Chairman of the Bored II

David: Except those of you who missed last week's episode, and for you, too bad, it serves you right!

Maddie: …. about his relationship with Annie, and his not respecting my feelings. He wanted us to get back together, and I told him we needed more time….

Maddie: We were having some morale problems at work, and we went on a work/play seminar type of retreat.

Maddie: And we ended up proving that both of us are good detectives, and have skills worth respecting.

David: Didn't you read your script again??? Now, you won't know your lines, and somebody is gonna yell and voila….there you are… on the front cover of the National Enquirer again!!!

The screen goes to test pattern, and a voice repeats…We are experiencing technical difficulties. Do not adjust your set. We will return to normal programming shortly.

Enter Maddie, looking around her a little self-consciously. She is wearing a flattering black bathing suit, a hat, sunglasses, and a beach cover-up. She carries a beach bag. This is her concession to the staff………she will spend "fun" time with them, since they were fairly willing to do her "class stuff".

It looks like Spring break around the pool. The boys are playing volleyball in the water, the girls are working hard on their tans. David, of course, is in the middle of things, like the king of the pool, Ray bans coolly in place.

She hopes that he won't see her. She knows he will pester her, so she walks over to a lounge chair, and removes a book from her bag. But she can't escape him---he calls "time out", and leaps out of the pool.

Maddie: Oh, you recognize books….I'm impressed. Actually, it's just some fun vacation literature.

David: Little heady for you, isn't she? I mean, you could definitely learn something from her, but I have to confess….there's some stuff in her books that I've never heard of…and I've been around!

David: May I say that every inch of you is fine. You know something…if you dressed this way in the office, we'd fight a lot less.

David: Well, I can only speak for myself when I say that if you want to shut me up, just wear something like that…just a little lower at the neck, and a little higher on the leg.

David walks over to the guys, and they begin hatching a plan…..whispering, and glancing at the girls lying in the sun. Without warning, they bombard the females, who begin to scream. Herbert lunges for Agnes, and lifts her up and David heads for Maddie. She rises from the chair, seemingly cornered

She realizes she is the only woman not yet in the pool. She suddenly reverses her retreating, and boldly turns toward David. She walks towards him ,and suddenly dives smoothly into the water.

David is pleasantly surprised. Maddie clearly had stopped running, and chose to jump right in. In all the time he had known her, she had never done anything quite like it. She had run from him, been chased by him, but had never decided to take the plunge.

Together they submerge and swim side by side under the water. While everything goes on above them, they can still smile at each other, without anyone watching, without any competition. He smiles a full and happy smile, and he grins back with full understanding.

David stands in the pool, suddenly in the corner, and listens as the staff enthusiastically shouts and chants, "Miss Hayes, Miss Hayes."

Maddie: What fresh hell have I to look forward to today? Which Addison do we think will be joining us today -- the sullen critic, the lecherous flirt, the fun-loving leader of the pack? This has been some weekend. I really thought what we were doing here was actually getting through to these people. Why does it always have to be a competition?

Maddie: Where could she be this early? Agnes doesn't strike me as the 6:30 mass type. Oh well, maybe she and Bert went to watch the sunrise.

Agnes' bed, with water and flowers on the floor. The clock radio is also lying on the floor, next to Agnes' fuzzy bunny slippers. Her robe is lying across the bottom of the bed.

Maddie: …..Mr. Viola, this is Ms. Hayes…yes Hayes - Madolyn Hayes, your employer….right!! Are you awake?…… Can I ask you something?…… Is Agnes with you? ……..No - it's not meant to be a personal question - it's just that she's not here….. in our room, I mean. OK, maybe I am just overreacting. Maybe she just went for a walk. Sorry to have bothered you.

Just then, a glimpse of white catches her eye. She moves towards the door, and picks up two envelopes, held together with a paper clip. The top envelope says "Maddie Hayes", and the bottom says "David Addison".

The door opens to reveal a sleep tousled David….hair sticking straight up, disreputable T-shirt and sweat pants, and a grin a mile wide.

