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Sam the Sham   |   And the Fair Rose   |   Nightmare on Maddie's Street   |   Up the Down Rabbit Hole   |   Same Time, Every Year   |   When My Heart Finds Christmas   |   David's Christmas Carolers   |   When Cowgirls Collide   |   Moonlight Adventures in Babysitting   |   Sixteen Candles Times 2.5   |   Walking My Baby Back Home   |   The Heart of the Matter   |   The Seven Year Switch   |   Happily After Ever   |   Moonlight Bleu   |   I Am Combustible........David   |   Fighting Fire With Fire
When My Heart Finds Christmas

Act I: Maddie's office Tuesday, December 18 10:00 A.M.

The office is decorated for Christmas - beautifully…simple yet tasteful - very Maddie!

There is a large, florist quality poinsettia plant on the coffee table. In the corner is a small
Victorian style Christmas tree decorated with glass ornaments, burgundy ribbons, and lace. There
are several other small accents around the room featuring evergreen branches and burgundy bows
- the effect is charming.

Maddie sits at her desk, working on the books, occasionally entering figures into a calculator.

There is Christmas music playing softly in the background, and she hums along as she works. She inputs a final figure into the calculator, and holding her breath a little, hits enter. Her smile tells us she likes what she sees.

She begins to sing along with the tune.

"In my eyes are valentines
And Easter eggs and New Year's wine
But when my heart finds Christmas
My eyes will shine like new.
All the days are kind to me
But fall too far behind to see
But when my heart finds Christmas
I hope it finds you too.
Let the angels sing around us
Christmas time is here
Let our children's love surround us
Laughing and filled with cheer.
My heart told me once before
To find my dream and search no more
And when my heart finds Christmas
I hope it finds you too.

We hear the sound of a single pair of hands clapping.

Shock cut to David, who has slipped in unnoticed. He is leaning against the door, grinning broadly.

David: Encore! Brava! Bellisima!

Maddie: David!

She smiles, slightly embarrassed.

David: Singing, smiling, and all before noon! What's the occasion?

Maddie: I don't know - I just feel great! I don't need an excuse for being happy, do I?

David: Not on my account.

He walks over and seats himself in the chair opposite her.

David: So, what gives? Something must have put that smile on your face. Do anything special last night?

Maddie: Yeah, I worked here until about 8:30, then, ran away with the night watchman. You
remember Earl.

David: Earl…huh? You couldn't possibly run away with him….he's about a hundred and five.

Maddie: You know what they say about experience.

David: C'mon Maddie, there's a difference between experience and extinction. Of course, I could
probably get into his job - night watchman. I do some of my best watchin' at night.

Maddie shakes her head at him.

Maddie: That's not watching, Addison - that's peeping.

David: They can't pin a thing on me….I have an airtight alibi. Last night, the Hollywood Haulers
went down in flames to the Harem Scarem Carpet Cleaners. We are now, officially, not the worst
team in the league. Good ol' Norm Lakersheim bowled a perfect game and pulled us out of the
cellar. Nobody was more surprised than Norm!

Maddie: Good for Norm. Did you and Richie have fun?

David: I don't go bowling to have fun. I'm only in it to wear other people's shoes.

Maddie: Yick! Anyway, how's Richie? Still in love?

David: Nauseatingly so - he called Amy four times, and he wasn't even drunk.

Maddie: Must be the real thing.

David: Must be cuckoo season - he needs to learn to restrain himself or he is going to scare her away.

Maddie: Since when is "restraint" an Addison family trait?

David laughs.

David: Touché. You know what I mean…..maybe he should play a little hard to get.

Maddie: That your secret?

David: Heck no, I done been got!

Maddie: Lucky, lucky me…………

David grins widely, flutters his eyelashes, and uses his fingers to create dimples in his cheeks.

Maddie: Puh - lease!

David: So, listen, when are we going to start the Christmas decorating in here?

Maddie looks aghast.

Maddie: It's done….it's perfect……it's ……

She realizes he's teasing.

Maddie: Addison…..I swear…….

David: Careful Maddie, the kiddies could still be up. So what'd you do, go gaga over the holiday
edition of Martha Stewart Living?

Maddie: No, Agnes did it.

David: Agnes? Our Agnes? Agnes " what's Christmas without an inflatable Santa Claus and eight glow in the dark reindeer" DiPesto? That Agnes?

Maddie: Surprised me too. It was this way when I got here this morning. I think it looks great.

David: Nice….a little tame for my taste.

Maddie: Yeah, I know, but I had to put my foot down about the living nativity scene.

David: I guess that would be a lot of people sharing one bathroom.

They laugh together easily.

Maddie: I'm really looking forward to Christmas this year. In fact, I'd say, I'm excited about it.

David: Hence the mood…..I have always said that Christmas is a great holiday - great food, great parties, and great loot! Wanna hear what's on my list? Get first pick before I start circulating it around?

Maddie: I'd prefer you not start circulating anything around, if you please. David, don't you think this Christmas is different? It's been a pretty good year.

David: Pretty good? I'd say it has been one hell of a banner year - seventeen and a half on my ten
pint scale. If it were Bandstand, I'd give it a 95………had a good beat, and easy to dance to.

Maddie: Speaking of a good year…..

David interrupts

David: 1975!

She rolls her eyes, and continues.

Maddie: I've been going over the books, and financially, we are doing quite well.

David: What a team…..and they said it would never last.

Maddie: Who did?

David: The TV critics.

Maddie: Oh, them. Anyway, I thought that given our successes of this year, and the fact that
everybody's worked so hard, I thought maybe a little extra Christmas cheer was in order.

David: Great idea……….how about a private villa on the beach in Barbados?

Maddie: I was thinking of something special for the employees.

David: The who?

Maddie: The employees……the help? The staff? Your limbo buddies?

David: What're we talking here……pen and pencil sets? New business cards? Coffee mugs with the new Blue Moon logo?

Maddie:: What new logo?

David: It's great…….it's a picture of you, fully dressed, but when you fill it with hot coffee……..

Maddie: (exasperated) Enough! I was thinking of a BONUS.

David: We already give them the week off!!

Maddie: That's a present for us.

David: (exaggerated) A BONUS? How much?

Maddie: I thought three hundred dollars.

David: Each? Or to share?

Maddie: David! The Vanderhose case brought us quite a windfall.

David: That was our bonus. What did they do?

Maddie: You know as well as I do that we did not work hard for that money. In fact, I'm amazed
we kept our minds on that case at all.

They are silent for a moment, reflecting.

Maddie: I think we should share it with the staff. But it's half yours. Are you OK with that?

David: Yeah, I guess. If you think it's necessary.

Maddie: I don't think it's necessary - I just thought……I'd gotten so used to having to hold my breath each time I had to balance the checkbook….hoping and praying to see black instead of red. I just think that…….we have it….why not share it? Give a little back.

David: Why not give it away to strangers.

Maddie: Our employees are not strangers….strange, maybe, but not strangers.

She looks at David inquisitively.

Maddie: I thought you would be all for this, Kris Kringle.

David: I am for it……..well, I am not against it. I'm just a little amazed……Bob Marley come to see you in your dreams last night, Scrooge?

Maddie: That's Jacob Marley……… and you are really beginning to…….

David: Fine, fine……whatever you say. Let's give bonuses to the staff. Fling open the corporate coffers!

Maddie just shakes her head.

David: Does this mean the big bash is off or on?

Maddie: By "big bash" do you mean the tasteful holiday celebration I've booked at The Shutters?

David: (snidely) The Shutters??? Oh, how stuffy! Guess I'd better cancel The Twelve Days of Christmas Dancers. What a shame - you shoulda seen their costumes.

Maddie: The Shutters is a perfectly lovely restaurant.

David: (mocking her) Perfectly lovely - yeah, that's my first criterion when I'm looking for a fun place for a holiday party.

He forges on.

David: C'mon Maddie, let me organize the party! It'll be a real event…I promise no one will get arrested and I'll have everyone back in time for New Year's.

Maddie shakes her head, hardly believing she is doing this. She picks up the phone and dials.

Maddie: Yes, is this The Shutters? This is Madolyn Hayes. I'm awfully sorry, but I'm going to have to cancel my reservation for the 23rd.

David: Oh Holy Night - YES!!

Maddie covers the phone, and motions to David.

Maddie: Sssshhhhh!

Maddie: No, it's more like a timing issue…….certainly…….well, that's good news. I'd appreciate that, thank you.

She hangs up the phone.

Maddie: Well, you lucked out. They have a waiting list for that date, so we'll even get the deposit back..

David: See - it's fate…….a Christmas miracle.

Maddie: Before you get caught up in the tinsel, Santa… have a budget.

David: Which is?

Maddie: One thousand dollars.

David: One thou??? That won't even cover the……..

Maddie: OK, two, but not one penny more. Anything over that comes out of your pocket.

David: You'd be surprised to see what comes out of my pocket.

Maddie: Out - before this conversation turns X-rated and we have to send the kids out of the

David: I'll go……..but I'll be back.

Maddie: A threat or a promise?

David: Last chance to peek at the Addison wish list before all the good choices are gone!!

Maddie: No - what kind of a surprise would that be?

David: Uh oh…good thing the teenymobile company went out of business.

Maddie: David…..Christmas isn't all presents. It's about good will towards men, peace on earth, greetings of the season…….you know, family, and friends, and love.

David: That's right. And nothing says love like a Porsche 911 Turbo, metallic blue exterior, all leather seats……..

He is lost in his dream.

Maddie: Well, take your crayon and draw a big red line through that. I think you may be on Santa's naughty list this year.

David: Damn right….and you've loved every minute of it.

Maddie: Most of the time I did….and I do….but you may still wind up with coal in your stocking if you don't let me finish this. Go on…….go play….plan your party…but don't tell them about the bonus… I want it to be a surprise.

David: I can keep a secret…..for a price.

Maddie: You're very materialistic today, my friend. We'll negotiate the compensation later.

David: I drive a hard bargain.

Maddie: Don't I know it!!! Go play with the other kids……..and don't come back in here till lunch.

David: I'll be thinking of what I'm gonna negotiate for. The mind reels!

Maddie: Go!!!

David pauses at the door and blows her a kiss. Her gaze lingers on the closed door for a moment, then she returns to her work.


Act II: Maddie's office Tuesday, December 18 1:00 P.M.

