. (hanging up the phone) Alice Vanderhose and Luella are here ... They want to speak with you, Ms. Hubbard.

SANDRA HUBBARD: I am sure they do.  (heavy sigh and a worried look) We'll get out of your hair.

MADDIE: Please ... use my office for as long as you need.

Maddie and David exit and Alice Vanderhose and Luella enter.  Hold on the three women looking rather skeptically at each other.



Maddie and David are walking toward his office.

DAVID: Would like to be a fly on the wall in there.

MADDIE: They didn't look too happy.

DAVID: Fur will be flying, you can bet on that.

Agnes calls out to them as they walk by.

AGNES:  Mr. Addison ... the reports you asked for just arrived.

She hands him a folder that he starts leafing through.  Agnes turns to Maddie and hands her a pick "WHILE YOU WERE OUT" slip.

AGNES (CONT'D) Miss Hayes, Dr. Weed called.

David looks up immediately and Maddie reluctantly takes the message from Agnes.


AGNES:  While you were in with Ms. Hubbard.  About 15 minutes ago.

MADDIE: Thank you Agnes.  

David and Maddie hold a very nervous look. Maddie heads for David's office with David trailing along slowly after her.


Maddie walks over to the phone takes a deep breath and dials.  She does not look at David. David paces in front of the desk - not looking at her either - but is sure not to get in her line of sight.

MADDIE: Dr. Weed, please...  Madolyn Hayes. ... Thank you.  (long pause) Yes, hello doctor? ... Fine ... Fine ... No? ...

Maddie lets her breath out slowly, slumps into David's chair and turns away.  David walks to the couch and sits down.  The disappointment is written over both their faces, but neither wants to look at the other.

MADDIE (CONT'D): No.... Yes ... It's a relief.  ... No, not trying. In fact we are being very careful not to. ... So you think it is just stress?

David leans his head back on the couch and takes a deep breath.  

MADDIE (CONT'D): ... Oh yes of course ... I know age is a factor too. ... Right. ...  Well, thank you for calling. ... When we are, we will certainly make an appointment first. ... Thank you.

Maddie hangs up and retrieves the bunny from the middle of the desk.  She inspects and smiles at it sadly.  She shakes her head at how silly she is being.  

MADDIE (CONT'D): We can relax ... false alarm.

DAVID: The rabbit lived?

She smiles and tosses the bunny across the room to the couch.  It falls into a lump.  David reaches over and sits the bunny up on the couch gently.

MADDIE: Miracles of modern medicine.

They finally look at each other with mixed expressions of relief and regret on their faces.


MADDIE: Yeah - Great -- fine. (pause) You?

DAVID: Me? --- good ... Fine.



They both look down.  The air in the room is tense.  They are nervous.  KNOCK and Agnes walks in before they can answer.  She notices the change in the air in the room and tries not to comment on it.

AGNES:  Miss Hayes, Mrs. Vanderhose and Luella Hubbard have left, but Ms. Hubbard is waiting to speak with you in your office.

Maddie stands and heads for the door.  Grateful for the opportunity to get out of the office.

AGNES (CONT'D) Mrs. Vanderhose left this.

Agnes hands Maddie an envelope.  Maddie opens the envelope and pulls out a check.

MADDIE: The fee ... and a lot more than we agreed upon.

She hands it to David and he WHISTLES.

DAVID: We need a few more like this and we could retire.

He tucks the check into his shirt pocket.  She smiles sadly at him, they exit.



Maddie and Sandra are facing each other.

SANDRA HUBBARD: Well ... I guess that's that.  Everyone got what they wanted.

MADDIE: What about you?

SANDRA HUBBARD: My daughter has gotten a history and a legacy, Miss Hayes.  She'll be set for life and the lives of her children's children.  What more does a mother need?

MADDIE: A daughter? A grandchild?

SANDRA HUBBARD: When you are a mother, Miss Hayes, you'll know that no sacrifice is too great for one of your own.

David enters holding the folder that Agnes had given him moments before.

DAVID: I'll walk you to the elevator Ms. Hubbard.

SANDRA HUBBARD: I feel like I should say thank you to the both of you ....

MADDIE: I hope that Luella comes around ... Soon.

David and Sandra exit.



David has rung for the elevator.

DAVID: Can I ask you one thing?


DAVID: Why did you say Luella was Lewis's?


DAVID: Luella is not Lewis Vanderhose's daughter --

He shows her the folder.

DAVID (CONT'D): The blood types don't match.

SANDRA HUBBARD: She could have been … she should have been.  I can't explain it to you, Mr. Addison.   But I have my reasons

DAVID: Even if it means losing your daughter?

SANDRA HUBBARD: Yes ... even that.  Look Mr. Addison, Lu's father was lower than the scum of the earth.  Why would I want her to think that is where she came from?  

DAVID: But ...

SANDRA HUBBARD: Who is it hurting?  Lu got a legacy and is financially set for life, Alice got an heir and my daughter is happy.  It is all I have ever hoped for, for my child.  Do you understand?

David looks back down the hallway toward the Blue Moon office and nods slowly.

SANDRA HUBBARD (CONT'D) What are you going to do with this information?

David handed it to Sandra.

DAVID: It is not my information.

The door opens. Sandra gets in and smiles tentatively back at David.

SANDRA HUBBARD: Thank you, Mr. Addison.  I think you'll make a wonderful father.

The doors close and David pauses for a moment.

DAVID: (sadly) Not today.

He turns to walk back to the office.





David enters, acting happier than he really is.  Maddie is sitting behind her desk, lost in thought.

DAVID: Well Goldilocks ... Another satisfied client ... well, clients.

MADDIE: Seems that way.

DAVID: Maddie?

