The Seven Year Switch

The last rays of the setting sun light the office. The elevator dings off page, and two voices are heard in the middle of a discussion disturbing the silence of the room. As the people move closer, Agnes and Bert's voices are recognizable; mainly by Bert's characteristic whine. Agnes unlocks the door and Bert marches in behind her, struggling to maintain his grip on several unfolded storage boxes.

Agnes is dressed in sweats; her hair is tucked under a bandana. She is carrying an armload of cleaning supplies, bucket, rags, 409 etc. Bert drops the boxes and plops down on the nearest chair.

Bert: (ignoring her) I mean it Agnes. It started on Saturday at 5AM with the closets, then proceeded through the rest of the house - into rooms that I never knew we had - then the garage and the two cars. How many trips to Goodwill have I made? Not to mention the dump and Home Depot for … whatever the heck it was I was getting.

Agnes: Closet Organizers. You have been a champ all weekend. Go take a break. This will only take me a couple of hours and then I'll be home.

Agnes: It is called spring-cleaning, Bert. Look - why don't you go out and pick us up some dinner. By the time you get back, I will be half done.

Agnes: OK … put a couple of those boxes together and then … go through the file cabinets … all of them … the ones here and the ones in Miss Hayes office.

Bert flattens the box out again and is reading the diagram on the back trying to figure out which is Flap A and which is flap D.

He throws the box on the floor. Agnes comes over and with Ninja like dexterity and speed, she folds the box and hands it to Bert.

Agnes: VANDERHOSE - see right here in the upper left hand corner of the front of the file where it says CASE CLOSED and the date … 11/15/1991 … that does not get boxed.

Agnes: Well … I guess by season is good. I mean we are not going to revisit anything from prime time so lets keep only the cases that were never closed or are from the virtual seasons.

Bert: (Sarcastically) Nice to be needed. …. Everett …what the heck is Everett doing with the W's and V's … Do you want these alphabetized too Agnes?

Bert: (reading) … Mmmm Mr. Addison was a suspect? What are these … bills from the classified department from every major newspaper. …. (mumbling) … "… all is well … come home … we love you." Well that was a premonition if I ever saw one.

Bert: This one. (He holds up a file folder.) The Cinderella case that went sour… about the woman who was running from her mobster husband. Remember? The diamond earring? The big guy that looked like John Goodman? Cinderella kind of resembled Kay Lenz? You must remember that Ms. Hayes' car mysteriously got trashed in the parking garage. I think Cinderella's husband had something to do with that.

Bert: Yep, that was a great case. Well… except for the fact that Cinderella got killed in a murder/suicide…oh, and that weird Claymation segment. I have a real sentimental attachment to this one.

Agnes: Bert, you can't keep it. You are such a pack rat. Besides, there's confidential information in here. If this ever got into the wrong hands…Let go, Bert.

They start a tug-o-war with the file. Both have very determined looks on their faces. As they pull back and forth, the file starts to come apart. Something falls out of the file.

Bert: Agnes, I know my saints. For instance, St. Agnes is the patron saint of young girls and St. George is the patron saint of herpes sufferers.

Agnes: It must have been before your time. Besides, what makes you think that you know everything about every case since you started here?

Agnes: And here I was blaming MacGillicuddy. I bet you are the reason these files are such a mess, Herbert Viola. I have yet to meet any man that can put something back where he found it.

Bert: That you wouldn't remember what case this is from? Maybe it was another Cinderella case. Maybe it was a secret case…

Bert: But what if…what if someone came into the office late at night…after you had gone home…you know, Mr. Addison stays late sometimes.

Bert: Maybe it was one of their first cases together. Maybe this woman walked into the office late one night. She was very young and beautiful-

The scene: David's office, after hours. He is sitting in his chair with his feet propped up on his desk. Maddie sits on the sofa across from him. They are having a quiet, but heated discussion.

Maddie: I'm just telling you, David. This place is bankrupting me. The overhead…I've already dipped into my cash reserves. My lawyer is ready to have me committed. I can't afford to stay in business much longer with no paying clients and all this money going out and nothing coming in.

