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Episode One   |   Episode Two   |   Chairman of the Bored   |   Chairman of the Bored II   |   Smeared Window   |   Episode Six   |   Gosh Golly Gee, Maddie   |   Cold Feet, Warm Heart   |   Episode Nine   |   Episode Ten   |   Dog...Cat...Man...Woman   |   She's a Little Bit Country, He's a Little Bit R&B   |   Episode Thirteen   |   Scenes of the Crime   |   The Wedding: Part One   |   The Wedding: Part Two   |   The Wedding: Part Three   |   Episode Nineteen   |   Episode Twenty   |   Maximum Insecurity   |   Hooked on a Feeling

Act One

A rundown street in South Central Los Angeles, obviously on the wrong side of the tracks. The street is lined with abandoned cars. Graffiti marks all the buildings.

Into this urban nightmare rolls a long black limousine, obviously out of place in this neighborhood. It pulls up to the curb, and three people emerge - a woman and two men.

They are all soberly dressed in black, although the woman has enhanced her appearance with a pair of red stilettos. They look around at their surroundings, and begin to chat among themselves.

Edgar: Swell place you've brought us to, Pete.

Peter: Thanks, Ed, I live for your approval.

Denise: Peter……….Edgar…… all right, both of you, knock it off. I've been refereeing since we were kids. If life hadn't saddled me with the two most useless brothers on earth………….

Peter: There she goes again! Denise, you are just too good for us mere mortals!

Edgar: Lay off her, will ya?

Denise: That's enough. Let's get this done and over with.

Peter reaches into the limousine, and pulls out a pet carrier. He sets it on the sidewalk, and opens the door. There is no activity.

Edgar walks over and looks inside.

Edgar: Here kitty, kitty. (He reaches into the carrier)

Edgar: Damned cat won't come out……ouch, son of a bitch!

He draws out his hand, scratched and bleeding.

Denise: Enough fooling around.

She tips the carrier, and out slides a large calico cat, who sits where he landed, just staring at her.

Denise: Just look at him - regal till the day he dies.

Edgar: He looks like he hates us. Maybe it's cause we took him to the funeral. Maybe cats don't like funerals.
Denise: Don't be ridiculous! He can hate us all he wants….he is destined never to see us again.
Goodbye little rich cat, oops former little rich cat - enjoy your new life on the street.

With a well-placed kick, she aims her FU pump at the cat, barely missing him. He scurries part way down the street, then turns again and stares.

Peter: Edgar, he still has the collar on. You were supposed to take it off.

Edgar runs down the street after the cat, who takes off down an alley.

Peter: Damn it, Edgar, you were supposed to take care of that.

Edgar: So shoot me, I was too busy being mauled by the stupid thing to remember to take off the friggin' collar.

Denise: Enough! I don't really think the collar is a problem. That pampered pet is never gonna make it on this street for more than a couple of hours. We just need to lay low for a little while - then report the hideous creature missing, and after an appropriate amount of time, we - the legal heirs - collect the fifteen mil.

Edgar: What department of the police do you call to report a missing cat?

Peter: Cat - astrophies???

They giggle and elbow each other like little boys.

Constance: OK Laurel and Hardy, let's get out of here.

They reenter the limo, which speeds off.

SCENE: David Addison is seated in a taxi. He groans audibly as he closes his eyes, and leans his head against the seat back.

Cabbie: Rough morning, buddy??

David: I didn't think so when I woke up. I think my most overwhelming problem in life is the fact
that I get out of bed in the morning.

Cabbie: How's that?

David: Woke up this morning - thought I'd died and gone to heaven - a beautiful blonde curled up against my side. And the best part is, she's MY blonde.

Cabbie: So what's your problem?

David: So, what, you don't watch the show?

The cabbie shrugs.

David: Five and a half years, and I am as off balance today as the day I met her. We've been through some major stuff in the last year, and even more in the last two months. I think we are really starting to work everything out. So what happens when we wake up this morning? She leans over, kisses me on the cheek, says "Thanks, David", and gets up and goes to work.

Cabbie: So what did you expect?

David: You're not kidding - you really DON'T watch the show, do you? I guess that's the issue - I don't know what either of us expects -we take one step forward and two steps back. I'll tell you one thing - I have not gone through this much trouble for a woman I'm not getting it on with since I was a teenager.

Cabbie: Hold it - you said you slept together -you really meant SLEPT?? Oh brother!!

David: What am I doing talking to you anyway? Why do I always end up discussing my major life decisions with cab drivers? It's the exposition, right…………ya gotta talk to somebody so the audience knows what's going on!!

Cabbie: Huh?

David: And anyway, you don't even watch the show! I bet you're part of a Neilson family, right? Maybe you even got us cancelled!!

Cabbie: Hey buddy, don't get carried away - isn't this where you said you wanted to go?

David hands him some money.

David: Yeah, and here's your tip - Tuesdays at 9……you'll love it!

He exits the cab quickly…the cab driver calls out after him

Cabbie: Hey, buddy, look out for the …….. dog crap!! Oops!!

David continues, unhearing. He enters the building, and heads to the elevator. He enters and it begins its ascent. He speaks to himself.

David: OK Addison, play it cool. Let her take the lead - see how she wants to play it. She knows what you want, how you feel. Take your cues from her!

He exits the elevator and heads to the office.

SCENE: Blue Moon Detective Agency

It is a typical morning at Blue Moon. Nobody is especially busy, nobody is especially idle. The staff moves around the office, doing the "early morning" things - getting coffee, stopping to chat with each other.

The door swings open, and David Addison enters. He is singing.
Steppin' out with my baby
Can't be wrong `cause I'm in right
It's for sure, not for maybe
And I'm all dressed up tonight.
Steppin'out with my honey
Can't be bad, it feels so good
Never felt quite so sunny
And I keep on knockin' wood

As David dances around the room, an odor starts to pervade the air. The staff members start to react - making faces, wrinkling their noses, covering their mouths and noses.

Maddie Hayes walks out of her office just at the tail end of the performance - and reacts strongly to the "atmosphere"

David: Good morning ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, I mean you, O'Neill. How is everybody this beautiful day? Morning, Maddie. Would you care to dance?

Maddie: Morning, David. Steppin' out, huh? I think steppin' IN might be more appropriate.

He looks at her with a puzzled expression.

Maddie: Everybody, let's tell Mr. Addison what we think.

The entire group holds their noses with one hand, while pointing to David's shoes with the other hand.

David lifts his feet, one at a time, looks, and explodes!

David: Oh man, is this city going to the dogs or what? No wonder some people refer to it as a big toilet. You can't walk for 10 feet in this town without stepping into something!

He strides towards his office, with Maddie following. He continues to rant.

David: I don't get it…'s a simple enough law - but can people observe it - NO! Simple….your doggie doos, you pick it up. Talk about lack of responsibility, lack of consideration!

He marches into the bathroom. We hear the sound of running water.

Maddie: Boy, David, I was really barking up the wrong tree when I introduced this topic, huh?

She giggles at her own joke.

David walks back into the room, one shoe on and one shoe off. The offending shoe is in his hand, and he scrubs at it furiously with a washcloth.