Maddie: David, just what I do not need this morning is your smart alec jive - we have a problem!

Maddie: David…she is not in our room, and it looks like there's been a struggle. Bert hasn't seen her and …..last, but not least………

David: Don't worry, I'm sure we will be invited to her next final concert. In the meantime, let's take a look.

Maddie: I don't get these notes making any sense at all, either of them. Do you think this is for real? Who would want DiPesto? What could anyone have to gain by stealing DiPesto??

David: Know of anybody who's looking to start a really bad greeting card company?OK, let's discuss this logically. Let's go back to your room, and see what we can figure out.

David opens the door, and steps into the corridor, Maddie following. They almost bump into the four male staff members, coming down the hall.

David: Ms. Hayes, thank you so much for the one-on-one tutoring. I know I am the class dunce, but I'm sure I'll catch on, with just a little more individual attention.

Staff: (random comments that overlap) Not me…………nope………..didya check Bert's room? Hahaha………….not since last night………..

He gives the staff an exaggerated wink, puts his arm around Maddie, and they proceed down the corridor.

Maddie: Addison, you had best remove your arm immediately, unless you wish to draw back a bloody stump.

Maddie: Why you underendowed, underambitious, undermining weasel. I have put up with just a little too much from you this weekend. Does belittling me, and playing a one-upmanship game with me in front of the employees make you feel like big man on campus? Put your money where your mouth is, Addison.

David: Money and my mouth are rarely in the same place - no point in having money get in the way of………

Maddie: Stuff it, Addison. Agnes is missing….I don't know if this is some kind of test or if something really happened to her…...remember J.B. Harlan's Murder Train? This could be for real. And meanwhile….I just can't deal with you making me the butt of every one of your adolescent jokes.

David: Speaking of adolescent, you're the one talking about butts. And might I say, after seeing you in that wicked black bathing suit, you look as good goin' as comin'. Have you been working out?

David carefully walks around the room, observing the position of all objects. He walks in and out of the bathroom, checks the window, checks the closets.

As David starts to answer, Herbert Viola barrels through the door. Disheveled and unshaven, he has obviously dressed in a hurry.

He slips in the puddle of water, falling to the ground, and scattering the evidence in all directions.

Bert: Where is she….did she come back?? Where have you looked? Should we call the F.B.I.? Should we call her mother?

Maddie: Well we aren't. We have some notes (she gestures towards the dresser, where they are lying) but nothing mentions a kidnapping or a ransom. This could even be somebody playing a trick. Maybe someone from the staff…maybe Agnes herself.

David: There she is - Ms. Cool, Calm, and Unfeeling. I don't think we have any time to waste here.

David: I can't believe you think I would go through so elaborate a scheme to make you look stupid.

Bert: No offense, Ms. Hayes, but if you think that Agnes is in on some sort of trick, let me assure you…she would at least have clued me in! And I swear to you, this must be real. My poor Honeycakes could be in real danger.

David: C'mon, Bert, let's go somewhere else - where we can find some solutions, take some action.

David: I don't even know what a tangent is…but I will go off on a boat, a plane, or a camel, if we can find Agnes.

Maddie paces for a few seconds, then walks to the dresser and picks up the two notes. She reads one, then the other. She shuffles them, piling them one on top of the other. She sets them back on the dresser side by side, glancing at them. She starts to walk away - then quickly walks back.

Maddie and the Blue Moon office staff are all in Maddie's hotel room. The staff members are seated on the bed, in chairs, and on the floor. The door to the hotel corridor is wide open.

Maddie: Alright everybody, let's brainstorm this. We'll go through the notes again line by line.

The camera shoots out through the door and catches David and Bert rushing past towards some unknown destination. They slow, and turn back to peer into the room.

David: Still busy looking hither and yon, yon and hither. Figuring out clues, following leads…..

Bert: (interrupting) We haven't found anything, Ms. Hayes. Poor Agnes - alone, afraid - we have to do something!!