David: To the people that work here. (She gives him an astonished stare.) To the people who need our help. (She continues to stare.) To the people who watch the show!

David: If this place and the people who work here are so unimportant to you, just flip a coin. Heads you keep plugging away, tails you shut down the joint.

David: Okay, then here's the deal. If a great case doesn't walk through that door, a really great case with a paying client, say in the next week. You can fire me and that will decrease your overhead.

David: I'm not even touching that one, Blondie. Come on, Maddie. Maddie, Maddie, Maddie. I can feel it in my bones. A great case is right around the corner.

They both fall silent, looking at each other doubtfully. Presently, there is a tentative knock at David's partially open door. A tall brunette stands in the doorway, backlit by the light from the hallway. Her face is in shadow.

Woman (in a Southern drawl): Excuse me. I know it's after office hours but I saw your light on and the outside door was open. And I need a detective to find my brother.

David motions the woman inside. As she comes through the door, we see her beautiful face, illuminated by large deep blue eyes. He gets up from his desk and gestures solicitously for her to have a seat on the sofa next to Maddie.

Mary Jo: Robbery and murder. Of a very important person in our hometown. The man who owned the bank. My brother was kinda wild. He'd been in some trouble with the law. When this happened, the police, the town, hell, my own family thought he did it. He ran away and we never saw hide nor hair of him since then. But about six months ago, a woman came forward with evidence against someone else. She said she had been scared to talk before. Scared that this guy would come after her. But after this guy drank himself to death, she decided to tell the truth.

Mary Jo: Well, I have this address here where we heard he might be (she holds out a piece of paper). It's in a place called Big Bear. Ever heard of it?

Mary Jo: My family disowned him when this all happened. There was a horrible fight. Even I didn't believe him. So if I showed up, I don't think he'd trust me. He'd probably take off running again as soon as he saw my face. But if two detectives came along and showed him this- (she holds up a medal on a chain)- he'd know we were sincere and wanted him home.

Mary Jo: Maybe you could come up with a story to get your foot in the door. He's an artist. Maybe you could say you like his work and want to talk to him about it. Once you're inside you could tell him the truth.

Mary Jo: Oh, I have money. (She digs through her huge purse.) My daddy wrote out a cashier's check for $10,000. How long before you can tell me if you'll take my case?

Mary Jo: My mama's real sick. It would break her heart not to get to see Bobby again so she can tell him she's sorry. And I couldn't stand for my mama to die of a broken heart.

The scene: The following morning, getting ready to leave for Big Bear, Maddie is waiting for David in her office and putting papers into her briefcase. There is a knock at her office door.

Mary Jo: I just wanted to tell you how glad I am that you took my case. So many people I talked to, well, it seems like they just didn't believe me, you know? It really means a lot to me that you decided so quickly to help me out. I talked to my mama this morning, and she wanted me to let you know she's grateful too. She says she'll keep you in her prayers, and she's got God's ear more than anyone else I know.

Mary Jo: Well, last night, when I walked in here…all I saw was Mr. Addison. I didn't see you at first. Otherwise, I never would have felt the need to lie.

Mary Jo: Well, when I saw Mr. Addison first, and I saw how he was looking at me, I just decided that he would look harder for my brother than for my boyfriend.

Maddie: I thought you said that would be counterproductive. (She receives a blank stare.) I mean I thought you said he'd run away if he saw you.

Mary Jo: I just can't wait to see him, that's all. Haven't you ever been so in love with a man that your insides ache just thinkin' about him?

The scene: Maddie's car. David is driving, Mary Jo is in the passenger seat and Maddie is in back attempting to read a map while David moves along a winding mountain road. As she lowers the map she brings her hand up to her mouth and rolls her eyes. She's obviously carsick.

Maddie: And how do you know that? We've been driving around in circles for hours David. I'm going to throw up if we don't stop soon.

David: Mary Jo, I know you can't wait to see your brother and all, but I really think it would be better if you stayed here while we talked to him.