David: It's just that it bugs me, that's all. It's all part of the whole deal that revolves around having a pet. Some people are too selfish to have a pet!

Maddie: I don't have a pet… don't have a pet. Does that mean that we are selfish?
David: I thought I was your pet….(he flutters his eyelashes suggestively). Actually it could mean we are selfish, or it could mean we are not selfish.

Maddie: OK Dr. Doolittle, you've lost me yet again.

David: We all make choices - sometimes conscious, sometimes unconscious. I don't know about you……I don't have a pet because of the life I lead. A pet is a commitment - when there is another living thing depending on you, you just can't take off to Vegas for a three-day weekend. Does that make me selfish? Or does that just say I know myself well?

Maddie: Darned if I know.

David: Well, what about you?

Maddie: What about me?

David: What about you…don't want a pet, don't like pets, what?

Maddie: No, that's not it at all. I had the requisite number of pets as a child, but it just seemed that they all met with tragic endings. It got to the point, I swear, that half the animal kingdom cowered when I entered a pet shop. When I was modeling, I didn't get one because I was traveling around. Now……well maybe it's just easier not to get one.

David: Selfish or not selfish?

Maddie: Selfish, I guess. I just remember how attached I got to them, and how devastating it was every time something dreadful happened.

David: God, Maddie, sometimes I think you enjoy walking around underneath that little black cloud. You won't get a pet, `cause you're worried about it dying?

Maddie: Well, it sounds terrible when you say it, but yeah, I guess that's it.

David: Haven't you ever heard, "It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"? - Shakespeare.

Maddie: WHO?

David: Shakespeare…..old Floyd Shakespeare, sells flowers down at the Farmer's Market.

Maddie: (slyly) Wouldn't want to hit me with an old literary reference, huh?

David: No indeed, might make you consider that there's something inside my noggin but annoying song lyrics, and lascivious thoughts!

David: But seriously, Maddie - pets are another one of life's great things.

Maddie: Don't you think I know that?

They both start speaking at once:

Maddie: David:
I've had every kind of pet known to man -........ Just think of all the things a pet can do
Dogs, cats, fish, turtles, rabbits, birds…… for you - guard your house, fetch
I think pets are wonderful - for some....... your slippers, keep your feet warm at
People! I'd like to feel confident I would........ night until somebody better comes
Do a good job with one - I consider it again .......along. It's just a miracle - love, joy,
And then - a kamikaze bird with a death wish companionship -......... and all for the price
Comes crashing into my sliding glass doors -- ......of a giant sized can of Alpo. I can't
And it's like the unfortunate parakeet incident .......imagine anything better, and I can't
All over again! .........See why you are so pessimistic!

They both fall silent - looking at each other quizzically.

A knock at the door……

Maddie: Come in.

Agnes sticks her head in the door.

Agnes: Miss Hayes, Mr. Addison, there's a client here to see you.

Maddie: Please show them in.

Agnes returns with a motherly looking woman in her early 60's. She is dressed in the uniform of a domestic, most probably a maid or a housekeeper.

Agnes: Miss Hayes, Mr. Addison, this is Mrs. Peggy Conway.

Maddie: Hello, Mrs. Conway. My name is Madolyn Hayes, and this is my partner, David Addison.

Mrs. Conway: Good morning. I'm sorry to have come without an appointment.

She speaks with a thick Irish brogue.

David: No appointment needed, Mrs. Conway. Drive in, drive out, open 24 hours, fast service, all the hits, all the time……….

Maddie shoots him a look.

Maddie: Mrs. Conway, please have a seat. How may we help you?

Mrs. Conway: I guess this is a long story. Last week, my employer, Millicent Farnsworth passed away.

Maddie: I'm so sorry.

Mrs. Conway: Mrs. Farnsworth had a long and happy life. She was ninety-six when she passed on.
David: Wowee!!

Maddie glares at David.

Mrs. Conway: Mrs. Farnsworth had been widowed almost forty years ago. She and her husband had no children. Her only living relatives are a niece, and two nephews - worthless creatures who were not very attentive while she was living.

Maddie: How sad, it must have been a lonely existence.

Mrs. Conway: To the contrary, Mrs. Farnsworth was very active up to the day she died. You've heard of the Farnsworth Corporation?

David: Farnsworth Newspapers, Farnsworth Oil, Farnsworth Bait and Tackle…that Farnsworth??

Mrs. Conway: Almost exactly, Mr. Addison.

David: Holy conglomerate!!!

Mrs. Conway smiled, letting him know she appreciates his sense of humor. Maddie however, seems very unamused.

Mrs. Conway: Mrs. Farnsworth was the administrator of the Farnsworth Foundation. She also did some major fundraising for Children's Hospital, and was very active socially.

Maddie: It sounds like she led a very full life.

Mrs. Conway: The niece and nephews caused her some grief, I can tell you. She paid out buckets of money getting them out of trouble, and supporting them in some of their hare brained schemes because they were family. Ungrateful wretches!!

Maddie: But surely they showed some gratitude.

Mrs. Conway: Not a bit - it was always take, take, take. Denise is a party girl with high society friends. Peter and Edgar are just plain dolts….no brains and no ambition. Peter plays tennis and golf, Edgar just plays video games. They were a source of worry and more than a little disappointment.

Maddie: That's very sad.

Mrs. Conway: Oh, don't you feel sorry for Mrs. Farnsworth. She had a good life, a comfortable life with good friends and her Mr. Fancy Man.

Maddie and David exchange looks. David raises one eyebrow, and smirks at Maddie. Mrs. Conway catches the look, and starts to laugh.

Mrs. Conway: Oh gracious, how that sounded! Fancy is a cat, Mrs. Farnsworth's pet cat. She always called him her Fancy Man. It was her joke.

David: Bet that had them grabbing their sides at the stockholders' meetings.

Maddie: DAVID!!

Mrs. Conway: Don't be scolding him, Miss Hayes. He's having fun with life and with me. Mrs. Farnsworth would have liked that.

She smiles at Maddie. Meanwhile, David has walked behind Mrs. Conway and is shaking his finger at Maddie, seemingly echoing the words of Mrs. Conway. Maddie struggles to maintain her decorum, when we sense that what she would really like to do is shriek at him.

Maddie: Mrs. Conway, what can we do for you?

Mrs. Conway: Just a little more of my story, Miss Hayes. When Mrs. Farnsworth passed on, she left instructions for the reading of her will. She wanted it done almost immediately, as soon as the involved parties could be gathered. There weren't many people - the lawyer, myself, Denise, Peter and Edgar. I was already aware of what was in the will, so I expected some fireworks.

Maddie: Meaning what?

Mrs. Conway: The bulk of Mrs. Farnsworth's estate was left to Fancy. She left me a very generous yearly salary to live with him in the house, and take care of him.

David: Excuse me for being indelicate, but what is the Top Cat worth?

Mrs. Conway: Fifteen million dollars.

David: Quick Maddie, let's see if there is some legal loophole that will allow an ex-model private investigator to marry a member of the feline persuasion.

Maddie opens her mouth and Mrs. Conway jumps in, saving David from certain assassination by retort.