MADDIE: We really didn't do that much.

DAVID: But we were paid well for it.

MADDIE: (not really listening) Yeah ...

DAVID: Hey ... let's get the hell out of here ... get the mutt.

MADDIE: (pulling a smile from inside of her) Yeah ... let's go get the girl.

Maddie is silent for a moment not moving from the desk.  David walks towards her and puts his hand out to her.  She looks up into his face and they both smile sadly.  She takes his hand, gets up and walks into his embrace.  He pulls back to look at her, they kiss tenderly and start to walk out of the office arm in arm.  


Maddie and David enter just behind a family. There is a young mother holding a two year boy old on her hip and a father with a newborn tucked into a carrier on his chest, holding the hand of a five year old boy.

5-YEAR-OLD: Momma ... I want grapes.

FATHER: (sternly but gently to the boy) Excuse me?

5-YEAR-OLD: Can I have grapes, please?

MOTHER: "May I" and yes, sweetheart, you can have some grapes.

The father tousles the boy's hair and smiles at him.  The father pulls out a cart, the mother tucks and secures the two year old into the child seat of the cart.  He laughs joyously in his new position.  The family moves off toward produce.

Maddie and David make quick eye contact.

DAVID: Sweet.

MADDIE: Very. ... cute kids.

DAVID: Yeah...


Maddie has the basket over her arm and is walking down the pet food aisle looking at dog toys.  David walks up, tosses something into the basket and shows her a bottle of Dom Perignon.

MADDIE: Are we celebrating?

DAVID: You bet ... I just cashed that check.

MADDIE: So ... nothing else you want to celebrate?

DAVID: Miss Me coming home?

MADDIE: No ... The "other" thing.

DAVID: (pauses for a moment) That is not a celebration kind of thing ... Maddie?

MADDIE: David?

DAVID: Don't take this the wrong way ...

MADDIE: What ?

DAVID: I would have been OK ... Probably great ... not today is OK too ... you know ... in the future, sure but ...

MADDIE: But not today!

DAVID: No ... Not today.

MADDIE: (smiling) Well ... I am glad you see it that way.  It is nice to know that we agree.

DAVID: We have time ...

MADDIE: Lots of time ... And God knows we don't need to make things more complicated.

She turns to walk away.  He stops her.

DAVID: Hey ... Blondie ... complicated would be OK too.

Just then there is an ear piercing scream from the next aisle.  David and Maddie rush to see what is going on. The five-year-old is on the floor kicking and screaming, hanging on to a box of Trix for dear life.  His mother is kneeling next to him, trying to reason with the child to get him to let go of the box.  The two-year-old in the child seat starts to climb out and nearly topples the cart over.  She leaves the five-year-old on the floor and saves the two-year-old from falling.  She places him on the floor and turns back to the five-year-old, who has now opened the box and is stuffing the Trix down his throat as quickly as he can.  The mother tries to take the box away, but the child starts screaming again. The two-year old has now run up the aisle pulling boxes of cereal off the shelves, wailing with delight as each one hits the floor.  The father rushes from the next aisle carrying two kinds of diapers.  He throws them in the cart, hands the baby (who has now started fussing loudly) off to the mother, scoops up the five-year-old and box of Trix in one arm, walks up the aisle and grabs the two-year-old with the other arm and heads for the door, leaving his frazzled wife on the floor trying to settle the baby down.  He calls back to her.

FATHER: Don't forget the ... you know ... EXTRA Strength.

David and Maddie make eye contact.  A look of relief washes over them and they smile.

DAVID: Oh yeah!!  We got time...

MADDIE: ... Lots of time.

DAVID: Oodles and Boodles.

They look back at the frazzled mother and duck back into the dog food aisle.

MADDIE: David, did you ....?

DAVID: The last box they had ... Should we donate it to a worthy cause?

David gestures toward the family they just witnessed.

MADDIE: Not a chance.

DAVID: A woman after my own heart.

MADDIE: (smiling slyly) So ...

DAVID: Yeah ...

MADDIE: (sly grin crossing her face) What should we do the oodles and boodles of time that we have?

DAVID: (broad grin crossing his face) I am glad you asked ... (he wraps his arm around her and leads her toward the check out) I have a list of ... activities ...

MADDIE: A list?

DAVID: Kind of a list in progress ...

MADDIE: Anything you can repeat?

DAVID: (looking around) It would lose something in the telling.

MADDIE : Needs to be demonstrated ... interactive activities?

DAVID: Well ... active anyway.

MADDIE: What about possible .....

DAVID: Complications?

She nods.

DAVID (CONT'D): I'll risk it if you will.

Maddie hands him her basket.

MADDIE: You take care of this ... I'll get the car ...

DAVID: Ooooh ... I love it when you get bossy.

MADDIE: You think I am bossy now ... just wait 'til ...

DAVID: We still need to get the mutt.

MADDIE: Then I suggest you get a move on.

He kisses her quickly and rushes toward the check out.  Maddie smiles after him.

MADDIE (CONT'D): Hey Addison?

He turns to look at her.

MADDIE (CONT'D): (smiling) Complicated is good.

DAVID: Wouldn't have it any other way.

He blows her a kiss.



Thank you all for spending time with my episode.  I hope you all found it fun.

I would like to the credit for this by myself, but that would be an out and out lie.  Diane has been more than just a Beta Reader (although she was that so talk to her about spelling errors ;-)). She has been with me every step of the way; from outline, through draft after draft after draft, giving support, advice, commentary and suggestions.  Mostly what she gave was an amazing amount of encouragement.  So consider this piece a collaborative effort.  Thanks Diane, we make one hell of a team - maybe we could contact Glen and see if he is looking for a staff.  


Same Time, Every Year