David: Just in case, well… you're such a sensitive girl. What if your brother has a lot of hard feelings about all this? I'd hate to see you get your feelings hurt. I think Maddie would agree that it would be better for everyone if you stay here then we'll bring him to you.

David: You don't have to be embarrassed about anything you have to tell me. We have a relationship like a priest and a sinner. Although I'm not sure who would be who in that scenario…

Mary Jo: No, you don't understand. I like you like you. I just want to be near you. You just have a way with people and I'm sure Bobby will like you too as soon as he meets you.

Mary Jo: Please can I come with you? I really think you'll win Bobby over right away and I just really want to see…umm…you know-

Mary Jo giggles and kisses him delightedly. Maddie climbs back into the car, unaware of the conversation that's transpired in the front seat. David is grinning ear to ear and Mary Jo is facing forward in her seat.

Maddie: Well, we missed the turn about half a mile back. The gas station attendant said the road is pretty bad. He suggested we park the car at the bottom and walk about a mile up to the house. (She looks back and forth between the two of them.) What?

The scene: David is standing in back of Maddie's car, attempting to get the back end out of a large mud puddle. He pushes against the trunk.

David: Oh, but if you want to heave in it, that's okay. Listen, Babe, I'm covered in mud because you gunned the engine-on purpose.

Mary Jo (yelling impatiently): Hey! The car is stuck. Let's walk. I think I can see Bobby's house up yonder. Maybe he can help get us unstuck after we talk to him.

The women get out of the car as David is attempting to clean himself off, but only succeeding in smearing the gunk around even more. They walk up to a small log cabin back in the pines with a woodpile in front, an axe stuck into a large log used for splitting timbers. A curl of smoke is coming out of the chimney, but no one is in sight.

David starts whistling the theme to the Beverly Hillbillies. They approach the front door and knock. Maddie motions for Mary Jo to stand away from the house so she won't be seen. A handsome but tough looking man in his twenties opens the door. He's dressed in black jeans and a white T-shirt and his blond hair is pulled back in a ponytail. He looks at them cautiously then looks David up and down and chuckles.

David: Just lucky? You know, I never had a gun in my face until I met you either. Must be all those damn cases you keep finding for us.

Maddie (hands on hips): Me? You're blaming this on me? I didn't want to take this case from the beginning. This is all your fault David Addison and you know it.

Bobby Clyde: An old friend. Said they weren't smart or experienced enough to ask all the right questions. Said they'd just want to help a damsel in distress.

Mary Jo: Well, I'm just glad that ride's over. That was just about the longest, most excruciating two hours of my life, listening to all their ridiculous arguments, his crude double entendres and pathetic attempts to make her jealous. And her…she's so cool and above it all, but underneath it's painfully obvious she's got a bad case of him. Why don't you two get it over with and just sleep together?

Bobby Clyde: Michael Wrye. Remember him? He sure remembered you when I told him I was looking for two patsies to bring Mary Jo to me.

David: What are you guys, like the Rotary? You have breakfast meetings where you discuss patsies and who's on the schedule to be offed that week? Well, I've been involved with some pretty nefarious people over the years…

David: Yeah, I just hope I'm around to collect unemployment, which is looking preferable to working for a cold bitch like Madolyn Hayes any day.

The scene: Maddie and David walking slowly back down the country road toward the car. He's covered in dried mud and both look a little worse for wear.

Maddie: There you go again, David, thinking about money. You should be happy we're alive. If he hadn't surrendered we could be in the middle of a hostage situation right now. I know all I can think about is how lucky we were that the FBI was following Mary Jo. If they hadn't been, we could be laying in a ditch somewhere…dead.

Maddie: Not to mention all the women who would have thrown themselves into your open grave. Hey Valentino, you still have muck all over you. Here, let me.

She moves in very close, produces a handkerchief out of her pocket, spits on it and begins dabbing at his face. She's concentrating on her task and doesn't see the way he looks at her.

David: What are you talking about? If I hadn't been asking all those questions as a stall tactic, we would have been dead long before the FBI got there.

Maddie: And we wouldn't have been there at all if you had let me check out her story. But in typical David Addison fashion, you were thinking with your groin. (She sets out down the road again.) Honestly, anyone who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming too high.