Mrs. Conway: Oh Mr. Addison, you do strike my funny bone. There must be a little bit of the Irish in you.

David: I have been told that I am full of blarney.

Maddie: I thought that was baloney………..or maybe it's the other "B" word.

David quickly jumps in.

David: Mrs. Conway, what happened to Denise………….and da nephews??

Mrs. Conway: The relatives - she left them well taken care of - three hundred thousand dollars each per year for the rest of their lives.

David: Nothing to sneeze at.

Mrs. Conway: They didn't sneeze…………they scoffed. They were outraged - a millionaire cat! They raised holy hell - excuse my language - stomped out of the house, shouting about contesting the will. The next time I saw them was the day before yesterday - the morning of the funeral. Miss Denise was the spokesperson - she always led those other two around on a leash. She apologized for their behavior, and assured me that they had decided to comply with Mrs. Farnsworth's wishes. They had come to the house that morning because they wanted to take Fancy along to the funeral. They felt that it was fitting, because he was so special to Mrs. Farnsworth.
I should have known better, Lord knows, but I was hopeful that they might have come around. That day, at the funeral, was the last day I saw Fancy.

Maddie: What happened? Are you saying they kidnapped him?

Mrs. Conway: I'm afraid so - I turned around just for an instant after the funeral and they were gone - all three of those connivers and Fancy. I feel certain that they are going to do harm to that poor kitty.

Maddie: And what would you like us to do, Mrs. Conway?

Mrs. Conway: I'd like you to find Fancy.

David: Mrs. Conway, have you discussed this with the police?

Mrs. Conway: Oh my yes, Mr. Addison, and they were ever so nice. But it doesn't seem that their jurisdiction extends to cats. Unless I can prove their bad intentions.

Maddie: Mrs. Conway, this is a very unusual case. (She pauses thoughtfully). A very unusual case. I'm not sure this is our type of case.

Mrs. Conway: I know it is an unusual case, and will require a very different kind of detective work. I have been authorized to offer you fifty thousand dollars for Fancy's safe return.

David and Maddie exchange glances.

David: Mrs. Conway, could you excuse us for a minute? Maddie, could I speak to you outside for a moment?

Maddie smiles apologetically.

Maddie: Excuse us please, Mrs. Conway.

They rise to leave.

Mrs. Conway: I know what you're doing - just like those big TV detective stories-you need to discuss it. Well Mr. Addison, I am counting on you. You just talk her into helping me, and the angels will bless you.

David smiles.

David: We'll be right back, Mrs. C.

Maddie and David exit and stand nose to nose, close together outside her office door.

Maddie: Well.

David: That's a deep subject.

Maddie: David, what do you think?

David: About what?

Maddie: About taking this case.

David: What case? I don't see a case. This is some kind of Ripley's Believe It or Not - the Three
Stooges meet the Pussycat. That poor little old lady wants us to use our expertise to find a stray cat.

Maddie: And your point is?

David: Maddie, Maddie, Maddie…. who put the stop payment on your reality check? It's a cat - Maddie - a cat!!! Even if there were any possible way to trace a stray cat in the city of Los Angeles, let's put this in perspective - we're talking about a cat - four paws and fur!!

Maddie: Are you listening to yourself - aren't you the one who just recently entertained me with a soliloquy on the joys of having a pet?

She does a very good , but exaggerated imitation of him.

Maddie: He'll guard your house, fetch your slippers, keep your feet warm…..was that all just a crock?

David: No, but Maddie, this is just ludicrous. Finding a stray cat in L.A. would be like following Alice down the rabbit hole. Not a job for us…………for the Humane Society maybe, or PETA………get them hepped up about something new. But definitely, not us!

Maddie: David, I think we have to consider this. Fifty thousand dollars would certainly brighten the financial horizons of this agency. And I WOULD like to help Mrs. Conway - even though she envisions YOU as the one to champion her cause.

David: Yeah, she does seem like a sweet old babe, doesn't she?

Maddie: And you are playing her just like that harmonica you have tucked in your pocket.

David: Harmonica ? Oh that……Maybe it's not a harmonica, maybe I'm just happy to see you.

She tries to freeze him with an icy glare.

David: Maddie, give me one good reason why we should do this?

Maddie: David, I'll give you fifty thousand of them. Yes, I'll grant you, this is not a case of
Herculean proportions - and God knows we won't save the world if we find this cat. But we can solve the problems of that sweet lady, and maybe give a small comeuppance to that trio of do-badders. Maybe the fee will allow us some latitude in the future - to take a case that really can make a difference in the world.

David: (Looking into the camera) God, she must think this is a Hallmark Hall of Fame or something!! (He winks)

He switches gears, suddenly serious.

David: Maddie, I need to say something. It's been less than 24 hours since Gabby has been gone, and you are feeling the loss. I want you to remember, the last time this kind of thing happened, you tried to overcompensate with work, and it damned near destroyed us. I don't think either of us could go through that again.

Maddie: David, honestly, that is not what this is. Of course, I am upset about Gabby…I have a hole in my heart.

David: Well, you know what the first rule of holes is………..when you're in one, stop digging!

Maddie: (frowning at him) I really think we should take this case. I want to take this case!

David: Well, Maddie, whatever you say. But I want several things understood in advance - first, I don't do kitty litter, pure and simple. Secondly, any items of haberdashery that become casualties of this war will be replaced - 100%.

Maddie: Deal.

David: Deal??

Maddie: Deal, are you in?

David: MEOW!!



In the car. Maddie drives, David sits in the passenger seat. They are a bit more casually attired than usual -David in a sweater and jeans, Maddie in khaki slacks and a coordinating oversized top.

Maddie: So what is the chauffeur's address again?

David: La Cienaga and Robertson - it's an apartment complex. Tell me, why do we think that this guy is gonna tell us anything - after all, doesn't he work for the unholy triumvirate?

Maddie: Well, technically, he worked for Mrs. Farnsworth, but was retained by the niece and nephews. I get the impression, however, that his true devotion is to Mrs. Conway. Sounds like they've got a relationship going.

David: You mean, Mrs. C. is doing the chauffeur?

Maddie: David, that is such an attractive phrase "doing the chauffeur". I'm sure it's an accurate picture of a sweet and loving relationship. Such a romantic description!

David: Well, you know me -- cold, callous, crude - not a romantic bone in my body!

Maddie: That's not what I meant…but I think you might have phrased it a little more delicately.

David: Yeah, well, sorry about that. I guess I was shocked.

Maddie: What - shocked that two older people would continue to have a physical relationship?

David: Nope, shocked that those two golden oldies are getting more than I am.

Maddie gives him a look -----

Maddie: No comment, we're here!

She pulls into an apartment complex, and into a parking spot. They exit the car, and approach a door, the address on which is 26C.

David: Dis must be da place.

He knocks on the door - a sound suspiciously like the William Tell Overture:

The door is opened by a pleasant looking, white-haired gentleman, who appears to be in his late 60s.

Maddie: Mr. McDowell?

Mac: That would be me. And you would be the detectives that dear Peggy hired?

Maddie: I'm Maddie Hayes, and this is my partner, David Addison. Mr. McDowell, we'd like to ask you a few questions.