Maddie: I think we've come up with something - we're working on it now. The notes separately seem to make no sense, but when you put them together……

Maddie: That's why we are trying to decipher this together. We were about to get to it when you came in.

David: Well, don't let us rain on your parade. We've got plots to plot, schemes to scheme, plans to plan. C'mon Bertie, let's get cracking!

Bert: (shuffling his feet) Mr. Addison, I'd kind of like to see what Ms. Hayes is doing here. It's not like we have any carefully thought out plans or anything.

David stares at Bert for a minute. He realizes that the entire staff is looking at him, gauging his reaction. He flops down into a chair, looking bored with the whole thing.

Bert: Ms. Hayes, could you go on with what you were doing? Maybe we could help to figure it out.

Maddie: Well, first of all, when we look at this objectively, I don't think we are looking at a kidnapping here. There are no ransom demands, no time limits or follow-up scheduled.

And look at the notes - I can see this as something that Agnes would really get into - the notes even rhyme.

I think that this is just another part of our training seminar…….another exercise in solving a crime. I am fairly certain I am right, but, even so, the best way to begin any investigation is to analyze the facts, and come up with a plan of action.

David: (sarcastically) Oh, you're certain that you are right…. I'm downright shocked! . I am just captivated by your performance, Miss Hepburn. And how commendable of you to be working with the staff… you've hardly even said three things to any one of them in the five years that you have known them.

Throughout the room, we hear murmurs of discontent: "hey, let her finish", "doesn't sound like a bad idea to me" etc.

Maddie: Now the first three lines…I think they are just to set the tone, and kind of reassure us that this is not a dangerous situation.

The staff nods and makes random comments……"Yeah - it says that it could be fun" "I think she's right" etc.

Maddie: What about the next part? "Search for more from floor to floor. The changes are small, you can find it all." Any ideas?

David: (doing an imitation of a fortuneteller with a crystal ball) I see steps, escalators, elevators…….

Maddie: David, you are not helping. How about the next part - Dwarves are a clue. Just say the first thing that comes to your mind…………..

David: Maybe she's been kidnapped by a bunch of dwarves, and is being forced to clean their house.

David: Happy, Sleepy, Dopey, Grumpy, Bashful, Doc, Sneezy………..and Blondie. All present and accounted for.

Maddie smiles at David, as if to say "thank you", and for a moment, David appreciates the glance. The room erupts with excited chatter…NOW they're getting somewhere.

Maddie: So if our number theory is good we are looking for room 776.The last part says "Keep an open mind, seek and you will find". Let's try and track this down. Gentlemen…..check with the hotel desk, and find out anything you can about room 776, and how we can get in there. Ladies, how about if you check through Agnes' things here, and see if you can find anything that seems relevant. We will meet in the lobby in 30 minutes. Great job, everyone.

With much excitement, Herbert and the staff members go about their tasks. David rises, and starts to head out the door. Maddie follows and calls down the hall after him.

He keeps walking. She runs down the hall in pursuit. She reaches him as he arrives at his room. She grabs his arm.

David: What, solved a silly puzzle, a childish game? Been there, done that….I was the Chutes and Ladders champion of my neighborhood…..when I was six!! But doesn't this little charade strike you as being just a little juvenile….unprofessional….embarrassing?

Maddie: I will grant you, it is not premiere detective work, and we surely aren't solving the crime of the century. But look how the our employees are reacting - they're excited, alive, interested. That's what we came here to do. And it was you who brought it all together.

Maddie: Maybe you think it was embarrassing……but I disagree. You think I don't appreciate your contributions to our business. These people respect you completely, because you can balance business and pleasure…well, maybe not balance….maybe juggle is a better word. I don't think I've ever realized until this weekend how important that can be. And you, participating here, giving this weekend your Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval, is very important to them…..and to me!

Maddie walks across the room, and kisses him softly on the cheek. He stares at her, befuddled, as she walks to the door, and turns back towards him.