Maddie: Why should I? I've had it David. Unless you can give me a good simple reason why I should keep the agency open and keep you in my life-

He grabs her by the back of her neck and brings her to him roughly. They fall to the ground, rolling in the dirt, writhing with burning desire-

We see Bert and Agnes back in the office, only now Bert is straddling Agnes' lap. She slaps his face. He crawls off her as he slowly comes out of his daydream.

I just remembered where that medal came from. MacGillicuddy's sister sent it to him when he was taking violin lessons. I guess he lost it in the files somehow.

Agnes leaves the office to meet the Thai Food Delivery guy on the main floor. Bert was following his instructions and pulling files out of the file cabinet and sorting them. If truth were told he was bored stiff and had been all day. Sometimes Agnes could be more … Martha Stewart … than he could handle.

Mumbling to himself, "Benmark, Case Closed 4/7/85. Box it! Mmm … April 7th, 1985 …that was … exactly 6 years ago today … well 7 seasons ago. It must have been one of their very first cases - or that last case that first season." He smirks to himself. "Midseason replacement - HA. Just look as us now. We don't even have a time slot and yet we're still going strong."

Bert: I can see why this one is still in the can. Where is the drama? Where is the chase? The sexual innuendo? Bawdy repartee? Double Entendre? Guess they all couldn't have been home runs.

Maddie's raised voice can be heard but not understood coming from behind the closed doors of her office. The doors start to open and are slammed shut quickly. David's voice can barely be heard but he is clearly stating and re-stating his case. The staff watch the doors like they are watching an egg hatch. Bets are being placed on who will emerge first and if this will be the day that Miss Hayes will close the office for good. The odds are 8 to 1 that today will be the day. The staff has faith in David to keep her entertained for at least one more day. Of course the odds are 425 to 1 that he will actually get to ENTERTAIN her today.

Maddie is dressed in spike black heels with laces going up to mid-calf, a tight low cut black leather skirt with a slit up the thigh that leaves little to the imagination. Her white sheer crop-top barely covers her cherry red push up bra. With so much to push up! Every hump, bump, curve and cleavage are out there for GOD and every one to appreciate. Her hair is long and straight and drapes across against her swelling bosom as she tosses her head to speak.

David enters from her office. He is dressed in black boots, tight black jeans, a black v-neck muscle shirt (so tight it must have been painted on), a leather motorcycle jacket, hair slicked back (more than plenty to be slicked), Ray Bans and his signature grin.

Maddie tosses her long silky blonde hair over her shoulders and arches her back, arms akimbo - she is putting "all of herself" out there.

David scoops his arm around her waist and pulls her to him roughly and inhales deeply of the perfume at her throat (actually it was lower than her throat). Maddie swoons - slightly as do the rest of the women in the office.

She pulls as far away from him as he will let her and stares directly into his eyes. She is trying to get him to back down. He doesn't.

Maddie puts her hand on his chest to push him away. He wraps his other arm around her and prevents her from moving. Their eyes are locked and slowly they edge toward each other. They are so close they are breathing each other's breath. The heat between them is burning. Their hearts are pounding in sync. Closer their bodies come together. The staff is glued to the scene without shame. Closer and closer … their lips are just barely touching. The staff's breathing stops. A millimeter is dividing them … a hair's breadth until ---

Agnes's voice cuts through Bert's fantasy. He has to shake himself off to remember where he is. The smell of the curry brings him back to reality quickly.

Agnes: Miss Hayes has never worn spike heels and a leather skirt in her life. If you are going to produce these cases in your head … stay in character.

Maddie is sitting at her desk. She is dressed in a high collar pink shirt with lace trim. She has an over sized smock coat on over a long skirt.

Maddie is sitting at her desk (you figure out what she is wearing). She is adding and re-adding numbers on the calculator. They are not adding up the way she wants them to. David bursts into the office.

Bert: You see, I knew that little flash of color would appeal to Mr. Addison. Two great minds - thinking alike - sharing a single thought.