Mac: Please call me Mac.

Maddie: Very well, Mac. Mrs. Conway tells us you may have some information about Fancy's disappearance.

Mac: That Peggy - she's a precious jewel, that one!

David: (in an exaggerated Irish brogue) Absolutely - the treasure of the Emerald Isle, I'd be thinking. You're a lucky man, Mac.

Mac glances at Maddie, then addresses himself to David.

Mac: There are gems all around us, Mr. Addison, just lying there right before our very eyes.

David glances over at Maddie.

David: Ain't it the truth, Mac?

Maddie (clearly uncomfortable) Can we get down to business, gentlemen? Mac, can you tell us about the day of Mrs. Farnsworth's funeral?

Mac: Well, I had agreed to stay on at my job to the end of the month - Mrs. Farnsworth was a great lady, and I owed her that. On the day of the funeral, the three Patterson kids showed up at the house. When it came time for the funeral, they came out to the car with Peggy, and brought along Fancy's carrier. I waited outside while the services went on. The crowd started to leave, and a few moments later, out came the Pattersons, toting Fancy, and seeming to be in a big hurry.

Maddie: What about Mrs. Conway?

Mac: They told me she had decided to return to the house with the family attorney. I really didn't
think much of it until Miss Denise directed me to an address in South Central - an address in a part of town that is a bit dangerous to say the least.

David: Lookin' for a gang war to round out their day, you think?

Mac: I didn't ask, I just drove. At Florence and Normandie, they got out of the car and took the carrier with them.

David: What happened then?

Mac: I was at a bad angle to see much. I saw them standing around the carrier. Then a few minutes later, I saw Mr. Edgar running down the street - then stop, and come back to the car. They picked up the carrier, and got back into the car.

Maddie: Did you hear any of their conversation?

Mac: Not much. I heard a little talking - something to do with the cat's I.D. collar.

Maddie: Are you sure the cat wasn't in the carrier?

Mac: I can't say I am 100% certain, but not a single sound came from that carrier. And when I dropped them off at her town house, Miss Denise grabbed the carrier. From the way she swung it, it seemed very lightweight to me, and Fancy is a pretty good sized cat.

David: Didn't you ask them about returning Fancy to the Farnsworth home?

Mac: No, I didn't think it was my place to question them. I didn't really think anything of it until Peggy called me about two hours later - absolutely frantic.

Maddie: Well this gives us something to start with. Is there anything else you can think of that might help us??

Mac; Just this…..if I were trying to get some information, I'd start out with Mr. Edgar. Poor fellow, he's just not the brightest bulb on the tree……he might reveal quite a bit without even realizing it.

David shakes his hand.

David: Mac, you are a gentleman and a scholar. Hopefully, we can resolve this post haste, and you and Peggy can get on with your lives.

Mac: That would truly be a joy, Mr. Addison. Thank you both for being so understanding of my dear Peggy's concerns.

Maddie: Thank you, Mac.

They exit the apartment, and stop on the sidewalk outside.

David: OK Catwoman, what's our next move??

Maddie: As I see it, we've got two options……..go to the scene of the crime………or try to get some more information from the suspects.

David: I vote for relatively speaking………speaking to the relatives. All at once, or individually?

Maddie: Let's try all at once first. Maybe we can trip them up if we don't give them much time to prepare. I'll have Agnes call and set up an appointment for two o'clock. Meanwhile, we can stop and have lunch on the way.

David: Hot dogs at Pinks???? I'll have mine with CATsup.

Maddie: Why not, you've already given me indigestion!!

David takes her arm as they walk to the car.

David: Let me tell you a story…..did you ever hear the one about the three little kittens????



SCENE: A town house in Brentwood.

David and Maddie approach the door of an attractive town house. The lawn is well manicured, and the neighborhood shows evidence of caring, and prosperity.

They exchange glances.

David: OK, are you the good cop, and I the bad one?

Maddie: Strategy? Planning? How unlike us. Let's just wing it - like always.

David: Ok, you lead, I'll follow.

Maddie rings the bell. Denise Patterson opens door.

Denise: Miss Hayes? Mr. Addison?

Maddie: Yes. You must be Miss Patterson.

Denise: Denise, please. Won't you come in? Your secretary was quite emphatic about the urgency of the meeting.

David: That's our Agnes…..emphatic!

Denise takes an appraising look at David, and turns on the charm.

Denise: And Mr. Addison…….you look exactly like a movie private eye - handsome and dangerous.

David: Not very dangerous…and call me David, please.

Maddie: (gritting her teeth) Denise, if we could meet your brothers, and get on with this?

Denise: Oh, I'm sorry - I distract very easily.

She flashes a smile at David.

Denise: Please come into the library. My brothers are there.

David: We apologize for the short notice. I hope we didn't cause any inconvenience at your places of employment?

Denise: (leading them down the hallway) Honestly, we have been lucky enough to be well taken care of by our relatives. We each have trust funds, so most of our occupations are philanthropic.

Maddie: (dryly) How fortunate for you.

Denise continues to lead. David leans forward and whispers to Maddie.

David: How did I get to be the good cop?

Maddie: When she figured out that you are NOT ugly and safe!!!

David smirks.

Denise turns and holds open a door. We see Peter and Edgar sitting on leather sofas. Peter is a poster child for sophistication - well dressed, well groomed, and poised. Edgar however, seems just a bit "off". He is obviously nervous, and sits wringing his hands. Denise seats herself on the sofa beside Edgar, and motions Maddie and David to a pair of armchairs.

Denise: So, how can we help you?

Maddie: You understand we have been retained by Mrs. Peggy Conway to investigate the disappearance of your late aunt's cat, Fancy.

Peter: (snidely) Yes, we've been told. Business must be tough for you to be getting involved in the lost pet business.

David tenses. Maddie shoots him a look.

Maddie: Well, after all Mr. Patterson, there is a great deal of money at stake here.

Edgar: Yeah, whoever heard of a stupid cat with that much money?

Denise clamps her hand down on his arm to silence him.

Denise: So what is this about?

Maddie: Denise, we'd like to ask you a few questions. For starters, why did you leave Mrs.
Conway at the memorial service?

Denise: Oh, Miss Hayes, that was an honest mistake. She was standing talking to my aunt's attorney for the longest time. Fancy had been in the cat carrier for quite a while, and he was getting
restless. I wanted to get him out of there, and I just assumed that she would ride back to the house
with the attorney.

Maddie: But you never actually told her you were leaving….or that you were taking the cat?

Peter interrupts.

Peter: Well really, Miss Hayes, why should we have? Mrs. Conway, while a nice woman, is a servant - first to my aunt, and then to a cat, for God's sakes.

David clearly does not like this man - and seems eager to take him on.

David: What about her position as caretaker for the cat - didn't you feel responsible to let her know you took the cat?

Peter: NO.

David starts to speak, and Maddie grabs his arm - much the same way that Denise grabbed
Edgar's earlier.

Maddie: Tell me then, why did you direct the limo to South Central?

Peter: I had been given a business opportunity to purchase some property there - it's an area that is just prime for some urban renewal.