Maddie is sitting at her desk, still working. David sticks his head in the door.

David: (whining) Mom, I'm hungry!

Maddie: Are you back?

She looks at her watch.

Maddie: Goodness, it's one o'clock. Just a few minutes more.

David walks across the room, and behind her, while she works on. He reaches down and spins her around in her chair.

Maddie: David, what are you doing?

David: Well, you told me to get some Christmas spirit. So………voila!!

He reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a sprig of mistletoe.

Maddie: There's a surprise. I bet you grow it in the backyard.

David: What say you come trim my hedges?

He holds the mistletoe over her head, leans down and they share a lingering kiss. Their lips part, and they smile at each other.

Maddie: Who needs lunch?

David: I need lunch…a long lunch, but who says we have to eat?

Maddie: David, I've got to just finish these bills, then, I'm yours for the rest of the afternoon.

David: Who says there's nothing worth waiting for?

Maddie reaches for a stack of envelopes.

Maddie: Bills…look at all of them…….Telephone, American Express, Power and Light,
Furniture Rental, American Express.

She pauses for a moment.

Maddie: We should only have one American Express bill. That's odd - one is addressed to the agency, and one to me.

David: Uh oh, using company assets to cover personal expenses, Miss Hayes??

Maddie opens the envelope and unfolds the pages. Her eyes widen and she appears speechless.

David: Yo…… Maddie! Breathe! Breathe!

He pats her on the back.

Maddie: Twenty nine hundred dollars!

David: What? Is that two, nine, uh oh, uh oh?

Maddie: Twenty nine hundred dollars. Look at all of these charges………Toys R Us, Sports
Chalet, Tower Records, Blockbuster Video ------ David, do you have anything to do with this?

David: Hell no, Maddie.

Maddie: Sounds like your kind of shopping spree.

David: Honestly, Maddie, I left home without it! Besides……..I'd have a hell of a time passing
for Maddie Hayes. You have a lot more hair than I do…..a lot more hair.

Maddie: So you're the only one allowed to do the hair jokes now, huh?

Maddie again peruses the bill.

Maddie: This is unbelievable. I don't even own this credit card - our American Express card is the
business's card.

She stops for a minute pondering.

Maddie: Oh gosh, let me check the other bill!

She rips open the envelope and scans the pages.

Maddie: This looks OK - gas, restaurants - our normal business expenses. Wait, what's this? One men's leather jacket???

David: Well, I was gonna tell you about that one -- I was walking down the street, past that great store on Melrose, and it just called out to me.

Maddie: And it called what?

David: Buy me - kinda like Alice in Wonderland.

Maddie: That was "eat me" and it was a mushroom with a sign.

David: I thought it was a sign…….and it was the day before payday. Don't worry, I'll pay that
part of the bill…..unless you'd like to make it part of my Christmas present?

Maddie: (ignoring him) And you're sure you don't know anything about that other bill?

David: Cross my heart and hope to grow feathers.

Maddie: I'm calling the company.

She picks up the phone and dials, reading the number from the sheets. She listens and starts pushing buttons.

Maddie: I hate automated systems!

A few moments pass, as Maddie grows more agitated. She reacts to a voice on the other end of the line.

Maddie: Oh good, a real person. I need to inquire about a credit card bill I received today…….3537-2399-0914……..Sure, no problem, it's Hamilton……… What? Yes, it is!…..What do you mean - do you think I don't know my own mother's name…….it's Virginia Hamilton Hayes!

David is starting to become amused by this whole exchange. He begins to converse with the camera.

David: Watch this!

Maddie: Certainly, I'll hold.

She turns to David.

Maddie: They're transferring me!

David: They'd better know who they're dealing with here…….Hey, Maddie, did you really just
say that your mother's maiden name is Virginia Ham……ilton?

He laughs uproariously.

Maddie: You ought to save some of this material for your Comedy Factory audition.

She turns back to the phone.

Maddie: Yes….oh, good, Security. I believe a fraud has been perpetrated on me…….of course,
I'm speaking English……Someone has used my name to obtain a credit card and charged all
kinds of items. Madolyn Hayes……….

David (to the camera) This is gonna get interesting….see how she is starting to grit her teeth?

She looks at David, rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

Maddie: Certainly, I'll hold…….AGAIN!

David: (to the camera) Are you starting to recognize the signs of extreme irritation? I understand
I am a little better at it than most, considering she feels I have caused a goodly portion of the
irritation in her life. We are moving into the sarcastic phase.

Maddie: Well, that's very interesting….no, I did not! I never owned this card, I never applied for
this card, and I certainly never used this card. All you need to do is compare this application to the application on file for my business card.

David (to the camera): Guess she told him, huh? Here comes the "searching for a rational
solution" part.

Maddie: I certainly shall - meanwhile, I am certain that you will place a hold on this card until this situation is resolved.

David: (to the camera) Here's the wrap up……with a parting word of wisdom.

Maddie: Actually, I think it's ridiculous…..but if this is the way you do business, I am going to
seriously consider the advisability of using your card in the future…..Goodbye.

David winks at the camera, then turns his attention back to Maddie.

David: Good news?

He stands back and waits for the typhoon to start blowing.

Maddie: Sometimes, Addison, I think you delight in torturing me! Wait till you hear this. They
don't believe me - I need to put all the information in writing, and send it to them, before they will
do any sort of investigation.

David: Hmmmmm…

Maddie: And here's the best-basically nobody is the least bit concerned. The man from American
Express says it happens all the time. Using stolen credit cards is one of the biggest types of fraud.

David: So what's the bottom line?

Maddie: Basically, nothing - they'll put a stop on the card. After they hear from me, they will do
an investigation. If they prove it to be a stolen card, they will resolve it. I'll be responsible for the first fifty dollars in charges, but it will not effect my credit rating…….or so they say.

David: So all's well that ends well.

Maddie: Are you kidding? Who do you think pays for it?

David: Well, not us, thank goodness.

A moment of silence, then they launch into their time honored tradition:

Maddie: Everybody pays - you pay,               David: Here we go again - I knew it! You
I pay. I can't believe this doesn't make           can't let sleeping dogs lie. Hell, you're the
You angry ….somewhere this creep is          only person I know who will wake up a
Getting away with murder - well, getting        sleeping dog! It's a problem that has been
away with theft, at least. There are people    solved……and satisfactorily solved as far
in this world starving, and this - this                as your balance sheet is concerned….what
lowlife is squandering money not even his    do you care what happens beyond this?
own at Toys R Us, for gosh sakes. I will         Leave it alone…what am I saying, of course
not rest till I get to the bottom of this!              you can't leave it alone!

David: OK Maddie, if you're so hepped up about this, let's see what we can do to resolve it ourselves.

Maddie: How?

David: We're detectives, Maddie, it's what we do!

Maddie: Oh yeah. Well then, I think we should get started right away.

David: Ho, ho, ho Missy, aren't you forgetting something? You've got a prior commitment…..a
debt to be paid this afternoon.

Maddie: Well, start compiling the interest, bub, because I'm not going to stop until we get to the
bottom of this.

David: I knew it was too good to be true……to think I'd get you out of the office for a little
afternoon delight.

Maddie: Addison, this was your idea - let's go!

She exits. David looks back at the camera, and grimaces.

David: Think I'd learn by now to keep my big mouth shut!

He exits.

Scene: In the BMW Tuesday, December 18 3:30 P.M.

They are riding through the city streets. David drives while Maddie reviews the bill.

Maddie: Well, that's another we can cross off the list. I don't understand why these people are
being so uncooperative.

David: Isn't it amazing how self righteous a $7.50 an hour retail store security agent can be?

He launches into an imitation.

David: "Well, gee ma'am, I can't release any of that information to you. Your credit card
company will get that when they do their investigation." I can't say I'm surprised. Most people
would just blow this whole thing off, and be happy they weren't responsible to pay the freight.
But then………

Their eyes meet, and they speak at the same time.

David: You're not most people. Maddie: I'm not most people.

The car slows, and stops at the light. On the corner is a large Christmas tree lot. Maddie's expression brightens.

Maddie: Oh David, look! Christmas trees!

David: Growing on a street corner in L.A. - what a Currier and Ives moment……call the National

Maddie: (ignoring him) I haven't picked out my own Christmas tree in such a long time!

David: Oh, so now Christmas trees in L.A. also spring up in Maddie Hayes's living room?

Maddie: No. I always had somebody bring it in and decorate it for me.

David: Like Mr. Twinkletoes - the Christmas elf and home décor specialist?

Maddie: Something like that.

David: Sounds like a great idea - is it too late to book him for this year?

Maddie: I think it's a terrible idea. I wanted us to go out together, spend hours searching for the
perfect tree, bring it home, and drink hot toddies while complimenting ourselves on what a great
job we did.

David: OK, what say we make a detour to Walmart? All the trees there are perfect.

Maddie: All the trees there are plastic!

David: Low maintenance.

Maddie: No…I want a real tree - just like the old days.

David: Whose old days?

Maddie: Well, mine, I guess. I was thinking of the trees of my childhood……a big old tree in the
middle of the room - but not a decoration in sight. But when I came down the stairs on Christmas
morning, it was like fairyland! Lights, ornaments, and that heavenly smell. My parents always told
me that Santa and the elves decorated it through the night. That was before I knew he had lots of other houses to go to.

David: Yeah, other houses. My recollections are more the plastic tree variety. Did ya ever see
what a plastic tree looks like when it's been decorated by two teenaged boys? Pretty pitiful. We'd
go to bed, and in the middle of the night, we'd hear a commotion in the living room.

Maddie: (smiling) Santa Claus?

David: Not even close. Just dear old Dad, full of Christmas cheer. Actually, it wasn't really
Christmas Eve until he had stumbled in, usually knocking over the tree in the process.

Maddie: David……..what about your mother?

David: This was after Mom was gone…… was different then.

Maddie: That's so sad!

David: Nah! We weren't babies or anything. And we got gifts - when we woke up in the morning,
there was a package for each of us on the kitchen table………a package of tube socks,
unwrapped, with a fifty dollar bill taped to it.

Maddie: David………

David: And then, later in the afternoon, once Dad had "recuperated" a bit, we would all trek over
to Aunt Betty's for dinner. Aunt Betty was the worst cook in the Northern Hemisphere. But we
got a real family Christmas - and more presents! Granny always came through with the Fruit of
the Looms. Come to think of it, some of my best underwear jokes were born on Christmas.