Agnes: That is it! There is no possibility of this case coming anywhere near the tawdry little fantasy you have concocted in your head. Just put it into the box and let's move on!

Agnes: Come on nothing! Take your locker room mentality, and shove it, bub. I'm not going to spend the rest of my day getting hot and bothered about absolutely nothing.

Agnes: Speaking of hot and bothered, has anybody else noticed that there seem to be NO commercials in this episode? Think we could take five?

Maddie enters through the front door. The office appears empty, but as Maddie stands at the front desk, sorting message slips, Agnes emerges from Maddie's office, carrying a watering can. Agnes chirps her typical morning greeting.

Agnes just stands there with a grin on her face. She stares expectantly at Maddie, who finally realizes that she is being scrutinized.

Maddie curiously takes it from Agnes's hands, and sees herself and David staring back at her from the front page of the business section. A small moan escapes her lips. David…..it had to be! Agnes meanwhile is almost beside herself with excitement.

Agnes: So, you made Mr. Addison a partner? That's great, great, Miss Hayes! Was he surprised? Did you plan it? Boy, I was surprised - I didn't think we were ever going to survive that Neil Fass case. I said to Herbert…Bert, this case could be a big problem for the whole agency. Thank goodness, I was wrong. So, what made you decide to do it?

Agnes finally realizes that she has been chattering for quite a while without a response. Although this was not an event of great rarity in Agnes's life, she seems to sense that it is time to take a breath.

Maddie: Nice picture. I didn't expect to be the big headline on the business page though. Guess it was a slow news day. Where are all the corporate pirates and embezzlers when you need them?

Agnes: OK with you if I put together a little party for this afternoon? Just a little cake and balloons, party hats and maybe a limbo or two for old time's sake?

Maddie: Agnes….do you ever feel like you've done the right thing for the wrong reason? Or the wrong thing for the right reason? Or…..oh, I don't know, I just hope I didn't make a terrible mistake.

At precisely 9:00, the front door flies open to reveal David Addison, looking like Central Casting's dream of an executive - Armani suit, styled hair, briefcase.

David: And whose profile is decorating the front page of the business section? That's me - David Addison - the class of 1972's "Most Likely to Be Hauling Nuclear Waste". Do me a favor, Bert, buddy. Can you go pick up six hundred thirty copies of the paper and mail them out to my fellow graduates? That'll show `em….a shot of my mug that isn't a mug shot. They'll be amazed.

Agnes: Well, Mr. Addison, we'll be surprising you a little later this afternoon. We thought…….well, it's just that - somebody seems a little strange this morning.

David: I wonder what's up. Jeez, it seemed like it was going to be a better than OK day. Got here on time, shined my shoes - not even one little kamikaze to celebrate last night. I should have read the script more carefully.

David: Hey, wanna hear the skinny? Fifty percent of the employees are betting that you've lost it completely - making me your partner.

David: So, what is it today, princess? Somebody shove a pea under your mattress? Let's see what ol' Dave's magic fingers can do.

He walks around behind her, and slowly begins to massage her shoulders, all the while continuing his monologue in a low soothing tone.

Maddie's eyes fly open and as she takes in his words, we can see she is struggling with herself…..she starts to speak, then seems to reconsider. When she finally does speak, it is not what we would expect.

She turns her head, and finds her lips inches away from David's. They stand frozen in time for a moment, and we can almost see the multitude of conflicting emotions that each is going through. Breaking the tension, David reaches over and brushes a strand of hair away from Maddie's face. He has decided not to push his luck….too much!

David: Shucks ma'am, it was nothing. In fact, I think I might make a pretty snappy press liaison…just think of the new clients we might attract.

Maddie: Attract being the operative word. No thanks. I'm pretty sure I don't want our reception area to look like the Playboy mansion.

David: Towards getting back to where we used to be, where we should be….rewind back to "I Am Curious" - everything since then has been such a mess!

Maddie: You can't possibly use those two phrases in the same sentence. Sure, we loved each other….but neither one of us would admit it……God, David, it never was easy!

Maddie: I feel like I've been challenged to death - which is why I feel like we need to discuss the ground rules of this partnership.