David: That neighborhood is prime for something all right - and it is definitely not an area I'd take my sister into - not to mention my limo.

Peter: I needed the opinions of my sister and brother - it was to be a joint venture.

David: Yeah, "joint" ventures…lots of them in that area. I can't believe that you want us to buy the story that you are looking to invest in property in South Central…..what do you want to be when you grow up…….a slumlord??

Peter: Well, I certainly appreciate YOUR imput - your great business acumen must be what got you this cat case, I surmise.

David stops on a dime, and starts to rise, glaring daggers at Peter. Maddie whispers to him.

Maddie: You're the good cop, remember, handsome? Cool it!

She turns to Denise.

Maddie: Believing what your brother says, what was the reason you removed the cat carrier from the limo?

Denise: (a bit sharply) As I said, the cat was restless. I thought having him out in the fresh air would calm him.

Maddie: So what did you do while you were outside the car - tour the property, enter the buildings?

Peter: No, we actually just stood on the sidewalk and discussed the options. We were there for about fifteen minutes, then returned to the limo, and went back to Denise's town house.

Maddie: Why, when the cat needed to go back to the Farnsworth estate?

Denise: Quite simply, I wanted to change my clothes. Also, Peter's car was at my place. We all had ridden to Aunt Millicent's in my car. While I was changing, Fancy disappeared. I found that I had left a window in the bathroom partially opened. I was devastated.

Maddie: Well prepared - I'm impressed. All the answers fit - why don't I believe a single word?

Peter: I've had about enough of this - how dare you? You've brought us here with minimal notice, with great disruption to our personal schedules to do what - accuse us of being liars?

David: Yo…..Armani……what's your beef, did you miss a tee time?

Denise: Peter…..David, please.

Maddie: I am just analyzing the situation as I see it. You will have to admit that it seems a trifle contrived.

Peter rises from the sofa and walks towards the door. He leans against the wall, facing towards Maddie.

Peter: I admit nothing, and I resent your implication. You are being insufferably rude - something I might expect from a woman in your profession. In fact all your professional choices have left something to be desired - you previously modeled, I believe…..the world's second oldest profession.

David stands, and calmly reaches over to Maddie to help her out of her chair.

David: This interview is over.

He motions for Maddie to precede him through the door. He starts to walk past Peter, then turns, and pins him up against the wall.

David: I've got news for you, Mr. Spit for Brains. If you ever consider addressing my partner in that fashion again, you'd better have lost all interest in continuing to perform your bodily functions. You pompous little jerk, you have just crossed the wrong cowboy. You'd better be looking over your shoulder, pal.

David pushes him away. Maddie and Denise stand astonished and motionless, while Edgar remains seated on the couch.

Peter is the first to recover.

Peter: Denise, perhaps we need to call 911. I believe I've been assaulted.

David: Buddy, you haven't seen assaulted!! But keep it up.

Maddie reaches out and grabs David by the hand.

Maddie: C'mon David, let's go.

They start to walk away, but again David reels around.

David: Hey Ed, I've got one question for you. What were you doing running down the street that day…..chasing something?

Edgar is visibly upset, and starts to shake and stutter.

David: What's the trouble, Ed? Cat got your tongue?

He laughs at his own joke.

David: No problem, I've got my answer. See ya in the funny papers!

David walks down the hallway, and exits the front door. He strides quickly to the car, with Maddie

He gets in on the driver's side, sits, and grasps the steering wheel with both hands, almost shaking with rage. Maddie gets in the passenger side. She reaches over and puts her hand on his shoulder.

David: Maddie, I know……but that jerk made me so mad!!!

Maddie: David…………..

David: That kind of guy who thinks he is too good for the rest of us really bugs the hell out of me.

Maddie: David………….

David: But when he started in on you………..

Maddie: (interrupting) David………………

Something in her soft tone of voice forces him to stop - they exchange a long look. Maddie reaches over and takes his face in her hands, and looking deeply into his eyes, gives him a lingering kiss.
She then draws away, her hand still on his cheek.

David is clearly astonished - staring open mouthed at her. He finds his voice.

David: Not that I am protesting, mind you, but what was that for?

Maddie: Not that I always approve of your methods - but you defended my honor! That was very
sweet, David.

David: Maddie, honestly, I would have bet my life that you would be furious with me.

Maddie: I guess maybe I should be. After all, professionally, that was not a logical move. But sometimes a woman just likes to be treated like a woman. You stood up for me, helped me to save face.

David reaches over to stroke her cheek.

David: It's such a nice face!

He shakes his head in bewilderment.

David: Maddie Hayes, if I live a million years, I don't think I'll ever figure you out.

Maddie: (softly) Just so you don't stop trying!

David glances over and smiles. He starts the car, and pulls out into traffic. Maddie reaches over
and turns on the radio. They both seem lost in their thoughts.

Radio: It seems we stood and talked like this before
We looked at each other in the same way then,
But I can't remember where or when.
The clothes you're wearing are the clothes you wore
The smile you are smiling you were smiling then,
But I can't remember where or when.
Some things that happen for the first time
Seem to be happening again.
And so it seems that we have met before
And laughed before, and loved before
But who knows where or when?
Some things that happen for the first time
Seem to be happening again.
And so it seems we have met before,
And laughed before, and loved before
But who knows where or when?

They each smile small secret smiles as David heads the car towards the setting sun.



SCENE: South Central Los Angeles

Maddie and David pull up to the intersection of Florence and Normandie.

Maddie: David, are you sure this is the address?

David: This is the place, my dear. Look around you….there's no place like home!

Maddie: I think we should be gone - before somebody drops a house on us!

David: Yeah, this is a pretty poor excuse for a neighborhood, isn't it? But we can't go without the little pussycat!!

Maddie: Do you really believe that poor cat could survive here after being raised an aristocat!!

David: Cute……..great line……(he looks at the camera)…..I love that line.

Cats are amazing animals. My guess would be that he has taken up residence in that alley - over

David points to an alley halfway down the street. It is dark and dirty - a dumpster is pulled up close to the wall of a building. It appears very forbidding - lots of doorways and shadows. They enter the alley, as Maddie looks around them nervously.

Maddie: David, are you sure about……………

David: (stopping suddenly) Ssssh, I hear something!

At the end of the alley, we see a black Porsche stop. David grabs Maddie's arm and pulls her behind the dumpster. They continue their conversation in whispers.

Maddie: What did you do that for? Why are we hiding behind this disgusting dumpster?

David: Just a gut feeling that that performance vehicle down there is not here for its occupants to attend the opera. Aha…..just as I thought…..behold the villains!!

The Patterson family exits the car, and walk into the alley. They proceed until they are standing directly in front of the dumpster. David and Maddie sit motionless, eyes darting back and forth, as they listen to the conversation.

Peter: Let's get this over with! We should have just eliminated this creature to begin with. If you had listened to me…..

Denise: All right, Peter, we get it.

Edgar: What are we doing here?

Denise: Edgar, we need to find Fancy, and move him to a better place.

Peter: Yeah, like cat heaven.

Edgar: I thought we had decided not to do anything bad to Fancy.

Peter: Ed - keep up, will you? Those detectives today could be real trouble. We've got to find the cat again. Can you help?