Maddie just looks at him.

David: Hey, look, it's no big deal. I turned out OK, right?

Maddie speaks softly.

Maddie: You turned out great. But I really wish you had some better Christmas memories.

David: You need to remember that everybody's life wasn't straight out of "Father Knows Best". You were pretty lucky.

Maddie: I know that.

David: I do remember one Christmas - I was about ten. Dad had a buddy who owned a cabin in
the Poconos, right on the lake. We all went there for the holidays. It was like….a million miles from South Philly. It was quiet and peaceful - when you shouted into the air, your voice echoed for miles. We played in the snow, and had a great time. On Christmas Eve, Dad disappeared for a while, and then tromped in, dressed up in a Santa suit.

Maddie: That sounds sweet!

David: It was nice - even though we were too old for Santa Claus.

Maddie: But he tried.

David: He did it all for Mom. And………God, I had almost forgotten this. She gave each one of
us a big box, and inside was a hat, scarf, and mittens. They were all identical - red, green and white striped. The hat was one of those pull on things, with the earflaps, and the yarn that ties under your chin, and a big pompom on the top.

Maddie: Like a cheerleader's pompoms?

David: Keep up, Maddie, this was on top of a hat. The scarf matched, and had about half a mile of fringe on each end. And mittens - I hadn't worn mittens since I was about three.

Maddie: Sounds like a fashion don't.

David: You ain't kiddin'. We were speechless - the three of us looked at each other - we wouldn't dare hurt her feelings….but they were hideous.

Maddie: You didn't wear them?

David: She seemed so proud. She made us all put them on, and go outside and pose in front of the cabin. We stood there, stupidly grinning at the camera. All at once her hands started to shake, and she fell to the ground.

Maddie: Oh my God, David, what was it?

David: It took us about five minutes to realize that she was laughing!! There we were, three
dopes wearing the accessories from hell, and this crazy woman was practically rolling in the snow laughing! When she could finally talk, she said, "Those are the ugliest things I ever saw." It was a joke. The best one Mom ever pulled. She really tried to keep a straight face, but she just lost it……..watching us trying to be nice. She just sat in the snow and laughed and laughed.

Maddie: I don't understand.

David: We got scarves, hats and gloves every year for Christmas - and we always lost them before Valentine's Day. It made her crazy. She figured we wouldn't lose these `cause they would never leave the house. She was right - they were awful! I think they got packed away with the Christmas decorations that year. God, I thought she was the coolest Mom in the world.

Maddie: Sounds like the infamous Addison sense of humor was not all inherited from your father.

David: Then later that night, I heard music coming from the living room. I got up, and peeked down the stairs. There were my Mom and Dad dancing to Frank Sinatra - I still remember the song -- "The Way You Look Tonight". I sat on the top step and watched The only light came from the Christmas tree. Dad has his scarf wrapped around his neck, and Mom was snuggled up against him as he sang into her ear. Wish I had a picture of that.

He shakes his head, as if to erase the memory.

David: Mom got sick shortly after that. She kept that goofy, slightly out of focus picture of the three of us on her bedside table.

Maddie: See, I knew you could come up with a great memory. And aren't you grateful to have shared that special Christmas?

David: Sure, that's my point. Seize the day…………….give and get great
presents…….who knows what'll happen next year?

Maddie: What about building a foundation, sharing good fortune, establishing traditions?

David: Hey…..whatever you wanna do - I'll do! But I'm just not gonna get choked up over angels, and holly, and twinkling lights. I'm up for a great party, and then, ten uninterrupted days of Y - O - U. How about we start out with that picture, and see what develops?

Maddie shakes her head.

Maddie: Oh, David……..

They pull into a crowded parking lot, and he interrupts.

David: And, at your request ma'am, here we are - where America shops. Looks like they're all
here today, huh?

Maddie: Christmas shopping, I guess. Well, the bill says Sears Photo Studio - lets check it out.

They exit the car, and walk to the store. David holds the door open.

David: After you.

Maddie turns to him.

Maddie: The Christmas conversation is far from over, you know.

David: You'll never change, Maddie Hayes.

Maddie: What do you mean by that?

David: I'll be happy to listen to any and all of your thoughts about my attitude, and about why
I'm wrong, once again.

He laughs.

Maddie: Oh, shut up!

She laughs

Maddie: And I meant that in the nicest possible way, of course.

He takes her arm and they make their way through the bustling department store. Carols are
playing, the decorations twinkle, and the throngs of people perform the task of holiday shopping.
Maddie and David enter the photo studio. At the front desk, a blonde girl in her late teens looks up with a smile. She is wearing a red Santa hat, "Lindsay" spelled out on it in silver glitter.

David: Nice hat!

Lindsay blushes.

Lindsay: Thanks - can I help you with something? Today is our last day to guarantee the delivery of your holiday photos by Christmas. Would you and your wife like to check out one of our special backgrounds?

David starts to open his mouth, and Maddie deftly slides in front of him, directly in front of Lindsay.

Maddie: No thanks, Lindsay, but my husband doesn't really take a good picture. What we're really looking for are pictures that my friend had taken here a few weeks ago. She raved about how good they were - and we thought that maybe we could check them out. We're planning a family portrait for Valentine's Day.

David: Are you the photographer, Lindsay? I bet they're great pictures. Studying it in school?

He flashes her a charming smile. Lindsay nods in reply, and thinks for a moment.

Lindsay: You want to see the pictures? Well, I guess that would be OK. What's the name?

Maddie: (quickly) Hayes. Here's the transaction number from the bill.

Lindsay: Sure…let's go over here, and we'll pull it up.

They move to a desk with a computer and chairs. Lindsay inputs the information Maddie gives
her, and a photo appears on the screen.

It is a picture of a woman, approximately fifty, surrounded by eight children. The children range in
age from about three to fifteen, and are a mixture of ethnic groups.

Maddie and David exchange glances……the woman is definitely a stranger to them.

David: That's a really fantastic picture. You've got talent, Lindsay! That's exactly the quality
we're looking for. Could we possibly get a copy of that to show Grandma?

Lindsay: Well, I can print you a proof sheet for eight dollars.

David: Sold! Lindsay, can we be sure you'll do our portrait when we come back?

Lindsay smiles, obviously happy with the attention. All the while, she is printing the proof sheet,
and putting it into an envelope.

Lindsay: Sure, just call when you're ready and we'll make an appointment. That'll be eight dollars
and sixty four cents.

David: Thanks so much.

He hands her a twenty dollar bill.

David: You get yourself a little something for all your effort - and have a wonderful Christmas,

Lindsay: Thanks. You too!

Maddie and David exit the photo studio, and head back to the parking lot.

Maddie: I gotta hand it to you, Addison. You sure can charm the post-kindergarten set.

David: What can I tell you - me and women???

Maddie: Hmmph! Meanwhile, I was hoping we would recognize somebody in the picture.

David: Whatever - now you have a picture of the person who masterminded the whole scheme.

Maddie: Funny, she doesn't look like a mastermind. She actually looks like a very sweet woman.

David: Don't go soft on me now, Hayes - she's a crook, a thief - she stole your money! You
should be full of righteous indignation! You've got her - and you don't even have to go to
Buenos Aires to track her down.

Maddie: (distractedly) I wonder who all those kids in the picture are?

David: Maddie - here's an idea. It's late. Why don't we table this - call it a day, and do the
Christmas tree thing you were talking about.

Maddie: (brightening) Really?

David: Well, how about partially? Can we save the compliments, and the hot toddies for another
night? Richie and a couple of the guys are coming over for the Lakers game. He's headed back to
Philadelphia the day after tomorrow.

Maddie tries to hide her disappointment.

Maddie: (teasing) So I guess you were only looking for afternoon delight. It's fine…you guys have a good time. I guess as long as we get the tree, it'll be OK in the garage until we get a free night.

David: Absotively - and you can use tonight to plot your revenge on the criminal.

Maddie: (without conviction) Yeah, sure.

They've reached the car.

David: Well, how about that tree?

They get in, and start to pull away. David flips on the radio, and starts to sing along.

David: Grandma got run over by a reindeer
On her way to our house Christmas Eve
Most folks say they don't believe in Santa
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe…..


Act III: Maddie's office Wednesday, December 19 10:00 A.M.

The camera sweeps the room. It looks much the same as yesterday, with the addition of a large pile of toys in the corner opposite the tree. Maddie is sitting at her desk. There is a large pile of papers to the left side, and the photograph of the suspected credit card thief is right on top. She picks up the photo and scrutinizes it - hoping for a little insight.

There is a knock on the door.

Maddie: Come in.

Agnes DiPesto enters the room. She is carrying several toys, which she adds to the pile. She also has a large envelope.

Agnes: Overnight package for you, Miss Hayes.

Maddie: Thank you, Agnes. I think this is what I've been waiting for.

Maddie opens the envelope, and takes out the contents - airline tickets, and a travel folder, with a tropical beach scene on the cover.

Maddie opens the booklet.

Agnes: Oooooooh! A Christmas present?

Maddie nods.

Agnes: For Mr. Addison?

Maddie: How do you think he'll feel about spending New Year's in Maui?

Agnes: I don't think you'll have to ask him twice.

Maddie: Good. I spent most of last night on the phone with the travel agent. It's not the gift I had
planned, but……well, I just think David should get something he really wants for Christmas this

Agnes: So, he's been very good this year?

Maddie: Agnes! I'm shocked!

Then she giggles a bit -

Maddie: Yes, very, very good…..but don't tell him. It would go to his head.

Agnes makes a cross over a heart.

Agnes: Promise! Miss Hayes, how exciting is that! Flying off to a tropical paradise for a romantic
week. Maybe someday Bert and I will try that.

Maddie: Do you and Bert have any special plans for the holidays?

Agnes: Not exactly special plans….but this is the third Christmas we've spent as a couple. You
sort of start your own traditions - you know?

Maddie: I know. So what is your favorite?

Agnes: We're both really committed to this toy drive for LA Children's Hospital. We spend some
time there on Christmas Eve, giving out the toys and playing with the kids.

Maddie: I'm so glad we've got the opportunity to be involved this year… a business, and as a
family. Look at that pile of toys.

She gestures towards the corner.

Maddie: So, is there anything you need me to do?