David: That blonde always gets me with that kiss on the cheek. My father always warned me about girls who kiss you on the cheek……Just when I thought I was out, she pulls me back in.

David: Disneyland?? Nah, guess not. Seems to me that we should check that room number - what was it again - 976??

Maddie: No, although I can understand your familiarity with THAT number. Remember 7 dwarves, 76 trombones - number 776.

David: Right…how about if we go check out the mystery room? Do you think there will be 7 dwarves with 76 trombones in there?

They head to the elevator, and a comedy of errors ensues……they all squeeze in to one car…some on the floor, basically squashed into a space that is too small.

It moves, and disgorges them all at floor 7. The picture is like clowns coming out of a circus car.

As they all enter the room, everyone stops in awe. The inside of the room is decorated as if for a party. There are balloons, streamers, and "Congratulations" signs. The staff looks at Maddie and David for guidance……

Each one of them starts to explore the room, looking in likely and unlikely spots - closets, under the beds, in drawers, in the medicine cabinet, in the shower, etc.

David: Hey look, it's the good book - seek and you shall find, right? Take a look at this, it's autographed. It says, "Best wishes. Love, God.". Pretty cool. Must be a first edition.

David: Convenient…a blackboard in a hotel room. I guess you could use it to plot your moves, huh?

They go back and forth with the group shouting out answers and ad-libbing….Maddie reading the questions, while David writes the answers on the board

David: Yeah, but also pretty great great. They certainly got into this thing. In fact, we all got into this thing - scratch behind my ear and call me Fido - you CAN teach an old dog new tricks!!

Maddie: Certainly the most unorthodox methods that I've ever seen. I am impressed with your success.

Joanna: And I am impressed with YOURS. You took a basically nonfunctional, uncooperative group, and made them involved and excited. One mystery does not a detective agency make, but I think you're on your way.

Joanna: That's entirely up to you two. It really was not difficult to get your employees involved once they knew you both had bought in, and were committed to coming to a solution - together.

Ooops, still here……………Guess we'll have to stay and play the hand we're dealt - together!! OK with you?

You disappeared in the middle of the night - the women in this agency don't have a great track record with that sort of thing.

Agnes: I'm sorry I scared you. I was offered the opportunity to help, and I jumped at it. If I had told you - you're so honest, you might not have been able to pull it off.

Agnes: And don't you know me by now? I would never leave you like that. There is not enough room in this agency for another screwed up relationship like theirs. (she indicates

Maddie: May I have your attention, please. I would like to propose a toast and congratulate you all on a job well done!!! Here's to us - the Blue Moon team!!

Agnes: And I have a toast……….To Mr. Addison, and Miss Hayes……the crazy glue that holds us all together.

He kisses her on the cheek, and walks away, with only a brief glance over his left shoulder. He smiles, winks, and walks out the door.

Open on Maddie's office. She is sitting at her desk in a relaxed pose, head thrown back, and eyes closed. The mellow voice of Frank Sinatra flows from the stereo.

David stands in the doorway, and just stares, a half smile on his face. Maddie senses his presence, and pulls herself upright.

David: Learn anything? Sure…learned that you've got a real talent for choosing a bathing suit.

David: Maddie, what do you want me to say here…that you were teacher's pet, head of the class?

Maddie: David, I don't need to be head of the class, top of the heap. I wish you really knew………..

David: How's this…let's let the Bs be - I couldn't find a better partner anywhere -brilliant, blonde, and beautiful. And we couldn't make this agency work if we weren't a terrific team…………why, we're the Lucy and Ricky, the George and Gracie, the Lassie and Timmy of detectives.

David: No double talk, no funny stuff. I respect your abilities as a detective, and as a woman, and I am grateful each day that we are partners.

David: Now, may I digress…………..we are wasting a premium piece of music. Partner, will you be my partner?

He holds out his hand to her. Maddie rises, and they smile as she steps into his arms and they begin to dance.

David pulls her closer, and Maddie lays her head on his shoulder. David whispers in her ear…..