Edgar: Peter, you know that cat hates me. He hates all of us.

Peter: Then why are you so all fired worried about getting rid of him.

Edgar: I don't want a murder on my conscience.

Peter: Murder, my ass!! Another piece of road kill is more likely…….kitty litter!!!

Denise: Can we table this life and death discussion till later? Let's find the damned cat!

Peter: First we should start……

He stops suddenly, listening.

Peter: Ssssh…come here.

They duck into a doorway.

A pack of stray cats enters the alley.

David: Holy cats - there must be a dozen of them!
Maddie: Look for the one with the red collar, that should be Fancy.

David: Look, there he is, bringing up the rear.

Maddie: Here kitty, kitty…here Fancy!

David: I can't believe I am doing this!!!

The music begins………..the classic tune "Alley Cat"

The actions picks up, and turns into a "Keystone Cops" kind of chase, filmed in fast motion. We see various shots of Maddie, David, Denise, Peter, and Edgar chasing and being chased by cats. They run in and out of frame, ducking into doorways, nearly colliding, pursuing and fleeing each other in turn. It is a comedy of errors, and at one point, we see a shot of the group of cats, all sitting side by side, and watching the antics of the humans.

The action slows - Maddie runs in from the left, and almost collides with David. They are standing directly in front of the dumpster.

David: Got any ideas?

Maddie: Not a one. Maybe something will come to us.

They hear an emphatic meow, and look up to see Fancy, posed on the edge of the dumpster.

David: Well, look what the cat dragged in! Hey, come over here, buddy.

The cat gives him a cold stare, and deliberately moves out of reach.

Maddie: David, quit fooling around. We need to get him and get out of here before they get back from wherever they went!

David: Do you think I'm kidding? He keeps moving out of my grasp.

Maddie: Look out ---

She walks over and purrs.

Maddie: Here Fancy, here kitty, kitty. C'mon to Maddie.

Fancy delicately walks along the edge of the dumpster, and into Maddie's arms.

David snorts.

David: Look at you, a veritable cat magnet. Let's get out of here before we end up with the whole
darned litter.

They run to the car, enter, and pull away.

David drives, and Maddie holds the cat in her lap, gently stroking his fur.

Maddie: This is really a beautiful animal. And he has such a good disposition.

David: Yeah, he's not half bad. It wasn't nearly as much trouble as I expected to get him back.

He reaches over to pet Fancy, who rises up on all fours. He arches his back, and begins to hiss!

David: Whoa, whoa - I will be more than happy to respect your personal space. Beware - cat with an attitude!

Maddie settles the cat back down.

Maddie: He seems just fine with me. Maybe it's just your approach.

David: What do you mean?

Maddie: This is not an animal who is just going to become yours in an instant. He seems to need some pampering…. petting…. courting - maybe you need to take a little care, give him a little time to know you, trust you - buy into the relationship.

David: Are we still talking about the cat???

Maddie smiles.

Maddie: What else could we be talking about? I have just one more comment - I think this cat will
be the one - if you take the right steps in the beginning, I bet he'll love you forever.

David: I'm beginning to see why you and he are getting along so well. So are you about ready to drop him off to his guardian - and collect our fifty thou???

Maddie: Oh David, I can't go see Mrs. Conway looking like this.

David: What do you mean? You look absolutely delicious - isn't that pizza on your blouse?

Maddie: That clinches it --we need to clean up. How's this? We will go to your place….

David: Good for starters.

Maddie: I'm not finished - your place, where I will drop you and Fancy. I'll drive home, shower and change, and be back to pick the two of you up in about an hour and a half.

David: What, no co-ed bathing? I thought we had the three basic elements for fun - man, woman, cat - how can you resist it?

Maddie: (drolly) It's hard, I know, but I'll try.

David: You're gonna leave me with that man-eater? He almost took my arm off when I tried to pet him!
Maddie: I think he'll be fine.

She addresses herself to the cat.

Maddie: You'll behave, won't you, Fancy? Yeah, David is a bit much to take sometimes, but I can assure you, he'll grow on you. I promise you, the two of you will get along famously.

David: Nice, Maddie! Guess you can always find out what a woman thinks of you, by listening to what she tells her friends.

Maddie: And on that note, here we are. Chez Addison.

They exit the car. David walks to the passenger side. He reluctantly holds out his arms for Fancy, who behaves beautifully.

Maddie: Told you so. Bye, guys! Play nice!

She reaches up and pats them each of them on the head, first Fancy, then David. She enters the car and drives away, David watching.

David walks towards the entrance of the apartment building. As he walks, he speaks to the cat.

David: Now listen, buddy, do you need to take care of any business while we're out here? I told
Maddie - I don't do kitty litter. I take it your answer is no??? Well, here we go then.

They reach the door. As David fumbles for his keys, a male figure steps out of the shadows and presses a gun to the small of David's back.

David hears a familiar voice.

Voice: He sure doesn't look like he's worth fifteen million, does he? Boy I bet that makes the two of you worth a total of about fifteen million twenty five dollars, huh?

David attempts to move.

Voice: Easy, Addison, this is not the time to be a hero. Open the door and keep right on walking. We'll settle this inside.



SCENE: David's apartment.

The door opens. David enters, carrying Fancy. Peter Patterson follows. He closes the door and uses the gun to motion David towards the sofa.

Peter: Just have a seat, Addison. Put the cat down on the sofa next to you.

David: Patterson, why am I not surprised? You keep getting in deeper and deeper.

Peter: Shut up Addison. I am in control now. This shiny silver thing (he indicates the gun) puts me in charge. Isn't it great, what money can buy?

David: It can't buy you out of ten to twenty, which by my calculations, is what you will end up with for this little caper.

Peter: Don't push it, Addison.

There is a knock at the door.

Peter: Not a sound!

Peter walks to the door.

Peter: Who is it?

Denise: It's Denise, you idiot! Open the door!

He steps aside, and Denise and Edgar enter.

Edgar: Hey Mr. Addison, nice place you got here.

Peter: Ed…this is not a social call. Just take it easy.

Edgar: Just being friendly, Pete.

Peter: Don't get too friendly with a dead man.

Edgar: Oh man, Pete, not him too?

Denise: Will you two PLEASE knock it off? You are like really, really bad comedians. Now Peter, what's the deal here?

Peter: I didn't get too far before you got here.

Denise looks back and forth between Peter and David.

Denise: Are you two still playing that male ego thing? Have you unzipped your pants and compared yet?

Peter and David answer together

Peter: Ok, Denise, I get your point.

David: Nope, but I would be willing to oblige if it'll move things along faster.

Denise and Peter: Shut up, Addison.

Denise: OK David, enough playing. Where is your partner?

David: Ask your brother. He watched her drive away.

Denise: And she went where?

David: Gee, I don't know. End of the work day - she might have gone anywhere - home, a late night Bingo game, that hot new singles bar in Pacific Palisades.

Denise: Addison, I've no time or patience for this. Unless you want her to suffer the consequences, you'd better let us know where she's gone.

David: Sorry, can't help you. I'm not my partner's keeper - and it's not my turn to watch her.

Denise: Damn, Peter, can't you help me out here?