Agnes: Nope, we're all set for Saturday's wrapping party. All we need is for everyone to show,
and wrap their little fingers off. I've got some games planned and prizes to keep it interesting.

Maddie: Mr. Addison better watch out - you'll be taking over his job as social director.

Agnes: Nope, he has a bigger whistle.

Maddie: Agnes - is that the holiday spirit you're full of?

Agnes: That's as good an excuse as any.

She turns to the camera, and pantomimes.

Agnes: He really does have a big whistle.

She turns back to Maddie.

Agnes: Anyway, I love everything about Christmas. It's just the best time.

Maddie: So have you decided what you're giving Bert for Christmas?

Agnes grins.

Agnes: It's a secret, but I guess I can tell you.

She leans over the desk and whispers in Maddie's ear.

Maddie: Agnes! Wow! For the guy who has everything. I guess it's a little tough to decide where
to put the bow.

Agnes: I'll figure it out!

Maddie: I'm sure you will. Boy, this conversation has been a bit eye opening for a Wednesday morning.

Agnes has been staring at Maddie's desk.

Agnes: Miss Hayes?

Maddie: Yes, Agnes?

Agnes: Why do you have a picture of Marge on your desk?

Maddie: You know her?

Agnes: Sure, she works in the mailroom. She delivers to this floor a couple of times a week.

Agnes picks up the picture.

Agnes: Boy, that's a lot of kids, huh?

Maddie: Looks like she has her hands full.

Agnes: Oh, they're not hers - they belong to her sister. Some of them are her natural children, and
some of them foster kids. Marge helps out with them though.

Maddie: Wow.

Agnes: Yeah, wow. Marge takes them everywhere….lots of trips to the zoo, the movies. She does lots with them. She's a really good person. She was just up here the other day to drop off some of those toys for the hospital.

Maddie (muttering) Sure, I paid for them.

Agnes: Sorry, Miss Hayes?

Maddie: Nothing, Agnes. Listen, do me a favor. I'd like to have a chat with Marge the next time
she's around. Could you let me know the next time she's here?

Agnes: Sure, Miss Hayes. I could try and get in touch with her if you'd like.

Maddie: No, the next time she's here is fine.

Agnes: Sure, Miss Hayes.

Agnes turns to go.

Maddie: Oh Agnes…… you happen to know what's on Mr. Addison's agenda for today?

Agnes: He said he's thigh high in party plans - something about auditions today.

Maddie: Oh Lord! Well, if he calls in, let me know please. I've got something I need to run by

Agnes: Your trip?

Maddie: No…..Agnes, that's a big surprise. Please don't tell him.

Agnes: Of course not, Miss Hayes. But you do know he's gonna love it, right?

Maddie: That's what I'm hoping.

Agnes: Any idea what he's getting you?

Maddie: No….David seems pretty preoccupied with what he's getting this year.

Agnes: I'm sure he's got something special planned. You don't think……a little something for
your finger, maybe?

Maddie: For my finger…..?

It dawns on her.

Maddie: Oh Lord, I hope not.

Agnes looks at her strangely.

Maddie: I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I don't think either of us is ready for that quite
yet. Actually…this will be our first long vacation together. First, we'll make sure we don't kill each other, and then move on to the next step.

Agnes: I know that tune………anything else, Miss Hayes?

Maddie: No thanks, Agnes.

Agnes exits the room, and Maddie picks up the picture, and stares at it, as we freeze frame.

Scene: Maddie's bedroom Friday, December 21 8:00 A.M.

David is walking around the bedroom. Almost fully dressed, he is tying his tie. Maddie is asleep in the bed, but begins to stir. She looks up, focuses on David, and gives him a half smile.

Maddie: Hello, stranger.

David: I'd appreciate hearing that you didn't think I was a stranger last night.

Maddie: No, I'm familiar with the approach.

David: Good thing……in case you need any documentation, you should find my fingerprints all over your……

Maddie interrupts.

Maddie: So, what time was it when you got here, anyway?

David: About 1:30, I think. Bert and I were out testing "signature cocktails" for the big bash.
Think we've got it narrowed to about six or eight.

Maddie: Tough assignment?

David: You would be amazed at how many holiday concoctions bartenders have come up with -
Santa Shot, Jack Frost, Christmas Kiss, Master Polar Bear. Burt's favorite was Disney on Ice…that is, until his tie caught on fire.

Maddie: What?

David: Not to worry…..he won't need to shave for a bit, but he's fine.

Maddie sits up in bed.

Maddie: So have you got everything together for this party?

David: It is going to be the extravaganza to end all extravaganzas! A few more details….. Bert
and I need to go to City Hall today to pick up the permits…..

He checks for Maddie's reaction.

Maddie: Permits??

David: Gotcha!!

Maddie: You think I even blink an eye any more?

David: Gotcha good!!! We are going to City Hall today, but to research the permits and deeds for
the Barnaby case. It should probably take most of the day.

Maddie: So you won't be in the office again today?

David: Miss me?

Maddie: Who me? The efficiency rating of the office goes up 25% when you're not there.

David: You miss me.

Maddie: (conceding) Well, we haven't spent much time together this week.

David: Last night, not withstanding. How about this….you still got that evergreen in the garage?
Let's say we make a date… and me, at eight, under the mistletoe. And if we get bored, we can always decorate the tree.

Maddie: Good……I'll pick up Chinese on the way home.

David: I wonder what Chinese people eat when they're decorating their trees?

Maddie: Probably Indian. Good. Then tomorrow, we can get an early start for the wrapping party
at the office.

David looks at her in horror.

David: The what??

He starts to plead.

David: Maddie, you really don't expect me to do that, do you? There are so many last minute details for the party, and well, I just don't think I'd be good at that.

Maddie contemplates for a moment, then decides not to make it an issue.

Maddie: Ok, but here's the deal…….we have to finish on Monday. All those packages have to be
wrapped and ready for the kids by the afternoon. You're off the hook for tomorrow…but if we
need you Monday…….

David: I'm there.

Maddie: So, have you finished your shopping?

David: Nosy, aren't you? Want a hint?

Maddie: About my present? No……you know I like to be surprised.

David: Don't worry, I got you a rock.

Maddie: WHAT?????

David: Rocks, coal……… like for your stocking. Although I have no idea why anybody would
want to put anything in your stockings but you.

Maddie: (relieved) Actually, I was talking about the rest of your shopping.

David: No other shopping. You took care of the stuff for work….and Walter and Terry and the kiddo, right?

Maddie: Yes. I meant your family.

David: We don't do presents. If I were gonna be there, I'd take a bottle or something, but………

He looks at his watch.

David: Ooops, gotta meet Bert at City Hall.

He leans over and kisses her.

David: You look like a picture, lying there. You couldn't like…stay there, and wait for me until

Maddie: Not likely.

David: Well, you might as well stay there for a while anyway.

Maddie: How come?

David prepares to make his retreat. He turns and flashes a grin.

David: I used all the hot water. See ya!

He blows her a kiss , and narrowly avoids being hit by a pillow as he exits. Maddie sits in bed,
looking thoughtful.

Scene: Blue Moon Friday, December 21 2:30 P.M.

A typical Blue Moon afternoon. Everybody is doing a little bit of something, but at a leisurely pace. The office is decorated for Christmas, but here Agnes has let her dollar store alter ego take over. It is bright and sparkly, full of tinsel and twinkling lights.

Maddie is at the filing cabinet, pulling some paperwork. The door opens, and Agnes looks up from her place at the reception desk.

A woman enters, carrying a pile of mail. She is fiftyish, dressed in somewhat casual attire, but you can tell she works in the building. She smiles and greets Agnes.

Woman: Sorry, Agnes! I'm a little late. Keep getting sidetracked at everybody's holiday party.
Aren't you people having a party?

Agnes: Our party is on Sunday, out of the office. Boy, that's a lot of mail. And we're on vacation
all next week.

Woman: I'll hold everything downstairs until you get back.

Agnes: Oh wait a minute, Marge.

She pauses, and looks over her shoulder.

Agnes: Miss Hayes?

Maddie looks up.

Agnes: Miss Hayes, have you ever met Marge Logan? Marge delivers our mail.

Marge looks towards Maddie and smiles.

Marge: Happy holidays, Miss Hayes.

Maddie walks towards her with hand extended.

Maddie: Nice to meet you, Miss Logan. I wondered if I might have a word with you - in my

Marge looks at Agnes quizzically.

Marge: Well, I've got some more deliveries to make.

Maddie is not taking no for an answer.

Maddie: I could call the mailroom and tell them you've been delayed a bit.

Marge responds nervously.

Marge: No…….no, I'm sure it will be fine.

Maddie: Agnes, please make sure we are not disturbed?

Agnes: Sure, Miss Hayes.

Maddie: This way please, Miss Logan.

Maddie leads the way into the office, and towards the seating area. As Marge sits down, her eyes
are drawn to a picture, prominently placed on the coffee table. It is the picture of Marge and the

Marge will not meet Maddie's eyes.

Maddie: Miss Logan, I asked to speak with you so that we could try to resolve a problem that we
seem to be having.

Marge: No need to beat around the bush, Miss Hayes. If you've got the picture, then you
probably know the whole thing. I should have figured…you being a detective and all.

Maddie: (sternly) What I know is that I've got a credit card bill for two thousand nine hundred dollars - a credit card that I never applied for. When I investigated the charges, I found that this picture was one of the things that was purchased with that card. I'm interested in your explanation.

Marge: An explanation I can give you. As for an excuse, I have none at all.

She pauses for a moment, inhales a shaky breath, and begins. As she tells her story, Maddie carefully observes her.

Marge: The children belong to my sister and her husband, but I love them as if they were my own.
About six months ago, my brother in law injured himself on the job. My sister works, and they've
just been able to keep their heads above water with the little she makes.

Maddie: No disability insurance?

Marge: No, he's self-employed. He does contracting and repairs.

Maddie: Go on.

Marge: They're making the bare essentials, but that's it. I told my sister that this year I would
take care of Christmas for the kids. I'd saved about twelve hundred dollars - not a fortune, but I figured they'd each have a few nice things, especially the little ones who wouldn't understand that
Santa was having an off year.

Maddie continues to listen.