David: C'mon kiddo….I'm waiting with bated breath. Break out the big guns. I'm having a great day! That means in this little dance of ours, the tempo's gonna change. Any minute now, the bluebird of happiness is gonna fly by and leave a souvenir on my shoulder.

David: And what do you mean by boundaries? This is so typical. You finally make a good decision, and then you turn around and…….ah, forget it. If you want to keep the distance between ---

David: What, Maddie? How am I supposed to know what you are thinking? You change your mind like other people change their underwear.

David: Yeah, you, Maddie Hayes, change your mind. What was all that BS last night about "discussing the terms"? What am I supposed to think?

David: Probably in the same place where the pieces of my pride, my personality, and my self-esteem are hiding. I'm not a Big Wheel or a G.I. Joe…quit playing with me. I've had it with your games.

David: I have held on to this long enough, Maddie. I've been waiting, hoping….giving you your space…..not pushing. Waiting for you to realize that we need to be together. I thought that maybe yesterday was the day. I came in here today, absolutely happy for the first time in a long time. I should have known better.

Maddie: Because you deserve it. Because this agency wouldn't be what it is today without you. Because I wouldn't be what I am today without you.

David: Ha, I've got it! Can't live with me, can't live without me. Can't toss me out with the trash, so why not toss me a bone? Bat your baby blues and purr convincingly, "David, be my partner……please". Think that'll pacify me?

David: Oh, am I? Look at the evidence, detective……you drop enough bread crumbs to keep me interested….then, when we start to get closer……bang…..you slam the door shut. So, in the cold light of day, this partnership gig doesn't seem like such a great idea anymore. Wanna reevaluate, Maddie? Want a do over?

David: Not a chance…..I'm tired of listening. I have had it up to here….times ten! Now I'm doing the talking, and you need to listen to me. This is not about the job at all…..not about my achievement…not about your sense of fairness. It's all about us. Why am I not surprised, it's always about us. But I'm not gonna do it, Maddie. I'm not gonna let you use me like a yoyo on a string. Not again!

He smirks at Maddie as Agnes leads the man into the office. He is attractive, mid to late thirties, casually but meticulously dressed.

Marty: Well, my partner, Deena Benjamin and I have worked together for a little over ten years now. A mutual friend introduced us, and we hit it off creatively. We started out as TV commercial writers…jingle writers of sorts, and graduated to song writing.

Maddie: Benjamin and Breyer? I know your work. Didn't I read somewhere that Barbra Streisand is considering recording one of your songs?

Marty: That's us. We've had a fairly good run of luck recently. Out names are starting to be more recognizable - and we've started writing a score for what we hope will be a Broadway musical.

Maddie: I have to tell you I'm a big fan. I know your work from Amber Martin's first CD. There's some great stuff on there - "Love is a Puzzle", "Don't Leave Me Yesterday", "Cease Fire".

Marty: She's acting very strangely…well, strangely for Deena, I guess. How can I describe her? She is calamity in motion - she's funny and crazy. She's in your face and fly by the seat of her pants. I never know what she's going to come up with - but I knew I could always count on her to be there….until recently, that is.

Marty: Well, yes. I'm the cautious one….organized, routine. I keep us on track, as on track as it can be, working with a whirlwind. It has made for an interesting partnership, I will grant you.

Marty: In the kind of partnership we have, staying connected is critical. We need to be inside each other's heads to make this whole collaboration work. I was worried before, but the other day, I got a call from a "friend" telling me that Deena's been spotted around town with Gregg Hunter.

David: Even I know him…he's the guy that's always on all the awards shows. He's written for Billy Joel, Rod Stewart, Luther Vandross.

Marty: Exactly….he's a one in a million story….a successful songwriter. He and I were college roommates…….and he's the guy who introduced me to Deena.

Marty: I need to find out exactly what she's doing with Gregg. If I'm about to be ousted out of this partnership for another one, I'd like not to be the last to know.

Marty: I guess I should have expected that question……maybe even have prepared an answer. There has been and there hasn't been. It might be again…..it might never be again. It's like there is an invisible string that runs through both of us…..a connection that will be there no matter what we are to each other.