Peter: I think I've got it!

Denise: You know where she is?

Peter: No - I think I know what that godawful smell is - it's mildew, isn't it?

David grins sheepishly.

Peter: I'm right, aren't I? God, it smells like a landfill in here! Where is it coming from?

David: It's from the sofa. It got wet a little while back, and it hasn't been the same since.

Peter: I'd get rid of it! It reeks, man!

Denise: Peter, have you lost your mind? If we don't get this done soon, you won't be worrying about a sofa - you'll be sitting on a cold, hard bench in San Quentin!

David: Do what you're thinking of, and you can trade up. Just think - that lovely chair with the electric cord, and the matching skullcap.

Denise and Peter: Shut up Addison

Peter: At least that sofa has one good thing going for it. Big fluffy pillows, excellent for use as a silencer.

Denise: Unless we find out where Maddie Hayes is, we can't actually be sure that she hasn't told Mrs. Conway, or gone to the police.

Edgar rise from his seat on the steps.

Edgar: So what are we gonna do?

Peter: Edgar, don't worry about it. We've got it all under control. You just take it easy. Have a seat.

Edgar sits down discouraged. David takes note of this, and files it away for future use.

Denise: As I see it, somebody has to go keep an eye on Maddie Hayes. If I do that, can you keep things under control here? Or should you go and I stay?

Peter: With your history of succumbing to male charms, I think you should go and I should stay.
Addison's charms definitely escape me.

David: Why, thank you, kind sir.

Denise and Peter: Shut up, Addison.

Denise: OK, I will go to her house and keep an eye on her. It's my bet that she is coming back here, so I won't do anything but watch, unless it looks like she's going to the police. I'll cut the phone wires to the house, so there is no problem with that!!

Peter: Good idea. I think that is the way to go.

Denise: Have you got your cell phone?

Peter nods.

Denise: If I need to get in touch, I'll get you on that. Anything else?

Peter: Nope. I'll take care of everything here.

Denise: Peter, be smart. There are fifteen million reasons to keep cool!

Peter: Don't worry, I'm OK.

Denise: Edgar, do what Peter says, OK?

Edgar: But Denise……..

Denise: Edgar, listen, I need you to do exactly what Peter says.

Edgar: But I think I should…………….

Peter: (angrily) Damn it, Edgar, don't think! We've been through this before! Just do the thing you are best at…….nothing!!! Just sit there and listen!!

Denise and Peter exchange glances.

Denise: He'll be ok. I'll get in touch with you in a little bit.

Denise leaves the apartment.

David: There goes the brains of this operation - exit, stage right!!

Peter: Continuing your comments could be hazardous to your health, Addison. Why don't you do us both a favor and sit there with your mouth shut?

David: I've got a better idea - I'll go and take a shower.

Peter: Not likely, Addison. Stay where you are.

David: What a spoil sport!

Peter: I am getting really tired of you.

A cell phone chirps. Peter pulls it out of his pocket, hits some buttons, and speaks into it.

Peter: Hello……………..Jessica, hi!………….Of course, I was going to call you……..absolutely…………I would love to hear about it…………

He turns to see both Edgar and David, eagerly listening to his conversation. He walks across the room, and into the kitchen, and turns his back. All that can be heard is the low rumble of conversation.

David sees his opportunity.

David: You know Ed, I guess all brothers are the same.

Edgar: What do you mean?

David: I've got an older brother too. Richie is his name. He is a major pain - always trying to boss
me around and tell me what to do.

Edgar: That sounds like Peter.

David: Know what the worst was though? He always treated me like an idiot - always telling me to
shut up, and making me think that my ideas didn't matter.

Edgar: Your brother is like that too?

David: Not anymore. I set him straight. Now he respects me.

Edgar: How did you make him do that?

David: I told him I was tired of him pushing me around, and that he needed to listen to me, and let
me make some of the decisions. Tell you a secret, it was quite a battle. I had to wack him a couple times to get him to see it my way. But I showed him!

Edgar: Yeah, that sounds like something that I might need to do.

David: It seems like he's not letting you get involved in anything at all.

Edgar: Well, I am going to be in charge, starting now!

David: OK, then can I ask you a favor? Man, I have REALLY got to go to the bathroom. It's an emergency!

Edgar: C'mon, follow me!

Edgar walks David down the hallway to the bathroom. David enters the bathroom, closes the door, and locks it with an emphatic click. He takes the only available seat, pulls a cell phone out of his pocket and dials.

David: Maddie, listen carefully. Peter is here, at my place, and he's got a gun. I'm locked in the bathroom. I don't know how long I can talk……..Yeah, very funny! Denise is THERE, watching you. She's cut your phone line - you'll have to call the police on this phone. Tell them I am being held at gunpoint ………….no, I'm not kidding! ………………… Yeah, I'm OK - but I can't talk too much longer. You need to be very careful - make sure the police are going to get here, before you lead Denise here.
…………yeah, OK, I gotta go - did you hear me, be careful! And don't forget…………

He is interrupted by loud shouting outside the door.

Peter: Edgar, where the hell is Addison?

Edgar: He had to go to the bathroom.

Peter: Oh for the love of God, Edgar are you crazy, or just plain stupid? Now, he is locked in there,
and we are out here!

Edgar: He had to go. Pete, I'm not so stupid. Mr. Addison isn't a bad guy. He'll come out.

Peter: You bet he'll come out. Addison, can you hear me?

David: Loud and clear, Petie boy. I can hear you loud and clear THROUGH THIS LOCKED DOOR.

Peter: I'm going to ask you just once to come out.

David is furiously rooting through the medicine cabinet and linen closet for a weapon of some sort. Of course, all he finds are typically "David" items -a slinky, a piñata, loudly patterned boxer shorts etc.

David: Yeah, Pete, gimme a sec. I'll be right there.

He laughs.

Peter: Addison, you forget yourself.

David: Can't do that….there's a big mirror in here.

Peter: While you are in there, I am out here with our favorite feline. Remember, he is definitely
worth more to me dead than alive. In fact, I am aiming my gun at his sorry little cat butt right now.
Tell him, Ed.

Edgar: He's definitely doing it, Mr. Addison.

The lock clicks, the door opens, and David saunters slowly and carefully out the bathroom door.

Peter: Not so fast, Addison. Edgar, pat him down and see if he got any weapons from in there.

Edgar: Hey cool, like on TV.

Edgar pats David down, and locates the cell phone in the pocket of his jeans.

Edgar: Nothing bad, Pete, just a phone.

Peter: A phone - nothing bad - Edgar, you dope, you may just have blown this whole deal for us.
Who do you think he was calling - Santa's Hotline? You idiot!

Edgar: Pete, you need to stop calling me names. You treat me unfairly.

Peter: I don't have time for this. Now we need to finish these two off, and get out of here.

Peter starts to pull the gun from his pocket, but is startled to find Edgar standing nose to nose with him.

Edgar: No Pete, we'll talk about this NOW!

He pushes Peter, knocking him to the ground. The gun flies out of Peter's hand and slides across
the uncarpeted floor.

Peter and Edgar are rolling around the floor - Peter trying to reach the gun. David lunges for the gun and his hand closes around it, as Peter yanks his arm.