Marge: I had a vacation scheduled in late September, and I figured I could do some of the shopping that week. So, that Friday, on the way home from work, I stopped at the bank and withdrew the twelve hundred dollars. I walked towards the front door of the bank, and saw my bus coming down the street. I dropped the envelope in my purse and ran for the bus. The bus was crowded, and people kept walking back and forth, jostling you the way they do on the bus. When I got home, I went to put the money in a safe place and it was gone.

Maddie: That's a shame.

Marge: I tried everything. I retraced my steps, talked to the bus company, talked to the bank - no money. I don't know whether I dropped it, or whether somebody took it from my purse on the bus. All I knew is that my kids no longer had any possibility of a Christmas. Do you have kids,
Miss Hayes?

Maddie: No, I don't.

Marge: Neither do I. But nobody can tell me that just because they're not my own, that I can't
want for them, and want to give them things. I got so angry. That in an instant, everything you worked for can just be gone………….maybe taken away by someone else…..and there is
absolutely nothing you can do.

Maddie: But it does happen, Miss Logan, to lots of people everyday, and they have to cope, to deal with it. And there are many people who cope without stealing.

Marge: Miss Hayes, I told you I have no excuse. I was out of my mind with anger. When I saw that credit card application….."You can have $10,000 if you just sign here" -I thought……… well I guess I just didn't think. I figured that I could just buy enough for the kids for Christmas…just replace the twelve hundred dollars.

Maddie: But you spent much more than that.

Marge: I know. But it was like power in my hand. And I kept seeing all of these wonderful things for the children. They have always been well taken care of and loved, but they've never had a lot of toys and things……the money doesn't stretch that far. I just wanted to give them more. Before I knew it, I had spent much more than twelve hundred dollars.

Maddie: And the pictures?

Marge: The children were planning their Christmas presents for their parents……..they normally do a lot of handmade presents, or coupons for chores around the house, stuff like that. They were saying how great it would be if they could have a portrait made of all of us - a special gift for their parents from the people who loved them most. How could I resist that? I told them we would do it.

She picks up the picture.

Marge: Look at those faces, Miss Hayes. How happy and excited they are. I know what I did was wrong, but I would do it again for the look on those faces.

Maddie stares at Marge. Her resolve seems to be crumbling.

Marge: I am sorry Miss Hayes. You have to understand, I didn't expect you to get hurt in this. I just figured you'd report it to the credit card company, and they would take care of it. They expect this kind of thing to happen. They have insurance for it. I guess getting the picture taken was stupid……well, the whole thing was stupid.

Maddie: I have to agree with you there, Miss Logan. However, I now have to decide how to resolve this.

Marge: You do whatever you have to do Miss Hayes. I know I will probably lose my job, and maybe even go to jail. I just need you to know that it wasn't for myself that I did this, and I'm really, really sorry.

Maddie: I really don't know what to do. The credit card has been stopped, so no further charges can be made on it. Do you have the card?

Marge: No, I cut it up into about a million pieces after I finished the shopping.

Maddie: I really need some time to think about this. Maybe both of us do. Why don't you meet me back here at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning, and we'll talk about my decision.

Marge: You mean you'll trust me to come back here tomorrow?

Maddie: Miss Logan, I've put my faith in quite a few people who seemed to be of questionable character, and I've rarely been disappointed. Let's both take some time, and we'll talk about it tomorrow morning.

Marge: Thank you Miss Hayes. I'll be here.

She looks around the room.

Marge: This is a beautiful office. Looks just like you…..classy. I'm sure you'll have a great Christmas.

Maddie: See you tomorrow.

Marge exits. Maddie leans her head back on the sofa, and closes her eyes. She sits that way for a moment, then leans over and picks up the picture from the coffee table. She stares at it for a few seconds, then rises, and goes to her desk.

She speaks to herself.

Maddie: Let's see what we can figure out.

She picks up a pen, and in a moment, is busily scribbling and putting figures into the calculator.


Act IV: Maddie's living room Friday, December 21 7:45 P.M.

Maddie, casually dressed, is kneeling on the floor removing ornaments from a large cardboard carton. She admires each one as she lifts them from the box, placing them carefully on the carpet around her.

The front door swings open, and David enters, singing loudly.

(to the tune of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus)
I saw Elvis dressed as Santa Claus
In my hometown shopping mall last night.
I knew it must be him
Santa isn't very slim,
And his sideburns were much darker
Than the whiskers on his chin.
Oh, I saw Elvis dressed as Santa Claus
Hiding underneath that beard of snowy white
You can imagine my surprise
When I saw through his disguise
Elvis dressed as Santa Claus last night.
Spoken: (in David's best Elvis impression):
Yessiree, I saw Elvis sitting in Santa's throne.
Really I did, and I'm gonna call the Enquirer
Because after all
Suspicious minds want to know.
He had blue suede boots, and bells
You should have seen it yourself.
Again singing:
Then I saw his whiskers slip,
As he turned and curled his lip.
Elvis dressed as Santa Claus last night.

He finishes with a flourish. Maddie cannot help but laugh at him. He walks over towards her.

David: (with his Elvis voice) Thank you. Thank you very much.

Maddie: Well, you are certainly full of good cheer.

David: That's not usually what you say I'm full of.

Maddie: I take it your day at City Hall went well.

David: Absimundo! Bert and I were brilliant…if I do say so myself.

Maddie: You would have to……nobody else would.

David tiptoes through the display of ornaments, plops down beside her on the floor, and leans
over for a kiss.

David: Same sweet loveable woman I woke up with this morning. What's with the maze? Trying
to play hard to get? Or just hard to get to?

Maddie holds up a shimmering angel.

David: Are these new?

Maddie: Actually, most of them are old. Mom sent them out a few years ago, but I've never used

She holds up a tiny porcelain box on a gold string.

Maddie: Look at this. I lost my first tooth the week before Christmas, and the tooth fairy put it in
this box and hung it on the tree.

David: Yuck!!! It isn't still in there, is it?

Maddie, yet another time in her life, ignores him.

Maddie: I'm so glad we are doing this tree together. I want this tree to be fun - an old fashioned
tree…….nothing decorator or designer.

David: That's me, nothing decorator or designer. I don't even drink imported beer.

Maddie: This is our tree………our first tree, and I want it to be special. Have you got anything for the tree - decorations or…….

David interrupts.

David: Oddly enough - speaking of beer - I think I have a string of beer can tabs that I used to decorate for Christmas one year. Is that what you mean?

He laughs at her look.

David: Maddie, I know this is important to you. I'm here, and I'm happy to put up the tree with
you. But no, I don't have any old lights or ornaments……..I know you've got a pile of new stuff over there………what's say that will be our stuff?

Maddie smiles.

Maddie: That's just fine. But I'm warning you, Addison, the tinsel goes on piece by piece. If you try to throw a whole clump on while I'm not looking……..I'll know.

David: You are such a woman!!!!!

Maddie: I'm assuming that's a compliment.

David: If that's what you're assuming, I'm gonna quit while I'm ahead. Hey, all this talk of beer
has made me thirsty…….want one?

Maddie: Sounds good.

David: I'll be right back. Then little girl, you can climb up in my lap and tell me what you want.

David goes to the kitchen. Maddie rises, and moves over to the sofa. David reenters with two bottles of beer, and seats himself on the sofa next to Maddie.

David: Well now, where were we? Oh, I remember…….naughty or nice…what's tonight's choice?

Maddie: David, there's something we need to talk about.

David: OK kiddo, I'm all……….ah, forget it. What's going on?

Maddie: I had a meeting this afternoon with the lady who stole the credit card.

David: Is the crime solved? Is she spending the night eating cheese sandwiches and drinking warm
Koolaid along with all the other social deviants?

Maddie: David, be serious. We need to discuss this.

David: So go on.

Maddie: She has a really sad story……'s not tragic, or even movie of the week
material……she's just a normal working person, who had a stroke of bad luck.

David: And who proceeded to pass it on to you.

Maddie: She really didn't intend to… she actually was passing it on to a nameless, faceless big business credit card company.

David: Who are going to make someone with a name and a face pay the bill. Can she pay the bill?

Maddie: No.

David: So then she goes to jail.

Maddie: No, I don't think so.

David: Then who pays the bill?

Maddie just looks at him, saying nothing.

David: Oh, Maddie, come on. You've got to be kidding me. This sob sister lays a story on you,
and you're ready to pick up a twenty nine hundred dollar tab? Your head's not screwed on tight.

Maddie: David, I've talked to her. She's a good person who made a mistake. She needs a little compassion.

David: Maddie, there's no way I can go along with this.

Maddie: Nobody's asking you to. This is something I need to do. I'll pay for it with my money.

David: I think you're gonna be sorry. I think you're being majorly hoodwinked….talk about throwing money down the crapper………..flush, flush, flush.

Maddie: Well, I've listened to your opinion, David, and I'm going to do it my way.

David: There's a surprise…..we disagree on something. So what was the purpose of this discussion - you knew what you were going to do all along.

Maddie hedges a bit.

Maddie: Well, it's quite a bit of money. I am afraid that it's going to force me to make some
changes in the Christmas plans.

David: The Christmas plans……….tell me you don't mean……Maddie, I have worked on this party like a fiend. I don't think it's fair that…….

She interrupts.

Maddie: Not the party, David. Nobody is canceling your party.

David: The bonuses? Well, it's a shame. You finally won me over to your side on that. But I
guess we can forgo the bonuses……even if I don't agree with where you're putting the money.

Maddie: David, the party and the bonuses have already been planned…..and anyway, that's our money. I wouldn't go back on that.

David: So what's left?

Maddie: David, I really wanted to do something special for Christmas this year to make it memorable…… spite of all the years, it's our first real Christmas together. And I really felt you needed some Christmas spirit this year. I planned…….oh, what's the difference what I planned? I just can't justify not using the money to help this woman.

David: What are you saying Maddie?

Maddie: I cancelled your Christmas present, David. I think this year, we shouldn't exchange
presents. At least nothing expensive.

David stands stock still, and draws out his response.

David: ARE……..YOU………KIDDING?

Maddie: I'm afraid I'm not, David. I need the money to pay the American Express bill.

David looks up to heaven.

David: I know I shouldn't be surprised….God, you know I shouldn't.

Maddie: David!

David: Not to be dense, but tell me again why does (mocking her) our Christmas get sacrificed so
that you can keep a common criminal on the streets?

Maddie: (exasperated) For goodness sake, David, using this money for other purposes can really make a difference.