David: And your former roommate? Is he riding in on a golden stallion to sweep the girl off her feet? That what you're afraid of?

Marty: It's not entirely outside the realm of possibilities. Gregg always had a huge crush on Deena - he's kind of a geeky guy who never got the girl till he figured out he could woo his women with his words and music.

Marty: Follow her. See if you can get an answer as to what they are doing together. I've got a lot invested in this partnership - I need to know how far I have to go to protect my interests.

Marty: I'm not inclined to do that. I'd prefer to handle it this way. I'm prepared to pay you a great deal of money for the information.

David: Take it anyway you want. (Imitating Marty) "I'm not inclined to handle it that way". What a doofus….wants to stand outside and look at life rather than live it.

David: Fine…you think what you want. But if you don't realize that you are identifying with this man because his approach to handling his personal situation is by trying to take the "personal" out of it, then I think you're just kidding yourself.

David: You know, I think I've changed my mind. In fact, I would like to take this case…..I'd like to take complete responsibility for this case. It will be a pleasure to prove a point to you.

David: You are so convinced that in all aspects of life, slow and steady wins the race - when in so many ways, slow and steady ain't even on flippin' course……and the stupid tortoise could be dead of old age by the time you decide to make a move.

Bert: I was right about the length of this……..now we have a different problem. We've got serious time issues - this thing's gonna go over into the next program.

Agnes: Right…….OK, short version ………..Mr. Addison, restaurant, two semi-recognizable guest stars….. a man and a woman. Woman leaves, Mr. Addison approaches man with cooked up story……….they talk - blah, blah, blah. Mr. Addison goes to woman's apartment….no act, no pretenses….he tells her why he's there…big brown eyes, tears…empathize about their situations - hatch a plan…..decide to meet at Blue Moon the next morning.

Deena: Hey Marty, you know what? I haven't even begun here……lower the volume -hell! The volume is me, along with all the other things about me that make you crazy………just as life is everything about you that makes me crazy.

Deena: You're kidding, right? Do you know, when you park in a parking lot, you have to back up however many times it takes until you are EXACTLY between the two yellow lines. Do you know how irritating that is? And don't dare to move one single thing on your desk…….and let's not even speak of the important things….like FUN!!

Deena: What………arranging your shirts in the closet from light to dark? I think the last fun you had was in nursery school when some little girl tried to look down your diaper……..fun…..ha!

Marty: What's your point here, Deena…….that our differences are too big to overcome…that you and Gregg are more well suited, and will make better partners than you and I?

Deena: I said I don't want another partner…….any kind of partner. You are such a jerk sometimes. You're gonna make me tell you.

Deena: Gregg and I are writing something together……….for your fifteen-year college reunion next month. Your class voted you into the school's Hall of Fame, and the music department asked us to put together a musical tribute to you………Yay, Marty!!

Deena: Like music and lyrics. I know I couldn't work without you…….I'm pretty positive I couldn't live without you -starched collars, and straight lines and all.

Bert: And I don't remember Ms. Hayes and Mr. Addison seeming any closer after this particular time period. In fact, they seemed to get farther apart as the fifth season progressed.

Agnes vainly tries to keep it away from him, but he grabs and pulls. Bert holds the file folder in the air, fully open, and waves it. It is completely empty.

Agnes: And what would you have had me do? How would I have kept you interested? It was the fifth season for goodness sake. Nobody understands the fifth season.

Agnes: And Diane was getting a headache trying to figure out what the fifth season writers had in their heads, and Lizzie and Sue had major computer problems this week….and well, I took things into my own hands. Everybody loves a happy ending.

There must be something about the number 13………..let us tell you, the three of us are very glad we are finished this one somewhat unscathed………

And now a small commercial…..the folks at the Virtual Network (those rat you know whats) are getting a little nervous about the ratings…..and we've asked them to invest a great deal of virtual money in the next few episodes….including a significant increase in our insurance premiums. If you would be kind enough to click on the "forum" link on this site, and give us a few words of feedback, both we and the suits will be most grateful.