Fancy rises from his position on the sofa, and pounces on Peter, landing on his back. The cat sinks his claws and teeth into Peter, who shrieks and loses his hold on David.

David rises from the floor, gun in hand, and points it at the two brothers.

David: OK, on your feet! Now!

At that moment, the door bursts open, revealing three police officers, followed closely by Maddie.

Maddie: David! You're OK! How did you get the gun?

David: I just used my highly developed powers of reasoning, my skills as a negotiator, and …..

Edgar: He tricked me, Miss Hayes.

Maddie casts a knowing glance at David.

David: Officers, these are the Patterson brothers - ne'er do well kidnappers and potential cat assassins. Together with their sister, they were planning the murder of both this cat and myself to clear the way for them to inherit fifteen million dollars.

Officer: Man, that's a lot of Tender Vittles.

David: Look, he just became a speaking extra - not funny, but speaking!

Maddie: (ignoring him) Their sister was following me. She should be here momentarily.

The officer looks out the window.

Officer: There she is now, being apprehended by my partner.

David: Great job, guys. Take them away.

Peter and Edgar are read their rights, are handcuffed and led towards the door.

David and Maddie exchange glances, as David pulls the officer aside.

David: Can I have a word with the last guy for a second?

Officer: Sure.

David: Ed, I know you are probably mad at me now. But if I hadn't done what I did, your brother would have killed me, as well as Fancy.

Edgar: I guess I knew that Mr. Addison, and I'm not mad. It is not a good thing to know that your
brother could be a killer.

David: Ed, I'm going to promise you something. We're going to try to help you with this. You may not think you're the smartest guy in the world, but you know right from wrong - lots of smart people don't know that! We're gonna make this work out for you.

Edgar: Thanks Mr. Addison, Miss Hayes. I am glad you're OK. See you sometime.

Edgar and Peter exit the apartment in the custody of the police.

Maddie approaches David.

Maddie: That was nice of you.

David: This whole thing could have turned out much differently without him. He really needs a
break. And I have a feeling that a lady we know named Mrs. Conway might just be able to give him one.

Maddie: I am glad to see that you want to help him.

David: Speaking of glad to see…..did I tell you how glad I was to see you come through that door?

Maddie flirts a bit.

Maddie: Who, me? Do tell.

David: One thing I always say, that Maddie Hayes - she lights up a room just by entering it.

Maddie: You are so articulate…..just like PBS - without the P!

David grabs his chest.

David: I am wounded!

Maddie: Before you launch into your big death scene, hadn't we better get Fancy back to Mrs. Conway?

David: Sorry lady, you're at a distinct advantage here. Now I'm the one who needs the shower.

Maddie: You can say that again! Why don't we do this? I'll call Mrs. Conway, explain it all, and
give her the good news.

David: That ought to be one interesting phone call.

Maddie: You go take your shower, and then we'll go collect our fifty thousand dollars.

David: I'll make you a deal. I'll give you my share if you come scrub my back.

Maddie: Tempting, but no soap, buddy!

David: Boy, the things I have to put up with.

He heads down the hall towards the bathroom. Maddie walks to the sofa, and sits. Fancy pads over
to her and positions himself in her lap. Maddie stares down the hall after David, and absentmindedly strokes the cat as…………….



SCENE: Maddie's house.

It is Saturday morning, several days later. Maddie, still in her nightclothes, lounges on the sofa, enjoying her second cup of coffee. She is surrounded by sections of the newspaper and is thoroughly enjoying her relaxed state.

The doorbell rings and Maddie rises to answer it. The door opens to reveal David, carrying a rather larger box. Maddie is happily surprised to see him.

David: Would this be the home of Madolyn Hayes - private eye extraordinaire and raving beauty?

Maddie: (a little embarrassed) David!

David: Morning, sunshine. May I come in?

Maddie: Sure - I didn't expect to see you today. No three-day Vegas weekend?

David: Just didn't have it in me. So what's new with you?

Maddie: Well, I just spoke to Mrs. Conway. They all seem to be doing extremely well.

David: What a group - Mac, Mrs. C., Edgar, and Fancy.

Maddie: That was a really nice thing you did for Edgar - talking to the judge.

David: Well, it was you who got Mrs. Conway to agree to take him in - another stray cat worth

Maddie: I think we did the right thing - he'll be happy there.

David: And brother and sis will be unhappy in the hoosegow. I've said it before, and I'll say it again - we make a great team!

Maddie: OK Addison, I've ignored it long enough. What's in the box?

David: The box?

Maddie: The box - big, brown, cardboard thing you carried in here with you.

David: Oh, the box. Well, why don't you just look for yourself?

David carries it over and sits it on her lap.

Maddie: David, something is moving in here!

She pulls the box open, and out pops an ivory colored cocker spaniel puppy with a large red bow around his neck.

She is stunned. She pulls the puppy out of the box, and cradles it in her arms. David stands by, wearing a grin a mile wide.

Maddie: Oh my goodness. David, it's beautiful! She…..he looks like the little puppy we saw near the restaurant in Chicago.

David: She is eight weeks old, paper trained, you can bet, and looking for a good home. Are you interested?

Maddie: You don't think I'm too selfish?

David: Seeing you with Fancy - the way he reacted to you, I'm sure you and this little lady will do just fine. I don't know if I can stand two such beautiful blondes in one house, but……

Maddie leans over and hugs him.

Maddie: Thank you, David. I think she may be the best present that I've ever gotten.

David looks at the puppy lying calmly in her arms.

David: Take a look at that -- she's already comfortable with you. You know that's really all commitment is about….the basics - love, trust, companionship. I think the two of you are perfect for each other.

Maddie: Are we still talking about the dog?

David smiles.

David: What else could we be talking about? Well, time for me to go - let you girls get to know each other, swap stories, set each other's hair.

Maddie: I need so much stuff for her.

David: Hold on.

He walks to the door, and retrieves a carry all bag he has left outside.

David: Here is everything a new puppy owner could want.

Maddie: You've thought of everything.

David: I try.

They stare, each trying to decipher the mind of the other. David breaks the spell first.

David: OK, time to go.

Maddie: Wouldn't you like to stay for a while?

David: No can do - there's still a little evil in this weekend that I've got to chase.

Maddie leans over and kisses him, and smiles.

Maddie: You go have fun. We'll be here if you find a blonde shortage out there.

David: I know exactly where to look for my blondes.

Maddie walks him to the door with the puppy in her arms. He starts to walk away, when Maddie suddenly calls out to him.

Maddie: David, I almost forgot. Does she have a name?

David turns towards her smiling.

David: Miss me.

Maddie: What?

David: That's her name - Miss me.

Maddie smiles. David blows her a kiss, and walks towards the street. Maddie looks down at the puppy.

Maddie: Miss me, huh? Like he needs to remind me!!!

Maddie closes the door as the MOONLIGHTING THEME PLAYS

This was fun!!! Thanks to the usual suspects who have helped me pull this together………you know who you are, and that I couldn't do it without you.
Hope you enjoy!!!

She's a Little Bit Country, He's a Little Bit R&B