David: May I remind you that you're the one who keeps going on……… (aping her again)…"our first perfect Christmas"…….light the fire….trim the tree……..why even trim it if there's nothing to put underneath it?

Maddie: Come on, David, we're not kids anymore. Christmas isn't about what goes under the tree. You're being so selfish.

David: Me??? Queen Egomaddia, ruler of her own kingdom - makes her decision and I'm just supposed to fall in line…..Haven't we been here before? Isn't this relationship supposed to be an equal partnership? Or are some of us just more equal than others?

Maddie: David, you know that's not true.

David: I'm not sure what I know. I know that you are asking me to give up my expectations of a good Christmas, and so far I haven't heard one good reason for doing it, other than the fact that you want it so. Is this another test?

Maddie: Is this another challenge? Is every decision I make subject to your scrutiny? Can't you ever just say, OK Maddie. let's try it your way, without starting World War III first? And all this over a stupid present!!

David: This isn't all about a present, Maddie. (pause) Of course, it's about a present, but it's not all about a present. It's about who and what you put first in your life-and the way I read it-it's all about you, and then the whole rest of the universe, and then, possibly, if you've got a moment to spare, then it's me.

Maddie: Quite untrue. In fact, so untrue that I'm not even going to dignify your ravings with a response. And if you could take your materialistic mind off of presents, you might see that doing this my way is more like the true spirit of Christmas than all the gift giving in the world.

David: Blah, blah, blah…….

Maddie: David, you're acting like a juvenile, and a spoiled rotten one at that. I half expect you to throw yourself on the floor and start kicking your feet.

David just stares at her, refusing to answer.

Maddie: I'm sad that you can't understand this. I'm sad that our holiday can't be more about us and less about things.

David: Yeah, me too. Well, listen, I'm gonna get going. Gotta get to the store and make some returns. I'll get a great big open to buy back on my credit cards. Maybe I'll just make some exchanges…..share my Christmas spirit…….whaddya think those guys at the city jail could use - files, knives, gift certificates to a locksmith? Hey, it's Christmas ….why shouldn't everybody be

Maddie: David, we're not going to decorate the tree?

David: I don't think so Maddie. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't do it the way you want it. Why don't you call the criminal? Maybe she could come over and help - maybe make off with all your valuables while you're making her chocolate chip cookies.

He heads towards the door.

Maddie: This is just great! The first of our Christmas traditions. Yell for a while, and then somebody stomps out the door. Do we at least get to take turns, every other year?

David turns and looks back.

David: Well, Maddie, I've learned everything I know about walking out the door from you.

He pauses and sighs.

David: Sorry, I said that………..Look, I'll call you tomorrow.

Maddie: Are you going to drop by the office? The wrapping party for the Children's Hospital?

David: Can't make it. Got a party of my own to finish planning. Gotta salvage this holiday some way.

He turns again, and walks out the door, singing.

(to the tune of O Little Town Of Bethlehem)
David: O little Bankamericard
You bring me Christmas cheer
Without your clout
I have no doubt
No gifts I'd give this year.
Your credit line allows me
To run up bills quite large
And when I'm through
Exhausting you
I'll use my Mastercharge.

He strides through the door without looking back.

Maddie collapses on the sofa, surveying the living room. She sits for a moment, and walks to the
stereo and flips on the power. She then returns to the floor, where she begins to rewrap the ornaments, as the music plays.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your hearts be light
From now on our troubles will be out of sight.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yuletide gay
From now on our troubles will be miles away.
Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us,
Gather near to us, once more.
Through the years, we all will be together
If the fates allow.
Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.
Someday soon, we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

The camera moves in on Maddie's as she reaches into the carton, pulling out a small red box with a bow and a gift tag that reads "David". She opens the box, and takes out a Christmas ornament - a crystal moon. She holds the ornament in the air for a moment. She shakes her head, and returning it to its box, tosses it onto the coffee table.

Freeze frame


Act V Blue Moon Saturday, December 22 9:45 A.M.

The outer office is a swarm of activity - tissue paper and wrapping paper are flying everywhere. Carols play, and people laugh, as they go busily about the work of wrapping the stacks of toys. Magillicuddy and Bert pull on opposite ends of a large fire truck, while Jamie attempts to referee. Agnes weaves in and out of the piles of packages to make her way to Maddie's office.

She raps on the door, then enters.

Maddie is sitting at her desk, elbows propped, and chin in her hands. Her eyes are heavy lidded, and she seems a bit out of it.

Agnes: Miss Hayes?

Maddie: Oh, Agnes, sorry. I know I should be out there helping. I guess I got a little

Agnes: I hate to say so, Miss Hayes, but you don't look so good.

Maddie: Nothing a few hours sleep or a relationship coach couldn't cure.

Agnes: Is everything OK?

Maddie: I hate Christmas!

Agnes is aghast.

Agnes: You what?

Maddie: No, I don't. I love Christmas. I hate what Christmas becomes when I make the mistake
of getting my hopes up too high. You can't imagine the number of relationships I've had that have been derailed by the holidays.

Agnes: Oh no, you and Mr. Addison? What happened? You were so excited about his present.

Maddie: Change of plans. I found a cause that I think needs the money more. I assumed that
sharing the holiday, spending it together might be enough for David and I - that we could do this year without presents. Boy, was I wrong!

Agnes: Uh oh, took away his toys, huh? Bet he hollered plenty.

Maddie: I think they heard him at the North Pole. He accused me of putting everybody else first
ahead of him. Do I do that?

Agnes: Only you can answer that. This cause - is it something you feel strongly about?

Maddie: Yes, and I'm totally bewildered! I really expected David to understand it and support me. We don't need things - we don't need Hawaii - all we really need is each other.

Agnes: So maybe he's just being a jerk!

Maddie: For no reason?

Agnes: It happens. Or maybe it's for some reason - maybe he's looking for attention, and presents
are his way of getting it.

Maddie: He's acting……I don't know how to explain it - strange!

Agnes: Maybe he's got a Christmas relationship phobia too. Or maybe this is just one of your normal, everyday disagreements, and you're making too much of it.

Maddie: I did have high expectations for a perfect Christmas.

Agnes: Well, in my experience, when you expect perfection, you're nearly always disappointed.
That's why I'm always looking for "the best that it can be".

Maddie: Good point. So, I continue to let him be a jerk…..?

Agnes: As much as you can stand, and see if it makes him feel any better. But if he steps too far over the line……..

Maddie: I know the drill.

There is a knock at the door. Agnes pulls it open to reveal Marge Logan. In the background, we hear angry voices.

Bert: Magillicuddy, if you don't knock it off, I'm gonna wrap this Slinky right around your………

Magillicuddy: Just you try it, squirt, and it'll be back to Munchkinland for you.

Agnes: Oops, sounds like we need a little toy soldier out there. Come on in, Marge. Anything else you need, Miss Hayes?

Maddie: No, Agnes. And thank you.

Agnes winks and heads out the door.

Maddie: Have a seat, Miss Logan.

Marge: Miss Hayes, I've been up all night. I need to tell you again how sorry I am. I must have lost my mind to do what I did.

Maddie: Well, Miss Logan, I lost a little sleep myself over your situation, and its repercussions in both of our lives.

Marge: I know I have a lot of nerve asking this, Miss Hayes, but is there any way we can work out a deal? I could pay you a bit from my check each week. I know that it would take a long time, but the credit card company would get a payment each month.

Maddie: Miss Logan, this is an American Express card. The bill needs to be paid in full. I guess you didn't read the payment requirements when you filled out the application.

Marge's face falls.

Marge: Well then, I guess there is nothing we can do. I don't have twenty nine hundred dollars. You may as well call the credit card company, or the police, or whoever you have to call. I guess they'll take back all the kids' gifts…..

Maddie: Miss Logan, I've thought long and hard on this. I totally disapprove of what you've done. Dishonesty is never the answer - no matter what bad fortune befalls you.

Marge: You're absolutely right. It was very wrong of me.

Maddie: I looked at your picture - at all of those bright and shining faces, and I can sympathize with what you wanted to do. You and your family have done a great thing - taking on the responsibility for those kids. You wouldn't want them growing up not appreciating the difference between right and wrong.

Marge: I promise, that won't ever happen.

Maddie: And you wouldn't want them growing up feeling it was because of them that their aunt had broken the law.

Marge: Never……I didn't think of that.

Maddie speaks matter of factly.

Maddie: Here is what we will do. I find myself in the position to be able to take care of the
American Express bill. Of course, there are conditions………….

Marge is dumbfounded.

Marge: You're going to pay the bill?

Maddie: With conditions.

Marge: Anything. I'll pay you back each week. I'll do whatever you say.

Maddie: I don't want you to pay me back. But I do want you to pay back. I would like to get
your support in our campaign for L.A. Children's Hospital.

Marge: Of course. I already brought some toys.

Maddie: Not that kind of support. I mean, I would like you to enter into an agreement with me -
that, twice a month, you and those lucky kids in the picture will visit the Children's Hospital, and
spend some time with the kids there - visiting, playing, making them feel better.

Marge looks at Maddie and smiles.

Marge: That's an arrangement I'd be very happy to agree to.

Maddie: For at least the next two years?

Marge: Absolutely! Would you like me to sign something?

Maddie: No, I'll take your word. Of course, sometimes, I might just want to go with you.

Marge: Miss Hayes, you are an absolute angel…..a godsend.

Maddie: No, I'm not. I'm just a very lucky person who could afford to help you out of your

Marge: I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

Maddie: Just keep reminding yourself of how easy it is - that a single circumstance can change
your life, for the worse or for the better.

Marge: Thank you, I'll remember that. And I hope you'll keep our picture - so you remember
how you've affected those lives - I'll always remember, and be grateful.

Maddie: Just remember your promise…and have a happy holiday.

Marge: Thanks, Miss Hayes. OK if I stay around and help wrap some packages?

Maddie smiles.

Maddie: Sure, we'd appreciate it. Go see Agnes, she'll put you to work.

Marge exits into the outer office, while Maddie sits, staring after her. She speaks to herself.

Maddie: I should feel better……..why don't I feel better?

She pounds her hand on her desk.

Maddie: Damn it, David!

She picks up the picture of Marge and the kids. Her eyes zero in on the littlest boy - the one with
the shock of dark hair and the well defined smirk.

She speaks to herself.

Maddie: Addison, sometimes you act about as old as he is. And Lord knows, sometimes it's
charming. But I'm afraid it's just not going to change my mind.

She rises from her desk and exits into the outer office.

Scene: Maddie's bedroom Saturday, December 22 11:45 P.M.

The camera pans the room and closes in on Maddie's bed. She is lying there, wide awake. The bedclothes give evidence that she has been tossing and turning.

She reaches over and clicks on the bedside lamp. She sits up against her piles of pillows, pulling her knees to her chest, and hugging them.

She glances over, then glares at the telephone. The answering machine shows "0" messages.

Maddie: Fine!

She reaches over and grabs the phone, punching in the numbers.

David: Addison Party Planners.

Switch to split screen……David is on his bed, surrounded by a pile of videos, and some take out food containers. He is settled in for the evening, and if appearances don't lie, he has been there for some time.

Maddie: Hmmmm…….I was looking for Missing Persons.

David: Are you missing some persons?

Maddie: Just one - and a car!

David: A car? That old thing? I sold it…….needed to supplement the party budget.

Maddie: And how's your planning going?

David: Gonna be the big ticket event to the season. You've not heard music until you hear this
band rock out to Good King Wenceslas.

Maddie: I'll bet.

A long pause.

Maddie : We missed you today.

David: Couldn't be helped…….many irons in the fire…….busier than a one armed paperhanger.
Just got back from picking up all the hootch for the bash.

Maddie: Yeah……well, you'll be with us Monday, right? When we take the toys to the hospital?

David: (obviously avoiding) Well, I don't know. There's a bunch of stuff going on Monday……..

Maddie: David, this is our Blue Moon family.

David: Who we'll be spending all night tomorrow with.

A pause.

David: I'll see what I can do……..alright?

Maddie: Sure. Listen, David………

David: Speaking of tomorrow, Blondie, can you get your act in gear by five? Gotta get there
early…..make sure the halls are decked, the stockings are hung…..the mistletoe is positioned just

Maddie: (listlessly) Sure……..David?

David: Boy, I'd get a complex if I got that kind of an enthusiastic response from every doll I
asked for a date.

Maddie: David, don't you think we need to talk?

David: We talk all the time - yell, whisper, banter, chatter…etcetera…etcetera.

Maddie: I mean about last night.

David: Let's not and say we didn't. I think we said all there was to say.

Maddie: But are you OK? Are we OK?

David: OK? You're perfect, as usual, and I of course, am superior - how OK is that?

Maddie: You know what I mean….we should discuss this.

David: Look, you get to make 99% of the decisions….so I get this one. We are fine. We are
going to have a great time at the party tomorrow, and Christmas and New Year's will be
great……just great. It'll be you and me and no one else for ten days - what more could a guy like
me ask for Christmas?

Maddie: I guess………

David: You sound tired.

Maddie: I didn't get much sleep last night.

David: All the more reason for you to hit the hay, young lady. You need to be bright eyed and
bushy tailed for tomorrow's festivities.

Maddie: Right.

David: Need me to read you a bedtime story? I could be there in fifteen minutes.

Maddie: I'll be asleep by then.

David: I should be saving all my energy anyway. So I'll see you tomorrow at five.

Maddie: Yeah, tomorrow………

David: Sweet dreams, angel face.

Maddie: You too…….'night, David.

They simultaneously hang up the phones. Maddie snuggles down, and wraps the covers tightly
around her……she is obviously disappointed in the conversation. David grapples on the bed for
the remote, and turns up the volume of the TV, but stares up at the ceiling.

Fade to black.

Scene: At the party Sunday, December 23 5:30 P.M.

The car pulls into a parking lot, large and rather deserted. David pulls into a spot close to the
building…….a rather seedy looking structure of gray cinderblock. Maddie looks over at him

Maddie: David, where are we? What is this place?

David: Shangri la……..or the Royal Order of Hibernians Hall…….pick one. Nothing like The
Shutters, huh?

Maddie: Shutters? It doesn't even have windows.

Her wraps his arm around her waist and starts to walk her towards the building.

David: Maddie, Maddie, Maddie……don't you know that for most unlucky people, present
company excepted of course, natural light is most unflattering. For this crowd….give me the old
fluorescents all the time.

Maddie gives him a skeptical glance.

David: Anyway….it's what's inside that counts. Wait'll you see what I did with the place.

They walk through the door, into what can only be charitably described as the nightmare before Christmas.

Around the edges of the room runs an amusement park train ride, with Santa Claus as the
engineer. There are clumps of large plastic lollipops and candy canes clustered throughout the
room. Silver garland is everywhere, with lots of fake greenery and plastic poinsettias. At the
opposite end of the room, a bandstand is set up, and tuning up is a group of men dressed as
Santa's elves. Maddie stands motionless in the doorway.

Maddie: Oh………

David: Speechless, aren't you? Now you can see what took me so long.

Before Maddie can answer, a voluptuous redhead crosses their path. She is wearing green velvet
trimmed in fur…..a mini dress that barely covers the essentials.

Redhead: May I take your coats?

Maddie: May I give you one? Aren't you cold?

Redhead: No, all the dancing will keep me warm as toast.

She takes their coats and walks away.

Maddie: All that jiggling……..maybe you should let her mix the blender drinks.

David: Really, I hadn't noticed.

He cracks a wide smile. Across the room, he catches the eye of one of the "elves".

David: Hey, my man!

He propels himself across the floor towards the bandstand.

Maddie steps back and leans against the wall. She looks unbelievably sophisticated in these
surroundings. She is wearing a winter white pantsuit, with a burgundy jewel tone satin blouse.
She looks up as the door opens.

Terri and Walter enter. They spot Maddie and walk towards her.

Walter: Oh my!

Terri: When bad decorations happen to good people. You let him do it all himself, huh?

Maddie rolls her eyes.

Walter: Well, it certainly is festive. Quite sparkly.

Terri: You remember my husband, Walter…. he's the color blind one.

They laugh.

Members of the Blue Moon office staff start to flow through the door. Some are accompanied by dates and spouses. They are all headed off at the pass by the coat check woman.

Terri: Here come your guests….and I think we'll go sit down with a nice glass of wine. Thanks for inviting us.

Maddie starts to greet the employees, smiling and pleasantly chatting with them….meeting and greeting spouses and significant others.

Agnes and Bert approach her.

Agnes: Hey, Miss Hayes, don't you look nice?

She looks over at Bert for confirmation, but his head has swiveled around back towards the coat check woman.

Agnes: Bert?

She jerks his arm.

Agnes: Weren't we just saying how nice Miss Hayes looks tonight?

Bert tries to recover.

Bert: Why of course…….Miss Hayes always brings that certain something to the room…..a flair,
a panache……….

Agnes: Can it Bert, and stop trying to catch a peek down that woman's cleavage.

Agnes speaks as an aside to Maddie.

Agnes: Guess you shouldn't say ho, ho, ho too loud in here, huh?

Maddie gives her a half smile.

Maddie: Thanks so much for coming. I'm not sure what the agenda is here…this is all David's

Bert: He did this all by himself?

Maddie: Hard to believe isn't it? Anyway, why don't you get yourself a drink, and mingle?

Agnes: Thanks Miss Hayes. Oh look, there's Jamie, and that must be her new boyfriend. C'mon

Bert finds himself being dragged across the room, all the while craning his neck towards the

David comes up behind Maddie, and holds a piece of mistletoe above her head.

Maddie: Do you carry that with you everywhere? What is it, a family heirloom?

David: Yep, it has powerful magic. Look how it works.

He leans over to kiss Maddie, but she quickly breaks away, mesmerized but what she has seen over his shoulder.

Entering the room are twelve women in various states of costume……none of whom could be
called overdressed. The costumes are similar….yet each seems to carry out a different theme. The first young woman carries a potted tree, with what looks like a stuffed bird perched in its branches.

David follows Maddie's eyes, and starts to crow.

David: Hooray, here they are! Hey fellas, get a load of this.

Maddie pulls sharply on his arm.

Maddie: David, what is this?

David: This is the best deal you have ever seen, Maddie. Donald Trump can't do deals like this.

Maddie: Who are those women?

David: They are "The Twelve Days of Christmas Dancers"….in appropriate costumes, of course.
The will do some entertaining later, but meanwhile, they serve as bartenders and cocktail

All of the males in the room have stopped paying attention to everything but these women.
Without a word, they start to gravitate towards the center of the room, and form a ring around
the women. They begin to act like teenagers, elbowing each other, as the circle grows smaller and smaller.

David leaps into action.

David: Gentlemen…..gentlemen…….step away from the dancers. Step away from the dancers.
Later, they will provide your entertainment for the evening, but right now, they live to serve you.
I'm sure you can get whatever you want from them.
The guys move back a few steps, and the women go about their duties.

David returns to Maddie's side.

David: Whoa, that were a close one!

He gestures towards one of the women.

David: Look at her…good thing there were four calling birds……three never would have covered her………

Maddie shrieks her interruption.

Maddie: David! Who is this party for - the Rat Pack? This is supposed to be our fun, tasteful
holiday party for all our employees.

David: So, what's your beef? I see a lot of guys having a good time.

Maddie: What I see is a lot of guys ogling……….and I think this is all in poor taste…..whoever
designed those costumes? Why in the world would that lord have been leaping to that exact spot?

David: I'll try it again….there was this bird, and there was this bee…….

Maddie: Enough - there is not a whole lot that we can do about this now, I guess. I think this is
making quite a few people uncomfortable.

David: Nobody but you……….and you could have a lot more fun if you would take the stick out
of your………..

Maddie: I suggest you not complete that sentence. Can we please play down the floozies? I have
never had the desire to attend a stag party, and I think that feeling is shared with most of the women in this room………at least the ones who are fully dressed.

David: Floozies? Maddie, how can you be so closed-minded?

Maddie: Save your breath. Why don't you get the band to start playing? And what time is dinner
being served?

David: Served? Dinner is served.

He gestures to a buffet on the side of the room.

David: Isn't it a great idea? Philly food. Hoagies, cheese steaks, soft pretzels, Tastycakes. Almost
tried to sneak in scrapple and pepper pot soup, but I didn't want to tell people what was in them after they had been drinking.

Maddie: David….a simple question. What did you spend two thousand dollars…….

He interrupts.

David: Over two thousand.

Maddie: I stand corrected……over two thousand dollars on?

David: Well, just look at this. All this fun doesn't come for free.

Maddie: It should at least be discounted.

David: Well, big surprise - you don't like this either. You know, lady, I just can't win with you.
But I'm getting pretty damned tired of always being wrong.

Maddie: Then why do you keep doing it?

David looks at his watch.

David: Amazing. It only took you a little over forty-five minutes to trash the only thing I've been
able to get some enjoyment out of this Christmas.

Maddie: That's not what I'm trying to do. But David, you have to admit, this party smacks of
male chauvinistic tendencies…..and many of our guests are women. It's a little embarrassing.

David: I admit nothing, except the fact that, again, I set myself up to be criticized by you. And of
course, it would never do for the holier than thou Miss Hayes to actually step down from her
pedestal and have a good time. If you can't relax and do that, then that's your problem. If I embarrass you, you'll just have to deal with it……..or get over it.

He pauses, evidently very angry. The band starts out with a Billy Joel number.

David: And there's the music. I'd ask you to dance, but I don't think I could stand you
haranguing sweet nothings in my ear. So, if you'll excuse me, I am going to indulge in another
one of my stereotypical male chauvinistic tendencies - I'm gonna go party with my friends Jack Daniels and Jim Beam.

Maddie watches as he paces to the other side of the room, and joins a group of guys around the bar.

The song continues:
There you go,
Slipping away into a state of grace
I know the look that comes across your face
It's so familiar to me.
Here I am,
Trying to keep you in my line of sight
I'm never certain that you read me right
Sometimes you don't want to see me
Here we are,
Both of us know we're in love
But that isn't always enough
I never could rise above it all
Down I fall.
But darling, there you go
Slipping away into a state of grace
Granted, this world is not a perfect place
Still it's the world that I'm in
Here I am
Talking while you don't hear a word I say
Knowing you're watching me from far away
Somewhere that I've never been
Don't you see,
You lived a life different than me
It doesn't mean you have to be afraid of how
We're not the same,
Don't leave me now.
But darling, there you go, slipping away
How can I get you to stay where you are
Keeping you from going too far is hard to do
I'm losing you.
And darling, there you go
Slipping away into a state of grace
Drifting away into your sacred place
Someplace that I've never been
There you go
Slipping away into a state of grace
There you go
Slipping away into a state of grace
There you go
Drifting away………….

The party goes on, but Maddie and David are careful to keep on opposite sides of the room. They move through the motions of the party, dancing, chatting, but always aware of each
other……..eyes searching, but avoiding meeting. David keeps a glass in his hand, and it is refilled constantly. Maddie seems very aware of this.

As they circulate through the party, music continues to play…..a mixture of holiday tunes, Motown, and slow songs for dancing.

The "Twelve Days of Christmas" dancers are very much into the swing of the party….dancing, laughing and flirting with the men, leaving a small clique of obviously disgruntled women clustered together at one of the tables.

Terri and Walter approach Maddie.

Walter: Maddie, we're going to get going.

Maddie: Do you have to?

Walter: We've got lots still to do to get ready for Santa.

Terri: This party is a little advanced for an old, boring married couple like us.

Maddie: Stay for a few minutes. Did you say goodbye to David?

Terri: I'm not quite sure he'd even know we were gone.

She smiles sympathetically at Maddie.

There is a commotion up on the stage. The band stops playing, and Agnes and Bert move to the

Bert: Is this thing on?

A voice comes from the crowd.

Magillicuddy: Why don't you lower it, squirt?

Bert: Magillicuddy, you're asking for it, pal.

Agnes pushes Bert away from the microphone.

Agnes: Hi……I'm Agnes DiPesto. I'd like to ask Miss Hayes and Mr. Addison to come to the stage, please.

Maddie looks at Terri…….Maddie is obviously uncomfortable with the idea.

Maddie: Pray for me.

Maddie walks towards the stage, while from the other side of the room, David heads in the same
direction. He is accompanied by cheers, catcalls and slaps on the back. They arrive at the same time, and stand side by side.

Agnes: It's been more than six years
That we've been a team.
Some days it's a nightmare.
Some days it's a dream.
Though we've griped and complained
For less work and more pay
We know we've got jobs
We would not give away.
So here's to our bosses
Who brighten our days.
Merry Christmas, Mr. Addison,
And you too, Miss Hayes.

The crowd cheers as Agnes hands Maddie a brightly wrapped package. Maddie hugs Agnes.

Maddie: David, would you like to open it?

David: Oh, no, please do the honors. I'm not sure I would know what to do with a present!

Maddie shoots him a look, very aware that the eyes of the crowd are upon them. David continues
to sip from his glass and mug for the crowd as she opens the box. She withdraws a large envelope, and removes a certificate from inside.

Maddie: Look, David, it's a certificate for a spa day for two - massages, herbal wraps, saunas……….

David: Great…can I bring a date?

Maddie almost growls at him, as he slings his arm over her shoulders.

David: Hey, just kidding. Just the two of us… and the beast…….that's a terrific gift. Thanks everybody.

Maddie: Thanks everybody. It's really terrific, and I'm sure we'll enjoy it. Speaking of presents……..

David: Listen carefully……this could be a revelation.

Maddie looks towards him, and speaks coldly.

Maddie: Thank you, David. As I was saying, this has been a very good year for Blue Moon, and
you people have been a vital part of our success. As every year, we will all have the opportunity to enjoy the next ten days with our families, and loved ones. But Mr. Addison and I decided we would like to make it a bit more special for you this year. There's an envelope here for each of you, with much love and our wishes for a very special holiday for you and yours. Agnes, could you hand these out for me?

Agnes moves among the crowd, distributing envelopes. We hear murmurings from the employees.
Voices: Wowee……..three hundred bucks……….I'm gonna buy that DVD player……thanks, Mr. Addison, Miss Hayes.

David: Oh, don't thank me…….this was all the idea of our generous boss…….a woman who would give it all away…………..

Maddie: David.

David: Maybe next year, if I'm very good, I'll get a present…………or at least a thought.

Maddie starts to walk off the stage. David grabs her by the hand and pulls her back.

David: Maddie, Maddie, Maddie……..hold on…..I have a killer joke that I'd like to tell to the
assemblage. Hey gang, what do you think about a joke?

The crowd roars its approval. Maddie stands uncomfortably by, as David starts to regale the crowd.

David: There was this guy, see, strolling along the beach in Santa Barbara. And he finds this bottle in the sand, picks it up, and rubs it to get the sand off. All at once….a flash….and there stands a genie.

David is playing this up for all it is worth.

David: So, the genie says to him. "Thank you so much for releasing me from that bottle. I am so grateful I'd like to grant you a wish. What would you like?" So the guy says…."What I would really like is a bridge that goes all the way from California to Hawaii so I could get in my car and drive there." The genie thinks for a minute, and then says, "That's really a hard one. The water is very deep, and it would require a lot of steel, and concrete. Isn't there anything else you might like?" So the man thinks for a minute, and says, " OK, I'd like to know everything there is to know about a woman…..what makes her happy, what makes her sad, everything she wants and needs…..what makes her tick." The genie thinks for a minute, and responds, "So, how many lanes did you want on that bridge?"

He laughs uproariously, as do many in the crowd.

Maddie: David, that's quite enough.

David: You said it, babe. Ok, cats and kittens, what say we get this party rolling……….

Maestro, if you please.

The band swings into a rollicking version of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree", with David as
lead singer. Maddie leaves the stage and returns to Walter and Terri.

Terri: Maddie, are you OK? What was that?

Maddie: That? David's having a bad season - think he's allergic to peace on earth, good will to

Terri: What are you going to do?

Maddie: What else can I do….I'm going to let him get it out of his system.

She smiles at Terri's concern.

Maddie: It'll be fine. But I'm about ready to call it a night ………before those "dancers" swing
into their routine. We've got the Christmas party at the Children's Hospital tomorrow, and I have
some last minute things to do. I'm just going to say my goodbyes.

Walter: Do you need a ride?

Maddie: No….I'm taking the car. I don't want him driving tonight anyway.

Terri: Listen, we'll be seeing you over the holidays, right?

Maddie: Sure. Takes lots of pictures of that baby on Christmas morning.

They both hug Maddie and head for the door, hand in hand.

Maddie speaks to herself.

Maddie: How come my life isn't that calm or simple?

She turns to look at the bandstand. David is in full "entertainer" mode…….singing:

(to the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland")
Lacy things - The wife is missin'
Didn't ask her permission
I'm wearing her clothes
Her silk pantyhose
Walkin' round in women's underwear.
In the store, there's a teddy
Little straps, like spaghetti
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night
Walkin' round in women's underwear.
In the office, there's a guy named Marvin.
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown
He'll say, "Are you ready?"
I'll say, "Whoa, man……
Let's wait until our wives are out of town".
Later on, if you wanna
We can dress like Madonna
Put on some eyeshade
And join the parade
Walkin' round in women's underwear.

During the song, Maddie has been going through the room, saying her goodbyes. She retrieves her coat from the checkroom, and stand by the door, watching David.

As if he feels her eyes on him, David turns towards her………

David: I'd like to dedicate the next number to the lady who makes our bells jingle……our lights twinkle…..the lady who seems to be ……walking out the door.

Maddie gives him a small smile, blows him a kiss, and leaves.

David pauses for a moment…….then realizes he has an audience.

David: Well, every party has a pooper………..let's rock on, boys.

He launches into a rendition of "Blue Christmas" in his best Elvis imitation as we freeze frame.


Musical Selections:
When My Heart Finds Christmas Harry Connick Jr.
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer Ray Stevens
I Saw Elvis Dressed as Santa Claus (sic - David Addison)
Oh Little Bankamericard (sic -- David Addison)
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas Judy Garland
State of Grace Billy Joel
Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree David Addison
Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear (sic - David Addison)
Blue Christmas Elvis Presley

This has been a true collaboration…………not necessarily easy when you're writing in two different time zones. I couldn't pick a better long distance writing partner…..and I hope Lizzie feels the same way. It has been fun!

Thanks to the season seven staff for all their support - some fun meetings, huh?

And thanks to all of you who read, and share our love of Moonlighting enough to follow us through the virtual seasons.

Thanks to GGC, Bruce, and Cybill for creating these characters that have stood the test of time.
Happy holidays to all……………………….. Diane and Lizzie

David's Christmas Carolers

Act I: Maddie's office Tuesday, December 18 10:00 A.M.